The Price of Redemption
by Strega Brava
Summary: WORK IN PROGRESS February 2010 - Chapter 14 finally uploaded. A man and a woman discover a love that will either destroy them or redeem them. SSHG...several years after graduation. To be considered AU and OOC since it is not compliant with OOTP onwards
1. Prologue

**_Disclaimer_**_:  Anything you recognize belongs to the goddess, JKR.  Finally, I have decided to begin a full length Severus/Hermione story.  I just love the two of them together…I can't even begin to explain why.  Dedicated to Tony, Mel, Lynn and Marek.  Also dedicated to my parents, for giving me the writing bug in the first place, and my children who are starting to pick up the same bug.  Special thanks to Anne, Sharte and Heather!_

Prologue

Excerpt from the private journal of Hermione Granger, Auror:

**_It has been the same every night for the past several  weeks.  He never comes home and I am always alone.  Does he even remember that he has a fiancée and does he realize that I miss him?  I know I am being selfish.  He has the most important role among the Aurors and I could hardly ask him to set aside saving the world in order to spend some time with me.  But, sometimes, I feel that I am constantly slipping in his list of priorities._**

**_ It wasn't always this way.  It used to be that we would spend all our evenings together.  Taking walks.  Talking in front of the fireplace.  Midnight rides on his broomstick; which took my breath away.  _**

**_ I just want to feel that he still loves me._**

**_ Again, I am struck with the painful realization that I am putting my own needs in front of those of the world at large but I cannot help it.  I am lonely.  I miss him.  I love him.  Even I am allowed to wallow in self-pity from time to time._**

**_ What I would not give to feel his arms around me at night…feel his breathing tickle past my forehead._**

**_ Is it so awful for me to want him with me?_**

**_ I will try to be strong for him and not show him how much I am aching inside.  It won't help to accuse him of neglecting me…it might only push him farther away.  _**

**_ I just want him to love me as he used to.  Perhaps I want to love him as I used to.  Blindly.  Faithfully.  Truly.  Do I still feel these things?_**

**_ Does he?_**

**_ Only one other knows how I feel and his encouragement is all I have to feed my fading hopes._**

**_ I just want to be loved._**

**_ Anything is better than this awful loneliness._**

**_ Anything._**

*        *        *        *        *        *        *        *        *

Excerpt from the private journal of Severus Snape, Potions Master and Head of Slytherin House, Hogwarts:

**_Why I continue in this charade puzzles me.  Wearing this ghastly mask and pretending loyalty to a fiend I can scarcely stomach…all a puzzle.  It would be so much easier to simply take a sip of Reductus poison and watch as my life slips away…unmourned.  Simpler, yes, but cowardly and, although I have been many dark and terrible things in my life…I have never been a coward.  No, despite the fact that I am hated and looked on with suspicion on all fronts, I will not take the easy way out.  I will not give Albus a reason to ever regret giving me a second chance.  I owe him that much…and so much more.  I wonder if he realizes that he saves my life every night when I look at my cabinet of poisons and debate whether or not to end it all._**

**_ But you and I both know that he is not the only reason.  There is another reason; which I am even fearful to ascribe to paper.  As long as it is in my mind, it is mine and mine alone…my futile hopes and dreams for a future which is not so lonely…not so painful.  I suppose I fear that, once written in the black and white of ink and parchment, I will fully realize the extent to which I have deluded myself over the past few years._**

**_ But it is such sweet bliss…and even I am allowed to dream now and again._**

**_ I will never speak of it to another living being despite the fact that perhaps, in this one instance, I am being a coward after all.  But…perhaps writing it might exorcise me from this feeling I have been fighting.  Perhaps it will bring my heart back to its bleak reality and allow me to continue functioning as the cold, emotionless automaton I was before…before she came back into my life._**

**_ Perhaps it will stop the feeling I get whenever she is near me.  There is such warmth in her smile…I do not believe that anyone appreciates that as much as I do…she is the only beautiful thing in my life even though she knows it not.  I should be content to be thought of in the context of a friend…a close confidant…keeper of the secrets that are hurting her so badly…but, you and I both know that it does not suffice…not one whit._**

**_ I love her._**

**_ There.  I have written it and, as I look on the words plainly scripted in black ink, I realize that this has not liberated me.  This has not changed me in any way at all._**

**_ Merlin help me…for I realize now that I am truly lost.  _**


	2. In Dreams and Secrets

 SEQ CHAPTER \h \r 1**_Disclaimer__:  Anything you recognize belongs to the goddess, JKR.  First of all, I want to thank all the people who sent me emails or ecards during my recovery from surgery for thyroid cancer.  I am not out of the woods yet, but I am getting there and your kind thoughts really made me feel better.  This story has been a long time coming…I actually had the idea for it last summer but had so many other things happening that I just could not get around to it.  This will take time to write (my energy levels since the surgery have been abysmal) so the updates will not be that frequent.  I am hoping for one chapter each month.  Other items worth mentioning:  not a fluffy story, healthy doses of angst, no one (and I mean no one) will be portrayed as completely good or completely evil (with the possible exception of Voldemort) and, oh yes, major character deaths.  Special thanks to Sharte, Anne and Heather for their invaluable feedback.  Dedicated to Mel, Lynn, Marek and Tony...each of whom has inspired me in a different way.  Also lovingly dedicated to my parents, who first instilled the writing bug in me, and to my children who are in the process of picking up the same bug.  
  
_**

_And now, without further delay, I am pleased to present:  
  
_

  
  


**Chapter One:  In Dreams and Secrets  
  
**

  
  


_She was in Hogwarts.  That much was certain.  Despite the fact that she had not set foot in the school for well over five years, her memory of the place had not yet dimmed in any way.  The walls had not changed.  The doorways that led to countless classrooms had not changed.  The staircases were still mischievous, changing randomly as was their wont.  The portraits hung in their accustomed positions and looked on her with some curiosity…as if to ask what she was doing here.  
  
But something was amiss.  She could sense it immediately although, for a moment, she could not understand what it was.  The hair at the back of her neck was standing on end…panic response…response to what?  She looked around, trying to rationalize this feeling that something was very out of place.  Something had changed.  Something was different.  
  
_

_Very different.  Very wrong.  
  
And then she had it.  
  
The silence.  In all her years at Hogwarts, she had never known the castle to be so quiet.  Even at night, one could always hear the stealthy rustling of cats, the quick hopping of errant toads, the soft hooting of owls and the almost-silent slithering of snakes.  But, not now.  Everything seemed deathly quiet.  
  
It was like being in a tomb.  
  
Suddenly, it seemed as if her entire field of vision was framed with fire.  Hogwarts was burning  There was green fire everywhere she looked. Fire from the sky…terrible flames that seemed to burn even the stone walls to cinders.  She turned to run…she had to find a place where she could be safe.  
  
Running through the corridors, she could hear the crackle of burning wood and the crash of more fire strikes.  Would no one come to save Hogwarts?  Would no one come to save her?  And then, she became sickeningly aware of a new sound.  
  
Screams.  Screams of agony from both the dying and the living.  
  
The sound was deafening and all around her.  She covered her ears with her hands and kept running.  Corridor after corridor.  Following the light of gleaming torches that seemed to sputter and die as soon as she passed them.  Keep moving.  Keep running.  Do not stop.  
  
No longer aware of her surroundings, she continued running…trying to stay away from those who would harm her.  Trying to keep ahead of the fire that would burn her.  
  
A door slammed in front of her.  Reaching it, she found she could not open it.  A door slammed behind her.  Her wand was nowhere to be found and she suddenly realized that there was nowhere else to run.  She was in a chamber that she did not recognize.  It was dark, the only light coming from the moonlight streaming through an open window.  She ran over and cried out in anguish as she saw the fire consuming parts of the castle.  Hogwarts would be a ruinous wreck in a matter of hours.  
  
The tears streamed down her face and she did not bother to wipe them away. What difference did it make?  All the tears in the world would not save Hogwarts now.  
  
"Is everyone dead?" she wondered aloud as she continued to weep.  
  
She suddenly sensed that she was no longer alone and turned around quickly. Most of the room was enveloped in darkness…but there was someone there.    
  
"Who is there?"  Her voice trembled.  
  
"It is I…no one else," a calm, masculine voice answered.  "You have nothing to fear from me.  You are safe."  
  
"Who are you?" she asked in confusion…her nervousness showing in the timbre of her voice…the pitch slightly higher.  
  
"You already know who I am," the voice answered, smoky tendrils of velvety softness encircling her heart with his words, calming her fears. She could tell he was coming closer but she still could not see him.  
  
"I do?"  A hand touched her cheek, making her jump slightly.  There was only darkness in front of her.  Shakily, she raised her hand and reached out…it came into contact with someone's chest.  
  
"I will not hurt you," he assured her.  
  
"I know that…somehow, I know that," Hermione was confused.  Something about the voice was very familiar.  Was it Harry?  
  
"You have always known it."  
  
"Do I know you…have I seen you before?"  
  
_

_The hand touched her hair softly.  "Yes and no."  
  
"I am very confused."  
  
"You will not always be.  Do you trust me?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Then let me hold you.  The end is near and I don't know what the future holds for either of us."  
  
She nodded and took a step forward before being embraced by a pair of strong arms and held close to someone's chest…someone whose heart was beating strongly.  She embraced him as well, closing her eyes and feeling a sense of peace that had not been there before.  
  
Such comfort…such love.  Oh, to feel such a love…to have such a love for one's own.  
  
"Who are you?" she asked.  "Harry?  Is it you?"  
  
Her companion did not answer, seemingly content to simply hold her.  He then moved slightly, placed a hand beneath her chin and, tilting her face upwards, warmed her lips with a gentle kiss…  
  
...a kiss that touched her soul...and set it on fire...  
  
...a kiss like none she had ever felt before..._

_She then realized who...  
  
* * * * * * * * *  
Hermione Granger woke up in a cold sweat.  She was breathing rapidly and had twisted her bedcovers into a tight knot.  Automatically looking to her side, she was not surprised to see that Harry had not yet come home.  Lately, his missions had taken on a greater degree of danger and she often wondered whether he would even realize that she had redecorated many of the rooms in an attempt to cheer herself over his many absences.    
  
It was not as if she had nothing to do.  She had her own career...her own work, which was very important...according to the Ministry of Magic at least.  She had also been guilty of tipping the work-life balance towards work many times.  But no one worked all hours of both day and night. No one except Harry, it would appear.  
  
Looking at the small wizarding clock, she could see that it was three in the morning, not a time conducive to internal dialogue or debate.  
  
Sighing, she lay back on the bed and closed her eyes, automatically counting Hippogriffs in an attempt to go back to sleep.  She reached 258 before she gave up, sitting up in a huff and throwing her cushion across the bedroom.  
  
_"Stupid dreams,"_ she thought to herself.  And yet, what had happened in the dream that had disturbed her so much?  Hermione was frustrated to realize that she had forgotten most of it.  
  
Again.  
  
Pulling out the notebook she kept by her bed, she quickly jotted down her recollections with a quill that had seen better days.  
  
  
_

**Hogwarts...Fire...Running...  
  
  
**

Frowning, she looked at similar notes she had written from previous dreams.  It was always the same.  She knew that there was more to the dream that just those three images...but that was all she could ever remember.  It was rather annoying.  
  
_"Honestly," _she thought angrily as she closed the notebook with a snap and put both it and the quill back on her night table.  _"It's not as if I put great stock in dreams.  Next, I'll be going to Sybil and asking for a tea leaf reading."  
  
Hermione quickly decided that tea might not be a bad idea after all.  It would help her relax and get back to sleep.  Ogden's Old Firewhiskey would certainly work more quickly but she would pay for it in the morning...which was only in a few hours.    
  
She stepped out of bed, put on her slippers and walked over to the wardrobe to pull out her old housecoat.  She paused for a moment, her hand on the door, when she shook her head and walked to the bedroom door instead.  Neatly hanging on a hook behind the door was Harry's bathrobe.  She slid the garment off and hugged the soft fabric to her.  Deeply inhaling, she could still catch the traces of Harry's scent that were still present.  With a sigh, she put it on, carefully placing her wand in the pocket._

_…Auror training...old habits die hard..._  
  
"Constant vigilance" She said dramatically to the mirror in a very Moody-esque tone of voice, holding up her hand as if she were Marcus Aurelius about to address the Roman people.  
  
She walked out of the bedroom and down the stairs to the kitchen, lights coming on and going off automatically as she passed.  Deciding against the kettle, she conjured a cup of weak tea and went to the parlour where she immediately nestled herself in the comfortable wing chair by the window.  She took out her wand and, with a quick spell, the fireplace was blazing brightly.  
  
_"That's better,"_ she thought as she returned her wand to her pocket. Closing her eyes, she tried to relax, concentrating on the comforting mix of smells:  tea and Harry.  She almost smiled as she thought about him.  Thought about Harry.

  
The same Harry who had awkwardly proposed to her six years earlier.  The same Harry who always found a reason to postpone their wedding date (really, it was becoming the expected thing whenever they would announce a date).  The same Harry who, for the past eight months, had barely set foot in their home.  
  


She sighed and sipped her tea, wincing slightly as she scalded her tongue.  
  


"I am being uncharitable and selfish," she told the photograph of his parents that hung on the adjacent wall.  They did not answer, of course, but they did look at her with concern.  
  
She had always had this internal debate about her place in Harry's world and Harry's place in the world at large.  Sometimes, she felt that the world got more of Harry than she did…and sometimes this made her feel like an afterthought.  In her lowest moments, she would feel that he had only asked her to marry him out of some sense that he owed it to the world to marry and procreate (although Hermione shuddered at the thought of having children so quickly) and she, being a fellow Gryffindor, was a convenient and entirely logical choice.  
  
Through the years at Hogwarts and in the years following, she had always supported him.  Together with Ron, they had formed the safety net that Harry could always fall into when things were not going well.  Sometimes Ron got mad at him and sometimes it was her.  But, Harry could always count on at least one of them to be his second, so to speak.  
  
Who could she count on?  Who was her second?  
  
The answer had been surprising, to say the least.

  
The difficulty had been finding someone to talk to who wouldn't think her either ungrateful or selfish.  She certainly could not go to Ginny, who still carried a torch for The Boy Who Lived.  Ron?  He was a good friend but he never understood her relationship with Harry in the first place...perhaps because he harboured feelings for her himself.  No, speaking with Ron would be next to impossible.  Surprisingly, Ron's older brother, Percy, would have been a good choice, being a more objective sort of person, but he was away in the Middle East on a mission and barely had time to write to his parents let alone talk to her about how miserable she was and how much she missed Harry.  
  
She blew on her hot tea in order to cool it somewhat.  Sipping more carefully this time, she smiled when she thought about the person she had started talking to.  
  
"If someone had told me back in first year that my confidant would be a Slytherin, I would have thought they had had a few too many butterbeers," she said aloud to no one in particular.  The portrait of Harry's parents looked at each other in confusion.  
  
Objectivity was a good thing and he had certainly given her hope that everything would work out in the end.  
  
"I scoff at the idea of an over-riding Providence, Hermione.  The future is ours to create…the raw material of it is here in the present.  It is in how we work the raw material…the choice of tool and shape and texture…this will determine what will be.  What we do now in the fight against Voldemort will determine our final victory.  What you do now in your relationship with Harry will determine what your future together will be like," he had said one evening over a game of Wizard chess.  It had become a weekly ritual for them...coffee (strong, with plenty of sugar) and chess. He let her talk and, more importantly, he listened and that was more than could be said for anyone else.  
  


Even Harry…and that saddened her.  
  
Although not one to believe in fate or any such nonsense herself, Hermione felt that it was not only up to her to ensure that her future relationship with Harry was happy and fulfilling.  Harry had to take some accountability for it himself.  And he wasn't.  Not one whit.  Saving the world came first.  The fight against Voldemort came first.   Dumbledore came first.  
  
"Even Hedwig comes first," she muttered as she wiped the angry tears that threatened to spill into her tea.  
  
A quick glance out the window confirmed that Harry was nowhere to be seen. What she would not give for an owl from him, telling her that he loved her…at the very least telling her that he was all right.  She had not heard from him for several days and this, in itself, was unusual.  
  
Draining her cup and setting it on the small table beside the wing chair, she snuggled deeper into the bathrobe and closed her eyes.

  
_"Is it so wrong to want to be loved?  With all the darkness in the world and the threat of evil…is it too much to want someone to hold you and tell you that you are precious to them?  To feel safe, even for a moment?"_  she thought to herself as she began to drift to sleep.  
  
A sudden popping noise made her jump and look around wildly.  What was that?  
  
"Harry?  Is that you?" she called out, getting up out of the chair awkwardly, having become a bit stiff.  
  


"No, Hermione.  It is only I."  The head of Albus Dumbledore sat in her fireplace, looking at her with a sad smile.  
  


She walked over to the fireplace and knelt down to speak to the Headmaster of Hogwarts.  
  
"I am sorry to have disturbed you at such a late hour, Hermione.  If it were not so urgent, I would have waited," the Headmaster sounded tired.  She was not the only one to have had a bad night, it would appear.  
  
"What has happened?" she asked, her heart racing suddenly.  What if something had happened to Harry?  
  


_…not Harry…  
  
The old wizard closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. "Durmstrang has fallen, Hermione."  
  
Hermione put a hand to her mouth in shock.  Durmstrang?  Fallen?  But…but that meant…  
  
"Severus?" she managed to ask.  
  
"He was able to escape and is on his way back to Hogwarts.  I have only just received his owl...it would appear he had little time before he was forced to abandon the school.  It must have been a harrowing ordeal for him.  I do not know all the details yet."  
  
Hermione took several deep breaths.  Severus was safe.  
  
"What about Harry?"  she asked fearfully.  "Is Harry all right?"  
  
_

"Harry is not in any immediate danger," Dumbledore replied cautiously.  
  
"That doesn't exactly reassure me," she mumbled.  
  
"You are in danger, Hermione.  Grave danger.  You must leave the house immediately and make your way to Hogwarts.  We have received reliable information that the Death Eaters have decided on their next target and it is you."

Surprised at this news, Hermione stared at the Headmaster's face in disbelief.

  
"Why?  Why now?  This doesn't make any sense.  We've always known that I would be a target.  The wards around this house…the wards that Sirius and Severus put up…won't they protect me?"  Hermione was not particularly happy about this turn of events.  Suddenly, she did not want to go back to Hogwarts.  Her heart began to pound and she felt the prickling of a light sheen of sweat on her forehead.  
  
_…the dreams…_  
  
The old wizard shook his head in negation.  "They are coming after you as we speak.  The wards will not hold."

  
_…what if the dreams were a warning…_  
  
"But why now?  I don't understand."  
  
_…I don't understand any of this…Harry, I wish you were here…I've been alone too long…_  
  
"I cannot explain it all to you now.  You must return to Hogwarts immediately. Bring what you need for a short stay.  We will be able to procure anything else you require."  
  
"Shall I Apparate to the gates?" she asked shakily, trying to collect herself…gather up some of that famed Gryffindor bravery…it was in her soul somewhere.  
  
"No" Dumbledore shouted, startling Hermione who had rarely heard the older wizard raise his voice.  "They will expect that and will be waiting to track your magical signature.  You cannot use the floo network either.  We have reason to believe that it has been tampered with.  I cannot guarantee your safety…it is the reason why I did not come all the way myself."  
_  
"But it takes very powerful Dark Magic to tamper with the floo network…it is maintained by the Ministry itself,"_ Hermione thought, shaking her head.  
  
_…Harry…where are you…why are you not here instead of Dumbledore?…_  
  
"Many wizards have been lost in the past few days by such tampering…and they have not been heard from again.  It is most alarming and there is much for us to unravel.  The most important thing at the moment is to get you here safely.  Luckily, Severus has offered to collect you. Traveling by broomstick will be quick and relatively safe.  It is not out of his way and he will arrive shortly.  If anyone knows how to avoid being noticed by the Dark Lord himself, it is Severus.  Be ready for him so that you do not waste time," the Headmaster urged.

_  
…I hate traveling by broomstick…_

Hermione nodded automatically, feeling a bit dizzy at all the information.  She stood up, leaning on the mantelpiece for support.

  
"I wish I had enough time to charm a portkey," she said ruefully.  
  
"Be sure to wear a warm cloak, Hermione.  The weather is quite cold and Madam Pomfrey would not appreciate my subjecting you to possible pneumonia," Dumbledore managed a small smile, which Hermione did not return.  
  
"I still don't understand any of this.  Where is Harry?  Why is he not here with me?"  
  


"I know that you miss him, Hermione, but it cannot be helped.  He is fine…perfectly fine.  I will explain everything when you get here.  Please get ready.  The sooner you both are here, the better I will feel.  I had better go…I fear that the network will collapse any moment and I do require my head.  I will seal your fireplace from the floo network as a precaution.  I do not wish you to be surprised by uninvited guests," the Headmaster nodded and then disappeared with another pop.  
  
Hermione stared at the fireplace for several moments.  She had to leave this house, and Harry was nowhere to be seen.  Was he really all right?  
  
_…Severus will be here soon…he has not had an easy night of it either…_  
  
"I had better hurry...there isn't any time for feeling sorry for myself," she whispered as she got up to return to her bedroom where she spent the next few minutes grabbing clothes out of the wardrobe.   She pulled out an old trunk and threw the clothes in along with a few toiletries and personal effects (including the notebook and quill).  Quickly transfiguring the trunk into a brooch, she changed into more suitable attire...the brooch carefully pinned to her woolen riding cloak.  
  
She sat down in the wing chair once again and gazed out the window, waiting for Severus to arrive.  Hermione knew why the Headmaster had not divulged Harry's location.  Although he placed great faith in Severus' ability to get her to Hogwarts safely, he did not want to take any chances.  If she knew where Harry was, she could easily be compelled to tell.  If she did not know, Harry was safer.  After all, Veritaserum could only make a person tell the truth…it could not make them clairvoyant.

  
_…Dumbledore will do anything to protect Harry…sacrifice anything to protect Harry…_

  
  
It had been such a long time since she had set foot in the school.  Five years.  Her life had become so much a part of Harry's that there did not seem to be room for anything else.  
  
It had been wonderful at the beginning…truly magical.  She had been so happy that he had fallen in love with her…loved him right back with everything in her heart.

But where had that magic gone?  And could she honestly say that she had the strength to search for it?  
Hermione was scared to answer that question, choosing instead to continue looking out the window, scanning the skies for any signs of Severus.   Really, it was an abysmal time to think about such things.  
  
_…Harry…_  
  
It was not long before Severus came into view, gliding to the front door before dismounting.  She ran over to the door, opening it before he had the chance to knock.  
  


"Severus!" she exclaimed as she took in his haggard appearance.  "Are you all right?  Dumbledore told me that Durmstrang has fallen.  Are you hurt?"  
  
_…thank Merlin you made it out of Durmstrang...Lucius Malfoy has vowed that you will die by his hand and no other…_  
  
"I am alive.  I suppose I should be thankful for that when there are so many others who are not," he replied moodily.  "I am sorry, Hermione.  It has been a most difficult evening."  
  
"I understand," she embraced him gently for a moment, knowing that he was uncomfortable with excessive displays of affection.  "At least I know you are safe."  
  
"Are you ready to leave?" He asked, extricating himself gently from her grasp.  
  
Hermione nodded, going back to the door to lock it…but not before taking a last look at the parlour and extinguishing the fire.  She sighed heavily as she turned to face Severus once again.  His expression was tired but neutral.  A typical Snape expression.  
  
"I have packed what I need.  How long have you been flying?" She asked as he mounted his broomstick and she got on behind him, putting her hands on his shoulders to steady herself.  
  
" Too long," came the curt reply.  Hermione smiled.  She was well used to his many moods.  
  
"And how long will it take for us to get to Hogwarts?"  
  
A small chuckle.  "That depends on whether or not we have company.  You are fortunate that you live relatively close to the school."  
  
_...yes...Dumbledore wanted Harry close by...would have preferred him to live in the castle itself..._

She held Severus' shoulders nervously and felt a momentary lurch in her stomach as the broomstick started to lift them into the air.  She did not enjoy flying…and this had caused several arguments between herself and Harry, who practically lived on his broomstick.  Flying was not like waving a wand or brewing a potion...either you had the talent for it or you didn't. Hermione was quick to admit that she didn't.

"We must travel quickly, Hermione.  Speed is of the essence," Severus said to her.

  
"Severus?"   
  
"Yes, Hermione," he answered as he banked the broomstick in the direction of Hogwarts and began to accelerate.  
  
"Do you think Harry is all right?"

  
_…Would you tell me the truth…or would you also keep secrets from me?…_  
  


Silence.  
  
"He has always demonstrated an uncanny ability to look after himself.  I see no reason why that happy trend should not continue," Severus replied caustically.  
  
Hermione chuckled in spite of herself.  She could always rely on Severus and his cutting wit to make her laugh even when things looked bleak. But her laughter sounded false, and she knew it.  Worse yet, he knew it too.  
  
"It will be all right, Hermione," he mumbled as he reached up to pat her hand awkwardly.  "It will be all right."  
  
She smiled slightly as she turned her head to watch her home disappear in the distance…suddenly reminding her of the dollhouse she used to play with as a child. 

Turning back, the wind began to blow Severus' hair into her face so she rested her cheek against his back as she gripped his shoulders tightly, trying to control the pixies running rampant in her stomach as they flew through the night…trying to forget just how much she hated flying.  
  
_…I will believe you, Severus…even if I know you are lying to me to keep me happy…still, I will believe you…_  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
           
  
  
_A/N:  Next chapter after Easter_


	3. Fugitives in the Night

 SEQ CHAPTER \h \r 1**Disclaimer: Anything you recognize belongs to the goddess, JKR.  The plot and any original spells belong to me.  Many thanks to Sharte (hope you are feeling better), Heather and Anne.  Dedicated to Tony, Mel, Lynn and Marek.  **

**Chapter Two: Fugitives in the Night**

_"How many times have I done this?"  Severus wondered to himself as he and Hermione flew through the night.  __"How many times have I done what was asked of me and then been made to come back like a dog with its tail between its legs?  Will it ever end?  Will I ever be given the chance to do more than merely carry out the missions that no one else wants?  An entirely expendable combination of asset and liability.  This is what I am, what I have always been in the eyes of the Ministry.  Damn them.  Damn them all."  
  
Flying low to the ground, Severus kept to small copses of trees and other bits of cover in an attempt to elude any followers.  He knew it would not be a very long flight and he was almost thankful that Hermione was so quiet.  Thankful for her obvious discomfort with flying. It had been a terrible experience at Durmstrang and he was not ready to talk about any of it just yet.  He was not ready to talk about any of it at all and he would have to do so soon enough...a debriefing that he was already dreading once he arrived at Hogwarts.  
  
_"I hate doing this.  I am so tired of it all."_  
  
Shaking his head slightly, he focussed on the journey ahead.  Yes, it was best to concentrate on getting to Hogwarts safely.  He carried a hidden cargo for which a terrible sacrifice had been made  
  
_"How I failed you, Viktor." _  
  
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_

_Severus was running through the corridors of Durmstrang.  A killing curse narrowly missed his head and exploded impotently into a portrait.  
  
"Where is the Restricted Section of the Library?  We have to ensure those books do not fall into the Dark Lord's hands" Severus shouted ahead to Viktor.  
  
"Over there...the portrait of our founder...the frame has a secret panel.  I vill vork the charm.  You must go in to collect the books.  I vill keep them occupied," the young man had answered, clearly out of breath.  
  
They reached the portrait in question.  Working quickly, Viktor had charmed the portrait to simply vanish.  Severus hurried through without hesitation._

_"Hurry, Severus! They vill be here at any moment" Viktor shouted, casting an Impedimentia curse in an effort to garner more time._

_  
Severus entered the sizable chamber that seemed much larger on the inside than could ever have been conceived as possible from the outside. The very air reeked of ancient knowledge.  One could smell power, darkness and death.  
  
"How do I get so many books out of this place?" He wondered, panicking at the sheer numbers of volumes in the many racks.  
  
And then he had it.  Something Albus himself could never have thought of and that, in itself, was saying something. Quickly casting a special spell, Severus watched as a piece of parchment appeared in the air.  As the spell continued, each volume would transfigure into a quill, which quickly wrote its title on the parchment before disappearing entirely.  For several moments, the chamber was filled with brightly coloured quills scribbling furiously on the parchment.  The entire Restricted Section of Durmstrang's library, the most renowned in the wizarding world was quickly being reduced to an innocent-looking list of titles on a nondescript piece of parchment.  
  
Severus would have laughed if the situation were not so dire.  
  
Within minutes, the feverish activity had subsided and, as the last quill vanished, the parchment rolled itself up and fell into Severus' hands.  Casting an illusion spell to recreate the look of the filled bookshelves, he quickly tucked the parchment into his sleeve.    
  
"I have done all I can.  I hope it is enough," he thought as he stepped through the portrait hole._

_Immediately, he realized he had stepped into a fierce battle where Viktor was under the direct attack of at least a dozen Death Eaters and had taken refuge behind a huge Egyptian sarcophagus.  Severus quickly joined him, narrowly avoiding several curses.  
  
"Put the spell back on the Restricted Section.  We may be able to divert some of them and escape!" Severus shouted as he aimed a killing curse and felled one of the attackers.    
  
Viktor nodded and resealed the Restricted Section, the portrait reappearing as if nothing had happened.  _

_"Which way now?" Severus asked as they moved away from the sarcophagus and dove to take up a new position behind a huge oak table._

_"The Astronomy Tower.  I have brooms there.  Hurry! There is a secret path...I only hope that it is still a secret," Viktor replied as he pulled Severus into a rather ominous-looking passage before pushing him, literally, through a wall._

_  
"Lumos," Severus heard Viktor say and the total darkness lifted to the point of being able to see several metres ahead.  Severus did the same, holding out his glowing wand and looking at his new surroundings with interest.  
  
"I dare not light the torches...they may betray our position...no magic...no spells...no vords.  Quickly now"_

_Severus followed Viktor through the tunnel.  The young man was obviously exhausted and he had to stop every now and then to catch his breath.  Then, without warning...he fell to his knees and did not get up.  
  
"Viktor...are you all right?" Severus asked, nervously looking around him.  
  
"You must continue on.  The tower is not far now.  You must get back to Hogvarts and deliver our library to the Headmaster," the young man was gasping in pain and it was only now that Severus noticed that there was blood dripping from his cloak.  A lot of blood.  
  
"You're hurt...let me..."  
  
Viktor pushed his wand away.  "You cannot do anything for me now.  My Seeker instincts vere not good enough...I did not duck vhen I should have."  
  
"I cannot leave you here!"  
  
"You must...there is something you do not know.  Lucius plans to capture Hermione to get to Harry. You must find her before Lucius does and bring her to Hogvarts.  I have already owled Dumbledore but I do not know how vell he trusts me."  
  
Severus kept his rising anger under check as he focussed on what Viktor was telling him._

_"This is ludicrous, Viktor.  Hermione has been a potential target for the last few years. Why would they go after her now?"  Severus tried to pull away the cloak to determine the extent of the injury.  "We are wasting time...I have to perform a healing spell...take you to a local mediwitch...Muggle hospital if necessary..."_

_ "No," Viktor gasped.  He was becoming pale and his lips were taking on a bluish tinge. "You do not understand.  It is too late for me...too many dark spells.  You must get to the Astronomy Tower and get avay from Durmstrang.  If they get the books from the Restricted Section, all ve have done vill have been in vain.  The Headmaster vill instruct Hermione to vait for you.  You must go to her.  You must protect her."  
  
"Viktor...you must come with me.  I won't abandon you here after all you have done for me," Severus protested, not willing to leave his friend.  
  
"I have little strength left, Severus.  Please...go.  Find Hermione and bring her to Hogvarts.  She vill be safe there.  Promise me!"  Viktor grabbed Severus' robes._

_As Severus looked into Viktor's eyes, he could see the shadow of death.  He nodded, sickened that this was happening.  One never got used to watching a person die.  "I will go to her immediately.  I will do as you ask, Viktor."  Severus finally agreed.  
  
Viktor smiled and relaxed his grip on Severus' robes.  "One final thing.  I vill cast a spell on you that vill shield you from their eyes until you have left the school grounds.  It is a spell reserved for the professors.  Once you are in the mountains, it vill be easier for you to escape notice from any scouts that may be in the vicinity."  
  
"Viktor...do not waste what is left of your strength on me.  Do you hear me? I will not allow it" Severus exclaimed angrily, not caring if Voldemort himself heard him.  
  
"That is not for you to decide, my friend," Viktor whispered.  Pulling out his wand, he muttered a brief incantation.  
  
"Viktor...please..." Severus pleaded.  
  
Viktor smiled, motioning for him to go.  Severus watched, unable to move, as the warm brown eyes closed._

_Severus felt the grief prickling in his gut as the young man's breathing became erratic._

_"No," he whispered hollowly as it stopped altogether._

_  
For a moment, Severus was rooted to the spot, unable to process a thought.  His friend was dead.  His friend...his ally.  Dead._

_  
His heart burned with grief.  Viktor had joined with the Death Eaters as a means of getting information.  He had voluntarily taken on the dangerous role of spy. In a way, the young man had been a mirror of himself and that was not a happy reflection.  
  
Turning quickly, Severus raced through the corridor, reaching a door and, finally the Astronomy Tower.  Almost out of breath, Severus ran up the stairs to the top of the tower, thankful that it was a cloudy night.  He saw the broomsticks waiting for him.  He quickly mounted the closest one, not looking back for an instant as he raced away from what was now the tomb of his friend.  
  
***************************************************  
  
Severus still felt angry.  Angry that Viktor had been the one to die.  Severus had almost perished a few years back when he had been captured by Karkaroff.  The Death Eater had managed to prove himself to the Dark Lord years earlier through a brutal massacre of Muggles, including Hermione's parents._

Severus had been able to escape and got back to London just in time to save Hermione and a handful of others...but not her parents.

  
Harry had been in Beijing coordinating an attack on a Death Eater encampment.  To the young man's credit, he had hurried back to give his fiancée his support as soon as he had heard the news.  Had done everything he could to ease her suffering.  Attended the funeral...assisted her with her parents' affairs.  Insisted that she come live with him to ensure her continued safety.  
  
But, it had not been upon Harry's shoulder that she had wept inconsolably.  Severus had been the only witness to her initial anguish...when she realized the fate of her mother and father.  She had not cried in front of anyone else.  Did not shed a tear at the funeral.  Presented a brave, if somewhat Gryffindor, face to the wizarding world.  

_"Did no one wonder why she did not cry?  Did Potter ever bother to ask?"_

  
"Severus?" Her quiet voice effectively shattered the silence.  
  
"Yes, Hermione," Severus answered, scanning the skies for potential danger.  
  
"How much longer before we reach Hogwarts?  It feels as if we have been flying an awfully long time."

  
Severus raised his eyebrows.  "Not long...it really depends on our ability to avoid unfriendly company."  
  
"You have your wand.  I have mine.  I think I like our chances with any so-called unfriendly company," she replied quietly.  
  
"As I am the one charged with steering, I will not be of much help in hexing anyone into oblivion.  My skills in handling a broomstick are adequate at best."

A small silence.  "Well, I am in a particularly foul mood tonight and I pity any Death Eater that comes our way." she muttered.

"I pity no Death Eater," Severus whispered...hoping that she did not hear him.  _"Not even myself,_" he thought savagely.  
  
Hogwarts was getting closer with each minute.  Their sanctuary...of a sort.  
  
"Thank you," she murmured against his back.  "Thank you for not showering me with loads of sympathy over my situation."  A small sigh.  "You seem to be the only person who does not treat me like a child...incapable of making a single decision."

Severus chose not to answer...knowing that she was not looking for more conversation...knowing she certainly did not want to hear platitudes or false assurances. Knowing who it was that still treated her as a child.

  
_"Potter is a fool,"_ he thought to himself.  
  
The next few minutes passed quietly as he negotiated the countryside.  A shiver ran down his spine.  Something dark was close.  Too close.  

   
"What is it?" Hermione asked quietly.  There was no trace of fear in her voice...only the question.  
  
"I don't know.  Keep your wand out.  If we are being followed, I will need to concentrate on trying to outmanoeuvre them."  Severus looked around warily.  He could see nothing out of the ordinary.  For a moment, he wished that it was Viktor taking Hermione to Hogwarts.  The former Bulgarian seeker would have had little difficulty in evading an attack.  
  


And then, a Dark Curse shot over their heads.   

  
"They're behind us!" Hermione suddenly shouted.

  
Swearing under his breath, Severus leaned forward and accelerated as much as possible.  Hermione quickly put one arm around his waist, so as not to fall off, and began launching curses at their pursuers...all fear of flying vanishing in the struggle to survive.  
  
"How many?"  Severus asked gripping the broomstick handle tightly as he was afraid he might otherwise fall off.  
  
"Two...as far as I can see," she replied shortly.  
  
"Apparate to the gates, Hermione!  Get out of here!"   
  
"No!" she exclaimed.  "They will expect that...probably waiting for me to do exactly that. I won't leave you here to face them alone, Severus!"

  
Severus knew she was right but it still annoyed him.  He was banking the broomstick at alarming angles, zigging this way and zagging that way in an attempt to put more distance between them and their pursuers.  His hands were burning from the effort of holding on so desperately.  
  


There was a forest ahead.  Severus weighed his options...he could not keep this up much longer.    
  
"Hold on!" He shouted suddenly.  Her grip on his waist tightened to something almost painful and vice-like as he urged the broomstick to go higher in an attempt to fool those behind them into thinking they wanted to pass over the forest.

  
Suddenly, he leaned forward and plummeted towards the trees like a rogue bludger.

  
"Oww!" Hermione suddenly cried out in pain.

  
"What is it?  Hermione, are you all right?" Severus exclaimed fearfully as he instinctively reached back to hold her against him, levelling off the broomstick slightly.  
  
...gods...no...

  
"Damn them!  They've blasted my shoe off!" She yelled angrily.  Severus let out a quiet sigh of relief and quickly released her.

  
"Let's be thankful for bad aim," he replied curtly.

  
Hermione muttered something colourful under her breath and quickly returned to throwing curses over her shoulder.    
  
Resuming his steep dive, Severus quickly broke through a small opening in the forest canopy and he began to dart from tree to tree...taking advantage of every bit of cover the lush foliage had to offer.  Curses were hitting the trees.  Sparks of Dark Magic scattering like a macabre fireworks display in the night.  Severus began to fear that they might not make it.  
  
"Hermione, I have an idea.  It's risky but worth a try.  Launch a series of Blinding Curses...get some distance between us.  I have a plan."

  
"What is it?"  
  
"Have you ever cast a Projection Spell?"  
  
"Seventh year Charms.  Why?"

  
"When you give me the signal, I will bank the broomstick hard and hide in among the upper branches of the trees.  You will cast the spell so that the Death Eaters will chase a copy of ourselves."  
  
"I've never projected something as complex as that.  They won't be fooled..."

  
"It's our only chance, Hermione," he interjected impatiently as he raced at breakneck speed.  "Unless you can think of something else."  
  
"All right," she agreed quickly.  "I'll do it."  
  
Severus could hear the doubt in her voice but decided not to comment on it.  He practically felt the strange sizzle of the Blinding Curses and smirked at the frustrated yells of the Death Eaters as they quickly launched countercurses to clear their line of vision.  
  
"All right...I have to concentrate...relax," Severus heard Hermione say.  He knew she was not talking to him but to herself.  It was her way of centering herself...drawing on her magic for something big.  He heard her cast the spell and felt a strange tingling sensation throughout his body.  

  
But, there was something else about the spell.  Something he couldn't quite remember.

"Now!" Hermione exclaimed suddenly.

  
Severus banked his broomstick to an almost impossible angle and turned almost ninety degrees on the drop of a Knut to disappear into a dense group of trees, a branch slashed his cheek and he could feel blood dripping down his neck.    
  
Within seconds, the projected image flew back out again and disappeared quickly with their pursuers eagerly following.    
  
Back in the cover of the trees, Severus urged the broomstick onwards in pursuit of the masked figures.  As Hermione's concentration was needed to maintain the projection, he clumsily pulled out his wand.  This would be difficult but he had done it many times before.  
  
"Avada Kedavra!" He hissed and did not bother waiting before launching a second killing curse at the accomplice.  
  
The curses hit with deadly accuracy.  Both Death Eaters fell off their broomsticks and plummeted to the ground.  The projected image of himself and Hermione faded...like a reflection in a pond that disappears when something disturbs the water.  A shimmer...a ripple and they were gone.

  
Breathing heavily, Severus turned the broomstick downwards to land.  The Ministry would have to be notified of this.

He dismounted quickly, hurrying towards the dead bodies.  Not wanting to touch the steely masks with his hands, he used his wand to lift them magically.    
  
"Who are they?" Hermione asked faintly, getting down from the broomstick but not moving towards the two corpses.

  
"McNair's son and a cousin of Lucius.  Dangerous.  Both of them.  But not particularly intelligent, it would appear."  He gazed on them with disgust.  Scowling, he turned to Hermione, who suddenly looked very pale.  "You did very well.  I hope you realize that you saved us both," he said as he walked towards her.  "It's little wonder that crackpot Moody called you his best student..."

  
She seemed to sway where she stood when, without warning, she toppled over, landing on the soft ferns that carpeted the forest floor.

Panicked, Severus raced to her side.  "Hermione?"  He asked as he checked for a pulse.  There was one, initially faint and weak, but rapidly gaining strength.  She had passed out from the exertion of casting such a complicated spell.                                               

_"Of course.  The projection spell is notoriously draining and cannot be maintained for a very long time without losing consciousness.  Fool that I am.  I should have remembered that.  Minerva would have my head for this," he thought with a sigh._

  
He gently picked up her limp form and, holding her close, mounted his broomstick again.  He lifted off slowly and made for the Forbidden Forest.  He knew that even Death Eaters would not follow him in there.  Praying that there would be no further interruptions, Severus took the most covered routes and stayed low to the ground.  One hand on the broom…the other holding Hermione...he didn't have any way of defending himself or the woman in his arms other than his flying skills, which did not comfort him very much.

  
Finally seeing the outskirts of the Forbidden Forest, Severus turned the broomstick away from the more unprotected areas and aimed for a particularly thick growth of old, gnarled trees.  

Worried that Hermione had not yet regained consciousness, Severus flew until he reached a small clearing that he knew very well.  It contained one of the few Midnight Lotus bushes in the world. A plant that was both deadly and curative, depending on which part was used.  Steeping the petals would result in a powerful restorative.  Steeping the leaves would produce a poison that would rival the Reductus in potency.

  
He landed and, still holding Hermione, gently placed her on the soft grass.  He sat beside her and waited for a moment to see if she would awaken on her own.  He continued to watch for any Death Eaters foolish enough to trespass within this sacred place.  None came and he relaxed somewhat.  His forearms ached with the exertions of the evening and he massaged them wearily.  The pain in his shoulders made him wish for a muscle relaxant potion...or a bottle of Ogdens.

_"I am too old for heroics," he thought to himself, running a hand through his hair and looking up at the sky.  The wind brushed by him softly and he could sense that rain was not far off.  Turning to Hermione, he furled his brow slightly.  The projection had been nearly perfect.  It came as no surprise that she had put all her strength in maintaining the spell for as long as possible.  _"She is never afraid to give all of herself, even for me,"_ he thought.  
  
In sleep, she looked somewhat younger than her 28 years.  However, nothing could take away the faint lines around her eyes, or the white hairs that framed her face._

A face that had seen so much tragedy.

"_We have to get to the castle.  It is not entirely safe out here."_

  
Sighing, Severus picked one of the petals of the Midnight Lotus and gently bruised it between his fingers.  Placing it near her nose, he could himself smell its subtle fragrance.  It filled the air with something that hinted at darkness and evil...a strong smoky floral scent that harboured something of both life and death.

  
Within seconds, Hermione's eyes fluttered open.  She looked at him in confusion.  "Are we dead?"

"No, neither one of us is dead," he replied with a wry smirk.  "Unless your vision of paradise includes the Forbidden Forest."  
  
She smiled faintly and, as he helped her to a sitting position, she looked at the limp petal in his hand.  "Midnight Lotus...what a lovely smell," she murmured, breathing deeply.  "I envy your knowledge of this place, Severus."  
  
"It is not exactly the sort of place where one can conduct guided tours," Severus replied with gentle sarcasm as he stood up, offering his hand.

"One night, you must take me with you when you collect Wolfsbane for Remus."  
  
"Also known as Aconite and Monkswood but you knew that from your first Potions class, did you not?"  
  
Another small smile.  She was obviously still weak.  She stretched and, taking his hand, tried to stand up, wobbling slightly but quickly recovering.  "You are an insufferable bat."  
  
"And I thought I was offering a compliment."  
  
"I know what you are doing.  And I still need a shoe."  
  
"I suppose even an insufferable bat like myself has his uses." Releasing her hand, Severus transfigured his handkerchief into a replica of the missing article of clothing.

  
Hermione smirked as she put the shoe on but quickly put a hand to her forehead.  "I can't believe how weak I am.  And I ache everywhere."   She moved to massage the small of her back, closing her eyes in apparent relief.  "That's much better."  
  
"The spell is especially draining...it takes great concentration to perform it as well as you did.  You should be proud, Hermione.  Black once projected an image of a pumpkin pasty...a rather misshapen pasty, I might add, and he did not recover consciousness for three days."

  
Hermione opened her eyes and smiled, looking more like herself.

"Keep the petal...in case you feel dizzy later on," he pushed it into her hand before she could protest.  He mounted the broomstick and waited for her to get on.   
  
"Severus," she exclaimed suddenly, looking at him more intently.  "You're hurt.  You're bleeding."  She quickly fished a handkerchief out of her sleeve and dabbed gently at the cut.

"A branch clipped me.  It is nothing.  Leave it," he pushed her hand away.  "I will live."  
  
She nodded reluctantly and got on the broomstick behind him. 

They moved through the Forbidden Forest at a less frenetic pace.  There were dangers here, but only if one was unfamiliar with the creatures that made the forest their home.  It was a place where it was easy to find a way to die but he had been coming to the forest for over thirty years and, other than Hagrid, Severus knew the forest better than anyone.  
  
Finally, the trees began to thin and he could make out the outlines of the castle. Sighing with relief, he flew over the Quidditch pitch and towards the main entrance.

"I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that it has not changed," Hermione's voice suddenly sounded a bit shaky.                                                                                       

They got off the broom and Severus turned to her.  She was looking at the castle warily, as if suddenly frightened to go inside.  
  
"Hermione, what is it?" He asked, concerned at this sudden change.

She looked at him intently for a moment.  Severus had the strangest suspicion that she was going to tell him something but, in the space from one moment to the next, her expression cleared and she smiled.  
  
"Sorry about that.  It's nothing...really," she looked away from him.  "It's been a terrible night, I feel rattled and you're hurt."

_"She is lying.  Gryffindors are terrible liars and she is the worst of the lot," he thought.  
  
"Let's get inside the castle.  I know we are out of immediate danger but I will feel safer inside," he commented, taking a last look around him.  The crescent moon was just peering out from behind the clouds.  
  
Looking back at her, he saw a shadow of doubt pass over her eyes quickly.  He wondered if he had actually seen it or if he had imagined it.    
  
"Thank you," she said quietly.  
  
_

"Whatever for?"

"For coming to my rescue."  
  
"You are hardly someone in need of rescuing, Hermione.  You are no damsel in distress."

  
"Then why am I here?"  She looked at him expectantly, sadness and worry clouding her expression.

  
"Because even you cannot hope to defeat a band of fanatical Death Eaters on your own.  Because we need time to think and time to regroup."  
  
"I suppose." Hermione looked at the castle doubtfully.

  
_"Something is bothering her.  It is not just the events of tonight.  She is fearful of setting foot in the castle.  Why?"_ Severus felt that this was a puzzle to which he would not immediately know the answer.

  
Opening the huge door, Severus waited for her to enter.  He quickly followed, closing it behind him and walking over to where she stood waiting, looking around anxiously.

  
Yes, he did feel safer.                       

But he also felt as if he had walked into his own tomb.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
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_A/N: Next chapter on or around Victoria Day  _

    
  
  
  
  
  
  


   
  
  
  
  
  
  



	4. We Are None of us Free

 SEQ CHAPTER \h \r 1**_Disclaimer__:  Anything you recognize belongs to the goddess, JKR.  The plot and any original spells belong to me.  Dedicated, as always, to Tony, Mel, Lynn and Marek._**

Chapter Three:  We Are None of us Free TC \l1 "

Severus walked through the corridors of Hogwarts with the graceful ease of one who knew its secrets well.  He listened to the sounds of the castle…the softest groans that an old, settling building inevitably makes.  Other than the light tread of hurried footsteps, there was not much else to listen to except his own thoughts.

His role as a spy had been discovered by Lucius Malfoy years earlier and Severus had only just escaped from that particular Dark Revel with his life and his sanity intact.  Now, his role was generally limited to research and fact-finding missions not to mention the brewing of various complex and dangerous potions.  Afterwards, the necessary debriefing would have him speaking to the Headmaster.  Sometimes another member of the Order of the Phoenix was present but not always.  

It had been some time since the last debriefing and he was glad of that.  Inevitably, the sheer stress of the process had him seeking out a bottle of Ogden's Old Firewhiskey immediately afterwards in a vain attempt to collect the many broken and tarnished pieces of his soul.  For some reason, which he could not quite explain, he doubted he would have such an opportunity tonight.

The war had raged for so many years that he felt himself reduced to the residual shards of a whole person.  Each mission.  Each debriefing.  Losing a piece of himself each time.   Was it any wonder that he had changed so much?  Was it any wonder that he was so weary of his role?

Hermione was keeping pace with his quick strides and remained silent as they navigated the various moving staircases.  Severus could see that she was holding something back in the tight expression in her face.  Completely closed off…neutral…something to be expected of a Slytherin.

_" She must be worried about Potter," _he thought to himself_._

She stopped suddenly as yet another staircase lurched from its initial position, leaving them with nowhere to go temporarily, and looked around for a moment.

"Hermione?  What is it?" He finally asked, confused as to the temerity of his companion, which was very much out of character.

"Does it seem too…quiet to you?" she asked quietly.  "I haven't seen or heard anyone since we came in."

Severus noted that her breathing had quickened slightly and she looked pale, almost nervous.

"That is to be expected at this ungodly hour.  I doubt even Mrs. Norris is awake.  Mind you, a cat that old sleeps most of the time in any case."

"I suppose," she mused, biting her lower lip.  She shook her head and looked at him. "But it isn't just that.  It's you.  Something happened in Durmstrang.  Something so terrible that you can't bear the thought of talking about it in front of the Headmaster.  You have been tense since you arrived at the house and I know that it isn't only because of my situation or the Death Eaters attacking us.  There is something else.  Would it make it any easier for you to tell me?  You know that I won't judge you."

Severus looked at her.  She was gazing intently at him, silently pleading.

"I have to tell someone before I break," he thought to himself.  "And she will understand.  Merlin save me from overly sympathetic Gryffindors even though I know it isn't just sympathy.  It is friendship.  Only friendship and nothing more."

"Viktor is dead," Severus said in a hoarse voice, turning to look at a portrait of a former Charms Mistress for a moment before daring to look back at Hermione.

Hermione's eyes widened in shock and she blinked several times, taking a deep breath in order to hold back the tears.

"She never lets herself cry anymore.  Crying is weakness and she has never allowed herself to come across as weak.  I fear she acquired this line of reasoning from me."

"I…I don't believe it…I am so sorry, Severus.  I can't imagine how you must be feeling.  You should have said something.  You should have told me."

"As I said before, I will be fine.  I cannot allow myself the luxury of grieving at this moment.  There will be time enough for that later," Severus replied steadily, glaring at the staircase, which had stopped in mid-turn and left them stranded.

"Severus," she snapped, "Viktor was your friend and mine.  Grieving is normal…it isn't something you just conveniently postpone until you can deal with it because you never do deal with it.  That is how you've always been.  You just encapsulate your feelings, file them away and ignore them ad infinitum."

Severus sighed.  She always did this.  Perhaps it was one of the things that had forced him to take notice of her several years ago.

"_She is never__ afraid to speak her mind and is never intimidated by me.  Always showing a Gryffindor concern for me even when I would have thought it most inappropriate," _he mused quietly.__

"Hermione, when the war is over and we are sitting in your parlour, surrounded by your numerous progeny, I will gladly talk about my feelings ad infinitum et ad nauseum.  For the moment, I will deal with them as I normally do and hope that it does not offend your Gryffindor sensibilities."

She raised her eyebrows.  "You care for my Gryffindor sensibilities about as much as I care for your Slytherin secretiveness.  Besides, the thought of being surrounded by…progeny…well, that is just frightening."

Severus did not pursue the topic, already being well aware of her opinion on the matter.

"She is not a Weasley when it comes to the matter of reproducing and is intent on returning to her studies and pursuing a doctorate when the war is over.  I wonder if she has ever spoken to Potter about that?" he wondered, recalling their discussion of only a few weeks prior on the topic of a suitable thesis for such a degree.

"I am sorry, Severus. You must think me a selfish clod to bait you like that when you have had such a difficult time of things.  I just hate to see you so closed up.  I wish that you could trust me enough to let some of it go."  Hermione touched his arm softly.  "We've been friends for too long for you to blame it simply on my Gryffindor sensibilities."

"I…I will think on it.  It is all I can commit to, Hermione," Severus managed to answer.

"I can accept that," she smiled as she let go of his arm.

The staircase finally decided which landing to connect to and they resumed their journey without another word.

Deciding against any further conversation, Severus took the most direct routes to reach the griffin that guarded the entrance to Dumbledore's office.  

Severus felt strangely vulnerable, almost as if he had somehow revealed too much about himself in that short exchange.  But conversations with Hermione usually had that result.  She instinctively knew how to get past the frozen exterior he presented to the rest of the world.  She could see into his soul and was not repulsed by what she saw.

He marveled at how she didn't even realize she had that power.  

_"It has been that way since that time in her seventh year.  She found me still clad in my Death Eater robe and mask, barely alive and certainly not coherent.  She refused to leave until I had told her what had happened at the Dark Revel despite my repeated threats to expel her and to deduct at least a thousand points from Gryffindor.  How she managed to sit through it and how she managed to get me to talk about it are facts beyond comprehension," _he thought_._

Finally arriving at the griffin, he hesitated, fighting down the bile rising in his throat.

This was not going to be pleasant.

"I'm sorry, Severus…I don't know the password," Hermione said apologetically, mistaking the reason for his hesitation.

Collecting himself, Severus clenched his hands and held them out in front of him.

"Turkish delight," he spoke the password while flicking his hands open.

The griffin began to turn, revealing the ascending staircase.  Severus stood to one side to allow Hermione to go before him.  She did…a brief nod of thanks her only noticeable acknowledgment of his attempt at chivalry.

_"I am a fool…and an old fool at that," _he cursed himself silently_._

The staircase rose slowly and, with Hermione in front of him, he was able to look at her for a moment.  She was not beautiful.  She was not particularly tall.  She was nicely proportioned…nothing exceptional.  There was nothing about her that would make her stand out in a crowd and yet, she was everything he could ever want.

Everything he could never have.

_"And what am I?  Consumed by bitterness and jealousy.  Oh yes, I am not above jealousy and I do not deny that I want to see more than just friendship or concern in her eyes."_

Hermione turned to him.  "This is not going to be easy for you, Severus, and I am sorry about Viktor.  He…he was a good man…a good friend.  I owe him a great deal and now...well, I will miss him as I know you will too."

"I suppose I should be accustomed to this sort of thing.  People are dying each day…Muggle and wizard alike.  One more death feels so miniscule…like a minute grain of sand.  But I can't help feeling sickened by what happened tonight.  It seems pointless…Viktor's death.  A sacrifice without meaning," Severus sighed as he stretched out a hand to touch the wall and allow the bricks to scratch his fingers as the staircase ascended.  

For a moment, she looked at him questioningly, as if waiting for him to say something else.  When he did not continue, she sighed softly.  "It is only meaningless if we give up, Severus" she replied quietly, turning so that she could step off the staircase.  

The door was already open and the low murmur of voices could be heard.  He moved to stand beside her and watched as she took a deep breath and walked into the office.  He soon followed her.

Immediately, he saw that there were more people present than he had expected.  Scanning the room quickly, he could see Sirius and Remus standing by the fireplace; Arthur and two of his sons by the large desk, looking over some parchments; Minerva, Arabella and Mundungus were chatting quietly by the bookshelves.  He did not see the Headmaster…or Potter, for that matter.  Severus knew this did not bode well.__

After the obligatory greetings on all sides, Severus walked over to where Arthur Weasley was standing, looking pale and always glancing at the magical clock over the portrait of Godric Gryffindor.

"You look terrible, Severus," Arthur replied sympathetically with a friendly clap on Severus' shoulder.

Severus cringed.  Despite the fact that Arthur was one of the few people who could offer sympathy without even a semblance of insincerity, it did not sit well with Severus.  Still, Arthur was a decent sort and didn't deserve to have his head bitten off for stating what was plainly obvious.

"The fact that you have managed to retain your humanity despite working so many years at the Ministry of Magic is, in itself, commendable," Severus thought, not wanting to change places with the other man for all the Galleons in the world.

"I have had better nights, Arthur," Severus replied quietly, clearly giving the indication that the subject was dropped.  "I see Bill and Percy have joined you tonight."

Arthur turned to his two sons with pride and affection shining in his eyes.  "Percy can only stay for a short while and must return to the Middle East as soon as possible.  He is working with the Ministry of Magic in Saudi Arabia."

Percy hadn't changed at all since graduating from Hogwarts and politely shook hands with his former instructor.

"And Bill, what about you?" Severus asked.  It had been many years since he had taught the oldest Weasley child but he remembered that he had had a knack for Potions.

"I have been working with resistance groups in areas controlled by the Death Eaters…mainly in Eastern Europe and North Africa.  We are in the process of planning offensives but we fear that someone has betrayed us.  It hasn't yet been determined who this might be but we are close to finding out," Bill muttered angrily, almost injuring Severus' hand as he shook it.

Severus looked at the two Weasley boys…no, men, and sighed.

"Everyone is growing, marrying and having children.  Another generation of Weasleys inching its way towards Hogwarts.  Merlin preserve us."

Arthur began speaking quietly to Severus regarding the latest meeting of the Ministry of Magic and some recent incidents involving Muggles inadvertently coming into contact with the wizarding world.  Severus listened, nodding politely at the appropriate moments, but his gaze flickered to Hermione when Arthur was not paying attention.

She had gone to stand with Sirius and Remus by the fireplace.  Her silhouette was framed with flames and she almost looked like a Phoenix being reborn.  For some peculiar reason, it was a very disturbing sight.  Sirius was speaking to her and Severus could see that she was asking questions and not getting the answers she was hoping for.  Remus patted her arm affectionately but it did little to ease the sadness in her eyes.

After agreeing with Arthur that the escalating war might necessitate bringing more members of the British parliament into the know about the wizarding world in order to better coordinate offensive and defensive strategies, Severus noticed Fawkes dozing in the corner.

"He is close to a Burning Day.  Immortality is such a curse.  I wonder if he ever wishes that he could burn and be done with it?  Instead, he is forced to live and relive without even the freedom to die and remain dead."

Arthur continued talking and Severus began to wonder what was the reason behind the Headmaster's delay.  It was not like him to be late.

"This is not a good sign," Severus thought.  "Not at all."

Within moments, a side door opened and Albus Dumbledore appeared.  Fawkes looked up briefly but quickly resumed his slumber.

Minerva rushed over to him, concern etched on her features.  The old wizard held up a hand as if to hold off her inevitable worried exclamations.  She did not press the matter although she did not move away.  

Dumbledore walked over to where Hermione was standing and briefly embraced her, whispering something Severus would have given many Galleons to hear.  She nodded and looked at the Headmaster expectantly but he shook his head and she nodded once more before turning her attention to the fireplace, ignoring the hushed whispers of the two men beside her.

Albus approached Severus and, for a moment, the younger man felt an irrational wave of panic that he too would be embraced in a similar fashion.  But, no, Dumbledore contented himself with placing a hand on Severus' shoulder and gazing at him intently.

"I am thankful you are here, Severus," he said quietly.

Severus reflected that the simple sentence held several layers of meaning.  

"As am I, Headmaster," Severus replied in a neutral tone.  "We were attacked on our way here.  Death Eaters.  Two of them.  Thankfully, Hermione was able to cast a Projection Spell and fooled them into following it.  I killed them both.  Their bodies are in a forest not far from the school.  The Ministry will need to be notified."

Dumbledore glanced at Hermione in alarm and then turned back to Severus with a sigh.

"Who were they, Severus?"

"MacNair's oldest son and Lucius' cousin."

"Did you use an Unforgivable Curse, Severus?"

"I had no choice…they would have killed us both."

"I realize that.  The Ministry…well, we will talk of this momentarily."

Patting Severus on the shoulder once more, the Headmaster turned towards his desk and sat down in his accustomed chair, steepling his fingers and looking at the men and women gathered in front of him with a calm gaze.  Severus could clearly see fatigue and sadness in the Headmaster's eyes and immediately felt a prickle of foreboding along his spine.

"This has been a most terrible night," Dumbledore began.  "I have much to pass along to you and none of it is pleasant, I'm afraid."

Severus noticed that Hermione was gazing at him sadly before turning her attention back to the Headmaster.

"Alone…even among friends," Severus thought.

"The first item I must bring to your attention is that Cornelius Fudge, Minister of Magic, has been discovered to be a traitor in the service of the Dark Lord," Dumbledore stated calmly.

Severus immediately looked at Arthur who had his mouth set in a grim line.  

"It is true.  We have suspected him for some time but never managed to gain any substantial proof.  Rumours.  Whispers.  That was all.  But now, we have him…the arrogant fool," Arthur added, his cheeks blazing in sudden anger.  Severus had rarely heard the man speak with that sort of bitterness.

"We have proof that he has been directly involved in the murder of two of the governors of this school as well as conspiring to murder at least three more," Percy spoke up as his father was obviously too angry to continue.

"Murdering the school governors?  What purpose would that serve?" Remus asked.

"The purpose was to install new governors who would call for ousting our current Headmaster on a permanent basis…in the name of student security," Percy replied.

"And with whom, exactly, were they planning to fill the vacancy?" Mundungus asked sarcastically, looking as if he already knew the answer.

"The same as before.  Lucius Malfoy," Arthur replied, his hand gripping his wand so tightly that his knuckles turned white.

Severus could hear Sirius cursing under his breath.

"Whatever you are saying, Black, I would probably be in agreement with you."

Dumbledore continued.  "Cornelius has been stripped of his title of Minister of Magic and, because of that, is no longer exempt from being administered Veritaserum.  Arthur, as acting Minister of Magic until a proper election can be held, will be conducting the interrogation.  Severus, he will need your particular assistance."

"Of course," Severus agreed, thankful that he had been brewing a batch of Veritaserum the previous week.

"Cornelius is currently being held in Azkaban and is on a suicide watch.  His cell is surrounded by Aurors.  He is in solitary confinement since not even Azkaban is entirely safe for him.  There are many who would kill him to prevent his testimony being heard…including the Dementors."

"I can well imagine that," Arabella spoke up.  "The man is as slippery as a Flobberworm and just as trustworthy."

"He's a disgrace to the office he held," Percy muttered.  Bill nodded in agreement.

"The second item of note is the fall of Durmstrang," Dumbledore continued, ignoring the looks of shock on the others present.  "Although I received an owl some time ago, I feel it is best to hear it from another member of our group.  Severus…if you would, please tell the others what happened."

Severus began to recount the story of how Viktor had contacted him regarding a potential attack on the school and the necessity of protecting the Restricted Section of the Library because several of the books would be valuable to the Dark Lord and his minions.  He went on to talk about the subsequent attack and the struggle to get to the books in question.

"Were you able to rescue the books?" Minerva interrupted suddenly, her face pale.

"Minerva…it is difficult enough for Severus to talk about such a terrible event.  Please do not make it even more so," Dumbledore said mildly.

Chastened, Minerva nodded.  "I am sorry, Severus."

Severus continued and talked about the plan to escape from Durmstrang and how Viktor had planned everything well in advance.  Finally, he concluded with Viktor's death and fell silent.

"Please do not ask me any questions…please…it is too painful…too soon."

Dumbledore looked at Severus for a moment and nodded.  "It is unfortunate that Viktor was not able to accompany you, Severus.  His assistance would have been invaluable.  His death truly is a loss to us all."

"Only words.  Empty words.  Nothing more."

Severus held back the accusations that threatened to spill from his mouth and instead pulled the enchanted parchment out of his sleeve.

"This is the entire Restricted Section of the Durmstrang Library," Severus said, handing the parchment to Dumbledore as if it were a venomous serpent.  Minerva looked on with great interest.

Dumbledore unrolled the parchment and peered at its contents closely.

"Remarkable.  Absolutely remarkable.  Surprisingly simple and yet brilliantly effective.  Quick thinking on your part, Severus.  Well done."  Dumbledore rolled the parchment up again and returned it to Severus.  "I will charge you with ensuring the books are returned to their original state.  Please keep them in your storeroom.  They will be safest there as some of our strongest wards go into protecting the students from the deadly ingredients housed within."

"Of course," Severus returned the parchment to his sleeve, sickened that he was to be made responsible for their keeping.

"There have been two Death Eater attacks on prominent wizarding families this night," Dumbledore continued.  "Unfortunately, these attacks have resulted in many deaths.  Remus and Sirius have just returned from St. Mungo's with the only survivor, who is now resting in the infirmary."

Remus stepped closer to the desk.  Severus was surprised to notice that he was shaking slightly.

"The first attack was on the Abbott family.  From what we know, it came without warning and happened shortly after nightfall.  Neighbours saw the Dark Mark but were afraid to go near the house.  Aurors arrived within minutes but there was no one left to save and precious little to determine who was responsible."

"Hannah…was Hannah there?" Hermione asked suddenly, her face full of worry.

Remus nodded sadly and she quickly turned away while Sirius put a comforting arm around her shoulder.  

"The second attack was on the Patil family.  As with the Abbott family, there was no warning and seems to have happened immediately after the first attack.  We feel the same group of individuals carried out both attacks.  Again, the Dark Mark was clearly visible," Remus continued.

"Were there any survivors?" Minerva asked quietly.

"Padma Patil.  She is recovering but I don't know if she will be able to help us," Sirius spoke up.

"Why not?" Percy asked.

"Padma was brutally raped.  However, I think she was meant to be found for she had something done to her.  Her memory has been significantly altered.  A powerful Dark spell has taken away the identity of those who attacked her but conveniently left her with the memories of what happened to her, her parents and her twin sister," Remus replied.

"Bastards!" Bill cried out angrily.  

"Can we not reverse the spell?" Mundungus asked, clearly shaken by this latest development.

"Not without causing serious and irreversible damage to Padma's mind…and she is in a fragile enough state as it is.  It could very likely kill her.  Our only hope is that the spell will wear off with time…but even that seems unlikely."  Sirius shook his head.  "They wanted to make sure she remembered every detail except who they were.  They aren't bastards…they're bloody monsters."

Severus shuddered to think of what had been done to the young woman.  He was very familiar with Death Eater tactics.  Far too familiar.

"The final item is that we have received reliable information from a number of sources that Lucius Malfoy is intent on capturing Hermione and using her as a means of getting Harry out of hiding," Dumbledore continued after a short silence.

Severus noticed that Sirius held Hermione somewhat closer and Remus crossed his arms over his chest in a defensive stance that seemed to dare Lucius into trying such a brash act.

"Over my dead body!" Sirius exclaimed.

"You are almost tempting me, Black," Severus smirked mirthlessly.

"I hope that it will not come to that, Sirius.  Severus was able to bring her to Hogwarts and here she will stay.  There is protection within these walls for those who need it…even if they themselves do not believe they need it," Dumbledore looked at Severus pointedly and Severus turned his attention to Fawkes in a show of disinterest.

"Sometimes you are a meddlesome old man."

"So, what happens now?"  Mundungus asked quietly.

"Where are we needed?" Arabella added, a steely glint in her eyes.

"Arthur will be going to Azkaban to administer Veritaserum to Cornelius in an attempt to discover exactly how he has been involved in the murders he is accused of committing…and to determine who the next targets were to have been," Dumbledore looked at Arthur, who looked positively green at the thought of returning to the wizarding prison.

"We will also find out if there are other traitors in the Ministry of Magic…and they will be dealt with quickly and appropriately," Percy muttered.

"Minerva.  I believe that you should make your way to Beauxbatons," Dumbledore continued, turning to his colleague.

"Whatever for, Albus?  My place is here," she sputtered in surprise.

Dumbledore smiled.  "I need you there.  I fear that they will be the next to feel the wrath of the Dark Lord, particularly now that he realizes he did not acquire his prize at Durmstrang.  They will need you to help them."

Minerva did not look entirely convinced.  "If that is what you wish, Albus. I will make the necessary arrangements immediately."

"Thank you, Minerva.  I know it is difficult for you to leave but you are on excellent relations with the new Headmistress and so are best suited for this particular assignment."

Minerva nodded.

"Remus and Sirius, I would like ask you to visit with the friends and acquaintances of the Patil and Abbott families.  Perhaps they can tell you something of who had been in contact with the families in the past several days.  Also, warn them that they should ward their houses carefully.  The Death Eaters chose two families outspoken in their views on the Dark Lord and I fear that anyone close to them might be targeted next," Dumbledore said.

"We will go at first light," Remus acknowledged.  Sirius nodded in agreement.

"Thank you.  Mundungus and Arabella…I have something of a different task for you.  Because you are well known in wizarding communities as…well…having a taste for juicy gossip, I would like you to start rumours regarding Harry's disappearance."

"What sort of rumours?" Arabella looked puzzled.  

"That he is ill…sickened by a Dark curse.  Let the Dark Lord think him injured…weakened," Dumbledore answered.

"To what purpose?" Mundungus asked.

"If the enemy thinks their quarry is vulnerable, they may become over-confident and be more likely to make a mistake," Dumbledore replied.

"And when they do," Bill interjected, a cruel smile on his face, "we will be ready for them."

"Headmaster?" Hermione suddenly asked.

"Yes, my dear?"

"What am I to do?"  Severus could see that she already knew what the answer would be, knew she would not like it, but was asking all the same.

"You will stay here and, perhaps, assist in the library.  I am certain that Irma would be more than happy to see you in your old haunting grounds.  Poppy could use your help as well…we see a great number of patients these days," Dumbledore replied seriously.

"Of course, Headmaster.  But…is Harry all right?  You spoke of rumours…and I am hoping that there isn't a grain of truth to them."

Dumbledore stood up and walked over to where Hermione was, still being held protectively by Sirius.

"My dear, I know this is terribly difficult for you.  I know that you want to be with Harry.  But it is safer for him and safer for you to stay here.  If something were to happen to you, Harry would come after you, regardless of the danger.  You know that he would."

Hermione nodded and resumed her inspection of the floor, not looking convinced at all.

"In the meantime, I will adjourn the meeting and ask you all to be vigilant.  We are at a precarious moment in the battle and it will not take much for the balance to shift in the favour of the Dark Lord.  Let us not allow that to happen."

Severus crossed his arms over his chest and glared at a portrait of a former Headmistress who obviously considered him to be something that would shift the balance in the Dark Lord's favour.

Hermione did not say anything, merely listened to Remus and Sirius discuss their plans for the next few days.  

"Doesn't anyone notice that she is left to do nothing but catalogue books and empty bedpans?  What a waste."

"Severus?" Arthur touched his shoulder.

"Yes?"

"Will you be able to provide me with your strongest Veritaserum?"

"Of course.  Follow me to the dungeons.  I can even lace it with Reductus poison if you like," Severus smirked.

For a moment, Arthur looked at him with disbelief.  Percy's face broke into a small smile and Bill just chuckled.

"It's very tempting, Severus.  Very tempting.  However, I think I would prefer to witness his sentencing to the Dementor's Kiss.  I will ask that Sirius be there as well…his being imprisoned unjustly and all that.  Only appropriate," Arthur ran hand through his thinning hair and grinned.

"Wish I could be there…slimy git," Bill said savagely.

"You didn't have to work with him," Percy shot back.  "Arrogant hypocrite…I thought he was merely blind to the dangers of the Dark Lord but he was in his pocket the whole time.  A disgrace to the office."

"A disgrace to us all, Percy," Severus remarked.

"Too right," Bill added.

Severus turned to lead Arthur out of Dumbledore's office.  Turning around, on the pretence of checking the time, he hazarded a quick glance at Hermione.  She was looking at the fire again, the flames casting odd reflections on her face.

"She is feeling helpless, not unlike a bird in a cage, waiting for victory or death before she can be free…and not caring which it turns out to be," he thought.

A/N:  Next chapter in late July.  I realize it is a long time to wait but I have to have a radiation treatment as a follow up to my surgery for thyroid cancer and my energy levels over the next while are going to be really low.  If you would like to be notified as to when I post, please email me at stregabrava@yahoo.ca  Happy Victoria Day!!


	5. Interruptions and Restless Thoughts

 SEQ CHAPTER \h \r 1**_Disclaimer__:  Anything you recognize belongs to the goddess, JKR.  The plot and any original spells belong to me.  Dedicated to Tony, Mel, Lynn and Marek.  I realize that this story is now AU but I won't go back and change it now.  The character in question is too important as this chapter clearly indicates.  Thanks to everyone for their good wishes while I was off for radiation treatment.  I got the all clear from my endocrinologist…I am officially cancer-free, so allow me a happy dance or two (or three…you get the picture).  Dedicated to the memory of Meatball…a snarkier, more Slytherin cat there never was._**

Chapter Four:  Interruptions  TC \l1 "and Restless Thoughts

The moon waxed and waned and, over the course of the next several weeks, Severus barely left his laboratory other than to collapse on his bed and steal a few hours of exhausted sleep.   It would only be a few more weeks before the new school year started and he was thankful that he did not have to yet concern himself with lessons, homework and the usual batch of dunderheads that inevitably filled the seats in his classroom.  Very few students truly understood the value of Potions making.  Very few wizards, for that matter, appreciated the subtle science and exact art of this particular branch of magic...and many of them were in Voldemort's inner circle.

"_Such a rare thing__ to have had a student like her," _Severus thought as he looked at the various titles in front of him._  "Even Draco, who initially held great promise, turned out to be quite a disappointment.  Certainly becoming an Auror and a spy for the Headmaster are worthy accomplishments but he was capable of so much more, as was she.  Draco never did do more than he had to when it came to his studies and she…well, she let others decide her fate, although I suspect that she is now ready to take matters in her own hands.  I wonder if Lucius suspects his son at all.  I have no doubt he would kill him without a second thought if he knew what Draco was really doing.  Having said that…sometimes, I have to wonder…"_

After having restored the books that he had rescued from Durmstrang, Severus had begun reading through them systematically.  He took copious notes and filled several parchments with ideas, thoughts and random brainstorming.  He took his meals in the dungeons and spoke to no one unnecessarily.  No one came to speak to him, except the occasional house elf and Mrs. Norris, who was not much of a conversationalist and only came for the scraps that he always saved for her.

_"That fiendish old cat and I have many similarities," _he surmised after another hungry visit from his feline guest_.  "We are always spying on others, always looked on with suspicion and neither of has been blessed with a multitude of friends."_

Left to his own devices, Severus rarely allowed his mind to wander.  He was a strict disciplinarian and he had determined, early on, that such meanderings would take him down the path to madness.  Besides, it was futile to think about what could never be...especially when there was work to do.

_"My work.  That is how I have come to define myself; not as the man I was or the man I could be but by the work I do," _he thought, ignoring the empty feeling in his stomach.

No, it was better to focus on the task at hand and try to help the patient in the infirmary who had been so badly mistreated.  There were many reasons why he wanted to help her so badly.  The first was that he owed it to Viktor to ensure that the young man's sacrifice had not been in vain.  The second...a means by which he could exorcise some of his own demons...make some sort of retribution for the sins he had committed in his past.  And there had been many…

_"I was a monster.  I preyed on what I thought were lower beings and, in doing so, became the lowest being of all.  Perhaps that was what the Dark Lord intended.  To destroy the shreds of our humanity so that we could commit the most inhuman of crimes without compunction…without thought…without hope except that dark hope for power that he burned into us," _Severus looked down at his left arm and clenched a fist angrily.  _"Self-pity will not be of much assistance."_

The challenge was that, despite his best efforts, he had found nothing that could help her.  And he felt himself running into a mental wall.  He had tried many concoctions...combinations of various ingredients in an effort to break the vice-like grip the spell had on her mind.  He had spent countless hours looking through his enviable store of Potions ingredients to see if some ray of enlightenment would hit him.  But it had, so far, all been in vain.  Everything he tried failed to work although it seemed that Padma was feeling better with each attempt.  It was better than nothing and it gave him some hope that, at some point, he would be able to break through the clouds in her mind.

_"Black was right.  They are monsters to inflict such pain and suffering," _he felt the sudden urge to smash something.  Preferably many things.

And she seemed to be grateful for his efforts, apologizing for being such a bother.  This was the strangest part.   Padma drank every smoking goblet with a look of complete trust.  It was both surprising, given what she had been through, and ironic in that she would trust him, of all people, not to hurt her.

Wonders never ceased.

He did not tell her what his true motivations were in trying to find a cure.  In truth, it was something he could not tell anyone.  Deep in his heart, he feared that the same fate could easily have befallen another woman.

"A_nd nothing would have stopped me from killing those responsible," _he glared at a nearby jar of pickled mandrakes.__

He had caught Hermione visiting Padma several times and had quietly left the infirmary to avoid being seen.  The logical part of his mind told him that it was best for Padma to talk to Hermione.  The support of another woman was crucial for her recovery and there were some things, particularly with an attack such as the one Padma suffered, that could only be understood by a member of her own sex.  But it wasn't just that.  Severus believed that Hermione also needed to talk to Padma.  It was beneficial for Hermione to feel that there was someone who needed her.  It would go a long way in helping restore the self-confidence lost through inactivity and loneliness.

But his heart disagreed with this very rational explanation and told his logical mind to go hang.  Being near Hermione and knowing she was within arm's reach every day and every night was difficult to bear but it was her obvious unhappiness that upset him.  On the rare occasions when he did see her, she looked miserable, lonely and angry…always on the verge of saying something to him but always stopping, not without a surreptitious look towards the headmaster.

"_Fettered…like some brooding mare_," he thought angrily.  __

Taking a sip of his cold coffee, he pulled out a random scroll from the racks that he had created especially for the new additions to his storeroom.  Holding the cup in one hand and the scroll in the other, he made his way carefully back to his office.  He sat down in the massive oak chair that had once belonged to his predecessor (a woman with ostentatious taste in both furniture and quills) and, setting his cup carefully to one side, unrolled the parchment and began to read in earnest.

"_Perhaps a__ variant on phoenix tears…it could have potential.  Fawkes is at his peak at this moment so the tears will be at their greatest strength…"_

The sound of knocking startled him out of his perusal of the parchment.  Looking up, he was surprised to see the last person he would have expected to come visit him.

Sirius Black was standing in the open doorway…and he looked worried.

"Sorry about that, Snape.  I've been meaning to talk to you for a while.  Are you busy or should I come back later?" Sirius looked decidedly uncomfortable.

Now Severus was baffled…and curious.

"I have time, Black.  Please…sit down," Severus said, a bit stiffly, rolling up the parchment and pointing to the more comfortable chair in front of his desk.

Sirius sat down and looked at Severus, obviously ill at ease.

"Can I get something for you, Black?  Coffee, perhaps?  You look like you spent the night wrestling a mountain troll."

Sirius shook his head.  "I wouldn't say no to something stronger than coffee."

"It's a bit early for that, isn't it?"

"Not when you've had the morning I have, Snape.  I'm at my wit's end and I need to talk to someone."

"I hardly imagined myself to be on the list of people you would willingly talk to," Severus replied, getting up and walking over to a cabinet.  He pulled out a bottle and two glasses and set them on his desk.

"I have a bottle of Ogden's handy…for therapeutic purpose, of course.  Will it suffice?"

Sirius nodded.

Severus proceeded to pour the amber liquid into the two glasses, offering one to Sirius and taking the other for himself.  While Severus sipped, Sirius downed the entire contents of the glass in one go.

Putting his still half-full glass back on the desk, Severus turned to Sirius.  "You look very upset, Black.  What on earth is going on that has you in such a state?"

"You would be in such a state if you were concerned about a good friend and you had no idea what you should be doing," Sirius turned the empty glass in his fingers.  He frowned as if recalling something decidedly unpleasant.

"Remus?" Severus assumed it would have something to do with the other Marauder currently within Hogwarts.

"No.  Hermione," was Sirius' sullen reply.

Severus sat down on the desk and picked up his glass, taking another sip in an attempt to mask his surprise.

"What appears to be the problem?" 

"She just isn't herself, Snape," Sirius put the glass down and threw his hands in the air in frustration.  "She doesn't really do much of anything except spend her days in the library, cataloguing dusty old books.  In the evenings, she is in the infirmary, usually talking to Padma but also tending the other, more transient patients when Poppy is called away."

"It sounds as if she is keeping herself busy," Severus commented, taking a small sip of the amber liquid.  It really was excellent stuff.

"Oh yes, busy doing nothing.  You and I both know that she is bored out of her mind," Sirius got up and poured himself another glass.  He looked at it for a moment before draining about half.  "She should never have resigned from the Aurors to take that job at the Ministry of Magic.  A complete and utter waste of her talents and abilities.  She was one of the best we had.  Perhaps a bit impulsive and headstrong but none of us are perfect.  And deadly.  I used to joke with her that she could kill a Death Eater with her glare alone."

"I quite agree but it was her decision to make," Severus replied calmly.  "And she is not the only Auror who is impulsive and headstrong as I recall."

Sirius smirked for a moment but his expression became grave almost immediately.  "But, was it her decision?" he asked, staring at his glass once again.  "Personally, I'll confess that I was surprised she became an Auror after leaving Hogwarts.  Mind you, I was quite pleased because she took to it extremely quickly and possessed an intuitive nature that quickly earned her several assassination attempts from the Death Eaters.  But, she seemed to change after what happened to her parents.  All her ambitions…vanished."

"Losing one's parents is a devastating blow.  To lose her parents in the way she did was even worse.  You were not there, Black.  You did not have to witness her grief and her subsequent guilt.  However, having said that, she was and is a rational adult.  It was her decision to make and she must live with the consequences of it.  Have you tried talking to her?"

Sirius snorted.  "Talking to her?  Snape, with Hermione, you are talking at her.  Her mind is elsewhere."

"I would imagine that she is worried about Potter."

Sirius shrugged his shoulders.  "I know that but there is something else.  Something that I can't put my finger on," Sirius sighed as he emptied his glass.

"What do you mean?" Severus tried not to look overly interested, merely running his index finger over the rim of his glass.  
  


"I don't know, Snape.  I just worry.  That seems to be all I am doing these days.  I feel completely useless.  She is obviously not happy and I don't know what to do about it.  She nearly ripped my head off when I suggested a game of Wizard Chess this morning.  That's not like her."

"She needs a more worthwhile occupation," Severus replied, finishing his drink and setting the empty glass down on the desk beside him.

"Like what?" Sirius looked at him.  

"That is for her to decide.  She is certainly capable of more than performing the menial tasks she is currently undertaking.  A first or second year student would be a more appropriate choice for assistant librarian or assistant mediwitch."

Sirius nodded.  "Do you think you could talk to her about it, Snape?  She might actually consider it if it came from you."

"No, I think that particular task should fall to Minerva.  You should send her an owl at Beaux-Batons.  They have always had a very close relationship and I feel that Minerva looks on her as the daughter she never had, particularly after…"

"Well, if Harry doesn't get his priorities straight, she'll be the fiancée he never had."

"What do you mean by that?"

Sirius waved his hand dismissively.  "Nothing…it's the Ogdens talking."

"In vinum veritas," Severus replied, eyebrows raised.

Sirius snorted again.  "So, what are you reading now, Snape?  Looks as if you have spent all your time here.  I haven't even seen you at any meals for…well, for a long time."

"I am still trying to discover something that will break the Memory spell on young Miss Patil," Severus pointed to the parchment in question.  "I have not been very fortunate in my findings to date and there are still many books and parchments to go through.  It feels…futile but I have to keep trying.  The answer might very well be in the next dusty old tome."

"I went to see Padma this morning.  She said that, even though her mind still feels…tampered with, she has been feeling better.  Whatever it is that you have been giving her has taken away the nightmares she had been suffering from.  She hasn't needed a dose of Dreamless Sleep potion for a couple of weeks," Sirius looked impressed.  

"The various potions I have tried have had some beneficial impact on her but it still has not freed her mind.  It's frustrating to not be able to help her," Severus sighed.

"I think you have helped her.  She doesn't scream anymore when someone touches her.  Poor Poppy didn't know what to do for the first little while.  Terrible thing Padma went through…misses her sister more than anything else.  I hope we find who was responsible.  I'd like to wring their filthy necks," Sirius practically snarled.

"I know…that is why it is so important to break through this spell.  The evidence would be irrefutable and we would have the additional charges of casting an illegal memory-altering charm as well.  Dementor's Kiss for certain," Severus sighed as he looked at his glass.  "That is, of course, assuming that I will, in fact, find the key to unlocking those memories."

"It's a rare thing to see you flummoxed over a potion, Snape."

"I suppose I should take that as a compliment, Black," Severus smirked.

Sirius smiled.  "When will you be going to harvest Wolfsbane for Remus?"

"Sometime next week…it is best when it is added to the potion fresh.  It doesn't taste quite so bad that way," Severus replied.  "Not that it makes a noticeable difference but I do try my best to make it less nauseating despite what Lupin might think."

"Any success on your work developing a cure for Cruciatus-induced insanity?" Sirius asked.

Severus shook his head sadly.

"You've never been able to get over what happened to Frank and Alice, have you?"

"Frank was my friend, Black.  One of the only Aurors who actually had some faith in me and never questioned my motives," Severus looked at Sirius levelly.  Sirius had the good grace to look somewhat abashed.

"It wasn't your fault, what happened to him.  You couldn't have known…"

"Oh, but I should have.  I should have warned him that there would be fanatical renegades that would come after him and his family.  I knew what the Lestranges were capable of."

"Frank knew the risks, Snape.  All the Aurors knew the risks.  He was no different than any of the others," Sirius reasoned.

"I should have gotten there sooner," Severus replied bitterly.

"You were able to get Neville away," Sirius pointed out.

"I got there and found what they had done to Frank and his wife.  Have you ever visited them, Black?  Have you ever looked in their eyes?"

  
Sirius shook his head.

"It's like looking into a void.  There is nothing left of the man I knew.  The friend I knew…and I was so angry that the baby had survived without even a scratch."

"Frank protected his son…he did whatever it would take to save him.  He and James were a lot alike that way."

"Fathers suffering unspeakable pain and death for the sake of their sons.  I hated their sons both for living and surviving when their fathers did not."

"Snape…"

"You don't understand, Black!  Frank trusted me and I was never able to repay him for that.  James saved my life and I was never able to repay him for that.  Do you have any idea how that has rankled in my soul over these many years?  When those boys entered Hogwarts I was torn between relief and an irrational desire to toss them both off the Astronomy Tower.  How dare they come here when their fathers would never see what they made of their lives?"

"Don't you think blaming Harry and Neville is taking it a little too hard?"

"Of course it is.  But, for the longest time, I could not help it.  I could not look at them without thinking of James and Frank.  I know I treated them both horribly…they hated me and rightfully so.  I was every bit the slimy git that Weasley always said I was!" Severus shouted.

"You seem to have made amends," Sirius replied cautiously.  "They both speak highly of you...a professor who forced them to think, to stand up for themselves and not rely on others...and to discover their own potential."

"Yes, of course.  I wrote a letter of reference for Longbottom to attend that school in Wales that specialized in Advanced Herbology.  I even wrote a letter for Potter, even though it wasn't necessary for him to be accepted for Auror training.  Moody was practically drooling over the prospect of teaching The Boy who Lived," Severus massaged his temples fiercely.                                   

_"I need another drink.  Scratch that, I need several drinks…preferably a bottle...glass optional..."_

"Even now, they see you as an important ally in this war.  Your work..."

"My work?" Severus scoffed.  "That is so very amusing, Black.  Do you really think all this skulking around like a rat in the night can be classified as work?  I don't deny that some of my information has been useful but to define it as work is something of a stretch.  This," he pointed at the parchment, "is my work and, as you can see, I am failing miserably at it."

Sirius looked at him pensively as if considering his next words carefully.

"You know, I never thought I would say this, but you are too hard on yourself, Snape."

"You're right.  I never thought you would say that either," Severus reached for the bottle and poured another drink for both himself and for Sirius.

"You've done all you can for Frank and I know you watched out for Harry while he was here," Sirius took the filled glass and looked at it for a moment before taking a sip.  "And you've been good to Hermione, getting her when you did.  If anything were to happen to her…"

"The Headmaster will not allow any harm to come to her, Black," Severus said, taking a sip of the alcohol and allowing the warmth to permeate his body.  

_"There is something to be said for drinking oneself into a state of complete stupidity."_

"I know…but…well, that is neither here nor there.  If you have the chance, please talk to her.  She's like a walking ghost flitting here and there.  Even Peeves keeps his distance. It's unnerving to see her like this."

"And the lady languished within her golden cage…waiting for the moment when she would be allowed to spread her wings in freedom…or die," Severus muttered, glaring at the glass in his hand.

"What was that?" Sirius asked, draining his glass and setting it on the desk.

"Just something I remember reading a long time ago.  It seemed appropriate, wouldn't you agree."

"You read something other than dusty old Potions texts?" Sirius smirked.

"I am a man of many talents," Severus replied, still staring at his glass.  "Not all of them involve wormwood and asphodel."

"Well, if you can get Hermione to talk…really talk, I will think you a man of uncommon talents," Sirius stood up.  "Thanks for the drinks, Snape.  Any man who keeps a bottle of Ogdens for 'therapeutic purposes' has his head on straight."

"I am greatly comforted by such an assessment, Black," Severus looked up with a wry smile.  "I don't suppose you would offer yourself as a test subject."

"Potions was never my strongest subject."

"Yes, I remember the time you turned James' hair bright purple.  Quite the accident," Severus almost laughed over that particular memory.

"How do you know that was an accident?" Sirius asked archly.

Severus gaped at him.

Sirius grinned.  "Oh, and you'd best come to dinner tonight, Snape.  People will start thinking that you have died down here."

"And you wish for me to quash their hopes?  Really, Black, I didn't think you were so vindictive."

Sirius laughed.  "Merlin spare me from Slytherins with a sense of humour."

Severus watched the other man leave, still laughing, before getting up to put the bottle away, leaving the glasses for the house elves to clean.  Sitting heavily at his desk, he felt the warmth of the alcohol in his brain and allowed himself to indulge in the lethargy that it inevitably inflicted.

"Black may be an idiot but he sees that something is not right with her.  What did he say?  The fiancée he almost lost?  What on earth did he mean by that?  Should I talk to her?  Would it help?"

Suddenly sensing that he was no longer alone, Severus looked up to see Albus Dumbledore looking at him.

"I just saw Sirius coming out of your office and wanted to ensure that you were still intact," the old wizard commented, entering the office and looking at the two glasses thoughtfully.

"We were reminiscing over the good old days," Severus replied.

"Ogdens, I presume?"

"I did not have time to take out one of my vintage cognacs.  Black did not seem overly choosy."

Dumbledore smiled as he adjusted his half-moon spectacles.  "I've come to ask you about your progress in helping young Padma."

"Unfortunately, I have no progress to report.  I feel as if I have been beating my head against a wall for all the failures I have created," Severus frowned as Dumbledore sat down.

"You are far too hard on yourself, Severus."

"You are not the first one to say so.  I need someone to look at this problem with fresh eyes…an assistant.  Someone that I could brainstorm with.  I hate to admit it but I require some help.  This problem is seemingly beyond my skills."

"I hardly think it has come to that, Severus.  And besides, there is no one here who could really prove to be of any worthwhile assistance."

"Hermione has a formidable background in Potions.  It was her field of expertise during her years of Auror training.  She would be more than adequate."

For a moment, something flashed in the eyes of the Headmaster that Severus immediately did not like.

_"He does not want her helping me."_

"I do not believe that would be a prudent course of action, Severus.  She is going through a very difficult time and she needs to take things at a slower pace.  I fear for her…she is very fragile."

"She is a grown woman and not nearly as fragile as you think.  She is bored and left with nothing to do except menial tasks that could be adequately performed by house elves.  If not assisting me, there must be something she can do," Severus was puzzled by the other wizard's attitude. 

"It is not for you to decide what she is or is not to do, Severus,"

"I don't understand.  What are you telling me?"

"Hermione is confused.  She must be left to sort things out for herself."

"You always told me that it was best to talk about such things.  That to keep your feelings and emotions inside was tantamount to poisoning yourself."

"I am not above admitting that I am wrong from time to time."

Severus looked at the older wizard with critical eyes.  Dumbledore was not telling him the entire story.

"What do you hope to accomplish from this, Headmaster?  It seems that your present course of action goes against everything you have ever told me."

"Severus...I must ask you to let her be.  She is saddened by Harry's absence.  She is vulnerable and I will not allow her to be hurt."

"And you believe that I would hurt her?  How can you think such a thing?  She is my friend.  I don't like to see her like this.  No one does.  Sirius came here for the same reason, because she won't talk to him.  She won't talk to anyone..."

"And you think she will talk to you?"  Dumbledore's mouth was set in a grim line and his blue eyes looked almost...angry.

"I don't know that but I would like to try.  I think that having her helping me would be a great benefit to her.  Miss Patil is her friend, after all."

"Severus, I want you to heed my words.  Do not ask her for assistance.  This is a difficult time for Hermione.  She needs to be strong.  She needs to be strong for Harry.  Harry needs her."

"If Potter needs her so badly," Severus interrupted with a calm voice that belied his internal fury, "why does he not contact her?  It would be an easy enough thing to send a letter through several anonymous owls."

"It is impossible.  She understands this."

"Perhaps...but she does not accept it."

For a moment, both wizards looked at one another in silence.  Severus refused to be the first to look away.  He could not understand what the real issue was and it appeared that Dumbledore would not elaborate.

"I know that you would never do anything to hurt her, Severus.  But I must ask you to continue your work without her assistance.  Let her be.  You must promise me this."

"I will not seek her out, Headmaster," Severus replied, his voice thick with false deference.  "But, if she freely offers her assistance, I will not refuse.  That is the only promise I will make."

Dumbledore sighed and shook his head, standing up and looking every inch an old, tired wizard.

"So be it, Severus.  If that is all I can ask you to commit to, then I shall have to be satisfied with that.  I suppose you will be working through lunch again?"

"Actually, I have grown tired of what the house elves are bringing me.  I thought I might join you at the Head Table if only to dispel any rumours about my supposed demise among these parchments."

Dumbledore nodded.  "I'll be sure to send the house elves to take care of the glasses."  He turned and walked out the door without another word.

_"What, in Merlin's name, was that all about?  Sending house elves to spy on the spy?  How quaint."_

Severus did not realize that he had clenched his fists so hard that he had cut his palms with his fingernails.

"Damn," he muttered as he grabbed a handkerchief out of his sleeve to wipe away the traces of blood.

He put the stained handkerchief on the desk and began rummaging through the desk drawer for a healing potion.  Dampening the handkerchief with the potion, he gingerly dabbed at the crescent shaped welts on both his palms.  It stung but he had endured far worse.  Within seconds, the welts were gone.

_"If only all scars could be made to disappear so quickly.  I will return to my work and concentrate on the things over which I have some control rather than those which are beyond all hope."_

In a fit of sudden anger, he grabbed one of the glasses and threw it against his door.  It shattered into countless pieces.

"_Let the house elves clear that_," he thought with morbid satisfaction.

The second glass soon followed.

_A/N: Next chapter should be posted on the Labour Day weekend. I know it is a long time to wait but I feel it's only fair that I tell you about the projected timeline.  If you wish to be notified about updates, please email me at stregabrava@yahoo.ca_


	6. Many Things Forbidden

**Disclaimer**:  Anything you recognize belongs to the goddess, JKR.  Dedicated to Tony, Mel, Lynn and Marek.  This fanfic is AU due to it being started before Order of the Phoenix was published.  I'm sure we will all be able to live with that.  

Chapter Five:  Many Things Forbidden 

Although Severus had said that he would join the others at mealtimes, the truth of the matter was that he often found himself so engrossed in reading a particular chapter of a particular book that he inevitably arrived at the Great Hall far too late to partake of anything except what the house elves could quickly procure for him.  It wasn't such a terrible thing and he had become accustomed to eating alone long before.  Taking the plate of sandwiches (his staple food in the past few weeks) and the flagon of pumpkin juice, he would return to his office and begin his research again, sandwich in one hand, book in the other and a quill stuck behind his ear for easy access when a stroke of inspiration hit him.  It was a well-documented fact that he lost more quills than one could shake a wand at.

The issue was that his inspiration wasn't having the desired effect.  Padma's memories were still tightly locked away and Severus knew he was not making any new progress.  

It was a problem, and a serious one at that.

_************The previous evening****************_

_"I know you are trying your best," Padma said after drinking a potion that had left her gasping slightly (he had warned her that the fermented mandrake elixir would be very sour but it had apparently turned out to be even worse than that judging from her reaction)._

_"I truly wish that I could be of more service to you.  I fear that I'm failing you miserably," he gave her a piece of chocolate to take away the sour taste._

_She accepted the chocolate and chewed it thoughtfully, regarding him quietly as if trying to puzzle something out._

_"That was much better than the potion," she said almost apologetically.  "Thank you."_

_He smiled.  "I understand you will be leaving the infirmary in the morning.  Your physical recovery is complete."_

_"Yes, I will be…well, I will be staying here.  I haven't anywhere else to go and Hermione suggested that I could start walking around the castle grounds to get my strength back."_

"It is an excellent suggestion.  However, you must start slowly and give yourself time to recover.  I will continue working on an antidote…although I will try to make the next one more palatable," he said as he got up to leave.

_"Professor?"_

_"Yes?"_

_"Is it…I mean…" she glanced at the floor momentarily and twisted the sheets between her fingers.  " Well, sometimes, I almost don't want to know what else happened.  To see the faces of those who did this to me…to my family.  I don't know if I can bear to remember…to relive it all and see the hatred in their eyes.  Could that be the reason why you are having such difficulty?  Could it be my fault?"  She lifted her eyes to him slowly, as if suddenly ashamed to face him._

_Severus looked at her.  He could tell that her eyes were brimming with tears.  Sitting down again, he took her hand, surprised that she did not flinch at the contact._

_"You have been through a terrible ordeal and are justifiably nervous at the prospect of reliving it all by having your memories fully restored…of seeing more than what you currently remember.  This is perfectly normal.  But, in order to have closure…in order to begin truly living, you must be ready to work through the emotions and the feelings that your memories will inevitably invoke.  There is a grieving process, if you will, that you must move through.  And, although you have grieved the loss of your parents and your sister, you are still in a state of stasis.  You will never truly find your way past this tragedy until you have faced it all, including the knowledge of who did this to you and why.  It is not simply a matter of coming to terms with the fact that this did happen, although that is important as well.  But you must not blame yourself.  You must never blame yourself.  Not once.  Not ever.  Do you understand?  None of this is your fault."_

_She nodded silently, tears streaming down her cheeks.  He pulled his handkerchief out of his sleeve and offered it to her.  She took it, looked at him and suddenly hugged him._

_"Thank you," she whispered._

_Severus patted her back awkwardly in an attempt to calm her and she soon released him, dabbing at her eyes with the handkerchief.  _

_"You may keep it…I have several others and you have more need for it than I."_

_She smiled and settled back on the bed._

_"Good night," he said as he got up and turned to leave._

_"Good night, Professor."_

_He was about to walk out the door when he suddenly realized that he was not alone.  Hermione was standing off to one side, smiling gently at him._

_"Your bedside manner is impressive, Severus," she said in a quiet voice, walking up to him.  "I think you would have made an exceptional medi-wizard."_

_"Dare I say it?  She brings out a rather Gryffindor streak in me…most unnerving and unacceptable, to say the least," he replied, trying to maintain some levity under her quiet gaze._

_"You have kept to yourself and to your books, Severus.  I have barely seen you since we arrived.  Why is that?"_

_"It was not intentional, I can assure you, Hermione.  I have been…occupied."_

_She looked towards Padma's bed and nodded.  "I do not wish to sound self-centred, Severus.  I only seek a more worthy adversary in Wizard Chess.  Sirius and Remus are not the most brilliant of strategists," she smiled.  "It is a little too easy to determine what their next move will be.  They are almost as bad as…well, others I have played against."_

_"Perhaps a distraction might do us both some good.  I have had great difficulties trying to help your friend.  Nothing has worked the way I had hoped.  Even tonight's concoction was an abject failure.  At least I remembered to bring her some chocolate to take away the foul taste."  
  
"I could help you…but..." she suddenly looked towards the door and Severus was surprised to see an almost angry expression on her face.  Surprised but not displeased._

_"The Headmaster…he would not approve and I would not wish to place you in an awkward situation, Hermione.  He has your best interests at heart."_

_She looked down and glared at the blanket she was holding.  She then sighed and seemed to force herself to look at him with a patently false smile.  "Enough about my best interests.  We must make arrangements for a match in the near future and see whether you have lost any of your so-called skill."_

_"That sounds suspiciously like a challenge, cheeky know-it-all."_

_"Yes, you overgrown bat," she grinned impishly, "I believe it does."_

*********_Present**************************************************_

Severus sighed, put down the parchment he was reading and looked out the window.  It was a clear night and the moon was half-full…the perfect time to pick Wolfsbane.  He stood, stretched his aching limbs and walked over to the window.  Resting his hand on the sill, he paused to survey the outline of the Forbidden Forest, thrown into sharp relief by the moonlight.  Despite the fact that he had ventured into its depths countless times, it still sent a shiver of foreboding down his spine each time he planned an excursion into its darkness.  Shrugging it off as he always did, he turned to pick up his warm cloak and threw it over his thin frame.  It was nearly the end of summer but the forest harboured a chill that never completely vanished.  

_"It is like the touch of death,"_ he thought, shaking his head_.  "What was that line from 'MacBeth'?  By the pricking of my thumbs, something evil this way comes. Of course spoken by an old and utterly hideous hag whose very gender was ambiguous.  Utter nonsense.  Muggles and their ridiculous notions around witchcraft, both what it is and what it is not.  Card tricks.  Smoke and mirrors.  Sawing swooning women in half.  Making white pigeons appear from black silk hats.  Utter balderdash!"_

Leaving his office and picking up the large lantern he always used on such occasions, he carefully warded his office door against any unlawful entry (except, of course, the Headmaster).  He quietly proceeded down the corridor, making barely a sound as he navigated his way towards the nearest exit, which was, in itself, a considerable distance from the dungeons.

A sudden scratching noise made him turn around suddenly.  He looked up and down the corridor warily and listened carefully…but he did not hear anything besides his own quiet breathing.

_"I am in serious jeopardy of losing my sanity if I am kept in here much longer.  I'll be jumping at my own shadow next,"_ he thought in frustration as he resumed his journey.  A turn here and a turn there and he reached the door he was seeking. 

But, just as he reached for the handle, a sudden chill told him he was no longer alone.

"Well, if it isn't the evil Professor Snape, out to gather his goodies to help loony loopy Lupin not get attacked by fleas," cackled Peeves as he hung upside-down and blew a great wet raspberry in Severus' direction.

"What if I told you I was going to the Forbidden Forest to gather ingredients for a potion to exorcise you permanently, Peeves?"

"Oooooh," the poltergeist mocked as he did somersaults in the air, "the overgrown bat does indeed have some bite left in his poisoned fangs.  I am honoured, oh most exalted of Potions Masters.  I thought you saved your barbed wit to terrorize ickle firsties."

"Peeves, you are a singularly bothersome poltergeist.  Do be sensible and go haunt a toilet.  Better yet, haunt Minerva's rooms."

Peeves pouted.  "She's gone off to Beaux-Buttocks and left me to pine miserably in her absence.  Besides, the old biddy warded her rooms against my singular attentions months ago.  And after all the lovely times we shared."

"I suppose you are referring to the auspicious occasion of tinting all her robes that lurid shade of fuchsia.  Really, Peeves.  That was a bit much, even for you."

"It brought out the colour in her eyes," Peeves protested, sitting on the wall and smirking insolently.

"Not to mention the flaring of her nostrils and the grinding of her teeth.  It's a good thing you are already dead, Peeves.  I have no doubt she would have killed you for such impertinence."

Peeves cackled hysterically for several moments before settling himself somewhat.  "Ah, she is a dried prune and not much fun to tease anymore.  Lost her sense of humour, that one has.  I think I will set my sights elsewhere.  Perhaps the new assistant mediwitch, Miss Granger.  She seems to be ripe pickings for a sprightly sprite such as myself."

"Do that and I swear on Merlin's wand to speak to the Bloody Baron and the Headmaster about restricting you to Moaning Myrtle's bathroom on a permanent basis," Severus ground out.

Peeves blushed bright silver as he stuck out his tongue.  "You're about as much fun as a Hufflepuff."  He made a rude gesture and then vanished through the wall.

Severus rubbed his temples for a moment.  Peeves was a necessary evil but sometimes he went too far.  Opening the door, he stepped through quietly and breathed the night air for several long moments.  He stood and basked in a sudden sense of freedom…even if it was only freedom from being shut away behind the walls of the castle.

_"What a beautiful night,"_ he thought to himself.  _"A perfect night for flying."_

He had a sudden flashback of a similar night, the night he had returned to Hogwarts with Hermione.  It felt as if a great deal of time had passed but it had only been a couple of months.   Now, it was nearly the end of the summer holidays and, within days, Hogwarts would be inundated with students.  He found himself welcoming the coming distraction of lesson plans, marking and setting of assignments.  

It would make it that much easier to forget how warm her body had been, pressed against his during that perilous flight…

Shaking his head violently, he resolved to focus on the task at hand.  He had to have his wits about him, as the forest was not the sort of place to enter into without the necessary preparation.  It simply would not do to end up dead.

He almost chuckled at the thought as he lit the lantern with a quick spell and drew his hood over his head.  After ascertaining that the door was indeed closed and locked, he began the journey to collect the Wolfsbane.  

After several minutes of walking at a brisk pace, he arrived at the outskirts of the forest.  Looking around warily, he was unable to dismiss the feeling that he was being watched.  That was never a good sign.

"There is nothing out here except owls and bats," he whispered angrily.  With a deep breath, he plunged into the verdant darkness that was the Forbidden Forest.

The canopy of trees quickly choked out what little moonlight was able to filter down to the forest floor and Severus magnified the light of the lantern as much as he dared in order to avoid any unfriendly surprises.  He'd had enough of those on previous excursions.

_"What I would not have given to have brought that gilded lily, Lockhart, out here.  I have yet to understand Albus' reasons for hiring such a buffoon.  Bill Weasley would have been a much more reasonable choice.  At least he had the required experience,"_ Severus thought to himself as he quietly made his way through the trees and small clearings.  

The forest was not a quiet place.  Everywhere he could hear the rustlings of small animals that dared to call this place their home.  Even the wind, sighing as it fluttered warily through the trees, had a different sound as if regretting passing through such a dark and heavy atmosphere.  The slight crack of a twig being broken.  The terrified squeal of an animal caught by a larger predator.  The strange grunting of a thestral.  The high-pitched clicking of an immature acromantula's jaws.  The soft whinny of a unicorn.  These were sounds he was accustomed to hearing.

He knew that he was getting closer to the place where the Wolfsbane grew.  Perhaps another twenty minutes or so and he could return to Hogwarts in one piece.  Again.

A sudden crashing of hooves broke the silence.  Severus turned quickly, wand out and the lantern held in front of him in an unconsciously defensive manner.  Peering through the darkness, he saw a shadow moving closer.

"Show yourself.  I am armed and will not hesitate to kill you," Severus spoke calmly.

The shadow moved to within the light of the lantern, revealing a large centaur that blinked several times.

"Firenze?  What, in Merlin's name, are you doing here?  This is not a safe place for you, even now," Severus lowered his wand.

"My apologies, Professor Snape.  I have been spending many nights in the forest, watching the stars and trying to read their secrets," Firenze tossed his mane impatiently.

"Have you seen anything definitive?" Severus held the centaur's ability to foretell the future in high regard.

"The stars, as is their wont, do not ever reveal their secrets in such a straightforward manner.  However, I do know that the war is nearing its completion.  Whether that means the triumph of good or evil, it is difficult to determine.  It is as if the entire future hangs in balance and it will not take very much to tip this balance to our detriment or to our benefit.  Harry is still very much a central figure but it is impossible to know if his is the impetus that will assure final victory and lasting peace.  The light from Mars still casts doubt on the eventual outcome," Firenze pawed the ground slightly.  "I have spoken to the Headmaster about this, of course, but my interpretations are of little assistance.  I cannot hope to strategize on what appears to be an infinite number of possibilities.  Our kind does not willingly participate in the wars of wizards but the time may yet come when we are called upon.  It has happened once before in the current age.  The Headmaster knows this.  We know this."

"Have you arms to fight such a battle?" Severus was shaken to hear the centaur speaking in such a manner.  The only other time the centaurs had been called to battle was when Grindelwald was defeated.  And the losses had been staggering.  The centaur herd in the Forbidden Forest was one of the last in existence.  To lose such magic would be a telling blow to the wizarding world.

"You have never witnessed a centaur's march into battle.  It is a terrible thing.  I know that the Headmaster has never spoken of it but the experience of it shows plainly in his eyes.  To see a centaur in battle is to see a berserker's rage.  Ruthless and terrifying are my kind," Firenze drew himself up proudly.

"I pray it will not come to that, Firenze.  I pray that there are no further lives lost…we have lost too many as it is," Severus sighed, leaning against a tree and setting down the lantern.

"We do not know what lies ahead of us, Professor.  Our fate is not entirely predetermined just as the stars themselves are not fixed in the firmament.  Our choices determine our path.  Both yours and mine have not been easy.  We have betrayed others and we have betrayed ourselves.  I suppose we are each seeking absolution of a sort."

"At least you can say that you betrayed your kind, if indeed you wish to call it a betrayal, in order to achieve a greater good.  I cannot say that.  I turned my back on all that was human in my soul in order to follow a depraved fiend.  I thought I was seeking purity, knowledge and the quiet, ordered pursuit of the ultimate truths.  Instead, I became a perverse mockery of a man…little more than a foul beast."

Firenze came closer to Severus.  "We have discussed this before, Professor.  On a clear night such as this, when you were a student yourself and had witnessed the truth of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.  You saw, as a newborn foal sees…with a clarity that age too soon diminishes."

"It had never bothered me before that night.  I felt as if they…the muggleborns and the muggles alike…were beneath me.  They deserved what they received.  They were of base birth, were they not?  They were just barely above animals.  They were meant to amuse us, distract us for a time and then discarded.  I had my share of them.  Merlin knows I was guilty of the many charges brought against me.  Murder.  Rape.  Torture.  Use of the Unforgiveable Curses.  I did it all without a moment's hesitation…until…"

"Until?"

"Until I watched them, the others…she was only a child, Firenze.  She was only a child," Severus whispered hoarsely, eyes burning as he remembered the horrible scene.  "I realized that I had become a monster and I…I decided to take the easy way out, just like the coward that I was."

"Only you encountered some rather unexpected company?"

Swallowing, Severus nodded.  "Sometimes I think it might have been better if you had let me die, Firenze."

"No, Professor, it would not have been.  There are many who are alive today simply because your life was spared that night.  In any case, it was not I who saved you.  I merely pointed you in the direction of the Headmaster," Firenze smiled.

"Yes, that would have been after you knocked me to the ground and destroyed the vial of Reductus poison I was planning to swallow."

"Mars was bright that night as well.  It was a relatively simple matter to see what you were planning to do."

Severus smirked somewhat and endeavoured to stand.  It irritated him that the memories could still have such an effect on him.

"What is your business in the forest?" Firenze suddenly asked.

Severus looked at the centaur in confusion.  "You know why I am here, Firenze.  I always collect Wolfsbane at this point in the moon's cycle."

"I realized that, Professor, however I was not asking you but rather your companion behind you," Firenze pointed to an area a few metres back.

"Companion?  But, I came alone…have you gone quite mad, Firenze?"

"No, he hasn't, Severus," a quiet voice suddenly made itself heard.  A soft rustling and Hermione revealed herself, as if emerging from behind a curtain.

"Hermione?" Severus looked at her in utter astonishment.

"I used the Invisibility Cloak.  Harry…well, it was left for me in case I should need it.  I'm sorry for deceiving you," Hermione came closer to him.  "I didn't mean to eavesdrop."

"I will take my leave of you both.  Be wary, for there are dangers in this forest, but I trust you will be able to manage, Professor.  Miss Granger.  Good night."

Firenze cantered off into the forest depths and Severus was left with Hermione, wondering whether he should be angry or relieved.  She quickly closed the distance between them.

"You never told me," her eyes looked at him with a small degree of sadness.  "I thought you would have trusted me by now."

"What good would it have done to burden you with all my darkness, Hermione?  I have secrets.  I would have preferred to keep them secret.  You have no idea how ashamed I feel…what you must think of me now that you know the truth…"

But she placed a finger over his lips to silence him and then embraced him.  His arms encircled her waist automatically and he gave himself over to feeling her warmth once again.

"I do not despise you, Severus.  I only wish you had more faith in me.  I have always known that your past held great darkness but you should know by now that it could never frighten me nor make me want to cast your friendship aside.  I have seen the face of true evil and it is not you.  I have also watched as you continually seek to atone for your past mistakes without realizing that those who truly care for you have already forgiven you many times over.  You must know how much you…your friendship means to me.  Surely you know that," She murmured as she held him close.  "I have missed you," she whispered softly.

Severus could not trust himself to speak so he merely nodded and closed his eyes, savouring this rare moment of closeness.

Reluctantly, they released each other after several long moments.  They looked at one another awkwardly and Hermione smiled nervously.

"You have yet to tell me why you are out here, Hermione," Severus tried to look stern and imposing and was failing extravagantly at it.

"I knew that you were going to collect Wolfsbane and wanted to accompany you," she had the good grace to look abashed.  "I thought you might say no if I asked…probably tell me that Dumbledore would not approve or some such nonsense."

"The Headmaster would certainly not approve.  The forest is dangerous even with the protection of that cloak."

"I don't care if Dumbledore doesn't approve," she placed her hands on her hips and raised her chin defiantly.  "I am sick and tired of being coddled like some helpless maiden.  I am an Auror and have great practical expertise in the Dark Arts.  I want to do something other than empty bedpans.  Padma is out of the infirmary and I am increasingly going mad from the lack of something constructive with which to occupy my time."

"I've not seen you this agitated since you decided on pursuing your doctorate," Severus commented as he watched her pace furiously.

"I never did have a chance to talk to…anyone about that other than you.  Never any time to be able to sit down and have a civilized conversation.  Bloody hell, Severus, the only one who had any time for me was you and now even you seem to be avoiding me lately.  Oh, and I mustn't forget Peeves…he always seems to have time to torment me these days."

Severus did not reply but nodded in a non-committal fashion.  He would have to have a word with the Bloody Baron in the morning.

"And to think it was Padma who finally snapped me out of it," she grumbled suddenly as she stopped and glared at an obviously offensive tree.

"Snapped you out of what?" Severus asked as Hermione stopped to stare into the darkness for a moment.

She did not immediately answer but continued to look at the darkness.  Severus could not determine what it was that held her attention but waited patiently.  Finally, she straightened her shoulders and turned to him with a determined expression on her face that reminded him of the time she had refused to leave his side so many years before.

"Padma asked me when I was going to become Mrs. Harry Potter."

"It's a logical question as you have been engaged for quite some time," Severus ventured.

Her eyes blazed at him and she quickly closed the distance between them, balling her fists and hitting him on the chest rather hard.  "Don't you understand what she said, Severus?"

"I thought…"

"She asked me when I was going to become Mrs. Harry Potter!" she shouted as she continued her assault.  He did not try to stop her even though it was becoming rather painful.

"Yes, but…"

"Mrs. Harry Potter…not Mrs. Hermione Granger…not even Mrs. Hermione Potter which would never happen because I refuse to change my name for anyone…it's one of the few things left to me of my parents!" she punctuated each name with another hit.

"I don't understand…"

"It's not me.  I have lost my identity as my own person.  All I have become is an extra appendage to the Boy-Who-Bloody-Well-Lived.  Hermione Granger is in serious danger of being married out of existence altogether!"

Her hands suddenly drooped to her sides and she looked at him plaintively.  And then Severus began to understand what she meant.

"I don't want to be known only as the Wife-Of-The-Boy-Who-Lived-And-Saved-The-World," she said beneath her breath.  "I want to be known as Hermione Granger.  I want to be me.  You must think me quite mad, Severus."

"You know that's not true."

"Well, any sensible person would think me mad.  Absolutely out of my head.  Barmy.  Not wanting to become Mrs. Harry Potter?  Madness!  The Daily Prophet would call for my head…and that Skeeter witch would be making galleons by the stone."

"Hermione…"

"I feel like I have been asleep for years while the rest of the world decided what I should do.  I don't even know if I have ever made my own choices.  I don't even know who I really am…and, when Padma said that, I panicked."

Severus reached out to touch her shoulder.  "Hermione, do you love him?"

Hermione looked down for a moment, seemingly mesmerized by the ground on which they were standing.

"I…I think I do," she whispered, clutching at his sleeve suddenly.

"That isn't a very convincing answer."

"I don't know!" She shouted, looking up at him with anguished eyes.  "I never used to question it before."

"Have you had any contact with him?"

A shrug of her shoulders was her only answer.

"Perhaps these emotions are a result of your forced separation, Hermione."

"I'm tired of feeling like I am trapped in a cage while the world gets on with the final battle.  I'm tired of being pushed off to the side and coddled…being told that it will be all right and to hush and not worry.  I am almost 29 years old…hardly a child…and certainly capable of making my own decisions, whether or not they meet with the approval of anyone else.  I want to take back ownership of my own life…it's been lent out for far too long."

Severus nodded in quiet agreement.  "I have always said that there is much more to you than books and cleverness.  And, although any man worth his salt would naturally want to protect you, I know that you are more than capable of looking after yourself.  You're a powerful witch, Hermione.  Never doubt that."

"Powerful enough to say no?" Hermione asked quietly.

Severus pretended not to understand what she was asking.  "Powerful enough to say what you wish and deal with whatever consequences may arise.  I would think the more of you for it.  I mean no offence but you don't suit the role of damsel in distress particularly well."

She smiled impishly at him.  "And you don't suit the role of knight in shining armor particularly well."

He raised his eyebrows and smirked.  "So, when does the rebellion begin?  When does the real Hermione Granger emerge from her cocoon?"

"She did that tonight by following you…by being here.  By choosing to be with you."

For a moment there was silence as they gazed at one another.  Severus took a deep breath to steady himself against feelings that threatened to overwhelm him.

"I'm glad you did, Hermione."

And he hoped that she understood what he meant.

"I truly am sorry that I eavesdropped on your conversation with Firenze.  Do you forgive me?" She asked suddenly, all levity gone from her expression.

He looked at her in astonishment.  Hesitating, his hand moved up to touch her hair for a moment.

"There is nothing to forgive, Hermione," he murmured before turning away and peering needlessly into the forest depths.  Clearing his throat, he turned back to her.  "If you could pick up the lantern, we will see what you remember about harvesting Wolfsbane.  Despite the fact that I cannot deduct points for wrong answers, I expect the same annoying know-it-all attitude that you always demonstrated in Potions class.  And raising your hand is certainly not required."

She grinned cheekily at him before grabbing the lantern and falling into step beside him.  "Wolfsbane must be picked by hand in the light of the moon.  The use of a ceramic sickle is permissible but not recommended as the resultant bruising renders the herb more bitter.  Under no circumstances can Wolfsbane be harvested with a metal implement and never during the day as either condition will negate the healing properties of the herb and render it utterly useless for anything more magical than a weak tea."

"Correct.  And where should freshly harvested Wolfsbane be kept?"

"It is best to wrap it in a length of a light natural fabric such as raw cotton, linen or silk.  Wool is not recommended as it can cause the Wolfsbane to rot quite quickly.  Also, it is considered a good idea to use virgin fabric…I mean to say, fabric that has not been in contact with other herbs or potions ingredients," Severus was amused to see her blushing furiously.

"Excellent.  And how soon should harvested Wolfsbane be utilized?"

"No more than two days, unless it is steeped in an infusion of asphodel and garlic which maintains the magical properties for up to a year.  Although, in this state, it cannot be used in an anti-lycanthropy potion."

"Why not?"

"Werewolves must never be given anything with asphodel as it could kill them.  Asphodel contains naturally-occurring silver-like substances."

"It is comforting to know that someone paid attention in Potions class," Severus sighed dramatically.

"I am surprised you noticed…you constantly ignored me when I wanted to answer questions," she replied sarcastically.

"Hermione, I quickly determined that you knew the answer to every possible question I could ever ask.  Did it ever occur to you that there was no challenge in that?  It was much more enjoyable to amuse myself over the incorrect answers that inevitably spilled forth from the other students."

"For example?"

"Longbottom never ceased to provide me with endless opportunities for mirth."

"Or for purchasing newer and better cauldrons?"

Severus smirked.  "Finding something that he could not blow up was something of a challenge, I will admit.  He did improve in seventh year and I would trust myself to his care were I to be injured.  His skills in herbal lore are formidable."

"That is high praise coming from someone like yourself," Hermione replied.

"How so?"

"You are not known to be particularly effusive with compliments."

"I give praise to those who deserve it.  No more.  No less."

Hermione smiled and continued walking beside him, holding the lantern in one hand and the shimmering fabric of the Invisibility Cloak in the other.  They soon reached a small clearing and there, in the middle, was a lovely bushy shrub that glistened in the moonlight.

"It's beautiful," Hermione whispered.

"Set the lantern over there so that we do not scorch the leaves by accident," Severus instructed as he produced a small bolt of cotton.

Hermione put the lantern on a nearby rock and helped Severus unfold the cotton and lay it on the ground.

"Remember, do not pick any of the yellow, more immature leaves as they will weaken the potion and render our werewolf friend potentially dangerous," Severus advised as he closely examined the shrub, running his fingers along the smooth leaves.

And, while they spent the next several minutes harvesting the Wolfsbane, Severus glanced at Hermione as she was busily plucking the leaves and allowed himself the smallest of smiles.  

The Headmaster would certainly not approve but it did not bother him in the least.

A/N:  Next chapter before Halloween.  I know it is a long time to wait but I need the time.  School is starting for my two little boys (SK and Grade 2) and life will be that much busier.


	7. An Introduction to Moonport

**_Disclaimer_**_:  Anything you recognize belongs to the goddess, JKR.  Dedicated to Tony, Mel, Lynn and Marek. This chapter ended up being longer than I planned…sorry about that._

Chapter Six:  An Introduction to Moonport 

Sometime later, Severus watched as Hermione left the storage room.  He had offered to walk her back to her chambers but she merely smiled and said she knew the way.

Collecting the Wolfsbane had been almost pleasant for a change and, although he still felt somewhat uneasy about her eavesdropping on what had indeed been a private conversation, he was relieved that she now knew the worst of him and was still willing to be his friend.

"If only…" he whispered after he closed the door to the storage room and warded it shut.  Closing his eyes, he leaned against the door and allowed his thoughts to go back several years.

He recalled the time when she had almost discovered his changing feelings for her.  It had been near the end of Hermione's seventh year and he had been surprised to realize that his feelings for the know-it-all Gryffindor had gone from indifference to genuine caring.  Her near-discovery had been the result of a damning combination of his coming across the Mirror of Erised, ill-timed Occlumency lessons that had been ordered by both the Headmaster and Lupin and her own tendency to learn things far too quickly.  Oh, he had tried to convince himself that his feelings were nothing inappropriate.  He simply took it upon himself to ensure that she was safe. That was all, wasn't it?  But the mirror never lied and it told him what he was not yet ready to accept for himself….   

When she left Hogwarts for Auror training (which he thought to be a most unsuitable choice of profession for someone of her talent), he found that the school was not the same.  There was no one else quite like the bushy-haired Gryffindor and he found himself missing her.  His life felt even emptier than before and that was intolerable.

When she came for visits his emotions would, at times, confuse and frighten him.   It took him the better part of two years to accept that he truly liked her…truly enjoyed her company.  It took just over two more for him to accept the fact that he loved her.

And, just when he thought that perhaps he should make his feelings known to her, her engagement to Potter was officially announced, earning a four-page spread in the Daily Prophet.

"I should have realized," he muttered.  "I should have seen that they only had eyes for one another.  I kept hoping it was all gossip, all that talk about them…something straight from that blasted Skeeter's quill."

And so he kept his feelings hidden, a feat that was not difficult for him.  He told himself that, as long as she was happy, that was enough.

But it wasn't…because she wasn't.

He couldn't say with certainty when he first noticed it.  It was sometime after the unfortunate deaths of her parents.  Was it the sparkle in her smile that had begun to diminish?  Was it the fact that she and Potter were not seen together nearly as much?  The fact that she went to work in the Ministry told him more than anything else.  She had settled for a secondary role in the battle against Voldemort…and he knew that was not where she really wanted to be.

He did not press the matter and concentrated on being her friend, something that he had become surprisingly good at.  He listened to her when no one else would.  He dried the tears that no one else saw.  He heard the sorrow that no one else suspected she harboured in her heart.  He encouraged the dreams to which no other person was privy.

And, through it all, his love for her never changed.

He was truly was a damned fool.

The Dark Lord had often said that to love another person was to show base weakness.  That love meant vulnerability.  Love was a liability none of the Death Eaters could afford.  Power was the only thing that mattered.  Well, that and absolute, unquestioning loyalty to the Voldemort of course.  How many times had Severus been a witness to the elimination of such liabilities because of failure?  How many times had a Death Eater been forced to prove where his (or her) loyalties lay by dealing with an unsatisfactory family member in an 'appropriate' manner.

Severus had watched as Lucius Malfoy had dispatched his own brother without a second thought.  He vividly remembered being thankful that his own parents were already dead and that he had no siblings.  He remembered feeling sick at the terrified expression on the younger Malfoy's face, grateful that his steely mask hid the expression of disgust that would have betrayed him to the others.

Then again, Lucius Malfoy was a singularly noxious individual who would lend out his own wife if it suited the purposes of the Dark Lord.    And he had his eye on Hermione; there was no doubt about that.  Even though they were relatively safe within the confines of Hogwarts, Severus knew that he could not let his guard down.  The moment he did, something would happen.  Something terrible.

Severus looked around the empty laboratory.  He would prepare the Wolfsbane tomorrow night and the brewing could commence the following night.  Hermione had confirmed that she would be present and he found himself looking forward to the process for the first time.  

And she had also managed to secure his promise of a match in Wizard Chess after dinner tomorrow night.

He chuckled at the slightly superior smirk she gave him when he agreed.  Did she really think she would triumph that easily?  He was a Slytherin, after all, and a master at not revealing his strategy until the last possible moment.  Then again, her sheer recklessness sometimes proved to be the deciding factor in a match.  He was willing to sacrifice any piece to gain the advantage.  She would not…a typically Gryffindor response to the game.

It often proved to be her undoing…not that he was keeping a running account of wins and losses.

He really did grin at that.

Opening his eyes, he glanced at the old wizarding clock on the main table and was not surprised to see that it was very late…or very early, depending on how one looked at it.  Thankfully, the absence of students meant that nightly rounds were not necessary.  He warded the entire laboratory and made his way through the semi-lit corridors to his own chambers.  No one disturbed him…even Peeves was nowhere to be seen.

Arriving at a rather unimpressive stretch of wall, he stopped for a moment and ran a finger down an equally unimpressive seam between the blocks.  The outline of a door began to glow and he took out his wand, tapping it on a slight hole in the mortar.  It also began to glow and transformed into a door lever in the form of a serpent.  It turned its head towards him and hissed softly.

"Pass-ss-ss-ss-word?" It asked quietly.

"Speranza," Severus replied, just as quietly.

The little snake hissed in approval and the door quietly opened.  Severus, not without a quick glance over his shoulder, stepped into the chambers that had been his home for more than twenty years.  His sanctum sanctorum…perhaps the only place where he allowed himself to be at ease.  He looked around the small parlour with grim approval.  Feeling as if he was not quite ready for sleep, he made his way to the well worn armchair and, sitting down, summoned the latest edition of "Potions et Passions" that Minerva had sent from Beauxbatons earlier that day.  It had been thoughtful of her to think of him and he made a mental note to send her a quick note of thanks.  

Severus found himself thinking of his father, a man with a well-deserved reputation for cruelty.  He had been the one to insist that his only son and heir be conversant in French, Italian and a number of other languages.  Severus smirked as he remembered once boasting to Black that he could curse him in several languages if he so desired.

Glancing through the pages of the French periodical, he found himself reading a short article on a potion that was purported to prevent legilimency.  Severus sighed, running a hand through his hair and closing his eyes momentarily.  He had heard these claims before and they had always turned out to be elaborate hoaxes.   He would not have been surprised to discover it was planted information from one of the Dark Lord's insiders.  It had happened before.

"Only through well developed skills in Occlumency can a person hope to be able to avoid having their minds explored," he muttered, putting the periodical down and stretching, pointedly ignoring the noises of protest his tired body was making.

"Talking to yourself again, Professore?" a voice sounded from the wall behind him.

Severus did not need to turn around to acknowledge the portrait of former Potions Mistress, Eugenia Cesari.

"Professoressa," Severus replied politely.

"I did not wish to disturb your solitude but it is never a good sign to be speaking to yourself,' the soft contralto of her voice held a note of wry amusement. 

"I am touched by your concern," he smirked, turning around to face the 18th century marquise.  "I have not spoken to you for several months.  Did you enjoy your time in Italy?"

The woman in the portrait raised her eyebrows in mock despair.  "The Vatican is not what it used to be, caro professore.  The newer portraits are nothing but gossipmongers and gypsies.  Hardly a touch of true magic to them.  Che vergogna."

Severus got up and walked over to the portrait.  Eugenia had been a handsome woman, regal features, bright hazel eyes and lustrous brown hair that was elaborately fashioned.  Her robes and her adornments were simple yet expensive…she had been the sort of woman who did not like gaudy trinkets.  However, if rumours were true, she wasn't quite as demure about her love life.  Severus had never asked.  He was afraid to.

"That is hardly a Gryffindor statement, professoressa," Severus remarked.

"Sciocco," she smiled haughtily.  "You do like to bring that up, do you not?  Va bene, I still hold the dubious distinction of being the only Head of Gryffindor House to hold the title of Potions Mistress of Hogwarts."  She sniffed dramatically.  "I was the only light in a vast period of Slytherin darkness."

Severus did not reply, looking suddenly at the empty fireplace.

"Professore, you look…pensive.  What has happened since my departure?"

"She is here."

The woman gasped.  "Here in the castle?"

"Yes."

"Then the engagement has been cancelled?"

"No. "

"Then why is she here?"

"Lucius is after her," Severus replied, leaning against the wall.

"This is very serious, professore.  What does the Capo say?"

"Not very much…he is fixated upon Potter.  Nothing else comes within his scope of giving a bloody damn."

Severus turned back to the portrait that was looking at him in concern.

"Professore, he has been fighting He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named for close to fifteen years.  Even a man of his forza has limits and he would like battle to be over.  Capo Phineas Nigellus has often spoken about just how tired he is.  Caro professore, one must make allowances for someone with such responsibilities and obligations," the portrait smoothed her robes needlessly.

Severus sighed.  "Professoressa, you already know my feelings on the matter."

"Certo.  You also would like to see an end to this so that you can return to your quiet life in the dungeons.  It is a lonely life for a man as young as yourself."

Severus merely snorted in reply.

"When I was alive, professore, I took advantage of every day that was gifted to me.  I have no regrets about my life…not one.  Can you say the same?"

"You already know the answer to that question as well, professoressa," Severus replied in a sullen tone.

"That is true…what I cannot understand is why you will not do something about it.  I have seen her myself in past years.  You cannot tell me that she is happy."

"She is not…but she is loyal and brave and I would not presume…"

"Yes…yes…" the portrait interrupted impatiently.  "She is a typically misguided Gryffindor.  Dio, some of the members of my house are proficient at deluding themselves into thinking that a lifetime of sacrifice is a life well lived."

"You made sacrifices," Severus pointed out.

"I made sacrifices when I felt it was necessary," the portrait agreed.  "However, I did not think it necessary to sacrifice myself needlessly.  And I would never sacrifice myself over a man who barely acknowledged my existence."

"You were in an enviable position.  A young widow with money and power and talent.  Why did you never marry again?"

"I did not want to lose that power.  Marriage would have automatically placed me under the control of a spouse.  I preferred my freedom and I was certainly not lonely…not like you.  You are a broken spirit, professore and it pains me to see you this way.  Your happiness lies with that woman and yet you will not seek out the opportunity that has been granted you.  Are you certain you are not a Gryffindor in disguise?  Was the Cappello wrong about you?"

"I am proud to say that I am a true Slytherin…but that does not mean I do not possess a sense of honour," Severus replied.

"Then, caro professore, I would suggest you accustom yourself to an ascetic's life…a life of sacrifice.  Honour can be a cold and empty bed to sleep in at night.  Buona notte," the portrait blew a kiss in his direction and disappeared from view.

"Buona notte indeed, professoressa," he whispered to the empty frame.  

It wasn't likely to be.

The next morning Severus returned to his office and pored over a series of Romanian transcripts, which detailed a highly complex potion, which promised to free repressed memories.  It looked to have some value and Severus took notes all morning and afternoon, pausing only to eat and drink and take care of required personal matters.  A three-foot scroll was the result and he was revising it intently when an insistent tapping on his door interrupted his thoughts.

"Enter!" He called, not bothering to look up from his parchment.

"From the sound of your voice, I rather doubt the sincerity of the request," Hermione's voice sounded as she opened the door.

"My apologies, Hermione," Severus rubbed his temples.  "It has been a long day."

"I came by a couple of times but you looked so engrossed in what you were doing that I did not wish to intrude."  
  
"You are never an intrusion."

Hermione blushed slightly.  "Did you eat?"

"I believe I ate some eggs this morning and a sandwich in the early afternoon," he puzzled over that for a moment, not entirely certain that he had actually eaten.  He shrugged in a non-committal fashion.  "The house elves are used to looking after me."

"Well, it is practically dinnertime and, since I do not want to sit and bear the intent gaze of our beloved Headmaster alone, I would very much appreciate your company," she smiled.

"I take it you have spoken to him about your intentions?" Severus asked.

Hermione's expression hardened somewhat.  "He is not terribly keen on the idea.  He would not say so in so many words but he looked rather disappointed in me all the same.  I can't say that I care all that much.  I would much rather be with you than spend all my time alone feeling useless and unwanted.  I know that you will find my skills of some use, destroyed cauldrons or not, and I know that you enjoy my company to some degree."  
  
"Destroyed cauldrons, Hermione?" He chose to tackle a much safer topic.  

"I'm certain it will take some time for my technique to be as it used to be," Hermione commented, looking around the office with a smile.  "This office never changes."

"It will not take you very long at all to return to your former facility with potions making.  And the office has changed…there are more books."

"Do you remember when I was forced to take Occlumency lessons with you?" She asked, looking at the Pensieve sitting on one of the bookshelves.

"Of course I remember.  I still don't know how the Headmaster managed to talk me into it…especially after the disaster…well, I suppose he can be very persuasive when he wants to be."

"No arguments there," Hermione replied glumly.

"As I remember, you learned quite quickly…mastered the necessary skills in a very short period of time."

"I did not make it easy on you…prying on your secrets…"

"No quarter was given and none was taken.  I knew the risks and so did you.  I ensured that you would not have access to any memories that might prove…awkward."

Hermione looked as if she were going to say something but stopped.  Looking towards the open door, she held out a hand.  "Let's go to dinner.  If we are to be damned…then let's be damned together.  Hell is more pleasant if you have someone to share the torture with."

"Such a comforting sentiment," Severus drawled as he stood up to take her hand, pulling it through the crook of his arm in a chivalrous manner.

"I would choose inferno with you beside me than an eternity in paradise alone," he thought.

They made their way to the Great Hall, Severus noting that they were the first ones to arrive for dinner.  They made their way to their seats and sat down, chatting quietly about Padma and the scrolls that Severus had studied so arduously that day.  Hermione was very interested in the Romanian potion and wanted to pursue that avenue once the Wolfsbane potion was completed.  Severus pointed out that there were a few ingredients that had to be purchased in Knockturn Alley.  

"Any progress, Snape?" Sirius' voice broke into their conversation.  "Evening, Hermione."  
  
"Hello Sirius…where is Remus?" Hermione asked.

"He is helping Poppy with a boggart that has decided to take up residence in one of the medicine cabinets.  She was not amused, to say the least," Sirius sat next to Severus and looked at the empty table with a perplexed expression.  "Where is the food?"

At his words, the table filled with platters of stew, roast meats and steaming vegetables.  Severus had forgotten how hungry he was until he saw the veritable bounty in front of him.  Not forgetting his manners, he offered the food to Hermione first.  

"Smells delicious," Remus sat down next to Hermione.  "The question is, what to eat first."  
  
"Try the veal stew," Sirius said, already reaching for the rolls, "It's worth canonizing."

Remus chuckled as he also ladled some stew onto his plate.

Severus had already decided that he would enjoy roasted lamb chops with rosemary jus.  He glanced at Hermione who was enjoying her grilled pork cutlets with a side of mango chutney.  _"Now, if only the Headmaster could grace us with his absence_," he thought as he took another bite of his meal.  _"Ah yes, much better than those blasted sandwiches…"_

"I hope you have left some food for the rest of us," the Headmaster's voice broke through Severus' thoughts.  He turned to watch the old wizard settle into his accustomed chair and take a roasted Cornish game hen.  Several of his colleagues also took their seats and began conversing quietly as they filled their plates.

Sirius and Remus held up the majority of the conversation during dinner while Severus pondered his own thoughts, occasionally watching Hermione moving food around her plate.  It seemed that she had suddenly lost her appetite.  Turning to the Headmaster, he was not surprised to see him watching Hermione as well.  And Severus knew very well that expression of disappointment that flickered in his expression.  It had been directed towards himself several times…and almost all of those involved Potter in some way or another…Harry or James.

Severus grimaced as he inadvertently chewed a piece of gristle.  Removing it discreetly, he listened to the conversation between Remus and the Headmaster about Death Eater activities in southern France and northern Italy.  The city of Nice was becoming a control point for the Dark Lord's forces and Remus wondered whether the gamble to take the city would prove too costly in terms of lives lost, both muggle and wizard.  The Headmaster was of the opinion that the strategic importance outweighed the potential cost.

_"Of course…it's not his skin on the line…it's all a macabre game.  Just one giant chessboard upon which we are all but pawns," _Severusthought to himself_.  "Voldemort and Dumbledore are the two kings and they lay waste to the board in order to win.  Even Potter, despite the fact that one might think him the proverbial knight in shining armour…he is just a pawn as well, just like the rest of us."_

"Would you like some fruit, Severus?" Hermione's voice brought his attention back to the present.

Severus, not wishing to appear rude, chose a pair of purple-black figs from the bowl she was offering him.  "Thank you."

Coming slightly closer to him, Hermione murmured in an undertone, "Meet me in the library at 9:00 pm.  Bring your chessboard and the remnants of your dignity as I think you will be needing them."

He smirked at the glint of amusement he clearly saw in her eyes.  Delicately peeling his figs and cutting them into quarters, he offered some to her.  

"I will be there," he whispered.  "And I do not plan to lose."

She simply grinned as she took a couple of pieces of the figs and placed them on her plate.

"Hey Snape!" Sirius called.  "Tonks says she needs a couple of restorative potions to keep at headquarters.  Will you be able to work on that, with everything else on your plate?"

Severus eyed his plate deliberately, provoking a snort of laughter from the other wizard.  "No, Black, it will not be a problem.  Please inform Ms Tonks that I will be happy to oblige the Order in this small matter.  It really is nothing out of the ordinary for me."

"I'll be seeing her after the full moon…if possible, I can bring the potions with me when I see her," Remus offered.

"You really are stuck on the girl, aren't you?" Sirius patted Remus hard on the back, making the smaller man nearly fall forward into his plate of grapes.

Remus didn't answer although his face was somewhat flushed.

_"Werewolf and Metamorphmagus…an interesting combination,"_ Severus thought.  Tonks was the clumsiest Auror he had ever had the misfortune to come across.  However, he could not discredit her contribution to the Order and, if she requested specific potions, he would do his best to comply.

"I will ensure that the potions are ready at the appointed time, Lupin," Severus replied, eating his fruit quietly.  "I will be preparing your potion tomorrow night as well so it is ready for you."

"It's a good thing you have Hermione helping you otherwise I don't know how even you might manage, Severus," Remus replied, with a warm glance to Hermione.

"Yeah, about bloody time," Sirius agreed before taking a huge bite out of an apple.  "As much as I hate to admit it, especially in front of Snape, you should have been in there ages ago, Hermione.  Two spells shy of a Potions Mistress, you are."

Severus noticed that the Headmaster did not offer any comment regarding Hermione's decision but he did catch Remus' questioning expression, responding only by the smallest shrug of his shoulders.

Hermione got up and placed her napkin on her plate.

"I will see you all at breakfast," she said.  "Have a pleasant evening."

Her glance settled on Severus and he nodded politely.  As she left, the conversation again settled between Sirius and Remus while Severus continued to eat his fruit quietly.  He could feel the gaze of the Headmaster settle like a cold weight on his shoulders.  Shrugging it off, he stood up and took his leave of his dinner companions.

"I have work to complete," he said to no one in particular as he left the Great Hall.  It was 7:30 pm, according to the wizarding clock in his office and he thought it might be a prudent use of the available time to revise his lesson plans for the coming school year.  Each year brought with it a new group of dunderheads and he dreaded the potential mishaps that were inevitable among the first years.  Contrary to the rumours he knew circulated through the halls of the school, he did not enjoy seeing his students get hurt.  He took it as more of a personal affront…that he had not properly carried out his responsibilities as a professor.

Not to mention the fact that he hated the amused smirk on Poppy's face anytime he accompanied a weeping student to her infirmary.  She truly was an utterly meddlesome witch.  While he had a deep sense of respect for her abilities and learning (she had healed him many times after Death Eater meetings where he was part of the night's 'entertainment'), he couldn't bear any of her mocking comments about the tendency for her ward to fill after Potions classes.

"Another case of silly wand waving, Severus?" 

Insufferable woman.

With that thought, he settled to his work and completed his revision of the first three years before looking up and realizing that it was time to meet Hermione in the library.  He got up and walked over to the cabinet where he kept the Wizard chess set that had been given to him by a favourite uncle upon receiving his letter to Hogwarts.  The man had been a faint light in a dark childhood that had been filled with arguments instigated by his tyrannical despot of a father.  Severus often wondered about his uncle's death and questioned if his father had been involved in any way.  He knew his father had never liked his wife's older brother and was jealous of the close relationship between the two.

_"There was a man who believed that love was for fools and simpletons,"_ he thought as he made his way to the library.  _"He always thought of me as weak. Thought Potions making was for dandies who couldn't do a real wizard's job.   I wonder what he would say now.  Potions Master of Hogwarts?  Consorting with muggleborns?  I'd have been disowned and disembowelled."_

Opening the door to the library, he was surprised to see that Hermione was sitting curled up in a chair just outside the Restricted Section.

"You do realize that you are allowed in there," he teased as he walked over to her.

She looked up, startled.  "I didn't hear you come in."  
  


"I hadn't noticed," he replied.

She grinned at him as she got out of her chair and straightened her robes.

"What are you reading?" He asked as he started setting up the board on a nearby table.  

"Just a book by a former Potions Mistress," she replied evasively, putting the book into a satchel lying on the ground.

"Eugenia Cesari?" he asked.

She blushed slightly as she took her seat, watching as he set all the pieces in place.

"She wrote a great number of books on Potions making but she had certain…specialties.  I am intrigued to see you reading her works," he continued as he sat down and steepled his fingers, quietly contemplating her flushed face.

"One must have a broad knowledge of the many facets of Potions making.  I see nothing wrong with her works," she replied, lifting her chin defiantly and looking him in the eye.

"I agree.  I merely said that it was intriguing," he shrugged and, with a sweep of his hand, pointed towards the chessboard and the chess pieces that seemed rather impatient to get started.  "I await your first move…and eventual capitulation."

"Don't hold your breath," she smiled sweetly as she looked at the pieces intently before deciding on which pawn to move.

And so it began…

The game progressed quietly.  Pieces were lost and smashed to pieces.  Hermione was struggling to decide between two strategies, it appeared.  Severus was not worried.  He could win the game in five moves if she chose the one strategy…and in six if she chose the other.

"I don't see any way out," she murmured, touching a knight with her index finger, making him squirm in annoyance.

"Hermione?"

"How do I go about breaking an engagement, Severus?" she asked suddenly.

"I have never been engaged," he replied.

She shook her head.  "I would like something to drink, Severus, and please don't offer me tea or pumpkin juice or I'll hex this board to oblivion."  Hermione rested her chin on her fisted hands and looked at him petulantly.

"It's against school rules to consume anything stronger than tea or pumpkin juice in the library," Severus smirked.

She pouted.  "Don't tell me it hasn't happened before because I won't believe you.  I have it on good authority that many of the Weasley boys studied while imbibing healthy doses of Ogdens."

"I never said that it hadn't happened…I merely pointed out that it is against the rules.  However, what isn't discovered can't possibly hurt anyone, can it?"

Hermione grinned as he conjured a bottle and two cordial glasses.

"Hmmm," she picked up the bottle and looked at the label.  "Moonport by Soeurs de le Magie.  That's French Moonport, isn't it?"

"Yes," he took the bottle from her and proceeded to open it and pour the rich burgundy liquid into the two glasses.  "Produced by the best vint-wizards and witches on the planet, in my humble opinion."  He held a glass out to her.

"Thank you," she brought the glass to her nose and she took a testing sniff.  "That smells wonderful…almost buttery and warm, rich and utterly delectable."

He held out his own glass for a toast.  "It tastes even better than it smells.  Shall we toast your probable defeat?"

"No.  To freedom, the freedom to live our own lives, to make our own decisions and to…" she stopped short, before glancing at her glass and drinking the liquid in one gulp.

Severus raised his glass politely and sipped at the moonport.  It really was a wonderful vintage of a particularly exceptional year.

"What is wrong, Hermione?  Your mind is not on the game," he placed his glass on the table and placed a hand on her arm.

"Can I have another glass?  Mine appears to be empty," she smiled.

"I don't think that's a good idea.  Moonport has led to many…imprudent situations."

She grinned as she picked up the bottle and filled her glass again.

"Do not come crying to me for an analgesic potion tomorrow.  Moonport is sweet but very strong.  Don't underestimate its strength."

She took a long sip of the drink and looked at him appraisingly.  "Do people underestimate you, Severus?"

"Most people barely acknowledge my existence.  I find I prefer it that way."

She drank from her glass again.  "Most people have the intelligence of a Quaffle…if that," she muttered.

"I think most people have underestimated you, Hermione," he touched the rim of his glass nervously.  He cursed his fatigue and its effect on his ability to tolerate alcohol.

"I quite agree," she nodded as she finished off the second glass.  A circle of flushed pink appeared on each of her cheeks.  She reached for the bottle but he pulled it out of her reach.  

"This is no way to deal with problems, Hermione.  What is wrong?  Are you regretting your decision to assist me?"

"Of course not!" she protested loudly.  "That is the single best decision I have made in a very long time.  I…I have other decisions before me and they make my previous triumph seem like child's play in comparison."

"Potter?" He took a sip of the moonport as if to get the foul taste of the name out of his mouth.

"I don't know what to do," she sighed loudly.  "I think I still love Harry but it isn't like it was before.  I think that, even before, my main motivation for being with him was to ensure he had some degree of happiness in his life.  He had had such a miserable childhood…his family was simply atrocious…the very worst sort of Muggles imaginable."

"I met the cousin once…I couldn't see even a glimmer of a family resemblance.  Except, perhaps, between the cousin and certain members of the bovine or porcine families," Severus shuddered as he recalled seeing the young man at a restaurant in Muggle London.

Hermione giggled.  "Harry used to tell me all sorts of stories…but that was when we weren't dating," her expression saddened.  "It seems as if the stories and the fun stopped when it really should have started.  The war became the only thing we talked about.  And it's not as if I blame him…he has been groomed for this battle since he was eleven…possibly since he was one year old and staring the wand of Voldemort.  He remembered, you know.  He remembered the wand being pointed at him and the vile laugh of that fiend.  He remembered crying and then Sirius being there with a stuffed centaur toy, trying to cheer him up."  She sighed, looking at the empty glass with tear-filled eyes.  "But that was then, Severus.  He doesn't love me…not like that.  I don't think he ever did.  Well, maybe he really believed he did but beliefs don't make reality.  I want reality.  Doesn't everyone?"

"He's a fool," Severus muttered.

"No," she replied, the flush on her cheeks deepening somewhat as she poured herself another glass.  "He is not a fool."  She took a long sip and closed her eyes as if pondering her words carefully.  "He's lost."

"Lost?" Severus could not keep a note of bitterness out of his voice.

"He's never had a childhood, never lived a normal life, never had much of anything," she opened her eyes and took another sip.  "He's lost.  Without his destiny, he is nothing.  Sometimes I wonder what he will do once the battle is over.  How will he cope?  Will he be allowed to take a step back and simply enjoy life without the burden of being The Boy Who Lived?  I had hoped that I would be enough but I don't believe it will be."

Severus stoppered the bottle and again placed it out of her immediate reach.  "We must all cope with peace.  We must all learn to adapt."

"That sounds suspiciously like Darwinian logic…adapt or die," she countered, draining her glass and looking plaintively at the bottle.

Severus frowned and wondered who on earth Darwin was.  

"I don't even know what I will do once Voldemort is defeated," she smiled drunkenly.  "I can't even imagine my life without the war.  I would love to live my life without a responsibility to anyone other than myself.  That seems blissful."

"You are too much a Gryffindor for that.  Your lot always have to be looking after someone…taking on hopeless causes..."

"Then I'll look after you," she protested.  "Although, in my present condition as a drunken damsel in distress, I think you would be better advised to take care of me."

"Haven't I always?"

She got up and walked unsteadily around the table to where he sat, watching her.  Her hand reached up to touch his cheek and her gaze, although unfocused, was burning with unspoken intensity.  

"You always have, Severus," she whispered, a tear escaping from her eye and lazily tracing down her cheek.  "You have always been there for me and never smothered me or made me feel like I was less than I was.  And I have never had the decency to thank you."

"There was no need…just as there is no need now," his hand covered hers.

"Thank you," she whispered.  Suddenly, she swayed on her feet and fell forward in a faint.  Severus just barely managed to keep her from cracking her head open, catching her in an awkward motion that strained several muscles in his back.

"I think," he muttered as he tried to get a better grip on her limp body, "that you will not be touching moonport for quite some time."

She mumbled something incoherent, gripping his robes in one of her hands.

"Yes, well, the match is still mine," he walked over to a chesterfield and gently laid her down on it.  She looked so peaceful lying there.  He tenderly moved her hair away from her face and caressed the smooth skin of her face.  On a sudden impulse, he leaned down and kissed her forehead.  

_"I only wish you were as well_," he thought, as returned to the table and sat down.

He would wait for her to wake up.

Waiting was something he was very good at.

_A/N:  Here are the Italian translations:   _

_Speranza (the password):  hope_

_Professore:                     professor (masculine)_

_Professoressa:                professor (feminine)_

_Caro (m) Cara (f) :           dear_

_Che vergogna:                what a shame_

_Sciocco                         fool (in this context, it is an endearment)_

_Va bene                        very well_

_Capo                             headmaster_

_Forza                            strength/stamina_

_Certo                             of course_

_Dio                               god (an appeal to the divine)_

_Cappello                        hat (i.e. the Sorting Hat)_

_Buona notte                    good night_

_A/N2:  Next chapter by Christmas  (I'm thyroxin-challenged and this story takes a lot of energy!)_


	8. Visits Both Expected and Unexpected

**_Disclaimer_**_:  Anything you recognize belongs to the goddess, JKR.  Dedicated to Tony, Mel, Marek and Lynn._

**Chapter Seven****:  Visits - Both Expected and Unexpected**

Waking up the next morning, Severus' first thought was how classes would be beginning in about a fortnight's time and he would no longer be allowed the luxury of sleeping in.  Stretching (and pointedly ignoring the various creaks and cracks his tired body made), he attempted to get up and winced.  His back was still very sore from the previous night.  
  


"I am too old and far too cantankerous to play the hero," he murmured as he reached into his nightstand for a vial of muscle relaxant potion.  He unscrewed the top and carefully let two drops of the deep amber liquid fall into his mouth.  Two drops were sufficient for that level of pain…after all; he did wish to retain the ability to walk normally.  He quickly closed the vial and returned it to the nightstand.  Lying back on the bed, he closed his eyes and waited for the potion to take effect, a matter of minutes.

_"Will she really break off her engagement with Potter?"_ he wondered, refusing to allow that small flame of hope to spread_.  "And would I really wish that on anyone…even The Boy Who Lived?"_

Severus was uncertain.  He knew that Hermione was in pain over the gradual deterioration of her relationship with her fiancé.  He also felt that there was something that had changed in their own relationship.  Since her declaration of independence in choosing to assist him with potions making, she had been acting strangely…shy one moment, daring the next.  He could not understand any of it.  Was this her way of striking out?  Did it mean anything?  Her choice of reading material had certainly intrigued him.  The Professoressa had been a leading authority on the power of a witch's monthly cycle and its effects on potions making but she had also been well known for developing love potions of various types…some so powerful, they needed to be applied only with the most chaste of kisses.

His cheeks burned.  She probably didn't even realize that he had kissed her in the library.  It had been a serious lapse of judgment on his part but he had not even thought about it…his lips touched her forehead before he even realized what he was doing.  He had quickly moved to the table but her lingering scent seemed to surround him.

The situation was getting out of hand and Severus didn't know what to do.

Feeling somewhat better physically, he sat up and swung his legs over the side of his bed.  His back did not protest this time and he rested his forehead in his hands as he thought about what happened after she had regained consciousness.

_******************Flashback*******************_

_He noticed the movement out of the corner of his eye and, when he looked at her, saw that she was looking around in confusion._

_"Are you all right, Hermione?" he asked, walking over to where she lay._

"I…I am rather thirsty," she whispered.  He quickly conjured a goblet of chilled water and held it out for her.

_She blushed.  "Can you help me to sit up, Severus?  My body isn't cooperating."_

_"Moonport will have that effect on the uninitiated," he smirked gently as he placed the goblet on the adjacent stack of books.   For a moment, he looked at her, wondering which would be the least intrusive way of assisting her._

_"Come here, I will put my arms around your neck and you can help me up.  And if you ever mention how incapacitated I was by only two glasses of moonport, I'll ask the house elves to lace your most intimate apparel with Pepper Up potion," she grinned cheekily._

_"It was three glasses and I won't tell a soul."  
  
_

_"Insufferable bat," she whispered as he leaned down.  Her arms went around his neck and she slowly came to a sitting position.  But she didn't let go right away._

_"Hermione?" he asked, heart pounding as he realized that she had closed her eyes and tilted her head backwards, revealing the lovely lines of her neck._

_"Dizzy," she murmured as she leaned forward and rested her head on his chest.  "Got up too quickly.  Let me hold onto you otherwise I think I'll fall on the floor."_

_"Do you feel ill?"_

_"No…just dizzy.  Once the walls stop spinning like a Sneakoscope, I should be just fine," she said quietly as he slowly and awkwardly got onto his knees to accommodate the uncomfortable position she had practically forced him into._

_"I fear I will be needing a muscle relaxant potion in the morning," he muttered as he became painfully aware of just how hard the cold floor was._

_"You look as if you are proposing," she giggled.  "Did you ever think about getting married, Severus?"_

_He paused for a moment, unsure of what to say.  "I have been a spy for a very long time, Hermione.  Marriage…complicates matters."_

_"That isn't an answer," she ventured timidly._

_"You are a meddlesome witch," he replied, not unkindly._

_"And yet you still adore me.  Come, Severus, did you ever consider marriage?"_

_He sighed.  "I suppose every man thinks about marriage, a family and all that sort of thing.  I admit that it has crossed my mind."_

_"Have you ever been in love?" she asked.  He looked at her in surprise.  Her eyes told him that she was still somewhat under the influence of the moonport she had imbibed earlier.  He looked down and nodded._

_"Did you ever think of proposing to her?"_

_He shook his head._

_"Why not?"_

_"Because…it is…it was impossible.  Besides, women do not normally look at former Death Eaters when choosing a prospective life partner.  My reputation precedes me, Hermione.  I have come to accept that I will never be as popular as Lockhart."_

_She laughed gently, putting a hand to his cheek and looking at him intently.  "Well, that is their loss, Severus.  We women can be very foolish creatures sometimes.  Looking for a bit of window dressing and ignoring the more important things like intelligence, a good sense of humour, integrity and loyalty.  They can keep their Lockharts…I prefer a man with more substance, with some darkness and certainly with a more realistic self-image than that pompous buffoon."_

_"I have more than a little darkness in my soul, Hermione," he whispered.  "You know that."_

_She pushed away a lock of hair from his face and smiled.  "But there is so much light in your soul, Severus.  I can't be the only one who sees it."_

_"You are," he replied._

_She embraced him tightly and there were no more words spoken as he helped her back to her rooms.  Only a hushed farewell as she closed the door._

_And the almost overwhelming desire to kiss her again._

_***********************End of Flashback*********************_

Severus got up and looked at the mirror that hung over his dresser.

"You need to get some sleep," the mirror berated him in a high nasal voice.

"I could always break you," he growled at the intrusive piece of furniture.

He glanced at his reflection in the mirror. His hair was beginning to show signs of age.  Flecks of gray were appearing at his temples.  The lines in his forehead were deepening and his nose…well, there was nothing he could do about that.  He had a true Snape nose…his father insisted it was the mark of a higher birthright.  What utter rubbish.

There was a knock at his door and Severus, quickly slipping on a dressing gown, walked over to the door and opened it.  Remus was standing in the hallway.

"Good morning, Severus," he smiled.  "I didn't see you at breakfast and so I thought I would check on you."

"What time is it?" Severus asked.

"Just after 10:00 am…and you know we have to be at the Ministry of Magic at 11:30 so you'd best get dressed quickly.  I will ask the house elves for a plate of sandwiches and some pumpkin juice," Remus turned to leave.

"Will you going as well?  I wasn't aware…I thought the punishment of witnessing the end of the former minister was reserved for myself alone."

Remus laughed.  "No, Severus.  The Headmaster insisted that Sirius and I also go along.  I am not looking forward to it and Sirius…well, you know how he must feel."

"The Headmaster should not have asked Black to go…that borders on cruelty.  I almost condemned the man to the worst fate possible years ago…for a crime he did not commit," Severus leaned against the doorframe and scowled.  He'd almost forgotten about the sentencing.  He was supposed to portkey to the Ministry and then travel in Ministry transportation to Azkaban prison where the sentence would be carried out.  Dementor's Kiss.  

"Sirius cannot say no when his presence is so clearly requested," Remus reminded him.  "We are all in that position.  We owe the Headmaster a great deal."

"Perhaps we owe him too much," Severus muttered.

"Why do you say that, Severus?" Remus asked, his eyes inquisitive.

Severus sighed.  "It is not a good thing to owe so much to one individual.  It is a debt that can never be repaid."

"Or forgotten," Remus nodded.  "I think that our dear Headmaster is not above alluding to what life would have been like had it not been for his…intercessions on our behalf.

"You cannot help what you are.  Yours is the result of a terrible tragedy…a tragedy I myself refused to acknowledge for many years.  I, on the other hand, am what I am by choice.  Mine is clearly the greater crime," Severus retorted.  "You have never killed a person.  I cannot make the same claim.  You have never violated a woman against her will.  I cannot make the same claim."

"We both know that you never killed a person directly and that your mind was just as violated by the Imperius Curse, which forced you to commit these acts, heinous though they were.  But when do you earn your freedom from your past mistakes, Severus?  What is the price of your redemption and are you willing to continue paying it?"

"I don't know," Severus shook his head.  "All I know is that, whenever there is a sentencing for a known Death Eater, I am inevitably called to witness.  Merlin knows I'd rather be force-fed undiluted bubotuber pus but I dare not say no.  I have to be there.  I have to watch, as someone's soul becomes nothing more than a passing meal for a Dementor.  And all the while I am thinking to myself 'there, but for the grace of Merlin, go I' and it makes me ill.  I am only thankful that Hermione is not going as well."

Remus glanced at him curiously.  "Yes, I did want to speak to you about Hermione.  What exactly is happening between the two of you?"

Severus felt his heart stop and he looked at Remus in a panic.  How much did he know?

But Remus merely smiled and placed a hand on Severus' shoulder.  "Severus, there is no need to fear me.  I thought I could never find someone who could look past my affliction and then Dora came along.  I am not one to judge prematurely and, Merlin knows, there is little enough happiness in this world that I would begrudge anyone their chance at it.  You obviously love her and, perhaps, she feels the same way but you have to let her come to a decision about Harry.  If you force her hand, she will never forgive you and you will never forgive yourself.  You already carry too much guilt, Severus.  I advise you not to add to it."

"Has…she spoken to you?" Severus managed to say.

Remus shook his head.  "I am a werewolf, Severus, which means that my senses are somewhat heightened, particularly when the moon is waxing.  I have felt, for the longest time, that a bond was forged between the two of you years earlier and that it went beyond friendship.  What it might become, I do not know, but you have to be careful.  The Headmaster will do anything within his powers to protect Harry and that could mean Hermione will be sent away."

"Why would he do such a thing?  He knows she is in danger and that Hogwarts is the safest place for her," Severus felt a cold shiver run down his spine.  Would Albus really do that?

"It would not be in Hermione's best interests to be sent elsewhere but it is not her interests that he is concerned with.  You know this as well as I do.  Tread carefully, Severus, or you may lose her forever.  If she is sent away from Hogwarts, I fear for her safety.  You know how determined Lucius can be when he sets his mind to something."

Severus gritted his teeth.  "I am well aware of what Lucius is capable of.  He was the one to cast the Imperius Curse on my as part of my initiation and forced me to…made me feel so horribly soiled that I could only see myself as part of the Death Eaters.  Who else could possibly see past my crimes?"

"It would appear that Hermione is such a person," Remus replied.

"I love her, Remus," Severus sat down heavily on an upholstered armchair and placed his head in his hands.  He felt so relieved to actually say the words to someone and not have that person curse him into oblivion…or Azkaban.

"I know, Severus.  I hope that both of you will be able to find your own happiness once this is all over and we have time for such niceties.  But, I think you need some breakfast so get dressed and I will be back shortly with some food."

Remus quickly disappeared into the hallway and Severus was left to ponder his own thoughts as he closed the door and walked over to a nearby wardrobe.

"Now, what would be most appropriate to wear when witnessing the dispatching of someone's soul?" he smirked mirthlessly as he pulled out a set of black robes, black trousers and jacket and a high-necked white shirt.  His shoes had been polished during the night and he quickly took clean underthings from one of the drawers.  Laying the clothes carefully on his bed, he removed the dressing robe and hung it up.  Walking into his small bathroom, he performed the necessary toilette appropriate for a man of his age.  He then went ahead and discarded the old clothing and put on the new.

"You look much better," the mirror commented as Severus ran a comb through his hair.  "But you could try some scent other than wormwood and asphodel."

Severus did not like cologne and he did not think it appropriate to enter Azkaban prison smelling like something from a florist's shop.

There was a knock at the door.

"You may come in, Severus called, making a last adjustment to his cravat.

Remus entered the room with a tray full of hardboiled eggs, toast, jam, English muffins, bacon, ham and tomatoes.  A flagon and a goblet were also visible.  As the smell of the food wafted towards him, Severus realized just how hungry he was.

"Thank you, but I hope you do not expect me to eat all that.  If you are hungry, please do not hesitate to take something," Severus commented as he sat in a small chair adjacent to an end table.  Remus placed the tray on it carefully and smiled.

"Well, it's not as if you couldn't use a bit of 'fattening up' as Molly would say," he joked.

Severus placed a napkin on his lap and began to fill his plate with food.  "Molly Weasley is a singular witch whose temper is as legendary as her fertility.  However, she possesses a culinary gift that surpasses anyone I know and thus, I make allowances for her."

"Yes, I have seen how quickly a plate of her chocolate-toffee dragon eggs disappears when it's sitting by you," Remus laughed.  "That is quite the allowance."

"They are delectable and I make no apologies," Severus replied, raising his eyebrows at the werewolf and causing him to burst into more laughter.

"Snape is making you laugh?  Hell must have frozen over," Sirius stepped through the open door and joined the two men around the small table, conjuring chairs for both Remus and himself.

"Contrary to popular, but misguided, belief I do have a sense of humour.  There are simply many individuals without the keen intellect and subtlety of mind to appreciate it."  Severus took a bite out of a heavily buttered English muffin as Sirius chuckled, shaking his head in disbelief.

"Snape, you are the most arrogant bastard I have ever met but you do know your Ogdens so you aren't all bad," Sirius remarked, picking up a slice of bacon and popping it into his mouth.

"Black, I am sorry to hear you are joining us in this rather unfortunate expedition to Azkaban," Severus said gravely, wiping his mouth with his napkin and placing it on his plate.  "It was unfair to ask you to accompany us.  The place…it must be unbearable to think of going back there."

Sirius shrugged.  "He wants me to come along…wants me to witness the end of the man who would not believe in my innocence even when presented with irrefutable evidence.  I am not happy about it but I have no choice in the matter.  I only wish it were Lucius Malfoy and not Cornelius Fudge."

Severus nodded in agreement.

"Has Arthur announced when the election for the new Minister of Magic will be held?" Remus asked.

"I believe it will be the final week of September,"  Severus replied, standing up.  "Something is going in the Daily Prophet today.  They wanted him to stay on but he does not want that sort of responsibility…says he will muddle it up within a few months.  Pity, really.  I think he would have done an admirable job of it."

"That's high praise coming from you, Snape," Sirius commented, standing up and clapping a hand on Severus' back.

"He's a good man and deserves the praise," Severus replied.  "He has been instrumental in cleaning out the Ministry of several spies and I know that Lucius must be absolutely livid about that.  Besides, in the days following Fudge's arrest, Arthur ensured that the day-to-day operations continued as normal…particularly in the Ministry of Mysteries where halting ongoing research could have proven cataclysmic."

"I don't like going there," Sirius shuddered.  "I was forced to accompany Arthor to one of the rooms in the Ministry of Mysteries and it unnerved me.  Nothing but an empty archway upon which was draped a ragged veil that blew in a breeze no one else felt.  And, all the time we were there, all you could here were whispers.  Just whispers.  In a way, it was much worse than Azkaban.

For a moment there was silence and Severus pondered Sirius' words.  For the man to admit that there was a place worse than Azkaban worried the Potions Master more than he cared to admit.

"We should be going, gentlemen.  We wouldn't want to keep the Ministry waiting, now would we?" Remus asked.

"You already know the answer to that question," Sirius remarked with a dark look on his face.

Remus nodded and the three men left Severus' chambers.  Severys grabbed a light cloak, spelled the door shut and followed Remus and Sirius down the hallway to one of the side entrances that was close to the Astronomy tower.  A horseless carriage was already waiting for them.  Silently, they climbed aboard and felt the carriage move as it began to drive them to Hogsmeade.

Remus and Sirius began chatting quietly about the upcoming Quidditch World Cup final between Italy and Norway while Severus contented himself with looking out the window.  The late summer scenery was beautiful but he felt oddly disconnected with it.  It was like a changing panorama on a wizarding portrait rather than reality.  He put a hand in his pocket to take out a handkerchief when he felt the slight crackle of parchment.  He quickly glanced at the other two occupants but they were poring over the latest copy of "The Daily Prophet" and were paying the least bit of attention to him.  He pulled the piece of parchment out of his pocket and, as quietly as possible, opened it to read.

************************

Dear Severus,

I know where you are going today and I hope that it will not be too difficult for you.  I don't understand why you have to witness this…butchery.  It makes no sense at all.  I will be waiting for you when you come back.

Love,

Hermione

***********************

Severus quickly returned the parchment to his pocket before anyone could notice.  His heart was racing and he suddenly had the irrational urge to feign a serious illness just so that he could return to Hogwarts and he with her.

"_Hopefully, this will not take long_, he thought to himself as he closed his eyes and took several long breaths in an effort to calm himself.  "_Dementors tend to get impatient over the proceedings_."

The journey to Hogsmeade was not long and, before long, the familiar outline of the wizarding community came into view.  The carriage proceeded to "The Three Broomsticks" , halting just outside the door.

"Where is the portkey?" Remus asked.

"Over there," Sirius pointed to a lantern post with a broken light.

The three men walked over to the post and, with a discreet look around them, touched it one by one and vanished from sight.

Severus felt the familiar tugging from behind his navel and tried to ease his groaning stomach.  Using a portkey after a heavy breakfast was not a comfortable thing to do.  But, within moments, he felt his surroundings coalesce around him and he looked to see a beaming Arthur Weasley come to greet them.

"Good morning.  Good morning," Arthur shook their hands.  "I am pleased to see you made it here safely.  There have been rumours about portkeys being tampered with but we haven't had any serious problems yet.  Would you like a cup of coffee or tea?  We will be going into my office initially and then we will be taking Ministry transportation to...well, Azkaban prison.  The sentencing will not take very long and I imagine we should be able to get you back to Hogwarts before tea-time."

"That would be much appreciated," Severus replied, his hand a little sore from the vigorous wringing given it by the Acting Minister of Magic.

Arthur directed them to his office, which was liberally plastered with pictures of his various children and grandchildren.  A far cry from the ascetic tastes of Cornelius Fudge who seemed more an automaton than a man.

They discussed the case against Fudge and the scant information they were able to glean from him.

"Even your veritaserum was useless, Severus, because there was nothing there.  The Dark Lord either did not trust him or simply wanted him to be caught so that he could direct his energies elsewhere," Arthur sighed, running a hand over his very bald head.

"He has not implicated Malfoy, then?" Remus asked.

"He has not implicated anyone," Arthur replied.  "But he has spoken of Hermione and Lucius' plans for her."

"What about them?" Sirius asked, his face reddening with anger.

"He wants to break her, physically and emotionally.  Reduce her to little more than a slave and then use her as a bargaining chip against Harry," Arthur muttered.

"He will not have her," Severus said in a quiet voice.  "She is safe at Hogwarts."

"I agree, and there she must remain," Arthur nodded.  "I fear for her safety were she to go elsewhere.  The wards at any of the other wizarding schools are nearly as good as those at Hogwarts. Thanks to the three of you, I might add.  Durmstrang would have been a viable option if it had not fallen to Death Eaters.  Damn, we should have seen that one coming."

Severus looked at Remus who was gazing at him meaningfully as Arthur continued talking about the many missteps that led to the collapse of the now infamous Bulgarian school as well as the failed attempts to plant informants there.

After more hurried conversation over steaming mugs of tea, Arthur said that it was time to leave and he guided them to the garage entrance at the south end of the Ministry of Magic's huge complex.  There was a fleet of vehicles, some adorned with the crest of the Ministry of Magic and others looking as nondescript as an ordinary Muggle vehicle.

"Over this way," Arthur walked towards a woman who was standing beside one of the unmarked vehicles.  Severus and the others followed.

"Are you ready to leave, Minister?" the woman asked politely.  Severus knew this had to be one of the Unspeakables.  They were the only ones authorized to transport the Minister of Magic as they had to undergo the highest security clearance of any Ministry employees.

"Yes, Tessa.  Please take us all to Azkaban prison.  Headmaster Dumbledore will be meeting us there."

"Yes, Minister," she replied, opening the rear door of the vehicle to let them in.  

The drive to Azkaban was uneventful and Severus tried to mentally prepare himself for the ordeal ahead.  Arthur was looking over Ministry documents, Sirius was looking out the window and Remus was reading "The Daily Prophet" while shaking his head slightly, as if in silent disagreement to what was written.

They arrived at the prison and Severus couldn't help but shiver as he stepped out of the car.  Even the driver seemed pale.  The landscape was bleak and the walls of the prison looked like something out of a badly written gothic wizarding novel.  Severus glanced at Sirius who had his arms crossed over his chest in an unconsciously defensive stance.

"It will be all right," Severus placed a hand on Sirius' shoulder.  "You are an innocent man, Black."

Sirius looked at him in surprise for a moment before nodding in agreement.  Turning, the small group approached the main gate and entered the barren courtyard.  Severus could not help but shudder as he looked around him.   All the trees had died years before and, where once there must have been grass, there was only parched dirt.

"_This could very well have been my fate_," he thought to himself as he followed the others into the main building.  

They followed Arthur into a corridor.  Although not visible, Severus knew that there were many wizards guarding the various entrances and exits to the prison.  Aurors and Unspeakables were on high alert and authorized to use any of the Unforgiveable Curses if necessary.

Severus could see that Sirius was having a difficult time. He was pale and a slight sheen of perspiration was visible on his forehead.  Severus felt a sudden surge of anger at the needless suffering of someone he now considered to be something akin to a friend.  It simply wasn't right for any of them to be here but for Sirius to return to a place where he wasted twelve years of his life was unthinkable.

As they approached the end of the corridor, Dumbledore appeared from a nearby door, accompanied by another Ministry official…from the Ministry of Justice, if the uniform was any indication.

"Ah, wonderful, you are all here," Dumbledore walked over to the small group, his ebullient demeanour at a contrast with the sombre surroundings.

"Yes, well, we are rather anxious to get this over with," Severus muttered.

"It never takes very long, Severus, as you are well aware.  The most time is taken by the proceedings…the reading of the charges, the prisoner's reply…the bureaucratic process that the Ministry requires."

Severus saw Remus practically bare his teeth in response to the mention Ministry bureaucracy…namely the Werewolf registries that made it so difficult to gain employment.

"_Prejudice on a level not so very different from the Dark Lord's hatred for the muggleborns_," Severus thought to himself, barely managing to keep a sneer of disdain from appearing on his face.

"Gentlemen, I am Gerald Cruthers, Deputy Minister of Justice.  Unfortunately, Minister VanHook was unable to attend due to a death in the family.  We will proceed to the Sentencing Chamber immediately," the deputy minister looked decidedly peeved at whomever it was that had dared die in the VanHook family.

Dumbledore followed the deputy minister, who was now conversing quietly with Arthur while Severus followed with Remus and Sirius.  Severus felt a terrible chill in the pit of his stomach and concentrated on not shivering.  The very air was rank with fear and despair and the walls were covered with a dank patina of sweat, blood and Merlin knew what else.  As they approached the Sentencing Chamber, Severus heard the moans of the condemned and the choked rattle of nearby Dementors.  It was like being in Hell.

The deputy minister reached a large wooden door and knocked three times.  The door opened and they all entered a spacious chamber with a number of seats at one end and a large table at the other.   Severus took his seat beside Remus and waited for the arrival of the doomed prisoner.

He did not have to wait very long.  The door opened and an Auror entered, followed by the disgraced former Minister of Magic, whose hands and legs were bound in magical restraints.  A second Auror entered for a moment before nodding to the deputy minister and exiting the room, closing the door quietly behind her.  Severus did not need to ask where she went and knew she would not return alone.

Life in Azkaban prison had not treated Cornelius well.  He was deathly pale and had lost a great deal of weight; his robes could not hide the fact that his former corpulence was sadly lacking.  His eyes squinted in the light of the torches and his hands fidgeted constantly against the restraints.

"Are you here, Dumbledore?" the suave, charming voice that Severus had come to loathe had transformed into something much more raw and guttural.  It was a voice that seemed to have been used primarily in screaming rather than talking.

"I am here, Cornelius…as you requested," the Headmaster replied calmly.

Cornelius squinted as he focussed on the old wizard.  "You know that destroying me will not change anything, you blind fool.  The Dark Lord is very close to victory…so close he can practically taste it.  The prophecies will be fulfilled and we will have a new order; one of purity and unity and singularity of purpose.  A great cleansing is at hand and the world will be wiped clean of its stains.

"The meaning of the prophecies is still veiled in ambiguity, Cornelius.  Are you so very certain that your interpretation is an objective one?   Time will reveal the answers, not misguided bigots who twist a seer's words into something, which suits their dark purposes.  Harry will triumph and yours will be only the first of many such sentencings," Dumbledore replied evenly.

"You know nothing of prophecies, you pompous buffoon.  All you have is Potter and nothing else.   We will find a way to flush out the little rat and, once we do, your words will ring even emptier than they do now," Cornelius laughed, an awful croaked sound that sounded more like someone in pain.

"_By the time they have deciphered all the prophecies surrounding Voldemort and Potter, they will have missed the war entirely_," Severus thought to himself.

"Shall we begin?" Arthur asked hesitantly, watching the interplay between the two men.

"By all means, Minister Weasley," Cornelius mocked.  "I know there is a hungry Dementor out there simply salivating over the thought of a fresh meal."

Dumbledore took a seat next to Severus.  Arthur frowned slightly at Cornelius and sat at the table.  The deputy minister sat next to him and passed him a large parchment on which was a magical seal bearing the imprint of the Ministry of Justice.  Arthur waved his wand over the seal and it broke…the sound almost deafening.  Arthur unrolled the parchment and began to read in a steady voice.

"Cornelius Oswald Duncan Fudge, you stand here accused and found guilty of three counts of murder in the first degree, eleven counts of conspiracy to commit murder in the first degree, four counts of criminal negligence causing bodily harm in the first degree and six counts of administering a noxious magical substance in the first degree.  The jury has decided, with the full agreement of the Ministry of Justice, the Chief Mugwump and myself, that you will be sentenced to the Dementor's Kiss.  All the required signatures are on the parchment, as you can see.  The decision is final and cannot be appealed."

Cornelius spat on the floor in response.

Arthur shook his head and signalled to the Auror.  "Let us finish this.  Summon the Dementor."

The Auror nodded walked over to the door, tapping quietly and quickly returning to her original place beside Fudge.

The door slowly opened and Severus felt the very air grow colder and, if possible, darker as the robed figure of the Dementor entered the room, followed by the second Auror.  It did not make a sound other than its rattling breathing as it approached Fudge who was now struggling against his restraints with more urgency.  For a moment, it turned and its cowl-shrouded head seemed to focus on Sirius, who shrunk back in his chair slightly.  Remus put a hand on his shoulder and whispered something in his ear.  Sirius nodded grimly.  Taking a deep breath, he sat forward on his chair and faced the Dementor. There was still fear in his eyes; Severus could easily see it, but also a determination not to back down again.

Severus happened to glance quickly at the Headmaster and saw him watching with a calculating expression on his face.  Severus kept his rising anger in check and turned back to the Dementor who was now standing directly in front of Fudge.

"You are hereby accused, convicted and sentenced," Arthur said, rolling up the parchment and resealing it with a quick spell.  "Let the record show our utter outrage for the crimes you have committed.  May Merlin have mercy on you…we will not.  Please proceed."

The Dementor slowly lifted its rotting hands and removed the cowl from its head.  Severus almost gagged at the sight of the semi-decomposed skull that grinned maniacally as it reached out towards Fudge with its long, clawed fingers.  Cornelius was struggling madly now, his wrists were slick with blood as he tried desperately to free himself…his mouth was flecked with foam and blood and his eyes were almost bulging from their sockets.  The Dementor said nothing, simply grabbing the unfortunate man by the chin and forced his mouth open, starting to suck in the air around it with a horribly eager shriek.

And that was when Severus heard the most awful sound in the world…the sound of someone's soul being wrenched from its living body.  He could see Fudge, tears streaming from his eyes as he tried to close his mouth against the vice-like grip of the Dementor.   The skin around his wrists was in shreds and the smell of urine became apparent.  As the Dementor proceeded, soft threads of an iridescent substance began to appear from Cornelius' mouth.  They were dark and appeared almost sickly, glimmering only slightly in the torchlight.  They were there for only a moment before disappearing into the Dementor's open maw.  Cornelius' struggles were beginning to falter, his muscles becoming more flaccid.  As the moments passed, his body began to sag and the tears stopped flowing.  The last few threads emerged from his mouth and Severus could see that he was only being held up by the Dementor's grip.

The monster finally pulled back and released its hold on Cornelius.  The man sank to the floor and did not move.

"Mobilicorpus," one of the Aurors said and Cornelius floated about two feet from the ground.  The other Auror quickly cast a cleansing spell and exited the chamber with the Dementor, who returned its cowl to its proper place.

"Take him to a holding cell," Arthur told the remaining Auror.  "Ensure he is kept away from the others."

The Auror nodded and began to move Cornelius towards the door.  Severus managed to catch a glance of his face and flinched.  In Cornelius' unblinking eyes was the same vacant expression that he had seen in Frank's eyes…only a thousand times worse.

"Well, that is done," Dumbledore said.  "Thank you all for witnessing the unfortunate proceedings today.  I realize it must have been difficult but it was necessary."

Severus did not reply. He looked at Sirius and Remus and saw that they were just as shaken as he was from what had just transpired.  He just wanted to get out.

"I believe I will take my leave of this place, Headmaster.  I am not feeling well," Severus replied, standing.

"We'll come with you, Snape.  I believe I speak for all of us when I say we have had enough of Azkaban," Sirius stood as well, followed by Remus.

"Why do you not stay with Arthur, Severus?" Dumbledore asked.  "He could use your assistance in the procurement of more Veritaserum."

"I will ensure that an adequate supply is sent to him immediately," Severus replied as he left the room with a polite bow with Sirius and Remus.

There were no words spoken on the journey home.  Severus felt as if something had changed in his relationship with the other two men…a positive change.  He had never felt particularly comfortable with many people before but, in the face of this shared misery, he felt that they understood him better and, perhaps, he understood them better.

They were very different and yet they were very similar, all outcasts of a sort.

They reached Hogwarts and the men each went their separate ways.  Severus quickly entered his small parlour with the express purpose of drinking a glass of cognac to steady his nerves.

A touch on his shoulder nearly made him jump out of his skin.  He turned in a flash with his wand out.  

It fell to the floor.

"Hermione?" he asked, hardly believing that she was there.  "How did you get past the…"

"I have my ways," she replied.  She walked over to a small table and returned with two silver goblets.  "I thought you might like a drink.  I know I need one although I will be sticking to pumpkin juice this time."

He accepted the drink gratefully and gently clinked his glass against hers.  "Thank you, Hermione.  That was very considerate of you."

She smiled as she took a sip.   "Let's sit down and you can tell me everything."

And, to his surprise, he did, taking the better part of an hour and another glass of cognac before he finished, feeling somewhat tired but much better than he did before.

She put down her glass, which was still half-full, and placed it beside his.

"I'm glad you returned so quickly, Severus.  I'll admit that I was worried," she blushed slightly.

"You need not worry about me, Hermione," he replied quietly.

"It's not that…it's...well, Azkaban is such a terrible place…"

She looked at him, as if she were going to say something else, but instead put her arms around him and embraced him tightly.  His arms automatically went around her and they stayed like that for several moments.  Severus thought that there was nothing more intoxicating than the scent of this woman…all the expensive perfumes in the world paled in comparison.

She moved slightly and kissed his cheek softly.  Pulling away and looking at him, she smiled again.  "I know what will make you feel better."

"Really?"

"Let's brew some Wolfsbane Potion."****

A/N:  I don't know when the next chapter will be posted exactly but probably sometime in March (chapter length is a definite factor in the frequency of updates).   If you wish to be notified of updates, please drop me a line at stregabrava@yahoo.ca

Also, I am working on the next chapter of  "Until Nothing Is Left Undone" and hope to have it posted shortly.


	9. Subtle Science and Exact Art

**_Disclaimer_**_:  Anything you recognize (including Severus, unfortunately) belongs to the goddess, JKR.  However, the method and ingredients described to produce the Wolfsbane Potion is my own creation and may not be used elsewhere without my permission.  Dedicated to Tony, Mel, Lynn and Marek._

**Chapter Eight****:  Subtle Science and Exact Art**

Dinner had been a relatively quiet affair.  Remus and Sirius had gone to the Three Broomsticks for some butterbeer (although Severus thought they would drink something somewhat stronger after the day's happenings) and had made plans to meet Mundungus there as well.   The other professors were absent, presumably in a panic to prepare lesson plans for the coming school year, and even the Headmaster had not yet returned from the Ministry of Magic.  Severus felt he owed Molly Weasley yet another debt of gratitude for he was certain that the old wizard had been cajoled into dinner at their home and would not be back at Hogwarts until the wee hours of the morning.

And so it had been only himself and Hermione sitting at a quiet corner of the Slytherin table in the Great Hall.  He was not terribly hungry but he could see the worried expression on her face and tried to eat something for her sake.  That task was made easier by the fact that the house elves had decided to serve some of his favourite foods…although; he rather suspected she had something to do with that.  After dinner, she said that there were some texts in the library that she needed to get and that she would meet him in the laboratory at about 8:30 pm.  

Severus returned to his office and put the final touches on his lesson plans as well as his list of supplies to order from Mulpepper's Apothecary.  He would have to place an order before school began in order to replenish his stock.  At the very least, he needed to ensure that he had sufficient quantities of the necessary ingredients (those that did not have to be fresh) to produce the Wolfsbane Potion that Remus needed.  Mulpepper always sneered in disdain whenever Severus went in and his snide comments regarding the Wolfsbane Potion were almost enough to make Severus seriously consider cursing the proprietor with something painful or disfiguring…or both.  It was becoming irritating for many reasons, not the least of which was the fact that Severus had been the exact same way, years earlier.

A misanthropic, arrogant and utterly prejudiced bastard.

Checking through his list to ensure that he had not forgotten anything, he rolled up the parchment, tucked it into a pocket and got up to walk to the owlery.  Mulpepper was a bit of a night owl himself and preferred to receive orders under cover of darkness.  Severus had his suspicions about the man but there wasn't a better supplier of potions ingredients in the vicinity.  Besides, there were far more unsavoury types in Knockturn Alley that Severus did not trust and had only visited when absolutely necessary.

Silently thanking his lucky stars that Peeves was off wreaking havoc in another section of the castle, Severus reached the owlery quickly.  The soft hooting of its many inhabitants grated on his nerves as he chose a small school owl.  He did not have his own owl as he thought it an unnecessary expense.  The school owls were efficient and well trained…and they did not raise suspicions either.  After all, he was a Slytherin…and subtlety was a decidedly Slytherin trait.

Severus sought out a particularly nondescript specimen and, after bribing it with a piece of chicken that he had saved from dinner, sent it on its way in the night, parchment tied securely to its leg.  Severus would receive the order within a few days and then he would have to put everything in its proper place and ensure that the more volatile ingredients were safely warded against curious eyes.  He always ensured that the students could not have access to any of these ingredients.  Once, he had discovered Percy Weasley, when he was nothing but a lanky first-year - all arms and legs and clumsy around a cauldron, trying to break in.  Needless to say, he did not attempt it again and did eventually manage to attain a reasonable level of skill.  There were only a handful of other occasions when ingredients went missing…he rather thought Filch had something to do with it but could never garner sufficient proof.

He left the owlery and made his way through the corridors, ignoring the dark looks that some of the portraits were giving him.  Those who had been Gryffindors had an irritating habit of whispering to one another as he passed.  It made him angry and he was sorely tempted to hex the lot of them.

He overheard Peeves talking to himself about the horrible new nicknames he had made up for Moaning Myrtle but silently went past…he had no desire for any encounters with the pesky poltergeist.  It was never a good idea to brew a potion such as Wolfsbane when one's mind was occupied by the deeds of mischievous pranksters.  It was necessary to have one's wits about oneself otherwise disaster could result.

As several of his students could attest.

He unwarded the workroom where the potion was to be brewed and stepped inside.  With a quick spell, he caused the torches to come to light, bathing the room in a bright glow.  There were no windows as the Wolfsbane Potion could not be touched by sunlight unless in its completed form otherwise it would be rendered useless.  Moonlight, while not as deadly, would weaken the potion significantly, making it little more than a mild sedative and hardly useful.

Walking over to the adjoining chamber where the equipment was kept, Severus gathered a large pewter cauldron and into it placed assorted measuring spoons and vials, a limestone mortar and pestle, several dishes and bowls, a glass brush as well as a glass stirring rod.  He preferred to keep this set of equipment separate from his other stock to prevent any chance of contamination.  Perhaps it was being overly cautious on his part but it was best not to take chances on something as important as curbing the ferocity of a werewolf.

He removed the items from the cauldron and began organizing them.  

"I really should be the one doing that, don't you think, Severus?" Hermione's voice came from the open doorway.  Severus turned and walked over to where she was standing.  She was clad in a nondescript set of work robes and her hair was tied back neatly.

"I agree.  Please set up the equipment and I will see to the other ingredients," he replied.  "I already have the Wolfsbane in the wooden bowl there."

She nodded and made her way towards the equipment.  As he left the room, Severus glanced back and felt a sudden sense of déja-vu as he watched her setting up the various pieces of apparatus in a precise and methodical fashion.  From the back, it was very easy to imagine that he had returned to the days when she was his student…when there was still laughter and hope in her eyes.

Catching himself, he quickly disappeared before she could notice him staring at her.  He approached a tapestry of a unicorn, trapped by a golden fence and tied with a delicate chain to a white tree.  The unicorn turned to him and glared.

"Obscurus," he whispered.  The unicorn, still glaring, nodded and the tapestry shimmered and disappeared, revealing a door.  He pointed his wand at the handle.

"Lumos," he whispered again.  The door opened and Severus stepped into his most secret of storage rooms.  This is where he kept his most dangerous ingredients.  Poisons that could kill on contact.  Compounds that could dissolve one's very body away.  There was only one thing he needed from this particular room and that was concentrated acromantula venom.  It was the catalyst, which released the calming properties of some of the other ingredients (such as the lavender) as well as being able to quell the ferocity of the wolf's essence which was always present in a werewolf, regardless of which form it was in.

The torches lit automatically as he approached a small cabinet.  He muttered a complicated unlocking spell and it opened, revealing two small, rather innocent-looking bottles.  He took the one he needed and proceeded to the small work area.  Opening the bottle carefully, he took a pipette and extracted the tiny amount that would be required for the potion.  He then placed the amount in a clean vial and stoppered it immediately.  He returned the cap to the bottle and put it away, locking the cabinet carefully.  After cleaning the pipette with a quick charm, he was ready to go to the general storeroom.

He closed the doors and reset the protective wards.  The tapestry returned and the unicorn snorted in disdain.  Severus ignored the snarky beast and proceeded down the hallway to another tapestry.  This time, he simply performed an opening spell and walked in.  The wards recognized him immediately and granted him access.  If anyone else were to try to get past them, they would soon find themselves transformed into a Blast-Ended Skrewt.

It had been Hagrid's idea and Severus rather liked it.  Simple, but effective.  

He gathered the required ingredients quickly.  Lavender, for its calming properties.  Chamomile, to ease the pain of the inevitable transformation.  Phoenix feathers, for courage and clarity…it worked in conjunction with the acromantula venom to loosen the hold of the wolf and allow the human to maintain control.  Dragon heartstring for the courage to overcome the inherent fear of the wolf within.  Hippogriff talons for the strength to maintain control throughout the night of the transformation.  Rosewater as a base…it served many purposes, not the least of which being the fact that it enhanced the effect of the lavender and the chamomile.  Oil of cloves to further subdue the beast.  Essence of blood orange to refresh the spirit and promote recovery after the transformation.  Finally, powdered Horklumps, both to nullify the bloodlust and, secondly, to fortify and protect the human from the long-term effects of lycanthropy, which could be debilitating.  

"It is hardly surprising that such a concoction tastes so foul," Severus muttered as he collected the various ingredients and placed them in a number of storage vessels.  "Horklumps taste like a particularly vile form of mud and are rendered utterly useless by anything sweet."  It would be Hermione's task to measure them out properly and, once the night's brewing was done, he would return the ingredients.

Carefully closing the door again, Severus returned to where he had left Hermione.  Everything was set up in the same manner to which he himself was accustomed and she was reading over the parchment he had given her at dinner, fingers skimming quickly over his precise writing.  Instructions for tonight's task.  Despite the fact that she had written a thesis on the potion in seventh year and had watched him brew it several times, she had mentioned wanting to go over some particulars at least once more.

"You have done an adequate job of organizing the work space," he commented as he walked in.  Hermione nearly jumped at his voice, almost dropping the parchment in the process.

"You startled me," she complained, getting up and walking towards him.  "Here, let me help you with all that.  It looks quite awkward."

She took some of the containers from his arms and began to arrange them on the worktable.  Severus placed the remainder nearby and watched as she grouped together ingredients according to when they would be needed in the brewing process.  She paused when she took the acromantula venom.  

"This has to be kept separately, under a nullifying charm, until it is needed," she muttered, holding this little vial in her hands delicately.  "Can't be too careful with something as potent as this.

"Not to mention the fact that I do not have great quantities of it on hand.  The process of collecting and concentrating it is…challenging," Severus smirked at her amused expression.

"Ron and Harry have had first-hand experience with acromantulas.  I think they would quite agree," she replied.  "I wish I could have seen them.  They must be fascinating creatures."

"Fascinating?  Well, yes, I suppose they are…but very deadly.  There are many good reasons why the Forbidden Forest is exactly that and acromantulas are just one of them," Severus countered as he watched Hermione place the vial in a distant corner of the large worktable and cast a spell.  The vial shimmered, almost as if a translucent veil had been placed over it.

"Now, what preparations can be done in advance of the initial steps in brewing?" Severus asked.

"The chamomile and lavender flowers must be pounded together with mortar and pestle.  The phoenix feathers must be reduced to ashes by burning with magical fire.  And…the other ingredients remain whole or require no further preparation until it is time to add them," Hermione replied, not even glancing at the parchment on the table.

"Excellent.  I will prepare the rosewater by bringing it to a gentle simmer.  You can begin with the chamomile and lavender," Severus instructed although Hermione was already collecting the mortar and pestle as he spoke.

As Hermione worked on preparing the ingredients, Severus measured out the specified volume of rosewater into the large cauldron and set it on a low flame so that it would heat up gently.  Rosewater was delicate and heating it too quickly would destroy some of its magical qualities.  As he watched the soft pink liquid being to warm, his gaze strayed towards Hermione who was sitting on a bench and methodically pounding the mortar and pestle in her lap.

He couldn't think of a lovelier sight.

His thoughts wandered as soft tendrils of steam began forming along the surface of the rosewater.  Severus had never liked working with others in his private workrooms.  Much like a snake, he was a loner by nature.  It had served him well in the past, as he did not have to worry overly much about secrets being lost, particularly in his precarious position as spy for Dumbledore.

He sighed softly, stirring the rosewater with a glass rod.  Being alone lost its cachet when he realized that he loved the woman who was working so diligently near him.  He had never thought that he could ever share his life with anyone…never thought anyone could ever see past his shadows to see the man within.  It had never bothered him before that he was, for lack of a better term, without a mate…a partner in life.  He had few friends…friendship implied trust and trust could be dangerous in his position.

Love was more dangerous still.

The rosewater was now bubbling gently and Severus reduced the flame slightly.

"Have you finished with the preparations, Hermione?" he asked.

"I've finished pounding the lavender and chamomile together.  I was just about to burn the phoenix feathers within this vial so that I don't lose any of the ash," she replied.  "Inflammare."

The bluebell flames quickly burned the feathers, leaving behind a golden-red ash that smelled oddly like poppies.

She brought both ingredients towards the cauldron.

"What other ingredients will we require in this initial stage?" Severus asked.

"Essence of blood orange so that the phoenix ash will be fully catalyzed," she replied as she picked up another bottle.  "After the extract is sprinkled over the ashes, I have to cast an enabling charm so that the proper reaction takes place."

"Proceed."

He watched Hermione gently stir the lavender and chamomile mixture into the rosewater.  The heady herbal scent was invigorating and calming at the same time.  After stirring with the glass rod several times to ensure that there were no clumps, she scattered the phoenix ash over the surface.  She then sprinkled the ashes with the essence of blood orange and cast the required spell.  Ruby red flames danced for a moment on the surface of the potion before subsiding, revealing a deep carnelian potion.

She turned to him expectantly.

"Adequate," he smirked.

She laughed.  "Adequate?  I hardly think so.  It takes a careful hand to sprinkle the blood orange essence otherwise the entire cauldron will explode."

"And the fact that you have not singed a single one of my nose hairs proves that your technique is adequate," Severus replied.

"I should have known," Hermione commented as she watched the colour of the mixture darken.  "An adequate rating from you is about the best I could have hoped for as a student."

Severus simply raised his eyebrows.

"It's been far too long, Severus." She sighed.  "Far too long since I've done this."

"Your technique has not suffered greatly as a result."

"It's not second-nature…not like before.  I have to think…consider what I am doing."

"That will return in a surprisingly short amount of time," he replied as she returned to the other ingredients and picked up the oil of cloves.  "Although there is nothing inherently wrong with considering each action…each step in the process.  It prevents becoming so arrogant that you believe yourself above such errors.  That never fails to result in exploded cauldrons.  I do not think that is your fate although such things should best be left to Sybil, perhaps."

She laughed.  "You always had such confidence in me, Severus…well, once I was no longer your student, that is," she took the oil of cloves from his hand and looked at it thoughtfully.  "I think I was happiest when I was busy working over a cauldron.  I could forget about what was happening in the world and just…"

"Be?" he asked.

She looked at him in surprise.  "Yes, actually.  It's odd how you can sometimes summarize everything in just one word."

"The ability to be succinct is one to be lauded," he replied blandly.

She turned the little vial over in her hands.  "Muggles use this as well, you know.  It's a common remedy for toothache.  Trust me…I know about toothaches and their various remedies."

"Terrible waste of perfectly good oil of cloves," he smirked.  

"Even my parents used it," she murmured softly.

"Hermione…"

She held up a hand.  "No, I'm fine, Severus.  I just remember some of their patients…a little old lady who always carried a brown umbrella and smelled of oil of cloves.  Never saw a dentist in all her years.  Had all her own teeth too.  She just had a habit of chewing the ice in her scotch and soda on the rocks and ended up cracking a molar instead.  She smelled just like this.  I suppose she's dead now.  She was over 90 years old back then."

"A scent can easily trigger a memory, either positive or negative.  It would surprise you, perhaps, that I have been following some Muggle research on the subject."

"Go on."

"Muggle physicians, particularly those who care for the critically injured…"

"Motor vehicle accidents, natural gas explosions…Death Eaters," Hermione interjected.

"Well, yes, I suppose.  Some of these same physicians had served in the military and had witnessed horrific scenes of human suffering.  It was found that these doctors, when confronted with the same smells, exhibited symptoms of post-traumatic stress.  In some cases, they could be quite debilitating," Severus took the vial from her hands and opened it, wafting the scent towards him.

"And what does the Muggle research involve?"

"An ointment that nullifies the scents that would otherwise provoke a response.  It's applied beneath the nostrils and is clear, colourless and waterproof.  It has proven to be most beneficial."

Hermione fanned the scent of the spice towards her.  "Makes me think of Christmas.  It's a comforting smell."

"What do we do with the oil of cloves?  We are here to brew a potion, after all," he replaced the top of the vial.

"Ah, yes.  Well, this is one of the trickier stages.  The oil of cloves must be warmed by hand, generally by holding the vial for a few seconds.  It must then be added to the cauldron while simultaneously casting a delayed catalyzing spell.  A careful watch must be kept on the mixture, as there is no way of knowing exactly how much oil must be added.  It varies according to temperature, barometric pressure and humidity.  Once the potion turns silver, the dragon heartstring must be burned and added immediately, sprinkled evenly over the surface of the potion in the same way as the phoenix ash…it will spontaneously react.  Once the potion turns purple, enough oil of cloves has been added.  The flame under the cauldron must be increased somewhat and then this intermediate stage of the potion must simmer for fifteen minutes," Hermione repeated automatically.

"Very good.  Now, would you prefer to add the oil of cloves or would you prefer to look after the phoenix ash?" he asked, as she collected the dragon heartstring.

"I will look after the oil of cloves…I've already demonstrated my proficiency in burning things," she smiled cheekily as she took the vial from his hands and began rolling it between her own.

"Yes, I had first-hand experience in your first year.  It took a fair bit of silly wand-waving to repair the damage you caused," he smirked.

She blushed as she continued warming the oil.

"Of course, I do not blame you and rather thought it was clever…only I wish you had thought to set fire to Quirrel's turban as well," he took out a small quantity of dragon heartstring and placed it on a flat, ceramic dish.

"Overgrown bat…it's not as if you were all that helpful," she huffed.

Severus chuckled as she tried to glare at him and failed extravagantly.  "You do realize that I suspected Filius Flitwick for several years.  He and I had had a friendly rivalry of sorts…silly wand waving versus brewing potions.  It just seemed the sort of thing he would do."

"And what did you do to him?" Hermione asked.

"Many things…I did give him hair like Lockhart's at one point," he smirked.

"I wish I could have seen that," she smiled and looked at the vial in her hands.  "The oil is the right temperature.  I will start adding it, a drop at a time and will tell you when to add the dragon heartstring."

"Begin."

"You'd best stand next to me…the addition has to be done very quickly or it will be ruined," Hermione indicated a point on the floor.

"Of course."

He watched as Hermione took a deep breath and unstoppered the vial once again.  Her hands were steady as she added the oil of cloves slowly and recited the words to the delayed enabling charm.  Each drop made a small splash in the cauldron and it seemed as if time itself were being measured but those soft sounds.  Severus was close enough to Hermione to catch her scent.  Not the expensive perfumes and colognes that some witches contaminated their skin with.  Just her scent…a scent of warmth, power and love.  It never ceased to amaze him that women (Muggle and witch alike) spent so many Galleons on expensive concoctions to make them smell like roses or jasmine or sandalwood.  If they could only understand that their most powerful aphrodisiac was their own scent…the scent of a woman…they would find better things to waste their money on.

The time ticked by slowly but Severus knew, from experience, that it would soon be time for his ingredient so he watched.  Suddenly, after the addition of yet another drop, the potion turned silver.  It was like the surface of a mirror.  
  


"Now, Severus," Hermione urged, her face tense with concentration.

Severus quickly incinerated the dragon heartstring in the dish and flicked it, expertly, over the surface of the potion.  The timing was perfect.  The ashes immediately caught fire and were consumed in an instant.  Hermione continued adding the oil and chanting the charm until it turned a brilliant shade of purple.  Severus quickly increased the temperature of the magical flame and, within seconds, it was simmering more energetically.

"And now?" he asked, picking up the used equipment.

"Now, we wait for fifteen minutes.  The powdered Horklumps must be combined with some rosewater in a vial.  Adding them directly to the potion will result in an explosion.  The solution of rosewater and Horklumps must be added while two charms are cast. First, a stasis charm to ensure that the reaction proceeds at a slow enough pace.  Second, a catalyzing charm to ensure that there are no remnants of the Horklumps floating in the potion.  All of it has to be absorbed into the potion in order for it to have the desired effect," Hermione looked at the powdered Horklumps with disgust.  "Nasty little buggers.  I had the bad luck to run into a group of them as I was racing to get to a seventh year Herbology class.  I think I was unconscious for two days."

Severus remembered that incident quite well.  He had gone into the infirmary to drop off a batch of a basic analgesic potion and had found her there.  It had been the first time he had ever looked on her as anything but a student.

It had been the first time he realized that she was rapidly becoming a woman…and that, perhaps, she was not as annoying as he had previously believed.

"Why do you have that smile on your face?  It wasn't that funny…I had fallen completely behind in my studies for my NEWTs," she grumbled.

"You could have written them while unconscious, I believe.  How many times did I find you sleeping in the Restricted Section of the Library?" he chuckled as they sat down to wait.

"At least you couldn't really deduct points.  I had a note authorizing me to be there," she smiled.

Severus took his wand out of his robe pocket and conjured two goblets of pumpkin juice.  He handed one to Hermione, who smiled gratefully.

"I suppose I could have deducted points for being overzealous," he replied, taking a sip.

She giggled.

"I will say it again, Hermione.  Your technique has not suffered a great deal despite your absence," Severus commented truthfully.

"Well, it doesn't come to me as naturally…not yet, at least."

"I have always believed that your fingers would remember their old skill better by practicing rather than simply raiding the library."

"Did I mention that I detest when you are right," she scoffed.  "But, in all honesty, this has been so good…so right for me.  I already feel my head clearing as if I have suddenly realized what it was that has been lacking in my life for some time.  I…feel happy here."  She blushed and took a long sip from her goblet.

"Does it surprise you to be happy?" he asked.

"No, it shouldn't.  I've always enjoyed this and enjoyed spending time with you, you overgrown bat.  I think I might have lost myself completely if it hadn't been for you."

Severus nodded, encouraging her to continue.

"I have decisions to make, Severus.  Difficult decisions…not because I cannot decide what to do.  I know what is in my mind and I am not going to deceive myself any longer.  They are difficult because I know that…others…will suffer as a result of it."

"That's a typically Gryffindor statement.  You cannot always live your life for others," he replied, draining his goblet.

"Perhaps not, but it is difficult to change old habits," she said seriously.  "Very difficult."

"I will not argue with the truth of that."

"What do you think I should do?" she asked suddenly.

Severus stared into his empty goblet for several moments.

"I cannot advise you on such matters, Hermione.  I haven't the practical experience in matters of the heart.  My areas of expertise lie in other areas.  I can tell you that you have true talent and potential…not merely the books and cleverness that you have always attributed your successes to.  You can be anything you choose to be.  You can even become a Potions Mistress if that is what you want."

She looked at her hands, turning them palm-up and then palm-down. 

"Do these look like the hands of a Potions Mistress to you, Severus?" she asked, setting down the goblet and holding them out to him.

He hesitated before taking her hands in his.  He pretended to examine them closely, looking at each finger thoroughly and opening the palms to gaze at them intently.  They were somewhat cool from having held the goblet but it still felt as if they were burning him.

"No, Hermione," he replied in a serious tone.  "These are not the hands of a Potions Mistress."

Hermione looked at him in surprise and without some anger.

_"Good. Anger is better than self-pity,"_ he thought to himself. _ "Her inner strength is building."_

"Severus…" she began indignantly.

He held up a hand to forestall the protestations he was certain were about to be launched at him.  "Let me clarify, Hermione.  I look at your hands and see that you do not have the requisite number of calluses and scars.  No…they are entirely too smooth…completely unacceptable.  Your nails are somewhat too long, unstained and very evenly trimmed."

Her eyes lost the spark of anger to be replaced by something far more mischievous and playful.

"Now these," he continued, holding out his own hands, "are entirely up to the established standard.  Scars, stains and calluses."

With a slight grin, she took his hands and ran her fingers along his, circling each imperfection and caressing each roughness.  Severus didn't realize just how sensitized his fingers had become through the brewing of countless potions.  That had to be the reason as he felt that each touch sent sparks of fire throughout his body and he was ill pressed to contain his reaction.  After all, despite everything, he was merely a man.

Her exploration stopped and she looked up at him.  Their eyes locked and for endless moments there was only silence and the sound of rapid breathing…both his and hers.  With a blush, she released his hands…somewhat reluctantly.

"It would appear that I have my work cut out for me if I am to achieve the established standard," she smiled as she turned her attention to the cauldron, which continued to simmer.  "Of course, I could always expedite the process by dunking my hands in undiluted bubotuber pus."

"Snarky Gryffindor.  I only regret that I cannot deduct points for your cheek," he replied.

"Would you prefer me to simply be one of those witches, Narcissa Malfoy for example, whose only purpose is to serve her husband?  I don't believe she ever had a life outside of him.  No interests.  No occupations.  Nothing that didn't involve her bastard of a mate.  She was nothing but a pawn.  I refuse to be one any longer," her eyes flashed at the mention of the Malfoys.  "It's little wonder Draco finally turned against his father."

Severus remained silent.  He did not entirely trust the younger Malfoy.  Dumbledore trusted him, and that would ordinarily have been enough to ease his doubts.

Only this time…it just felt different…

"I have never been the sort of man who admires simpering ninnies.  Some men, Lucius Malfoy for example, associate a woman's competence with danger…particularly when speaking of a woman who has dispatched many of his associates to Azkaban," Severus replied.  "It's safe to assume that he does not like you very much."

"Ah, I suppose I belong to the Society of Utterly Competent, Highly Intelligent and Extremely Dangerous Women then.  I rather like the sound of that…pretentious and pompous…something right up Malfoy's alley," she smirked.  

"You are a dangerous woman, Hermione.  You have intelligence and power…but it is your…pleasing countenance that will throw a wizard off his guard.  Most pureblood wizards do not associate power with such beauty.  Bellatrix Lestrange should prove that theory…she is a loathsome creature to look at."

"Typical Slytherin flattery," she replied, although a small smile appeared on her face.  "I am hardly beautiful."

"There is, I believe, a rather clichéd saying about beauty being in the eye of the beholder…or some such nonsense," Severus replied blandly.

"And what do your eyes behold, Severus?" she asked.

For a moment, Severus stood in startled silence, unsure of what to say.

"I see beauty in many things…perhaps in things that others would not even consider.  There is beauty in technique…for example, the way you pound ingredients with precision.  There is beauty in your walk, a grace in your step, which is pleasing to watch.  There is beauty in your intelligence…the look of concentration when you are reading something particularly interesting."

She blushed slightly.  "That's a very Slytherin answer in that you didn't really answer my question."

He sighed, charming away the two empty goblets with a flick of his wand.  "Yes, Hermione.  I have always thought you to be a very lovely woman…despite your hair."

Her blush deepened but she laughed and the tension that had been growing between them was effectively dissipated.  They returned to their work and spoke of other, less dangerous topics.

The fifteen minutes passed and it was time for the next stage of the brewing.  Hermione quickly scooped the required amount of powdered Horklumps into a vial and added just over an ounce of rosewater.  She stoppered the vial and shook it vigorously for about a minute.  The resulting solution looked murky and rather vile…like a thin and runny mud.

"I will add this to the potion and cast the stasis charm.  Severus, if you could cast the catalyzing charm, I think that should do it."

"Wonderful.  Incantations and silly wand waving," he drawled.

"How exactly did you manage to cast two charms and add the Horklumps solution at the same time?" she asked.

"Every good Potions Master has his secrets," he replied.

She looked at him appraisingly.  "I think you have more secrets than most."

Severus stood beside Hermione again as they prepared for the next stage of preparation.  The potion had not changed colour but the consistency had changed.  It was thicker, rather glutinous and was giving off a distinctive odour…not particularly pleasant but correct.

With a nod from Hermione, Severus began performing the required charm.  He murmured the words in a soft whisper, not wanting to cause any distraction for her.  She was murmuring her own spell and added the solution with a steady hand.  No splashing or hesitation.  A sureness of technique that she had displayed early on in his classes.

Severus admitted to himself that he rather liked working with her.  Even though there had been plenty of conversation this night, the silences themselves were never terribly awkward.  There was no temptation to fill the void with inane chatter about the weather.  He glanced at her and noticed how the magical flame cast a lovely glow that softened the planes of her face and hid the shadows under her eyes.

He almost chuckled out loud.  Only he would find such a woman beautiful.  Donned in plain work robes, hair tied back simply, perspiring slightly from the heat and hair frizzing slightly as she brewed a dangerous potion.  Intelligent and stubborn.  Loyal and emotional.  Powerful and vulnerable.

She was everything he could desire.

The incantations complete, Hermione practically glowed with pride as the potion changed to a deep emerald colour.

"Rather Slytherin, wouldn't you say?" she asked.  "Well, I suppose there is nothing left to do tonight but to add the acromantula venom and the hippogriff talons," Hermione turned to where the small vial was.

"Correct.  Now, what are the three things you must always remember when handling acromantula venom?" Severus asked as she walked over and removed the nullifying charm.

"First, do not let any of it splash on unexposed skin as the venom will dissolve it away quite nicely.  Poppy can, of course, heal such an injury but it is exceedingly painful and the process of growing back skin, muscles and tendons makes growing bones a walk in the proverbial park."

Severus nodded, encouraging her to continue.

"Second, do not directly inhale the scent of the venom as it can knock a person unconscious for up to five days.  A bit of cotton in the nose and a protective mask should do the trick."

Severus chuckled.  "I hadn't thought of that.  I tend to use an anti-scenting charm but it always irritates my sinuses."

"I suppose it's more a Muggle way of dealing with offensive odours," she blushed slightly.

"Never be ashamed of your background, Hermione.  Your parents were fine people, good people…that is more than can be said for many pureblood families," Severus commented, somewhat gruffly.

"You always become so harsh when you speak of family," Hermione commented.

"It is not a pleasant topic for me.  However, I do not want you to ever feel that you are anything but what you are, a powerful witch.  You are not beneath anyone.  Never forget that," her expression was thoughtful and he forcibly reminded himself not to frown.

"Damn!  I've forgotten the third caution with regards to the venom," she furled her brow in annoyance.  "Something about…oh, what was that silly little rhyme…spider's venom in the dark. Leaves a terrible burning mark.  Never let it touch the sun.  Don't inhale or you'll be done.  That's it!" she cried gladly.  "The venom will spontaneously combust in sunlight."

"Not exactly, it simply has a very low flash point.  It is one of the reasons why acromantulas are a nocturnal creature."

"Same thing," she huffed, although the smile had returned to her face.

"What must you do next?"

"Well, first of all, we have to ensure we cannot inhale any fumes," she picked up her wand and swished it expertly.

Severus nearly jumped as he felt cotton wads in his nostrils suddenly.  He turned to Hermione and saw the same had appeared in her nose as well.  And she was grinning rather cheekily.

"One more thing," she said before a cloth mask covered both her mouth and his.

"I indulge your notions far too much," he sighed dramatically as she laughed.

"Now that we have the appropriate personal protective equipment in place, I will take a few sprigs of the Wolfsbane and place them on a large ceramic dish.  With a glass brush, I will lightly coat the leaves of the Wolfsbane until they turn silver in colour.  At that point I will levitate them into the cauldron and stir carefully.  I then need to add two Hippogriff talons, half an hour apart.  The entire mixture must then simmer overnight.  We will add the rest of the Wolfsbane tomorrow night."

"Please be certain to wear dragon-hide gloves," he said.  

"What do you take me for?  A Hufflepuff?"  She pulled them out of a pocket in her robes and carefully put them on.

He watched closely as she followed the steps methodically.  Her technique, while precise, was cautious.  He could see that there was a hesitation before each individual step but also knew that this would disappear with time.  He could see her as a Potions Mistress in two or three years provided, of course, that she pursued it.

For a moment, he wondered about Potter and his probable reaction to her plans and her newfound sense of self.  It was curious that he had not been seen or heard from for so long.  What was Dumbledore planning to accomplish through all his pawns?  What was his strategy and how was he trying to set the board?

And how many of those same pawns was he willing to sacrifice in order to achieve peace?

Severus shook his head slightly, trying to dispel the doubts that inevitably surfaced in his mind when thinking about what might happen in the next several months.  He knew that the battle, which had begun when Hermione began attending Hogwarts, was reaching a decisive conclusion after having festered for so many years.  The signs were there.  Attacks on Muggles and Muggleborns had increased a hundredfold.  Aurors were using Unforgivable Curses with impunity.  The Dark Mark was being witnessed by more and more people around the world as wizards and witches finally chose sides and decided their fate

And everywhere, no one trusted their neighbours.  It was a world gripped with fear and confusion…just as the Dark Lord liked it.  Fearful people were not careful, made more mistakes and were easier to manipulate.

Turning back to Hermione and watching as she levitated the silver Wolfsbane into the cauldron, he found himself suddenly wondering if either of them could hope to survive.  He was a spy who had betrayed Voldemort.  She was, for the moment, Harry Potter's fiancée but also an Auror who had dispatched many of Voldemort's servants to the Dementors of Azkaban.  If the worst happened, the best they could hope for was a quick and painless death.  That was not a comforting thought.

The cauldron began to bubble and Hermione quickly picked up a clean stirring rod and used it to gently combine the ingredients.  She was very careful and did not splatter any of the potion on the table or her robes.  

She cleaned the stirring rod with a quick spell and put it down on the table.  She took one last look at the potion and nodded quietly.  She picked up the glass jar that contained whole hippogriff talons and took one out.  She returned to the cauldron and dropped it in gently so that it would not splash.  

"Well, we have half an hour before I add the other hippogriff talon," she conjured a small hourglass that would announce the time to add the next hippogriff talon.  "Tell me more about this Muggle research you have been following…"

The conversation was lighter in tone but very lively.  Hermione had a number of ideas regarding the basic principles of the anti-scenting ointment.  She was interested in determining if it were possible to create a similar ointment that was magically charmed to remind a person of pleasant memories.  It could help people who had suffered Cruciatus-induced madness.  Severus hadn't thought of that but saw validity in the theory.  He suggested it as a possible thesis in her studies.

He knew that she had never recovered from seeing Neville's parents years earlier.

The time passed quickly and the hourglass signaled that the thirty minutes had passed.  Hermione put the second hippogriff talon in the potion and stirred gently.

"Looks right," she murmured, before turning her gaze back to him.

"That is hardly surprising since you followed all the instructions very carefully," Severus replied.  "You did very well tonight, Hermione.  You should be very pleased with your effort," he replied as she charmed the magical fire to decrease slightly.  "But you do realize that you must help me clean up."

"Detention?" she asked with an ill-repressed giggle.  "Of course.  I will return the ingredients to the storeroom and you can clean the equipment for a change."  With a wave of her wand, Severus found both their noses and mouths freed.   She then took off the gloves and returned them to her pocket.

"Fair enough.  However, I have to reset the wards in the storeroom to accept you…otherwise you will be forced to spend a few hours as a Blast-Ended Skrewt.  Did you use all of the venom?"

She giggled again.  "Yes.  It was just enough to coat the leaves nicely.  You know, the silver leaves reminded me of some Christmas ornaments my mum's aunt used to have.  I wonder what happened to those?  They really were quite lovely."

He shook his head in mock disbelief as he cast a recognition charm on her.  She quickly collected the jars, vials and other containers and disappeared down the hallway.

Severus methodically gathered the used equipment and walked to the storage room.  With a few well-chosen spells, he finished cleaning everything and returned them to their original places.

Walking back to the workroom, he found Hermione sitting on a bench, sniffing at the inside of her wrist with her eyes closed.

"Hermione?"

Her eyes flew open and she blushed slightly.  "I only put a bit of the oil of cloves on my wrist.  I thought it might help me sleep."

"Are you still having trouble sleeping?" he asked, sitting down beside her.  

She nodded slightly.  "I know I am dreaming…and that I have had the dream many times before…it's just…"

"What is the dream about?"

"That's just it.  I don't remember.  I have gotten into the habit of keeping a journal beside my bed just in case I remember, but I never do.  I only know that Hogwarts is burning and that I am running…desperate to get away.  But there's something else.  Something I can't remember and it's so important.  It's driving me mad, Severus.  I wish I could either remember more of the dream or stop them altogether."

"You know that stopping them is dangerous.  Dreamless Sleep draught is only to be used in emergencies as it is highly addictive," Severus cautioned.

"I know and I don't really want to stop the dreams.  I would like to understand them and know what they mean.  I'm beginning to think they must mean something…"

"You sound like Sybil," he chuckled.

She slapped his arm in annoyance.  "Honestly…that class was a nightmare."

"My apologies, Hermione.  I would offer my assistance through my skills as a Legilemens but I would feel very awkward traipsing through your mind and your memories," he said quietly.

"Don't apologize, Severus.  Although I am sorely tempted to ask you to filter through the confusion in my head, I know you're probably right.  And dreams have no meaning…"

"Except that which we give to them, because they are derived from our subconscious mind," Severus finished.  "I seem to remember telling you that before."

"Besides, I wouldn't want you to know all about my plans for destroying Lucius Malfoy," her mouth set in a firm line.

"I thought that particular honour would be reserved for me.  He has much to answer for," Severus frowned as he thought about the man who, above all others, had ruined his life.

"After what he did to my life and the person I used to be…I only hope that I can exact some sort of revenge.  The Dementor's Kiss is far too good for him." 

"While revenge is a dish best served cold, we cannot allow the potion, in this fragile intermediate stage, to cool.  It won't be of much use to anyone, let alone our esteemed werewolf friend…unless he likes the idea of drinking a foul tasting potion simply for the sheer displeasure of it."

"I doubt that…and thank you for forcing me to concentrate on the task at hand."

"Lucius Malfoy is something of a vile distraction but there is no need to apologize or to thank me for anything."

She looked up at him and smiled.  "I have a great deal to thank you for, Severus."

He proceeded to spell the flame under the cauldron so that the mixture would be kept at a low simmer over the next 24 hours.  He then warded it against drafts.  Once he was certain that the potion would not be disturbed, he turned to her.

"As do I, Hermione," he replied quietly.  "As do I."

She blushed slightly but said nothing further.

"Shall I walk you back to your chambers?" he asked as they left the workroom and he warded the entrance against intruders.

"Well, I do know the way but, yes, I'd like that," she replied, surprising him by taking his arm as they navigated the corridors.  "I really have to thank you for involving me in this task.  It's been far too long since I have had a chance to really get my hands dirty.  Focussing on theory is too neat and clean for my taste.  There is something more personally satisfying in the practical application of theory…in the testing and retesting.  Controls.  Logging results…"

"Sounds like a typical day in the life of a Potions Mistress," Severus replied, with a slight smirk.

"I hope so.  Perhaps, one day, I can bore you with the details of my tedious day brewing potions," she commented.

"I highly doubt that," he answered.  "Potions brewing is a subtle science and exact art and there is nothing boring about it.  Tedious perhaps…but not boring."

"Bottle fame, brew glory and even put a stopper in death," she chuckled.  There was no further conversation until they reached the portrait behind which were her chambers.

Releasing his arm, she turned to him.  "Thank you again, Severus.  I'm looking forward to the final stages of the brewing tomorrow night."

"You will make a formidable Potions Mistress, Hermione.  Perhaps even I can learn a thing or two from you one day," he said seriously.

"Perhaps," she grinned.

"Severus?"

"Yes?"

She reached up and kissed him on the cheek.  A soft brush of the lips and the faintest whisper of breath across his face.  And then, with another smile, she had whispered the password to the portrait and was about to step in.

"Hermione?" he touched her shoulder.  She turned to him, eyes curious.

Not knowing where the sudden surge of courage came from, he leaned down and kissed her cheek, just barely touching the outer edge of her mouth.

How was it possible that someone so strong could be so soft to the touch?

He pulled back reluctantly and smiled at her.  Her hand reached up to touch his cheek, lingering for several moments as she simply gazed into his eyes.

"I…your eyes…I've never noticed just how dark they are."

"Extensive use of Occlumency over the years…although they were dark to begin with," Severus whispered.  "A typically Snape trait."

She traced an eyebrow softly.  "I rather like them."

He coughed slightly, out of sheer nerves.  "I'm pleased they meet with your approval."

Her fingers traced downwards, touching his lips.  He could tell that she was shaking slightly and the pulse in her neck was racing.

"I…I have to go in," she murmured, pulling away slightly.

There was something in her voice…a tinge of…disappointment?  Had he done something wrong?

"Hermione?"

She looked up at him.  "No, it's all right, Severus.  I'm fine…I just need some time to settle a few things.  I will see you in the morning."

He nodded.  "Good night, Hermione."

"Good night."

She stepped through the portrait and disappeared.

Severus returned to his chambers and dressed for bed…but his sleep was far from restful, being constantly plagued by dreams of warm arms, sweet embraces and soft kisses…

Kisses that did not end with 'good night'.

Author's Notes _The little old woman is based on my late great-grandmother who, on her 90th birthday, ate pizza (with hot peppers) and beer.  Che Dio ti benedica, cara nonna!_ __ _The line about 'fingers knowing their old skill better' comes from "Lord of the Rings, The Two Towers" (Gandalf to Theoden)_ __ _Next chapter will be ready by the end of June, hopefully (it will be the most romantic one to date).  I know I don't update terribly frequently but this is a difficult story to write and takes a lot of energy for me…besides, my real life does have to take precedence_ _This chapter is also lovingly dedicated to Zio Peppe, who was a masterful storyteller in my family.  I'll miss you, Chief, although I am certain that St. Peter will be highly entertained with your many anecdotes._


	10. Secrets Revealed

**_Disclaimer_**_: Anything you recognize belongs to the goddess, JKR. Dedicated to Tony, Mel, Lynn and Marek. This is my birthday present to myself (I turned 35 last week…don't get too close to the candles as I will not be responsible for any burns - lol)._

**Chapter Nine**: **Secrets Revealed**

The next morning found Severus in his private gardens, tending the many plants that required precise harvesting at particular times of the year or lunar cycle. Several of the specimens were rare, quite expensive and worth more than their weight in Galleons. Severus had inherited the gardens when he had taken on the post of Potions Master but he had expanded it to the point (through careful purchases and even more careful negotiations with the Headmaster) where it took up a good bit of land. Of course, given the dangerous nature of some of the plants and flowers, it was heavily warded. In fact, other than himself, only the Headmaster knew of its existence.

Several days before, he had asked Hermione to meet him (after giving her careful directions) after breakfast and she had agreed, very excited about the prospect of seeing this very secret garden.

_"Reminds me of a story I read when I was a little girl," she had replied, her eyes shining. "However, if you tell me that there is a swing in there…I might think twice."_

_He had stared at her in confusion. "A swing? Frightful waste of space, I should think."_

_Laughing, she nodded her head. "You are no romantic fool, Severus. Thank heavens for that."_

He wasn't quite certain she was correct. In the last few months, he felt that he had done several things that would fall under the definition of romantic foolishness. However, even he had not degraded to the quite that point yet.

_"How far have I fallen on account of her?"_ Severus thought, shaking his head slightly. _"Perhaps I am a romantic fool after all."_

It was a lovely late-summer morning; the almost azure blue of the sky overhead was liberally dotted with white clouds. It would not be raining today, unfortunately, but the fresh breeze made the high humidity bearable. Working in the garden would be difficult work but it had to be done and Hermione's assistance would certainly make it much easier. Severus exited his sanctuary, reset the wards and went to wait for Hermione by a small copse of oak trees, which circled a statue of Sacharissa Tugwood (a witch who was a near saint to many Hogwarts students). Although there was a small bench close by, Severus chose to stand, leaning against the tallest oak and waiting for his helper.

He did not have to wait for long.

"Good morning, Severus," she smiled as she walked up to him.

_"You lie, dearest Hermione,"_ he thought to himself for she looked tired, as if her sleep had been as troubled as his. The circles under her eyes were becoming more pronounced and her face was pale. Despite the heat of the morning sun, she shivered but she still smiled bravely when she saw him.

"I think our dear Headmaster will have my head when he hears that I am now privy to one of Hogwarts' great secrets," she said with a mischievous glint in her eyes.

"He is already aware as I mentioned it to him this morning at breakfast. I believe the term 'washing my hands of this nonsense' would be most appropriate," Severus replied blandly.

Hermione merely snorted in reply.

"Which brings me to a most salient point," he continued. "Why were you not at breakfast this morning, Hermione? Messrs Padfoot and Moony were debating the merits of bodily dragging you in but I managed to convince them that it might not be the most prudent course of action."

"Well, thank you for that. I…I just wasn't hungry and I didn't sleep particularly well. Winky woke me up and practically shoved toast in my mouth as I dressed. She nearly choked me," Hermione paused to brush nonexistent breadcrumbs from her mouth."

"I am well aware of how forceful she can be. At least she waited until you were awake before trying to feed you," Severus replied as Hermione chuckled. "You had the dreams again, did you not?"

She sighed as they approached the hidden entrance.

"I suppose I should take that as a yes?" he queried gently, placing a hand at the small of her back so that she would walk through the entrance and not into solid brick.

"Is there anything I can take to avoid the dreams? I know how you feel about Dreamless Sleep potion but surely there are other options."

"They are all addictive, to some degree of other…some of the side effects can be particularly nasty. Even moonport and firewhiskey can leave a person with a terrible headache."

Hermione grinned ruefully. "I wasn't planning to drink myself in a mindless stupor. I've done that once already and have no intention of repeating the experience," she commented, with a slight frown. "Don't mind me, Severus. I'm tired and somewhat out of sorts."

"I am reasonably certain that a few hours of working in the garden will clear your mind. I have always found it to be most therapeutic."

"Yes, nothing like manual labour to help you sleep. I'd label you a sadist if I didn't happen to agree with you. Besides, it's a lovely hot day and I'd much rather spend it outside with you," she answered, a slight blush appearing on her cheeks.

Severus took out his wand as they approached a brick was that was utterly indistinguishable from other similarly built walls.

"The trick is to align the head of the statue of Plunkett over there with the tallest spire of Gryffindor tower," he explained. "That will place you directly in front of the entrance. There is no entrance from within Hogwarts and this location is unplottable. It would not show up on, for example, the Marauders Map."

Hermione looked at him, clearly puzzled. "Do you just disappear?"

"No, nothing quite like that. I would simply show me wandering the grounds."

"Interesting. I didn't think anything could get past that piece of parchment."

"There is a charm on the entrance which encourages anyone who accidentally comes too close to go somewhere else. The charm recognizes myself, the Headmaster and now you," he continued, smirking at how impatient she was becoming.

"And how do you get in?" she asked. "Do you dance a jig while drinking a pint of butterbeer and yelling 'open sesame'?"

Severus laughed. "Not quite, although I'm certain Filius would rather like that. No, the entrance is keyed to your touch…a little something I picked up from a trip to Gringotts many years ago when the Headmaster first asked me to bring the Philosopher's Stone there for safekeeping."

"I can't see how it would be that effective."

"Each person is a unique individual and within that individual, their magic resonates in a different way. Key a lock to open only to your resonating magic and you have a lock that is virtually foolproof."

"But Quirrell…"

"I did not say it was perfect but it is a good deal better than an Alohomora spell…something I believe you easily mastered in first year," he smirked. "Now, watch. It isn't at all difficult."

He reached out his left hand and placed it on one of the bricks. For a moment, nothing happened, but then…

"A doorway. I suppose I should have expected that but…still…"

A section of brick wall had become a huge wooden gate, the handle a rather monstrous looking thing constructed of oxidized copper.

"Is there a reason why the handle is Slytherin green?" she teased as he opened the gate.

"Copper turns green. Even Muggles know that."

"Iron turns red."

"Snarky Gryffindor."

"Overbearing bat."

"Perhaps," he gestured for her to precede him, "but a chivalrous overbearing bat nonetheless."

Hermione laughed as she stepped into the garden. Severus was just closing the gate and concealing it when he heard her sharp intake of breath.

"Hermione? Are you all right?" he asked, turning to her in concern.

"She didn't answer. Severus realized that she was looking around the garden in absolute wonder and probably had not heard a word he had spoken.

"Absolutely bloody brilliant," she sighed in seeming rapture.

"You can take a look around, if you like. I trust you know which plants might bite you."

She slapped his arm in mock annoyance but smiled as she walked over to a far end of the garden. For a moment, he simply watched as she began exploring but, realizing that he was staring, thought that perhaps he should get to work. It was, after all, the reason they were there.

Severus decided to start with weeding the ground around the Jupiter lilies. They were a delicate flower and did not tolerate such intrusions lightly. The petals had many uses in a variety of potions however the seeds, which were the most valuable, being a vital ingredient in the production of the most potent form of Veritaserum he brewed, were especially prized. He walked over to the small shed that housed his many gardening implements. Although magical spells could ensure that the soil was the right temperature and that the plants received the right amount of sunlight, he felt a sense of personal satisfaction in doing what he could manually rather than magically. With the onset of the school year, it would be more difficult but perhaps Hermione might like to take on the challenge. He certainly trusted her enough with the handling of these delicate (and sometimes persnickety) plants. Just a bit of training and she would be quite comfortable here.

Opening the door, he walked into the shed and picked out a well-worn hoe and a few other gardening tools. Walking out, he carefully closed the door and walked over to where the Jupiter lilies stood proudly. They were a lovely yellow colour with a deep red spot (hence the name) and the fragrance was most unusual…something like warm buttered toast with honey.

"Hermione, I'll be working on the Jupiter lilies. Take your time in looking around the gardens. They are quite remarkable and filled with many unique plants and flowers," he called, not expecting a reply and hearing none. He smirked as he began to turn the earth around the flowers with the hoe.

As he worked, Severus' thoughts returned to the previous night. He still could not believe that he had kissed her and wondered what in Merlin's name could have possessed him to do something so potentially disastrous. Only…it hadn't been disastrous. In fact, she seemed to like it. She had touched his face with what had felt very much like a lover's touch. The look in her eyes as she stared at him had nearly unmanned him.

Did she love him?

Or was he simply someone available since Harry was not?

He fervently hoped it was not the latter.

The last few years had been strange. He had never allowed himself to hope…calling it foolish and imprudent, not to mention malicious to wish ill on someone, even the Boy-Who-Lived. But now, as he worked in the garden, surreptitiously keeping an eye on Hermione's form as she walked and admired the many exotic specimens in the garden…now, he realized what he dared not before.

That, perhaps, she had loved him for some time.

Certainly, they had spent an increasing amount of time together. She had found it difficult to talk to anyone regarding her increasing frustration at the distance in her relationship with Harry. He had tried to give her objective advice so that she could make the right decisions for herself. Always for her. Never a thought to himself.

He had just wanted her to be happy.

And it now appeared that ensuring her happiness might involve him in some way.

He was certain of his feelings for her. He had accepted the fact that he had fallen hopelessly in love with Hermione years earlier. However, the prospect that she might love him and that, perhaps, they might have a future together, caused his heart to race in painful exhilaration. It was almost too much to think about. Overwhelming to think that the one person he desired more than any other, might desire him as well.

Severus was almost grateful to the Headmaster for forcing them into this quasi-imprisonment.

Almost.

He put the hoe down and picked up the small weeding implement and got down on his knees to start using that. He loved the smell of freshly turned earth…there was a healthy tang to it. Severus had often thought that, if he had not gone the way of Potions Master, he might, perhaps, have taken an interest in Herbology (although he would gladly suffer the Cruciatus before admitting that to Sprout).

Inevitably, however, his thoughts drifted to the softness of Hermione's lips on his cheek and the way her breath brushed past his throat as she talked to him.

As he worked, he began to feel rather hot so he removed the outer work robe he was wearing, leaving him relatively more comfortable in trousers and shirt. It was still early and the morning sun would only get warmer as the day went on. He smirked as he thought of what his students might think to see him dressed in something besides his trademark billowing black robes. They certainly made a statement (and had earned him the nickname of overbearing bat by more than a few Gryffindors) but were hardly practical here. Simple cotton shirt. Rugged trousers made of a particularly strong cotton blend (highly recommended by Madam Malkin) and broken-in leather work boots (dragonhide being an unnecessary expense). His hands, well calloused by years of brewing potions, required no gloves but he thought Hermione might benefit from a pair.

"Hermione!" he called, standing up and brushing the earth from his trousers. "If you're quite finished, I do have some work for you."

She quickly appeared, with daisies tucked into her hair.

"You look beautiful," Severus said, before he had a chance to stop himself.

She smiled and blushed as she touched one tentatively. "Daisies are such happy flowers…it's no wonder they are used in Cheering potions. I was surprised to see a small scattering of them by the walls."

"I like to keep certain wildflowers in that little area. Daisies, cornflowers and a few others that are there simply for beauty and not for any particularly pressing need in Potions, Herbology or Medicine. After all, they are common enough to be found almost anywhere," Severus explained.

"You mentioned something about some work for me?" she asked, her cheeks still a little red.

"I require your help with the trimming of the Dragontooth plant. It needs a good trim before the fall so that it produces hips of the highest quantity and quality," Severus replied, motioning for her to follow him into the shed.

"It doesn't sound particularly difficult."

Severus picked up a pair of gloves from one of the little cupboards and gave them to her. She put them on immediately.

"It isn't," he said. "However, with two sets of hands working on it, the time required is lessened dramatically."

"What do we do? I know about the properties of the plant and its applications in potions but next to nothing about its care…that's Neville's area of expertise," Hermione smiled.

"I will give you a hand scythe. It has to be made of silver so that the cut ends do not turn brown. Basically, you cut off anything above the third set of branches. This encourages the growth of two shoots from each cut, ensuring a nice round plant with plenty of buds for the coming spring," Severus demonstrated the technique with a quick flick of the wrist.

"I think I can manage that," Hermione took her own hand scythe and walked back to where the rather large group of plants swayed lightly in the breeze. "They are rather tall…can I bend the boughs magically?"

"You can but be very gentle. They are not particularly sturdy."

Hermione frowned as she looked to the very top of the plant. "I might need a box to stand on."

"You can transfigure one of the rocks into something that suits your purpose," Severus replied as he began to trim the lower branches of one of the plants.

With a quiet pop, Hermione was soon at work trimming the branches according to the instructions. Severus liked this particular plant. Its nickname was Devil's Fork because the shoots were bright red and looked like forks (or a forked tongue, depending on how one looked at it). It was another useful plant because almost all parts of it (including the roots) could be used in any number of potions. The flowers were especially good to brew a fragrant tea that eased morning sickness in a pregnant witch. Not that he had had any requests for that in the last several years what with all the female professors being somewhat beyond all that.

He trimmed methodically and, every so often, used his wand to direct the fallen boughs to the nearby compost heap. Most wizarding gardeners frowned on the practice but he felt that one had to return the magic back to the soil so that it would not be depleted. He prided himself on not needing any of the commercial fertilizers commonly available on the open market. A little common sense could go a long way in ensuring the garden was properly nourished not to mention the fact that he hated being wasteful.

He turned and saw that Hermione had also abandoned her work robe. He was somewhat surprised to see her in denim trousers and a cotton blouse.

"Would you like a hat, Hermione?" he asked.

"Oh yes, please. I think I'm feeling the beginnings of a quality sunburn if I don't cover up," Hermione fanned herself with her hand.

Severus walked back to the shed and took two gardening hats out.

"Here," he held one out to her.

"Thank you," she sighed as she put it on. It was a rather floppy thing with a wide brim but it did the trick. He put his hat on as well…despite the fact that it had garish flowers on it.

Hermione giggled but said nothing as she continued with the trimming. He had to admit that she was doing a fair job. But, as she reached for one bending bough, she started to lose her balance, over-compensated and fell.

Severus managed to catch her before she hit the ground but, in doing so, landed rather heavily himself.

"Oh, Severus. I am so sorry. Are you all right? Are you hurt?" she turned to him, apparently checking his face for bruises and not realizing that she was straddling his lap.

"I'm fine…you might want to allow me to stand up to ensure that my legs are still working properly," he replied, trying not to think about the intimate position they were in.

"I'm not entirely certain you're telling the truth," she replied quietly.

Severus didn't know what to say. He tried putting his hands on her hips in an effort to move her before his body reacted.

"Please, Hermione…let me get up," he pleaded, wincing at the roughness to his voice.

Hermione, as if suddenly realizing the awkward position she was in, scuttled off of him and fell onto the soft earth as a result. She was blushing furiously.

"I am so sorry…I didn't realize…I just wanted to…oh bother," she sat up and crossed her arms over her chest and looked every bit like a petulant child.

"I assure you there is no permanent damage done, Hermione," Severus chuckled as he stood up and offered her his hand. She took it and stood up as well, still blushing.

"You'll never let me live this down. Honestly, I was as clumsy as Neville after a few too many butterbeers," she groused as she picked up her scythe.

"Have I ever done that to you before?" he asked.

Her expression became thoughtful. "No, of course not. I trust you completely but I think you already knew that."

"I do and I value your trust, Hermione. Something, I believe, you already knew as well."

"Enough work for the moment. Can we just walk around the gardens for a bit?" she asked. "I think I am entitled to a guided tour, am I not?"

"Of course," he held out his arm to her. To his surprise, she instead reached for his hand, intertwining her fingers with his. He looked at her but she was busy examining the freshly trimmed Dragontooth plant.

Squeezing her fingers slightly, he began to guide her around the garden, talking about the various plants and their properties as they went. There were several distinct areas and he took his time describing each one. He even told her a bit about the history of the garden from its beginnings in the days of Hogwarts' founding (Salazar Slytherin and Helga Hufflepuff were rumoured to be the ones who first charmed the area to grow required medicinal herbs). He spoke of some of the more illustrious Potions Masters and Mistresses who made considerable financial contributions in order to enlarge the gardens. He himself had added a section dedicated to researching hybrid plants and was showing some promising results, particularly in the area of madness caused by prolonged exposure to the Cruciatus curse.

Hermione gently rubbed her thumb over his when he talked of his hope to cure Frank and Alice Longbottom, as she knew all about the strong friendship between them. He was grateful for that small touch…it helped him talk through the lump in his throat that inevitably formed when he talked about the hopeless state of his good friend.

"I never told you…I suppose it just slipped my mind until now. Neville came by once…not long before we came here. We had tea together and talked about his position and the fact that his wife is now expecting," Hermione spoke quietly.

"She must be due soon," Severus commented.

"Another two months, perhaps less. Anyhow, he talked about something that you had tried. I don't think you knew he was there. He still visits at least once a week, you know. Well, he watched you administer something you had put together. He was struck by how hopeful you were. For a moment, he thought that something sparked in his father. He made a sound, almost of recognition, but then…it vanished and all was quiet."

"Yes, I remember that well. Frank had looked at me for a moment and almost said my name and then, it was as if someone just erased his mind all over again. His eyes became blank and I sat there feeling frustrated."

Hermione smiled. "He saw your reaction and it unnerved him. I mean, he knew that you had always tried healing them but seeing you like that didn't fit with his own experience with you…you were always too hard on him."

"I've had this same conversation recently, Hermione, I don't wish to go over old regrets."

"He thinks very highly of you and appreciates that you are trying to help his parents," she said.

"His parents deserve to recognize their son. He has grown to be a credit to his family," he replied. "They would be proud of him."

"When you do find a way to bring them back, how do you think they will feel to have missed out on so much?" she asked.

"I've thought on that many times. So many years have passed…would it be a greater kindness to leave them in their oblivion? Would bringing them back only make what is left of their lives painful because of what they missed…practically the entire life of their only son? Some might think so but I do not. As you said, there is a grandchild on its way and I should think they would not want to miss out on that. And I do appreciate the fact that you said 'when' and not 'if'…such confidence does make me feel better."

Again, that comforting touch on his hand. He glanced at her and saw that she was still smiling but it had something of a wistful quality to it.

"Is something wrong, Hermione?"

She looked at him and shook her head. "It's not that, Severus. It's just that there is all this potential to help all our friends; Remus, Frank, Alice…it's there to be found, we just have to see it. I can't imagine how that must frustrate you."

"It does but I hold out hope that I will get it right."

She didn't reply to that, only continuing that small, delicate touch and pondering her own thoughts as they made their way around the gardens.

Severus guided her towards the small creek that ran through a corner of the garden, its tributaries meandering through the various areas, which made for relatively easy irrigation. Besides, what nature could not provide, magic certainly could.

"I could conjure a bench," Severus took out his wand.

"Don't bother with silly wand waving," she smiled as he returned the wand to its holder. "Let's just sit on the ground and listen to the running water."

"I think we will be listening to more than just that," Severus pointed to a group of bluebirds sitting on the branches of a nearby bush. Sitting down, they listened in silence to the happy song of the little birds.

"I wish I could be as happy as that…to always have a song in my heart," Hermione leaned her head against Severus' shoulder. Unthinkingly, he put an arm around her shoulders and held her close. "Merlin, that must have sounded utterly pathetic, Severus."

"It did not…and yes, I believe you will be happy, Hermione."

"Sometimes it's as if happiness is taunting me. I get glimpses of what my life might be like…snippets of a possible future and then it's taken away. I can't even see it any longer," Hermione trembled.

"Have you seen these things in your dreams?" Severus asked.

She shook her head. "Nothing like that. It's just a feeling I get…don't go all Trelawney on me…it's not as if it's a real vision. Just something that pulls at my heart. It feels so real and it hurts so much…"

"Hurts?"

"It hurts because I wonder if it can ever truly be…if I am only deluding myself," she replied quietly.

"Sometimes we have a choice of roads in front of us and we can only see part of what might lie at the end of either one. Being only human, and not true seers, we tend to fill in the blanks with our own insecurities and fears and come to the conclusion that neither road will bring us what we truly desire. What is important to realize is that, whatever choice you make, there will be good and there will be bad. There will be happiness and there will be sorrow. No choice you make…no road you decide to take can ever be perfect," Severus commented. "Perfection is an illusion…a dark illusion…like looking into the Mirror of Erised. It isn't real and will drive you mad in the process."

"When did you become so wise?" Hermione smiled.

Severus did not answer but, taking out his wand, conjured a tray with two goblets of pumpkin juice and a plate of cranberry scones. They feasted on their late-morning snack and talked of other things. Hermione had several ideas about potential combinations of ingredients that could prove beneficial in curing, or at least allaying, the symptoms of lycanthropy. Potential improvements to Wolfsbane Potion. Remus was her good friend and she had seen, first-hand (as had he), the fearful transformation the werewolf was forced to undergo with each full moon. But what bothered her more was the stigma attached to the affliction. She maintained that Remus was a very strong man to have dealt with the harsh effects of monthly transformation for many years but, what weighed him down and aged him more than anything else, were the attitudes of people around him and the attitude of the Ministry itself. To be constantly told to register…to be denied employment, denied housing…to be treated as something less than human with barely borderline intelligence broke a person's spirit far more quickly than physical discomfort.

It was hardly surprising that the suicide rate among werewolves was so high.

"We have a great deal of time to prepare assays of the ingredients but we would have to determine an adequate form of testing since I would not want Remus to be subjected to the full effects of the transformation. It has been a very long time since he has done so and I fear that it could very well kill him." Severus replied seriously, glaring at the inoffensive scone in his hand.

"How was Wolfsbane Potion tested?" Hermione asked, conjuring a small dish with butter curls and a spreader.

"I forgot that you like a little cranberry scone with your butter," Severus teased as he looked at the thick layer of butter Hermione was spreading on her scone.

She rolled her eyes and continued slathering on the butter.

"Seriously, the Ministry at the time had no compunction testing the Potion on werewolves. Locked them up in magical cages as a precaution. I've seen pictures of the conditions…deplorable. There are magical means of determining a potion's efficacy but they didn't think it warranted the expense or the time involved," he continued.

"Typical Ministry blindness…I'm surprised they even approved it for use," she huffed as she began to eat.

"It took more time than it should have, I quite agree. There is a cure for people who have received a bite but there is still nothing for those afflicted before the cure was found. Treatments for vampirism went through the approval process with the same degree of lethargy and lack of will. More could have been done to prevent the tragedies that resulted from such Ministry lethargy."

"It runs in your family, does it not?" Hermione asked.

"Yes…on and off. Thankfully, I am not afflicted although I did inherit some of the more trademark characteristics. I was tested as a young child and, although I will probably never have children, am not a carrier. Any children I might have will never suffer through what several of my cousins, aunts and uncles endured. There are blood substitutes available that are extremely effective but…there is always concern," Severus shuddered, memories of coming across his youngest cousin and the corpse of a young man flashed through his mind. The cousin had been executed by the Ministry within days.

"It sounds horrible. The Ministry must like misery since it makes discovering potential cures so difficult," Hermione sipped her pumpkin juice delicately.

"I hope the situation will improve with a new Minister of Magic."

"Pity Arthur wouldn't consider staying. I think he'd do a wonderful job."

Severus nodded, taking another bite of his scone. "Weasleys, in general, are a good lot. Solid wizarding stock but, more than that, good people…I would trust any one of them. I quite agree with you that Arthur would make an excellent Minister of Magic. He has always been under-estimated by the powers that be…thinking him nothing but a, and I quote, Muggle-loving simpleton. Nothing could be further from the truth. He is keenly intelligent, powerful…don't ever let that congenial smile fool you, and is able to see all sides of a problem. I don't think I've ever met a man who is more fair and equitable."

"He always judges a person or anything individually and has never ascribed to prejudice," Hermione added.

"Including a certain prejudice against former Death Eaters," Severus agreed.

Hermione turned to him with a questioning glance.

"He has vouched for me on more than one occasion," Severus replied. "All that I do can never make up for what he and his family have done for me."

"You saved Charlie's life a few years back," Hermione looked at her goblet, running a finger along the edge. "Ron had given up all hope…only Molly believed that she would see him again. A mother's desperate hope is always the last hope."

Severus shrugged his shoulders. "Molly is one of those women who fiercely cares for her children. A wizard would be safer taking on a Lethifold rather than risking her temper. She's a powerful woman, Hermione. Just because she is content to stay at home and manage the Weasley home doesn't mean that she is incompetent. Besides, after a while, it becomes pointless to keep track of who saved your life and whose life you saved. It all comes out in the wash, as they say. When the war is over, if I am still alive, I will consider all debts paid if I am simply allowed to live out my life without unnecessary interference."

"Please don't say that, Severus," Hermione placed a hand on his arm.

"Don't say what?" Severus asked, concerned at the sudden sadness in her expression.

"You will be alive when the war is over and we have defeated Voldemort. I can't bear to think that you might not reap the rewards of all the toil and hardship you have been through," she clarified.

He reached out a hand and caressed her cheek. "The only reward I would seek…"

"Yes?" she asked, her voice trembling slightly.

But he could not answer…he felt overwhelmed and somewhat disoriented by his feelings. He pushed a wayward lock of hair behind her ear and gave her a small smile.

"We still have a fair bit of work to do," Severus charmed away the remnants of their little meal. "What would you say to completing it and then meeting in the laboratory after dinner to complete the Wolfsbane Potion? I assume you have something to keep you busy this afternoon…perhaps a visit to the Restricted Section?"

She nodded with a guilty smile. "I'm a most predictable creature, I guess. In fact, I do have some correspondence to complete and the latest edition of 'The Daily Prophet' is sitting on my chair. After all this work, I'll probably be in the mood for some relaxation."

And they spent the rest of the morning and the early part of the afternoon doing exactly that.

Later that afternoon, Severus took a shower to refresh himself. The seedpods of the eclipse azaleas had decided to explode while he was watering them and the itching was becoming rather annoying. He quickly dressed and sat down in his small parlour, asking a nervous-looking house elf for tea and some sandwiches.

He also had a copy of the latest edition of the Daily Prophet and decided that he would use some of the free time available to him in order to read it. Holding his cup of steaming tea in one hand, he skimmed over the front page to see if there was anything of any interest. He immediately noticed a headline about an attack on St. Mungo's. Putting down his cup, he read the article, heart racing madly as a list of dead patients nearly jumped out of the page.

He reached the end of the list and realized that he was holding his breath. Wiping his brow, which was damp with perspiration, he gulped in great breaths of air as the relief settled in. Neither Frank nor Alice was among those injured or killed.

"Thank Merlin," he sighed. "Why on earth would the Death Eaters attack St. Mungo's? There is no one of critical importance recuperating there, as far as I am aware. Very odd move, on their part. What could they possibly have hoped to accomplish?"

He made a mental note to visit St. Mungo's the next day. The deputy head mediwitch, a woman by the name of Margaret Thistlefax, was a professional colleague that he trusted, having been mended by her on several occasions in his youth. He would have to speak to her about the incident and what the rumours were saying in terms of rationale.

"What next? A cemetery?" he asked sarcastically.

Dinner had been a quiet affair. Unfortunately, unlike the previous night, the Head Table was filled with professors, both new and old, as well as the Headmaster himself. Severus found himself seated between Charlie Weasley (newly installed Professor of Care of Magical Creatures since Hagrid was away on Order business) and Remus Lupin.

"I suppose it could have been much worse," he thought as he caught Hermione's eye and discreetly raised his goblet in greeting. She returned the gesture, after a quick glance around assured her that the others were too busy with their own conversations and their own food.

Severus proceeded to listen with some interest as Charlie regaled the staff with stories of some of the more rambunctious dragons he'd had the misfortune to look after in the past few years (and the various injuries that had been the result). It had been the perfect cover for the second Weasley child (and important member of the Order) until Voldemort decided to take a greater interest in dragons…and dragon-keepers. For his own safety, Charlie had been recruited by the Headmaster to the conveniently vacant post. Molly was relieved but Arthur and Bill were not. Charlie had been upset but, from what Severus could see, he was holding up well behind the walls of Hogwarts.

Yes, they were all prisoners of one kind or another…refugees and misfits hidden away until the world was safe enough for them…whenever that might be.

Sighing slightly, Severus returned to his food and went through the motions of eating, all the while thinking about the potion that would be completed later that night. There was not much else to do but it had to be done precisely otherwise it would be ruined. Such was the subtle science and exact art that was potions making. One error…one lapse in judgment and all would be ruined.

Getting up, he said his goodbyes to his dinner companions and made his way out of the Great Hall and down to the laboratory where, he was pleased to see, the potion was at exactly the point it should be. He took several tiny packages out of his pocket and magically returned them to their regular size. They were books, hand-picked from the library of Durmstrang, for Hermione to read through in the hopes of discovering something…anything that could cure Lupin of his monthly affliction.

He certainly owed him that.

Spotting a book that piqued his interest, Severus sat down and spent the next few hours reading and taking occasional notes with a quill and parchment that he always kept handy in all of his laboratories. One never knew when inspiration would strike.

Hermione arrived at precisely 8:00pm and they went straight to work on the potion. Severus gathered the ingredients and watched, not without some sense of pride, as she flawlessly performed each of the last steps in the making of the vital potion. She did not ask any questions…merely repeated the steps to herself softly as she carried out each aspect. Sometimes, she would stop and think for a moment, carefully considering what she was doing and ensuring that everything was under control. That was a very good sign. It was not enough to merely blunder one's way through a process…there was an old saying about familiarity breeding contempt. Several Potions Masters and Mistresses had lost various limbs because they had become so accustomed to brewing particular potions that they went about it automatically and without proper attention.

Was it any wonder that he himself practically terrorized his students? Despite the fact that we was known as something of a brutal tyrant, there had not ever been a serious accident in his classrooms since he started so many years again. It was one of the few things he was genuinely proud of.

At last the potion was finished, kept warm over a steady flame and smoking just as it should be. Hermione's brow was shining with perspiration but she looked quite pleased as she gave the finished product one final stir.

"Well done, Hermione," Severus said, coming up to her to look into the cauldron. "I believe I'd be forced to give points to Gryffindor if you were still a student."

"I doubt that…you'd probably dock points for something…a workstation that was too clean or an inadequate amount of smoking," she smiled as she started cleaning the equipment with the spell that Severus had showed her.

"I'll put the equipment away. You might like to take a look at the collection of books on the far table. They came from Durmstrang and have some interesting insights into lycanthropy. I thought you might like to take that on as a project….with my assistance, of course," he pointed to the dozen or so books that were stacked neatly.

Her eyes widened in surprise. Severus couldn't resist rolling his eyes as she quickly pulled up a small stool and pulled the topmost book towards her. She looked like a small child who had suddenly discovered her very favourite sort of sweet.

After the equipment was cleaned and put away, Severus sat down next to her and took out his notes. She looked at them with some interest and the resulting conversation took them well past midnight.

"Oh dear," she said, looking at the magical clock on the wall. "It's already so late and, to be honest, I'm not that sleepy."

"Coffee, perhaps?"

She sent him a mock glare. "That won't help."

With a smirk, he conjured a tray with a coffeepot and two mugs.

"What…no biscuits?" she grinned cheekily.

Within an instant, a plate of chocolate covered biscuits appeared.

"Perfect," she sighed as she helped herself to a biscuit and watched Severus pour her coffee. "Thank you, Severus," she said as he gave her the steaming mug.

"It's not too strong…I didn't think an espresso corretto would be much appreciated at this hour," he replied, taking a sip of his own mug.

"I love espresso…there is a little café in Diagon Alley that makes it with just the right amount of bubbles on top," she sighed happily as she brushed crumbs from her robes.

"Ah yes, I know which one you mean…owned by that Italian chap…what was his name…Giuseppe Dormiglione. Ironic sort of name, isn't it?" he asked, taking a biscuit.

"He's a very nice man…always used to give me a small package of coffee beans to take home. I often went with my parents…well, I haven't been there for some time, unfortunately," she looked into her mug with a frown.

"Why not?"

"Harry…well, he didn't like to go…too many people staring at him…" she looked decidedly uncomfortable talking about her fiancé.

"I can understand that. He has never adapted to living in the proverbial fishbowl, I suppose." Severus certainly understood the need for privacy.

"I guess…I never liked going without him…leaving him alone…" she seemed flustered as if reliving something decidedly unpleasant.

"Did he ask you not to go?" Severus asked.

She shook her head slightly. "Not in so many words…I don't know. I just felt guilty, I suppose."

Severus snorted.

Hermione's eyes flashed suddenly. "And what, exactly, is that supposed to mean?"

"It's the same old double standard, Hermione. He can go off on dangerous missions in faraway locations with barely a thought to you and here you were suffering from guilt over having a simple cup of coffee. I thought Potter was above such archaic nonsense," Severus sipped his coffee.

"It wasn't as simple as that," Hermione said in a firm voice.

"I suppose it never is. Perhaps a part of you liked the role of the faithful partner, Hermione. Perhaps it appealed to your Gryffindor sensibilities to martyr yourself for someone like Potter."

He hadn't meant to say that out loud but, short of an Obliviate curse, the words had been spoken, understood and would be violently reacted to.

"How dare you say that about me?" she yelled, her face reddening with anger. "How dare you think that I actually like to play the part of the withering heroine who patiently waits for her absent lover like something straight out of Homer's Odyssey?"

"You play the part admirably well," he replied, stung by the vitriol in her voice. "I would think that almost everyone has been fooled by this charade of yours."

"You misanthropic bastard! I honestly believed you understood how difficult this has been for me. My entire world has been turned upside-down and I hardly know which way is up. Everyone is pulling me in one direction and I don't know if that's where I want to be," she yelled. "I suppose you would ascribe such weakness to my Mudblood heritage…the result of spotty parentage."

"I have never ever spoken that foul, loathsome word in reference to you!" Severus shouted. "You know my views on the matter of so-called purity of blood. I admit that growing up in a household like my own certainly provided me with an adequate predisposition to ascribe to such madness and my later activities…well, you know all about that. But I changed long before I ever met you…perhaps even before you were born."

"That's right…I am nothing but a petulant child!" she shouted back. "Completely immature and typically Gryffindor…nothing but an annoying and insufferable know-it-all!"

"I never said…"

"Everyone is telling me what to do with my life. I barely know myself lately. I think I am doing the right thing in ending my engagement to Harry but then I have second thoughts. Second thoughts are normal…I've invested a lot of time in this relationship. I don't want to hurt Harry!"

"Forget about Potter! What about you? I've seen a brilliant young witch become satisfied with compromise…seen her potential dwindle into complacency. You have decided to live your life to make others happy…"

"I happen to think making others happy is a good thing," she interrupted angrily. "Oh, pardon me, I forgot I was talking to a Slytherin. I may as well be speaking Mandarin when talking about the idea of doing something for others."

"There is nothing wrong with making others happy," he replied. "However, it is never a good idea to make other people happy at the complete expense of your own happiness."

"You are such a hypocrite!" she began to pace furiously.

"What on earth are you talking about?"

She turned to look at him and simply shook her head sadly. "I have always wanted to have someone who loved me completely…whom I could love completely. I suppose that sounds horribly clichéd but there you have it. I thought Harry was the one and I did everything I could to make it work."

"A relationship involves work…so I am told…but it should not be such a burden on either partner," Severus replied, trying to calm his anger in light of the sudden sadness in her expression.

"Perhaps I should have tried harder. Perhaps this is my fault because I couldn't be like Penelope…waiting for Odysseus to come home from the Trojan War."

"That is a story from legend," Severus reasoned.

"It's a story about a love that endured despite a forced separation…despite everything the gods could throw at it. Who wouldn't want that?" she asked, tears starting to run down her cheeks.

Severus didn't know what to say.

"Maybe I am just fooling myself. Maybe I am just not deserving of that sort of love."

"Why would you say that?" Severus asked.

"I'm Hermione Granger, bookworm extraordinaire…not exactly the sort of person who can instill such fiery devotion and passion in a man," she replied, pulling a handkerchief out of her pocket and dabbing at her eyes.

Severus walked towards her and placed his hands on her shoulders. She looked up at him and he winced at the very real pain that shone from her eyes. "You are deserving of every happiness, every joy, every satisfaction that life has to offer. You are a warm, compassionate, brilliant, powerful and loyal woman…a man would be a fool not to desire you."

"You forgot beautiful," she laughed mirthlessly.

"You are a beautiful woman…I would have thought that rather obvious."

She looked down for a moment, unshed tears shining in her eyes. "How can you know that, Severus?" she whispered. "How can you be so sure?"

He touched her cheek, erasing the evidence of her tears, and she looked up at him. "I simply do, Hermione." They were standing so close together that there was barely any space between them

"I wish…I wish I could feel that…to do something and feel that it is completely right…and completely mine," she breathed.

His hand moved to her mouth, tracing the outline softly.

He was too close

"Completely yours," he said quietly, voice shaking only slightly.

Far too close.

"What?" she whispered, eyes closing as his other hand went around her waist, effectively erasing the distance between them.

_"Me,"_ he thought before leaning forward and kissing her lips softly. _"Forgive me, Hermione. I am, despite everything, only a man."_

Severus felt his senses come alive as he held her close to him. The taste of her mouth, the scent of her skin, the delightful friction of her lips, the slight sounds in the back of her throat and the sight of her closed eyes were driving him absolutely beside himself. His eyes, as if unable to comprehend that this was actually happening, closed automatically and the kiss deepened.

And Severus was not immune to the effect it was having on his body.

Embarrassed, he pulled away slightly.

"What is it?" she asked, her voice slightly hoarse.

"This…I shouldn't have done that. I…"

"I don't recall running away screaming," she smiled, letting her hand run through his hair in a way he found utterly maddening.

"Please don't think ill of me…your friendship means everything to me," he stammered.

"As does yours…but I am beginning to think that it might not be enough."

"Harry…"

There was a note of sadness in her eyes, quickly followed by a determined lift of her chin. "I will tell Harry. My decision is already made. To be honest, I don't think it will overly surprise him…sadden him, no doubt…but not surprise. He needs a different sort of person than me. And I need a different sort of person than him. I can see that now."

"What sort of person do you need, Hermione?"

She smiled, cheeks reddening slightly. "It's quite simple, really. I need you, Severus."

"Me?"

"Yes."

"But…are you certain…I am hardly…"

Instead, Hermione put her arms around his neck and pressed her lips to his.

He was effectively silenced.

The kiss was gentle…almost hesitant. Severus longed for more but pulled away. He was so unsure now that his heart's desire was seemingly within his grasp.

"Why?" he managed to ask. "Why did you do that?"

"I wanted to," was her only reply.

"Is your curiosity satisfied?" he asked, immediately wishing that the words had not come out of his mouth.

"Curiosity?" she asked, anger adding a dangerous note to her voice. "Is that what you think this is all about? Curiosity?"

Severus could think of many cutting replies to the question. Replies that would ensure that they never again ended up in such a compromising position. Replies that would guarantee that she would choose Harry over him. Sensible, altruistic, self-sacrificing replies…the very sort he had been using over the past several years.

He realized that she had been right earlier. He was a hypocrite.

Severus told that altruistic voice to go hang itself.

"I don't want it to be just that, Hermione," he whispered, running a hand through her hair. "I want…more. I want you…all of you. Merlin help me but I…"

Hermione silenced him yet again with a kiss and pulled him closer to her. Severus moaned slightly when she deepened the kiss to something less innocent and less chaste and infinitely more wonderful. He pressed against her, without thinking, and practically growled when she pressed right back. This was passion…this was something unlike anything he had experienced before…completely at her mercy with just a kiss.

"Severus…" she whispered as his lips traveled down her throat, paying particular attention to the lovely hollow. Her hands ran through his hair, eliciting what felt like actual sparks from a Lumos Solarum spell.

"Hermione…I never dreamed…please tell me I'm not dreaming," he pleaded as he stopped kissing her. Her eyes opened and she smiled at him. "I never allowed myself to believe that you could be mine and now…well, I can't bear to lose you now."

"You're not dreaming…and you will not lose me. Not now…not ever," she replied softly, kissing his lips.

"This…perhaps it might be best to not tell anyone until you've had a chance to…settle things," he caressed her cheek.

"You're right, of course," she said. "We'll deal with…all that…when it's necessary."

"When it's necessary," he repeated as he kissed just behind the ear. "I am a patient man, Hermione. I would never force you to do anything you are not ready to do. But, I must warn you…I am a rather selfish man. I never developed a great ability to share, one of my many shortcomings, I'm afraid."

"One of many?" she repeated, with an impish smirk on her face.

He took her face in his hands and looked deeply in her laughing eyes.

"You are mine now, Hermione. Just as I am now yours. No matter what happens now, or in the future, do not ever forget that."

Her gaze became serious. "Why do you say that?"

"The final battle still looms ahead of us and neither of us are completely safe," he touched his forehead to hers. "Until Voldemort is dead…we must be careful…on all counts."

"When Voldemort is nothing more than an evil memory, I want you to promise me something."

"Yes?"

"Promise me that we will leave Hogwarts. Your debt to this place and to the Headmaster will have been more than paid by then."

He nodded and they kissed again. This time, it was not so desperate…it was long, lingering and slightly bittersweet. It was passion tempered by wisdom.

He didn't let himself dwell on how Potter might react. As much as Severus wanted Hermione to be his own, he knew that severing a long-term relationship would not be easy for either of them. For a moment, he felt sorry for the younger man but it was relatively simple to forget all that when he held all that he wanted of this world in his arms.

It was perfect…he dared not ask for more…an old saying of his mother's coming into his mind.

No, he did not dare ask for more.

There was a sudden knocking at the door, which startled them. They looked at each other in a sudden panic.

"Dumbledore," he whispered. "It can only be him."

Her eyes widened. Thinking quickly, Severus cast a refreshing charm on both of them so that they did not look as if they had spent the last while kissing furiously. Taking a moment to straighten their robes. Hermione quickly sat at a nearby stool and pulled out a book and turned to a section and began to read. With a nod, Severus approached the door and opened it.

"Headmaster?" he asked in a neutral tone.

Albus Dumbledore walked into the room without a word. Severus instantly knew that the Headmaster was angry about something. His blue eyes were as cold as glacial ice.

"Miss Granger, I have urgent news to impart to you. Please accompany me to my office," he said in a firm voice.

Hermione put down her book. "What is it? Have you heard from Harry? Is he all right?"

"Your concern is unnecessary. Severus, we will walk you to your chambers and then, Miss Granger, you and I will continue to my office. What I have to say to her is for her ears alone," the old wizard continued in the same grim tone.

Severus wondered at the sudden use of Miss Granger rather than Hermione, which had always been the old man's habit since she had graduated.

_"This cannot be good,"_ he thought as he followed the two of them out of the laboratory, careful to reset all the necessary wards.

There were no words spoken as they walked through the corridors. Hermione glanced at him fearfully.

_"Do you think he knows?"_ she seemed to ask.

He shrugged his shoulders as they arrived at the entrance to his chambers. After casting the required spells to open the door, he turned to the Headmaster.

"Good night, Headmaster," he said in an emotionless voice.

Dumbledore did not answer except for a curt nod.

"Hermione…good night," he continued in a slightly softer tone.

"Good night, Severus," she murmured softly.

He walked through the door and closed it behind him. For a moment, he simply stood there, staring unseeing into his rooms…wondering what the hell had just happened. What was the Headmaster so angry about? Was it Potter? Was it Voldemort?

It couldn't be…

Suddenly realizing that he had left all the Durmstrang books in the laboratory, Severus turned to open the door.

Only…it wouldn't open.

Staring at the door in disbelief, he took out his wand and cast an Alohomora spell.

Nothing.

"What in bloody hell…" he muttered as he tried several other spells.

Still nothing.

"Dumbledore," he whispered as comprehension dawned on him and left him in a cold sweat.

If he was stuck in his chambers, what was happening with Hermione? Was she all right?

He walked into his small parlour and began pacing in front of the empty fireplace.

"What on earth am I going to do?" he complained, imagining a thousand ways to hex Dumbledore all the way to the English Channel. As he began to think on it, he became angrier and finally his rage reached a point where he picked up a bottle of brandy and threw it across the room in frustration, watching with macabre satisfaction as it shattered magnificently on the wall. The smell of the brandy quickly permeated the room.

"Professore?" the voice of the Potions Mistress broke him out of his reverie.

"What," he answered, more curtly than he would have liked.

"What has happened?"

"I am confined to my chambers and the Headmaster has taken Hermione to his office. I have no idea why and I fear for her safety."

The portrait looked at him in concern. "I have friends in the Capo's office. I can listen to the conversation and return to you with any news."

"I am greatly in your debt," he sat heavily on an oversized ottoman and placed his head in his hands.

"You owe me nothing…I will be back as quickly as possible."

And then he was alone.

The smell of the brandy was starting to make him feel decidedly queasy. He absently lit a fire and tried to calm himself by staring at the flickering flames but it didn't help. He tried reading but found himself re-reading the same lines over and over again. Even pacing was not helping.

_"I shouldn't have destroyed that brandy_," he thought ruefully as he finally cleaned up the mess.

He settled to revising his lesson plans…again.

"Professore?"

Severus turned to the portrait and his heart sank when he saw how pale she was.

"Just tell me she is all right. I can deal with any other news you have to tell me but at least reassure me that she is not hurt," he pleaded.

"She is unharmed but, when I left, she was crying as if her very heart was broken."

"What happened?" he asked.

"The Capo is sending the young lady to Beauxbatons for her own safety. She is to stay with Professoressa McGonagall. She is leaving tonight…within the hour."

Severus felt strangely calm in light of this news. He should have known that tonight had been far too perfect.

"Is there anything I can do?" the portrait asked.

"Yes," he looked up at her with determination in his heart. "Please go back to the Headmaster's office and, if you have the opportunity, tell her…"

"Tell her what?"

"Tell her that I will come for her…no matter what, I will come for her."

The portrait nodded and, with a fierce look, disappeared.

Severus stared at the blank canvas without actually seeing it. All he could do now was wait…but he would not wait quietly.

After all, he had not been sorted into Slytherin for nothing.

**_Author's Notes_**

_First of all, many thanks to Lynn for reviewing the chapter! For her stories (original and fanfiction), search under her pen name, Meatball._

_The book that Hermione refers to at the beginning of the chapter is, of course, "The Secret Garden" (one of my childhood favourites)._

_In Prisoner of Azkaban, when Remus talks about his past, he mentions that there was no cure for lycanthropy –then-. I assume that to mean that there is a cure now for people newly bitten._

_Giuseppe Dormiglione – "Dormiglione" means sleepy-head in my dialect of Italian (I thought it was a cute idea for the owner of a coffee house)_

_The reference to a choice of roads is an indirect reference to a wonderful work by the same name by Imhilien (well worth reading). _

_Another very interesting story is "Le Coeur D'Un Vampire" by Quicklime. It features Vampire!Snape and is done quite well. _

_A well-written Harry-Hermione-Severus love triangle story is "But You Alone" by Azazello (her other stories are also worth reading)_

_Finally, a witty and poignant story you might like is "Unfinished Business" by Ramos._

_The next chapter of Redemption should be out by the end of October as I have a couple of other chaptered stories that have been neglected for far too long. Of course, the fact that I am now 4.5 months pregnant and feeling pretty tired has absolutely nothing to do with it :grins: Actually, everything is going well so far and I am definitely 'showing'. I am due on November 30th so updates will continue to be infrequent after the newest addition to our family arrives. I'll do my best and I promise to finish (eventually) all the stories that I have started. I admit they are neglected but they are not orphans (the stories…not my children…lol)._

_Oh, and I had my diagnostic ultrasound today too but we don't know whether we have a future Potions Mistress or Potions Master. We're still pretty excited!_


	11. An Uneasy Intermezzo

_Disclaimer: Anything you recognize belongs to the goddess, JKR. Dedicated to Tony, Mel, Lynn and Marek. Special thanks to Rose and Lynn for their words of encouragement…they mean a lot to me! And, finally, a special thanks to all my readers for their patience…this chapter was a very long time coming._

**_Chapter 10: An Uneasy Intermezzo_**

It had taken a great deal of time for Severus to finally lie down in bed. Every so often, he would go to the door to try another spell only to find that it would still not let him leave his rooms. His anger was fading, to his great surprise, and was quickly being replaced with an insatiable curiosity.

Why?

Why was Hermione being sent away?

Why was he being kept here?

And why was this all happening now? What, if anything, had changed?

He rubbed his burning eyes wearily and dropped on his bed without even bothering to turn down the covers. Sorely tempted to take either a sleeping potion or a half-bottle of Ogdens, he decided on neither and tried, instead, to compose his thoughts and try to sleep naturally. After all, dawn was not so far off…

_...Dream..._

_He could see that all was lost. Beauxbatons was burning._

_Everywhere he looked, green flames were consuming the very stones that formed its construction. All that was left behind were smoking ashes._

_It was as if the French wizarding academy had never existed in the first place._

_He frantically looked around, screaming Hermione's name and hoping that he would somehow find her._

_"Why are you here?" a voice made him turn and he saw Harry Potter looking at him with curiosity._

_"I have to find Hermione," Severus replied, angry that the younger man could seem so serene in the midst of such chaos._

_"I see," Harry replied in that same calm voice. "I don't know where she is and I cannot look for her as I am trapped. It will take me soon."_

_Severus__ looked down and saw that Harry's legs were encased in a shiny yellow crystalline substance._

_"You must find her," Harry called as the substance began to encase his lower torso. "And, when you do, ask her to forgive me."_

_Severus__ watched in horror as Harry began to disappear._

_He tried casting several spells but nothing had any effect. In moments, he was again alone._

_"I have to find Hermione," Severus thought to himself, shaken by what he had just witnessed. He suddenly heard sinister laughter and bolted in that direction._

_The laughter became louder and, upon reaching the top of a small hill, he saw Lucius Malfoy dropping someone to the ground…someone who was, quite obviously, dead._

_"You're too late, traitor," Lucius smiled as he turned his wand towards Severus. "Potter's whore is dead. She was quite delightful, for a Mudblood that is, but you will never know, will you? And now, my former friend, it is your turn. Avada Kedavra!"_

_The green light snaked towards him and Severus didn't try to run away. He felt it hit, felt his breath freeze in his lungs…_

_...End of Dream..._

Waking up, Severus was surprised to find himself on the floor beside his bed, his clothing soaked with sweat. He was shivering uncontrollably and it took all his strength to make his way to a nearby cabinet and take out a fortifying potion. Downing it in one gulp, he collapsed on the floor and waited for it to take effect.

"_It's just a dream_," he told himself over and over again. He never held any stock in dreams and their supposed meanings. Believing in a dream's significance was the first step to madness in his opinion.

"_But I have never had a nightmare that caused me to react quite like this_," he thought to himself as the shaking stopped. Trusting that he could now stand up without fear of toppling over, Severus cautiously made his way back to his bed and sat down upon it. "_The Headmaster would never put her in overt danger. If he sent her to Beauxbatons, there has to be more of a reason than just to separate her from me. Even he cannot be so petty_."

But Severus was having difficulty convincing himself of this.

He decided a warm shower and fresh clothes would at least make him feel somewhat better physically so he went ahead and did that. Stepping back into his bedroom, he was not surprised to see a tray of food sitting on his bedside table.

"Nice to see that they aren't planning to starve me," he joked mirthlessly as he poured himself a glass of pumpkin juice. Drinking it, he glared at the food, unable to even fathom the thought of eating anything. Perhaps later when his stomach was not tied up in so many knots.

He walked over to the doorway that had stymied him the night before. It now opened easily and he immediately made his way to the Headmaster's office. He was owed an explanation.

Severus did not even need to use the password as the griffin immediately began turning, revealing the ascending staircase. Quickly jumping on it, he rushed through the open office door but stopped short as he saw the afore-mentioned Headmaster deep in conversation with Arthur Weasley, Sirius Black and a gentleman he did not recognize.

"Excuse me, Headmaster," Severus said. "I did not realize that you would be occupied at this time. I will return later…"

"Not at all, Severus," Dumbledore motioned to him to join the others. "In fact, I was just about to ask you to join us. Your timing, as usual, is superb."

Only just managing to hide a sneer, Severus walked over to stand beside Arthur. He noticed that the Weasley patriarch was looking particularly grave – an expression that did not suit him.

"There have been dire developments in the past 24 hours, Severus," Arthur sighed heavily, running a hand over his nearly bald head in apparent agitation.

"Malfoy?" Severus asked.

"Unfortunately, any ill tidings invariably involve that bastard," Sirius grumbled, a hand clenching his wand with unnecessary force, turning his knuckles white.

"What do you know of the Dark Lord's plans involving the interim Minister's youngest son, Severus?" the unknown man asked.

Severus looked at him in curiosity and not without offence at the assumed familiarity in the other man's tone.

"I don't believe the proper introductions have been made. I am Severus Snape, Potions Master and Head of Slytherin House," Severus said stiffly, with a curt nod of his head.

"Reginald Barker," the man answered. "I am a Ministry employee."

"You are an Unspeakable," Severus commented.

The man quickly glanced at Arthur in alarm before returning his attention to Severus.

"You will find, Mr. Barker, that there is precious little that escapes the notice of Professor Snape," Dumbledore said, emphasizing Severus' title as a subtle means of rebuke.

"It is in my nature to be cautious around former followers of the Dark Lord," Reginald said quietly.

"And it is in my nature to be cautious around wizards and witches I do not know," Severus retorted gracefully.

Arthur, Severus noticed, could not repress a snort of amusement.

"Arthur, is your son in immediate danger?" Severus asked.

Arthur's expression became somber once again. He reached into a pocket and pulled out a rumpled piece of parchment. With a quick glance at the Headmaster (and an even quicker nod of approval), Arthur handed it to Severus.

"It was intercepted last night," he said by way of explanation.

Severus immediately recognized the crest of the Malfoy family. The family motto of **_Nex_****_ Pro Feculentia_** seemed to scream at him. For a moment, he stared in stunned silence before recovering sufficiently to read the message itself.

**Dear Cousin Bella,**

**You will doubtless be pleased to hear that your worthless relation, one Nymphadora Tonks, will be captured shortly. Her liaisons with the werewolf have recently been discovered and will prove to be her downfall. His magic is easily traced, foul as it is, and where the beast is, she will surely be.**

**Another piece of news that should also interest you is with regards to the youngest Weasley whelp. The Dark Lord has taken a particular interest in him, especially given the fact that he nearly bested you at ****Cannes****. Fortunate were you, dear cousin, that I was there to watch your back. Such carelessness, on your part, does not bode well. The Dark Lord plans to draw young Weasley away from Potter and intercept him as he makes his way towards Hogwarts. How this will come about, I cannot say. I will, however, do my best to ensure that his punishment will come at your hands. I would ask that you make him last a little longer than that mudblood, Finnegan. Patience is a virtue, as they say and I do hope that you will allow me to practice a few new spells on him. After all, we are family.**

**I will send further information as I am able to. Our informant is well placed and I anticipate Potter's downfall before Christmas. I shall enjoy watching him die.**

**In the meantime, I will make arrangements for a rendezvous at my manor. Narcissa will be visiting her relatives soon and the manor can be such a lonely place…**

**I look forward to our next meeting. Please destroy this parchment according to my prior instructions.**

**Yours,**

Lucius Malfoy 

Severus shuddered at the implications of the last line of the note. He had always known that Lucius Malfoy was a man with a well-earned reputation for his many appetites but had thought him above such degradation.

Apparently, that was not the case.

"You understand our concern, Severus. Ronald is Harry's secret keeper and, while I trust him implicitly, I do not wish to test his resistance to the many tortures at Lucius' disposal," Dumbledore said calmly as Arthur seemed to blanch in sudden horror.

"What is it you wish me to do?" Severus didn't understand what the issue was.

"Severus…it is I who must ask. He is my son and I fear that I cannot adequately protect him," Arthur began, wiping at his brow with a handkerchief. "I ask that you allow him the use of your manor, Severus. It is an enormous favour that I am asking of you but it is the most protected residence in the United Kingdom…on par with Order headquarters only…a less likely hiding place."

"Yes, one of the few benefits of having a paranoid father," Severus replied dismissively, but not with any real rancour. "I owe you and your family a great deal, Arthur. If it will help, the manor is yours. It's not as if it is being used at the moment."

For a moment, Severus was afraid that Arthur would embrace him. But Arthur only held out his hand and Severus shook it. He did not need his skills as a Legilemens to see that the elder Weasley was deeply grateful.

"I wish to note my objection to this idea," Reginald spoke up. "We do not know what Dark Magic is still harboured in that place. It would not, in my opinion, be wise to expose such a vital person to potential danger."

"There is Dark Magic everywhere, Mr. Barker," Sirius commented, speaking for the first time and giving Severus the distinct impression that the animagus would like nothing better than to bite the Unspeakable in the leg…or perhaps a little higher. "You can feel it in the air of my own home…can certainly hear it whenever my mother starts screaming like an accursed banshee from hell. Ron will be safer at Snape Manor than anywhere else. The enemy won't think to look there…they're scared witless of the place and that will work to our advantage."

Arthur did not look amused.

"When will he arrive?" Severus asked Arthur, with a critical look at the now-angry Unspeakable.

"Perhaps tomorrow night," Arthur looked at his pocket watch that, as Severus well knew, was a miniature version of the clock in the Weasley household.

"Is Molly all right?" Sirius asked.

Arthur looked up with something akin to pride in his expression. "A stronger witch there never was, Sirius."

"I quite agree," Severus put a reassuring hand on his friend's shoulder. "Any woman who can manage the lot of you would have little trouble besting the Dark Lord himself."

Arthur, Dumbledore and Sirius chuckled but Reginald remained quiet.

"Something troubles you, Mr. Barker?" Severus asked in a challenging tone.

"I do not trust you, Professor Snape," Reginald replied. "You may not now be a follower of the Dark Lord but I can't help wondering how much…or how little it would take for you to return to the fold."

"That is enough!" Arthur shouted, walking up to the Unspeakable and staring him in the face. "I vouch for him and that should and will be enough for you. Is that understood?"

The Unspeakable, still angry and certainly without any sincere agreement, nodded. "I have an appointment to keep. If you will kindly excuse me." With a short bow, he left the office and Severus could hear him storming noisily down the ascending staircase.

"I apologize for his behaviour towards you, Severus," Arthur sat down on a nearby chair and turned his wand over in his fingers. "He is one of our best Unspeakables but he is a royal pain in the arse sometimes."

"No need for apologies, Arthur," Sirius commented. "That man was terrified of Snape. Lashing out in that manner was his pitiful way of trying to establish that he was the alpha male in our little group. Pitiful really."

"The what?" Severus asked.

Sirius grinned. "In a pack of dogs or wolves, the alpha male is the top male…the leader of the pack."

Severus smirked. "My thanks for such a kind comparison."

"Take it as a compliment, Snape. He obviously considered you a threat and was intimidated."

"We must ensure that Ronald arrives at Snape Manor safely," Dumbledore interrupted with a slight smile hiding behind his beard. "Sirius, please ask Remus to meet you in London to await his arrival. Go by broomstick as it is the quickest and safest mode of travel. Do not, under any circumstances, use the public Floo network," he warned. "Reginald will meet you all at The Leaky Cauldron and will be responsible for Ronald's safety from there to Severus' estate."

"What about Tonks?" Sirius asked. "Remus will want to know that she is safe."

"For the time being, she will stay here and she will stay apart from Remus. Lucius is right. The magical signature of the werewolf, while in its changed form, is easily tracked. I am unwilling to put her in greater danger than she already is," Dumbledore replied wearily.

For a moment, Severus was tempted to ask whether he had not already done the very same thing with Hermione but decided it was not the right time. He never liked to cause a scene and the Unspeakable had set off warning bells in his mind although he could not imagine why. Something in the man's gaze…unsettling…almost a panic.

"I will return to the Ministry. Kingsley is gathering evidence at St. Mungo's and I will need to discuss his findings this afternoon," Arthur got up. "Did you hear about it, Severus? It was in 'The Daily Prophet'…terrible tragedy."

"Yes, I read the article. Are there any initial thoughts as to what the goal might have been in such an attack?" Severus asked.

"None at all. It doesn't make any sense," Arthur put his hat on and, with a quick bow to the others, left the office.

"I had best be going as well. With all the comings and goings in this place, it's nearly impossible to track who is here and who isn't. Ron staying at Snape's place…Hermione staying at Beauxbatons…it's lunacy," Sirius said. "I'll be glad when this is over." Shaking his head, he left the Headmaster and Severus alone.

There was an awkward silence for several moments.

"Headmaster," Severus began in a neutral voice, "I wish to go to Beauxbatons…"

"No," the older wizard replied. "You cannot go to Beauxbatons, Severus. I forbid it. Not because I do not trust you but because this request to help Ron is vital to the Order and I have only you who can carry it out." The Headmaster of Hogwarts looked suddenly quite weary and sat down heavily in his chair. "Please do not judge me too harshly, Severus. It is not as if I wish to cause you or Hermione additional grief. I…understand how you must feel…know full well just how lonely it is to be cooped up in this old castle. It's only natural…human, if you will, that loneliness seeks company…"

"What are you implying?" Severus felt a dangerous spark burning inside of him.

"I mean that…I don't blame you. I don't blame her either. But you must understand…"

"I understand that you understand nothing," Severus answered quietly, willing himself not to throttle the other man. "I will do your work…I will ensure that my part in the downfall of the Dark Lord is duly noted and take _whatever_ spoils may come my way. But do not presume to think that you understand either one of us because you do not. In exchange for this vital assignment of glorified babysitter, you will allow me to go to my estate whenever I so desire. I will not leave the grounds but do not ask me to stay cooped up in this old castle. I am not as much of a lapdog as Black and I will not stand for it any longer. I am the master of my own house and I have a right to ensure its upkeep, if nothing else. The main fireplace is connected to the school's private floo network…you know where to find me…if you need me."

Without even a word of farewell and certainly without giving the Headmaster an opportunity to say a word of objection, Severus turned and stormed out of the office, hurrying down the stairs and through the corridors until he found himself in his own chambers. After throwing on a light cloak, he took a handful of floo powder from a container and stepped into the empty fireplace.

"Snape Manor," he said clearly before throwing the powder to the ground.

As he staggered into the formal parlour of his estate, Severus felt nauseous and irritable. He hated traveling by floo and avoided it whenever possible. However, in this case, it was necessary.

A house elf appeared almost instantly, bowing deeply.

"So nice to see that Master has returned," it squeaked. "Too long has it been."

"Please ensure that a light dinner is served at 6pm, Quincy, and that my bedroom is freshened. I will probably stay the night," Severus said, handing his cloak to the still-bowing creature.

"Yes, Master," it replied.

"Have the messengers been fed today?" Severus asked.

"Not yet…'tis too early," Quincy looked worried.

"I'll look after that today," he replied. "You are dismissed, Quincy."

With another bow, Quincy disappeared.

As Severus made his way through the manor, he wondered about the house elves that were left to the House of Snape. He had freed most of them but some, Quincy included, refused to leave, clothes or no clothes.

Severus navigated the corridors of the manor with ease and he soon found himself in front of a small, unimpressive door.

"Alohomora," he whispered. Inside was a passage that led to an ascending staircase. At the top of the staircase was a trapdoor, which did not require a spell to open. He stepped through and closed the trapdoor after him.

The room was filled with the sound of gentle cooing. Severus looked around and smiled as he regarded one of the few legacies from his father for which he was actually grateful. More than a hundred pigeons looked at him from their nest boxes; males, females and babies. They were a strain known as Black Eagles and, although on the small side, were a beautiful breed with onyx feathers that shone with jewel tones in the sunlight. Once released, they would invariably find their way to Beauxbatons. And, at Beauxbatons, were similar birds that would find their way to Snape Manor.

"Who would have imagined I'd be grateful to my father for having had a torrid affair with the Deputy Headmistress of Beauxbatons," he whispered. It was true that the collection had begun because of a need for discreet correspondence and, as often occurred with pureblood families, it was a practice that continued long after the main participants had died. Each year, Severus would send a quantity of fledgling youngsters to Beauxbatons and the same would be sent to him. Certainly, the pigeons had come in handy but never was the need for their speed and accuracy as dire as now.

He performed a cleaning spell on the nest boxes and then proceeded to feed and water the birds. It was always something he had enjoyed doing and he watched them for a moment pecking furiously away at a choice kernel of corn or pea. For them, life was so simple. Find a mate, raise a family and eat.

He walked over to a small desk and chair that was situated in a far corner and sat down. Pulling out a parchment and quill, he quickly began to write.

**Dear Hermione,**

**Although there was nothing I could have done to prevent it, I apologize for the abrupt manner of your transfer to Beauxbatons. As you can well imagine, I am very angry about this but, above all else, I fear for your safety. Please do not take any unnecessary risks for Lucius is a man accustomed to getting what he wants and I swear, on my very soul, that this will not be.**

**Hermione, do not stand there with your eyes flashing angrily and your hands on your hips. I know full well that you are fully capable of defending yourself against even as strong a wizard as Lucius. I know that you are capable of great power and I certainly do not mean to imply otherwise. However, caution is well-advised. Do not give your trust to anyone at Beauxbatons. Shield your mind, particularly before sleep. You may trust the house elves as they are allies of Hogwarts and are eminently loyal. As such, I only trust them to inform you when I have sent a message.**

**Please do this, Hermione. If, for no other reason, do this for me. I cannot tell you…you cannot begin to imagine…if something were to happen to you.**

**Words fail me.**

**There are many homing pigeons, banded with ebony bearing the Snape family crest, which you may use to send messages to me. They will unerringly arrive at Snape Manor and they cannot be tracked. Please send word that you are all right. Again, the house elves will assist in any way required.**

**When I can, I will come for you. Cling to hope and I, although it is against my nature, will do the same.**

**We will see each other again.**

**Yours,**

**Severus**

Severus rolled up the little piece of parchment and got up to look for a small harness. Finding it, he popped the parchment into the attached tube and walked over to the pens. Looking critically at the birds, he chose a smallish female. She was glossy black with hues of amethyst, emerald and ruby in her plumage. Handling her with the ease of one long familiar, he caught her and quickly attached the harness to her leg.

When he was satisfied that it was secured, he walked over to the window and opened the wire screen. He tossed the little pigeon into the air. It flew up, circled two or three times and then disappeared in the direction of Beauxbatons.

With a sigh, Severus closed the wire screen and gave a final look around to ensure that everything was in its place. He checked the aviary where any replies from Hermione would land and cast a quick notification spell so that he would immediately know when a pigeon from Beauxbatons arrived.

"_After all_," he thought as he made his way back to the main parlour, "_it_ _is not necessary for the Headmaster to be privy to all my secrets_."

Sitting down, Severus was not surprised to see his house elf appear.

"What can Quincy make for Master Snape? Master looks very tired and has not been eating well," the little creature chirped.

"For the moment, a small brandy will suffice," Severus replied.

Within seconds, the brandy was in his hands.

"Is there anything else, Master?" Quincy asked.

Remembering the conversation in the Headmaster's office, Severus nodded.

"I will require the use of the guest rooms. We will be receiving a young man, most likely tomorrow evening, and I am certain he would appreciate a clean bed and a warm meal as I doubt he has had either for rather a long time."

"If it is not too bold to ask, Master, who will be arriving?" Quincy wondered.

"Ronald Weasley. He will be treated with the utmost respect and will be considered a member of the household so long as he is here with us."

"Excellent. I shall ensure that everything is in order and will inform the other house elves, Master," Quincy nodded.

"Thank you, Quincy. Now, please let me be. I will call you if needed."

The house elf nodded once again and, with a snap of his fingers, disappeared.

Severus leaned back into the worn surfaces of the leather chesterfield. He longed for a fire but the house was still too stuffy. Instead, he sipped his brandy, closed his eyes and tried to hold off the headache that was beginning to pound in his temples.

He had not seen the youngest Weasley male in a very long time. He wondered what the young wizard thought of his temporary living arrangements.

"_His_ _reply probably involved the use of several expletives and colourful metaphors_," he thought to himself with a smirk.

The next evening found Severus pacing impatiently outside the front entrance to the Manor. That morning at Hogwarts, he had received an owl from Arthur saying that Ron would be arriving, in the company of the Unspeakable, Reginald Barker, at sundown.

"Late," Severus muttered, trying to see anything in the rapidly darkening sky. "What in bloody hell is keeping them?"

He was hesitant to cast a locating spell since he did not want to alert any unfriendly eyes to their approach. Each time he thought he heard an approaching broom, he was mistaken. An owl in flight. The rustling of a snake through the nearby hedges.

"I'm going to jump at the next moth that flies by," Severus thought to himself angrily. "Honestly, I have the nerves of a jittery Hufflepuff."

Another half hour passed and still there was no sign of either the Auror or the Unspeakable. Severus was beginning to consider the merits of contacting the Headmaster when he finally heard the unique sound of a broomstick in flight. With a small sigh of relief, Severus watched as a hooded figure landed on the lawn. He had set the wards to "turn away" anyone other than his expected guests so he knew that the figure had to be one of them.

"Snape? That you?" The figure pulled down his hood revealing a head of bright red hair, clearly recognizable in the moonlight. Even at a distance, Severus could see that he was exhausted.

"I am relieved that you…" Severus' words were cut short as he watched Ron step off his broom and fall face forward into the ground.

Racing up to the inert figure, Severus gently turned him over. He felt for a pulse and found one, weak but stable. There were deep slashes in the young man's clothing and, when Severus stood up, there was blood on his hands.

"Mobilicorpus," he muttered quickly, guiding the unconscious figure into the house and to his awaiting room. Reginald would have to make his own way in. At least the wards would not disembowel him when he arrived.

Several moments later, Ron was resting in the freshly made bed. Quincy had seen to changing his clothes and Severus was now dressing the many wounds on the younger man's arms and left hand.

"Defensive wounds," Severus surmised.

As he finished, Ron suddenly regained consciousness.

"Get away from me, Traitor!" he screamed, scrambling to get away from Severus, with a frantic expression.

Severus frowned but did not reply.

Ron blinked and the wild look slowly left his eyes.

"Snape? That you?" He asked, in apparent disbelief.

"That is the second time you have questioned my identity. I assure you that it is I, the overgrown bat, as you have often pointed out," Severus replied, still frowning.

"Sorry about…all that," Ron moved to go back under the covers, his face contorting in pain. "Thought you were Barker."

"Barker? The Unspeakable?" Severus asked in surprise.

"But then I knew it couldn't be him. He's dead. I killed him," Ron explained, looking as if what little energy he had, had just dissipated.

"What on earth…"

"He was trying to kill me. Lost his marbles, he did. Jabbering on and on about the end of the wizarding world and the inevitable victory for Voldemort. Said it was better for me to die now and not suffer at the hands of the Death Eaters," Ron continued bitterly. "I tried to reason with him. He wouldn't listen. Bastard came at me with a knife. We tousled and it ended up in his throat."

"I will have to let your father know," Severus pointed out.

"I know. Take my wand. You can verify my story with it. Or even use that famous Veritaserum of yours, "Ron sighed.

"You need sleep, not Veritaserum," Severus picked up a small flask. "Drink this and, by tomorrow morning, you will feel much better."

Ron took the flask and, without hesitation, drank its contents. At Severus' surprised expression, he shrugged.

"I trust you," he murmured sleepily as he succumbed to the potion's effects.

Severus regarded the young man carefully. He could see the white hairs in his ruddy locks and he looked thin and drawn. Here was another child who had lost his childhood thanks to the Dark Lord and his insanity.

After instructing Quincy to inform him of any changes in Ron's condition, Severus went first to the parlour fireplace and spoke to the Headmaster via the private Floo network. After assuring the older wizard that Ron would be all right, he requested that Arthur come by the next morning to discuss any possible repercussions for Ron in the slaying of the seemingly psychotic Unspeakable.

"I think that is a good idea, Severus," the Headmaster agreed. "If you require me, I trust you will let me know."

"Of course," Severus replied blandly. "Good night, Headmaster."

"Good night, Severus…and…I truly am sorry."

Severus stepped back into his parlour before he could reply with angry words. As he did so, he felt the spell that indicated a reply from Hermione had arrived. Breaking into a full run, he made his way to the pen in mere moments.

There, sitting serenely, was a large male with a harness attached to its leg. Severus quickly grabbed him and removed the harness. He placed the pigeon in a closed off area and put down some fresh water and seeds as a reward for a job well done.

With shaking hands, he removed the parchment and unrolled it.

**Dear Severus,**

**I have been gone for such a short time and yet I find that I am already missing you. Albus has not answered all my questions regarding the necessity of this change and I fear the answers have less to do with any real concerns for my safety as opposed to keeping me from you.**

**Please keep yourself safe. You are as much as target as I am. We have too much to live for to give up now. So, though I may be imprisoned in my ivory tower, I will not succumb to despair. Besides, there are enough books here to keep me occupied for some time. Don't smirk in that maddening fashion. You know full well that books are a temptation I simply cannot resist.**

**Much like yourself.**

**Yours,**

**Hermione**

"Presumptuous minx of a woman. Ah, Hermione…I fear you will emasculate me yet," he said, not unkindly.

He resolved to send a reply in the morning, informing her of Ron's presence in his house but leaving out the details of the attack. He did not want her to become anxious since she was so far away and could do little.

With a yawn, Severus returned to his own bedroom. He quickly changed and, collapsing tiredly on the bed, was asleep in an instant.

The next morning, Severus checked on Ron to ascertain that he was, indeed, all right. The young man was sitting up in bed and, Severus was relieved to see, did not look quite so pale.

"For a second, I thought it was a dream," Ron whispered.

"I can well imagine. I have often wished it myself," Severus said in sudden understanding. "To kill another person, even in self defense, is…jarring to the soul. How do you feel?"

"Alive," Ron replied, stretching. "That's something, at least."

"That's everything. Are you hungry?"

"Thirsty more than anything else," Ron admitted.

Quincy appeared with a flagon and two glasses.

"Pumpkin juice, Master Weasley," the house elf poured out two glasses and, bowing politely each time, handed one to Ron and one to Severus. "Please call Quincy if there is anything else you require."

Thanks," Ron said gratefully, drinking deeply and not even noticing when the house elf disappeared.

"Ron," Severus sat down on a chair next to the bed and took a sip from his own glass. "Tell me how you have been. You have not had an easy time of things and, while this is not surprising given the times in which we now live, I did not expect to see that famous Weasley energy so diminished."

Ron sighed, looking into his glass as if it held all the answers. "I was thinking, this morning, that maybe I should have let Barker kill me. Then, it would be all over and I wouldn't have to look over my shoulder anymore, wondering if someone is aiming a Killing Curse at me."

"That hardly sounds like you," Severus remonstrated gently.

"I am sick and tired of this!" Ron exclaimed angrily.

"This?" Severus asked.

"I didn't think the war would drag on for so long."

"Do you doubt Harry?"

"No, of course not. It's just…I always thought that Harry and Voldemort would have it out at the end of seventh year and then we could live our lives in peace," Ron continued staring at this glass.

"We are, all of us, reaching our breaking point but, if we lapse in our vigilance, Voldemort will press the advantage and all will be lost. You know that."

"You sound like Moody."

"A flattering comparison, I'm sure," Severus smirked. "At least I do not look like him."

"Harry just isn't himself anymore," Ron muttered, seemingly ignoring Severus' attempt at humour.

"What do you mean?"

"If I didn't know better, I'd say he was depressed. He's resigned to dying…says it often enough."

Severus frowned. "Is he giving up?"

Ron shook his head. "No, nothing like that. He believes and knows that he will defeat Voldemort but he is convinced that he himself will die as well."

"He has much to live for and is far too young to be so fatalistic," Severus pointed out.

Ron made a dismissive motion with his hand. "His life is the prophecy. There isn't anything else or anyone else in his field of vision. We don't do anything anymore. No games of Wizard Chess. No going out, incognito, for a butterbeer or, better yet, a glass of Ogdens. Nothing."

"What about Hermione?"

Ron again shook his head, his expression sorrowful. "Don't know why he is always delaying the marriage. I was all happy for them to begin with but now…"

"Now?"

"I think Harry wants to marry her because he was tired of being alone. And I think Hermione wants to marry Harry for the same reason…just to have someone in her life."

"But isn't that why people get married? To share a life together? To stave off the loneliness of a seemingly cruel and heartless world?"

"They love each other like friends. It's like between me and Hermione or, hell, even Harry and me. It's strong and it's deep but it's friendship. Nothing beyond that," Ron explained, running a finger along the rim of his glass. "Besides, Harry is not her type."

This piqued Severus' curiosity but he could see the young man was getting tired.

"I'd better leave you to rest. Your father would never forgive me if I let you die in my care," Severus said, getting up.

Ron nodded, yawning and settling himself on the soft pillows. "Awful decent of you to offer me the use of your place. I just want you to know that I appreciate it."

"You're welcome. Now, get some rest. I'm sure your father would like to talk with you when he arrives later this morning."

Ron yawned again, slipping under the covers and closing his eyes.

"You know," Severus heard him say sleepily, "I always thought Hermione would go for someone like you. Crazy, eh?"

Ron's snoring filled the room soon afterwards as Severus stared in helpless disbelief.

"Well," he finally whispered as he exited the room, "they say there is a fine line between madness and genius."

_A/N: Well, it has been a very long time since I last updated this story. Motherhood has kept me busy. Many thanks to my husband for his help with this chapter (he races homing pigeons). Pigeons are raced across the __English Channel__ (from both sides) and some races can be as long as 1000 km. It is a much more common sport in __Europe__ (particularly __Belgium__) but is also popular in __Canada__ and the __US__. Some good websites for pigeon racing include canadianracingpigeonunion dot com and pigeon dot org_

_Any ideas as to the identity of the crystalline substance that engulfs Harry?_

_The Malfoy family motto is "Death Before Impurity" (my Latin is not the greatest…oh well)_

_Next chapter by the end of June._

_Thanks, __Lynn__, for beta-reading this chapter. You so totally rock!_


	12. Unexpected

_**Disclaimer**__: Here's a shocker…anything you recognize belongs to the goddess, JKR. Dedicated, with much affection, to my readers who show me such patience with my exceedingly sporadic updates. I never thought it would take me two years to get through this chapter. I hope it was worth the wait._

_**Warning**__: This chapter makes reference to a brutal sexual assault and, although there is nothing graphic, the very nature of the crime may be very upsetting to some readers. Please use your own discretion as to whether you should read it or not. If you are a younger reader, I recommend skipping this chapter as I don't want to be the cause of any sleepless nights. _

**Chapter 11: Unexpected**

The beginning of the school year brought a welcome distraction to Severus. It certainly made the days more tolerable, having a new class of first year dunderheads to terrorize. He almost smirked as he thought about what Hermione would say about his teaching methods. But thinking about her brought only frustration and not a little anger. It was best to concentrate on the classes that he was fortunate enough to teach in order to avoid being killed by any of the Death Eater spawn. Not that there were any left attending Hogwarts. Most had transferred to Durmstrang once the attack had been complete. Slytherin House had been decimated but not a single house was left untouched. Even Hufflepuff had lost about a dozen students.

It had almost destroyed the Headmaster to see how many students had been lost…from Hogwarts and, more upsettingly, to Voldemort himself.

Even Argus Filch, never known for saying a kind word about a single student, said that it was a sorry business to see so many witches and wizards throwing away their future on empty promises and glamour.

"Throwing away an ability they don't appreciate properly. They should be given detention with me 'till they've come to their senses," he grumbled, holding out the wand he'd received the previous year with reverence. The many years of taking a correspondence course in magic had finally allowed him to cast some basic spells and the Headmaster had rewarded him by buying the surly caretaker a new wand (the old one being rather banged up and spellotaped).

Severus didn't begrudge the caretaker his new wand despite the fact that the man had proven himself to be absolutely hopeless at potions. Well, he had certainly tried and, really, some of his mistakes had been quite remarkable. Longbottom couldn't hold a candle to Argus Filch when it came to discovering how not to brew a potion.

Outstanding effort. Miserable result.

But still, he could cast a modest repertoire of simple spells and Severus had never seen the man smile so much as when he managed to levitate a pumpkin pasty. There had been no detentions for a month after that.

The aching in his stomach reminded Severus that he had missed dinner the previous night and, having woken up so late, there wasn't enough time to wolf down breakfast in the Great hall before his first class of the day. As he dressed, he called for a house elf to bring him coffee (very strong) and some egg-salad sandwiches. He managed to get it all down without feeling too nauseated and quickly headed down to the dungeons, his robes billowing dramatically behind him. No one could say that he didn't make an entrance.

"_Overgrown bat_," he thought. "_That's what she would have said_."

Barely repressing a sigh, he swept into his dreaded class of first years. It consisted of Slytherins and Hufflepuffs and not a single student showed the least inclination to brewing potions in an adequate manner.

"_Another unremarkable year of mediocrity and exploding cauldrons_," he thought as he began his lecture.

It was always strange to be teaching so openly especially since he was being openly hunted by several Death Eaters and the Dark Lord himself. In a way, it was marginally better than being cooped up at Order Headquarters with only a board of Wizarding Chess to keep him company most evenings. Standing in front of his students and repeating the lectures of years past gave him a semblance of security but it came at such a huge cost. Despite being surrounded by students and peers, he felt more alone than ever before.

He missed Hermione terribly and felt his resolve to see her build with each passing day.

One night, Severus sat in his classroom and stared at her latest letter. Although it was, perhaps, a thoroughly Hufflepuff sentiment, he treasured each note that he received from her. It was an affirmation, in written form, that what he felt…what they both felt…was real and not just some twisted misinterpretation of a bitter and jealous heart. Each time he read her words, he almost felt like running to the Headmaster, showing them to the older wizard and saying 'I told you so'. It was, most assuredly, a puerile and petulant thing to gloat over but he had never held himself to be above such failings. Being around James Potter had made that somewhat impossible.

The Profesoressa was also very helpful, keeping an eye on things in Beauxbatons and reporting back to him. He was hesitant to send along any personal messages and requested simply that she observe Hermione and ensure that there were no rumblings of any danger.

It was a pity the Vanishing Cabinets were no longer in existence. They had been destroyed as a precaution many years earlier.

"Finished marking your essays, Severus? Did anyone manage to get a passing grade?" A familiar voice made him look up in sudden surprise and pocket her letter quickly.

"Tonks? I thought you were to arrive tomorrow evening," he commented as she walked in.

"Change of plans," she pointed to her shoulder which looked to be heavily bandaged. Severus then noticed the telltale marks of magical healing.

"What happened?" he asked as she sat on one of the desks in the front row, wincing slightly as she did so.

"Let's see…Lucius Malfoy happened as well as my dear cousin Bella and her husband. They all…happened…at the same time," Tonks shuddered slightly and looked to be a bit jittery.

Concerned, Severus stood and walked over to her. He tilted her head up, looked into her eyes and saw that her pupils were pulsing erratically…contracting and dilating in a manner that had nothing to do with the lighting in the classroom.

A sure sign of prolonged exposure to the Cruciatus Curse.

"They tried the Imperius Curse first. Idiots. If it hadn't been for my cousin…I'd have blasted Malfoy and Rodolphus into the Atlantic," she laughed mirthlessly.

"I've always maintained that you are a stronger woman than others give you credit for," Severus conjured a glass of spiced wine which she immediately took and sipped gratefully.

"Thank you," she sighed, "I needed…"

"Something to calm your nerves?" Severus completed her thought. At Tonks' noise of surprise, he added, "I have some practical experience in the more unorthodox methods of dealing with being Crucio-ed to within an inch of my life. Occupational hazard of being a Death Eater."

Tonks nodded. "I don't suppose you have something to calm my nerves after being raped or does this work just as well?"

Severus hands clenched into fists in sudden horror.

"Who?" he managed to utter.

"Lucius and Rodolphus," Tonks replied as if discussing the weather although one tear managed to make its way down her cheek. Severus immediately realized that Tonks had been given a Disassociative Potion which allowed a victim to capsulize a traumatic event and keep it separate from themselves until they were strong enough to work through it. It basically made an event appear to have happened to someone else.

It was also very dangerous if the event was kept from the victim for too long. Acute schizophrenia was a very real concern.

Tonks took another sip of wine. "They took turns while Bella had me immobilized with a Cruciatus Curse. To be honest, I don't know which was worse."

"Remus?" Severus asked, not knowing quite how to comfort her.

"I was forced to watch…thanks to a Body Bind Curse and a dose of Cruciatus," Remus appeared at the doorway and walked over to embrace Tonks gently. "Malfoy said that only a real man could endure the Cruciatus…and he wanted to see how much of a real man was left inside the werewolf. Bella had wanted to kill me outright but Malfoy intervened, saying there was no sport in that. Then, they turned their attention to Dora…"

Severus felt a bit like an intruder as Remus caressed Tonks' cheek and kissed her forehead, not letting her go for an instant.

"I thought we were both going to die," Tonks whispered.

"Sirius found us. I don't know how but he did. He's with the Headmaster now," Remus explained.

"What about Malfoy and the Lestranges?" Severus asked, conjuring more spiced wine for Tonks and two additional glasses for Remus and himself.

"Malfoy and Bellatrix are still alive," Remus replied. "Rodolphus is dead. I killed him myself. Once Sirius freed me and had managed to get Dora free, I aimed a castrating spell at him and let him bleed to death. I wanted to do the same to Malfoy but he and Bellatrix had already managed to get away. We had to get Dora here to safety."

"He laughed at me," Tonks murmured. "Said he couldn't imagine why a werewolf would want to have a dirty little mate like me. He told me it was difficult enough for him to enjoy me and he was family."

"He won't laugh anymore," Remus assured her. "I made certain of that."

Tonks turned to Severus. "Malfoy is obsessed with Hermione, Severus. Each time he…he forced me to look like her…said it was almost as good as having the real thing. She's in grave danger and, if he finds her here…"

"She's at Beauxbatons," Severus sighed, taking a long drink of his wine.

"What!" Remus shouted. "Which idiot put her there?"

"The Headmaster believes her to be safer there," Severus replied neutrally.

"The Headmaster sent her there?" Tonks asked, her eyes wide with concern. "Beauxbatons isn't nearly as well protected as Hogwarts. I don't understand…"

Remus was angry. "I don't believe it…we were just with him in the infirmary…he didn't mention it…"

"Have you heard from her? Is she all right?" Tonks asked, reaching out for Severus' hand.

Severus appreciated the gesture. "Yes, for the moment she is safe," he answered carefully.

"What about you, Severus?" Remus asked, draining his glass.

"What about me?"

"Why are you still here? Malfoy wants you just as badly as Hermione," Remus clarified.

Severus paused and felt all the repressed anger and anguish coalesce into a solid lump of bitterness just inside his throat.

"I have no choice," he finally replied, knowing that he sounded utterly defeated.

Tonks and Remus looked at one another in sadness.

"She's a powerful witch…" Tonks ventured, placing her hand over his.

Severus pushed her hand away and stood up, throwing his glass clear across the room and taking not a little satisfaction in how it smashed against the wall. "I am fully aware of her capabilities as a witch, Tonks! I have never doubted her ability to look after herself and defend herself against her many enemies! She has been forced to suffer the loss of her parents and some of her friends simply because of who she is!"

"Harry's fiancée?" Tonks asked.

"Because she is Hermione Granger and an indomitable thorn in the Dark Lord's backside. Harry Potter is just an additional liability…one we all must bear," Severus muttered. "I just wish…"

But words failed him…if it had been an age since he'd wished for anything other than a painless death.

"I wish," he finally whispered, "that I could be with her…to protect her…even though I know she'd tell me I was over-reacting."

"Sounds like her," Tonks mused.

"It certainly does," Remus agreed.

"What about you?" Severus asked Tonks. "Will you be staying within these walls?"

"For the time being," she replied, passing a hand over her brow. "I have to deal with what happened to me and, to be honest, I don't want to be here any longer than I have to."

"But, Dora…" Remus protested.

"Hogwarts has changed, Remus, and you know this just as well as I do. It's still the same, wonderful place in some ways but…I…I can't breathe in here. Maybe I will be safer here than anywhere else but at what cost? My sanity? I'll end up at St. Mungo's or perhaps a muggle mental health facility."

"Muggles have no real concept of how the mind works – and their facilities have a reputation of being poorly funded and inadequately staffed. Mental illness in the muggle world is still considered a stigma…a failing of character. There is much that they do not comprehend," Severus muttered, remembering a visit to such a facility after Frank and Alice had been attacked. He had gone in search of a cure and came away with the impression that, while the workers were genuinely committed to the well-being of their clients, there just weren't enough of them and there didn't seem to be sufficient Galleons to keep the facilities up to par. In some cases, they were little better than prisons.

"I don't agree that we should go," Remus asserted.

Tonks looked at Remus and Severus suddenly had the impression that he was something of an outsider in this situation.

"You said 'we'" she pointed out.

"Do you really think I will let you be parted from me now?" Remus asked. Whatever it is we face out there…we face together. Time is short. Life is short. I don't want to wait until the end before we start truly living because…well, the ending always carries some degree of uncertainty."

"Very wise sentiments, Remus," Severus remarked. "I only wish that others shared in them."

"You're not chained here, Severus," Tonks pointed out. "I thought you were no one's pet dog."

Severus bristled slightly at those words, recalling a similar situation and a similar conversation involving Sirius' quasi-imprisonment at 12 Grimmauld Street.

"If I go," he finally replied, "she will be moved again. The Headmaster believes it imperative to keep up us apart and, for the moment, I accept that. However, it is only for the moment…and acceptance is thinner than parchment."

"What if you're too late? You know, better than most, how obsessive Malfoy is. You know he will never stop until he has her in his clutches…"

"Or is dead," Severus completed Remus' sentence. "I cannot consider that possibility without wanting to throttle someone," he admitted. "Besides, she is not alone."

"Who…" Tonks started.

"Minerva is with her," Severus replied.

"Well, that's something positive," Remus nodded. "It could have been Hooch."

"Dumbledore may be many things but he's not a complete idiot," Tonks commented. "Minerva's a smart old bird…never lets her hair or her guard down…tough as nails."

Remus let out a mirthless chuckle. "I'd feel better if Hermione were here…or at least if you were with her, Severus."

"So do I, my friend," Severus whispered.

"You…you love her, don't you?" Tonks asked.

Severus nodded … somewhat surprised that Remus had kept his confidence so well. Again, he'd proven to be more of a man than Severus had anticipated.

"And…Hermione?" Tonks asked.

Suddenly too tired to reply, he pulled out the letter from Hermione and handed it to them. It didn't take long for them to read it through.

"When will she tell Harry?" Remus queried.

"What about Harry?" Tonks replied angrily, looking very agitated. "Hermione deserves happiness as much as the next person and I have always felt that they were not right for each other. They love each other…very deeply…it's…it's just not that kind of love. Not the marriage and kids kind of love. It's a deep friendship."

Remus sighed, running a hand through his hair wearily. "He's James' son…I swore I'd try to look after him. He'll be hurt…although, I have to admit, he has only himself to blame."

"He's not a baby anymore, Remus," Tonks pointed out.

"Despite all the evidence to the contrary, I would not wish him ill, Remus," Severus took back the letter and looked at it again even though he had already memorized each word. "Please do not mention this to Sirius…I doubt he would be as understanding as yourselves and I wish to retain the use of my various appendages."

"You're probably right," Remus admitted with a rueful smile. "Although, Sirius has a tendency to understand things better than you might think. He has changed over the years."

Severus nodded. What was past was past. There were enough sins on both their souls to last several lifetimes.

"Remus," Tonks was starting to tremble. "I think I'd better get back to the infirmary. The potion is wearing off."

"Will you be all right? If there is anything you need…" Severus started.

"I know where you live," Tonks grinned at him and turned her hair bubblegum pink as Remus took her arm and led her out of the room.

Severus sat down and put Hermione's letter in his pocket.

He felt a cold rush of anger as he pondered what had happened to Tonks. And for Remus to witness it…helpless…

"Malfoy," he hissed hatefully, his latent magic causing the ink bottle on his desk to explode and spatter ink over its pristine surface.

After a quick cleansing spell, he exited the classroom and extinguished the lights. Deciding that Hogwarts was safe enough for one night, he forewent his usual rounds and went straight to bed. Despite the myriad of thoughts running through his head, he fell asleep almost immediately.

But he did not sleep well.

_Burning!_

_Everything was on fire!_

_Severus was running through the flames, desperately looking for Hermione._

"_Where are you?" he shouted into the flames._

_He saw a figure in the distance and continued running to catch up._

"_Hermione!"_

"_Severus…it's so good to see you."_

The figure turned around.

_It was Lucius Malfoy._

"_Avada Kedavra!"_

Severus woke up in a cold sweat, with the bed sheets tangled around him. Shaking slightly, he reached over to his nightstand and grabbed a bottle of dreamless sleep potion.

"_Dreams mean nothing…only my subconscious fears coming to light,"_ he thought to himself before the potion took effect.

The next morning, Severus decided that he would broach a subject with the Headmaster that was sure to cause the old wizard some trepidation. However, Severus was certain that he would be able to convince him it was necessary and that the information garnered would be valuable.

After morning classes were done, he made his way to the Headmaster's office and entered with the ease and familiarity of someone accustomed to being able to come in without invitation. The Headmaster was sitting at his desk, looking at a pile of parchments with a puzzled expression on his face.

"Headmaster?" Severus inquired.

Albus Dumbledore looked up and, upon seeing Severus, smiled. "Hello, Severus. Have I missed lunch? I trust that your day is proceeding in a satisfactory fashion?"

"Well, the Death Eaters haven't killed me but the day is young yet," Severus smirked mirthlessly.

Despite the sarcasm, a smile appeared on the Headmaster's face. "I trust that your first and second year classes are all intact?"

"The cauldrons are intact. Their heads, I'm afraid, are as addled as they will ever be. I can't remember the last time I had a student who wasn't a constant threat to my continued existence," Severus continued. This banter reminded him of happier days in Hogwarts and he was quickly becoming frustrated with it.

"My apologies for not noticing you…I am looking over some references that may help us in locating the penultimate horcrux."

"You have been trying to destroy the Dark Lord's soul for an age. Perhaps something a little more direct would be in order?" Severus suggested.

"Destroying all the horcruxes has the benefit of being a permanent solution, Severus. Without a soul, he cannot ever return," the Headmaster answered.

Severus shrugged. He had never understood the need to destroy the Dark Lord piece by proverbial piece. He was more inclined to poison him but there had never been an opportunity to slip a little Reductus potion in his pumpkin juice or whatever vile concoction the being formerly known as Tom Riddle actually drank. Severus feared it might be blood.

"I have a request to make," Severus began cautiously.

"Yes?"

"I wish to go to St. Mungo's. The recent attack has yet to be investigated properly due to lack of qualified personnel. I am fully trained in forensic magical investigation and I could assist the deputy head mediwitch in determining who might be responsible. I…I also wish to see Frank. It has been some time…"

"I understand your desire to see your friend, Severus. Truly, I do. But, do you think it wise to expose yourself to those who might wish to harm you? St. Mungo's is a rather public place," the Headmaster took off his glasses and wiped them thoughtfully with his beard.

"I can bring closure to those who lost friends or family in the attack. My work for the Ministry and the Order, while worthwhile, is repetitive and mundane. Besides, St. Mungo's has very strict security wards. None would dare follow me in there."

"It did not protect against whoever attacked them," the Headmaster pointed out.

"Which is exactly why I need to go. What if they attack Hogwarts next? St. Mungo's is the in the top five in terms of the most protected public places in all of the United Kingdom. Perhaps this was a test? We need to know what we are dealing with if we are to keep the remaining students safe," Severus asserted. "Do not stain my hands with more blood…I have enough to keep my sleep filled with nightmares as it is."

The Headmaster stood up, still polishing his glasses on his white beard. Severus watched as he walked up to a cabinet filled with an assortment of shrunken heads.

"I fear this may not be a good idea. You speak of blood on your hands. Do you not think I am trying to avoid having your blood on my hands?"

Severus bit back a retort and took a deep breath before replying. "I understand that but it is very important to me that I see Frank and that I offer my assistance to those who need it.

The Headmaster looked defeated.

"When do you wish to leave?"

"I will contact the deputy head mediwitch and offer my services and she will advise as to the best time to go. She is a good friend of mine and I trust her. There is a direct floo link from Hogwarts to St. Mungo's which is heavily warded so I will not have to risk the public floo network," Severus pointed out.

"Of course. Please let me know before you leave…both of your impending departure and your anticipated return. That is not a suggestion, Severus," the Headmaster sat down and pulled open a roll of parchment in a clear sign of dismissal.

"I will be happy to provide that," Severus replied, not without bitterness as he turned and walked swiftly out of the office.

Severus didn't really care as to why the Headmaster was acting in such a bizarre manner. He simply went to the Owlery with a note to his friend at St. Mungo's and thought nothing more of it.

He was not a man to be kept on a leash…no matter how long.

After dinner, Severus found himself looking up a number of texts in the Restricted Section of the library. There were no students present at this hour and he rather appreciated the quiet atmosphere.

"I thought I might find you here," a drawling voice made him turn around quickly. Draco Malfoy was leaning against a bookshelf and looking for all the world like the cat that had gotten into a forbidden vat of cream.

"Well, old habits do die hard," Severus returned the book he had been reading to its rightful place and turned to face his former student.

"Nice to see you too," Draco smirked as he touched the spine of one of the books, making it howl in apparent anguish.

"What are you doing here, Draco? This isn't the Headmaster's office."

"I came by to visit old friends. Wanted to see how Padma was making out. We only just managed to save her life, you know."

Severus did not need reminding.

"She is coping remarkably well."

"I'm not surprised…she's a tough witch," Draco agreed. "Have you had any luck breaking through that Memory Charm?"

"Not yet."

"Damn!" Draco shook his head. "I was hoping…we don't really have any good information…nothing to go by. I'd like to inflict a few Unforgivables for her."

Severus smirked. "As if you ever needed that sort of motivation."

"Hey, is Granger here?" Draco asked suddenly, "I need her help with some ancient curses we found in Algeria. Fleur won't let Bill take on any new assignments with the baby coming and Granger's really good at deciphering old text."

"No…she is not here. She is being kept in a…safe location," Severus replied.

"You mean there's a place safer than Hogwarts?" Draco looked incredulous.

"I don't know where she is… her location is being kept secret…"

"I know," Draco sighed. "It's because of my father."

Severus nodded.

"Well, it's hardly surprising. I'm so tired of it…just want this all to be over so that I can actually live a life and not hide under rocks," Draco ran a hand through his hair. Severus noticed a light scar on his cheek that hadn't been there before.

"Freedom does not come without a price," Severus replied, feeling that he sounded a bit too much like the Headmaster for his liking.

"When do we stop paying, Severus?" Draco asked as he left.

Severus did not know the answer to that.

Sometime later, utterly exhausted, Severus stepped out of his fireplace and immediately made his way to his beloved messengers which had become his only link to Hermione. He saw that they had been fed and watered and that Quincy had thoughtfully placed several fresh bowls of pickstone for them to nibble on.

He found the bird he wanted, a small but sturdy female he had affectionately nicknamed "Little Pear" because of her shape. Quickly, he attached his message to the little hen who cooed to him softly in recognition.

He went over the message in his thoughts:

_**Dearest Hermione,**_

_**The very fact that I am forced to use the term 'dearest' in any context is entirely your fault…and I am thankful for it. I trust you to heed **__**Alastor**__** Moody's words and be constantly on your guard. There is danger everywhere and it would not do to become complacent simply because nothing has happened yet. I know you are not a foolish woman and I trust in your ability to protect yourself. It is the only thing I have trust in these days.**_

_**Well, I do trust in us even though it sounds somewhat maudlin coming from my lips.**_

_**Please be careful, Hermione. I am a very selfish man and I don't want to **__**lose **__**you now that you are mine to lose. Be assured that you are foremost in my thoughts…and it is giving me a most frightful headache.**_

_**Yes, even a Potions Master such as myself, can say something **__**humourous**__** on occasion. Some might say I am on a first-name basis with sarcasm.**_

_**We will see each other soon.**_

_**Yours,**_

_**Severus**_

The message was on its way to its intended recipient within moments.

After waiting a few minutes, Severus summoned his owl, a rather decrepit Great Horned Owl named Loki that had been in the family for a long time.

"Bring this to Minerva McGonagall at Beauxbatons Academy," Severus instructed as he attached another slip of parchment. "A reply is requested."

The owl nodded gravely and took off into the night sky.

This message had been somewhat shorter:

_**Minerva,**_

_**Hermione is in grave danger. **__**Lucius**__** will stop at nothing to destroy her. He intends to do to her what he did to **__**Tonks**__** and I will die before that happens. **_

_**Please protect her since I am not allowed to.**_

_**Severus**_

_**PS: I would be most appreciative if you kept this note completely confidential…I trust to your impeccable Gryffindor discretion and integrity.**_

Severus quickly returned to Hogwarts and decided to pay a visit to the infirmary since he had completed a number of pain-relieving and anti-inflammatory potions that Poppy had requested.

He was close to the office door when he heard voices.

"Why didn't you tell me you were still having headaches, Padma?"

There was a pause, then…

"Don't make so much of them, Sirius. They're just headaches."

"They could be a consequence of the Memory Charm…you should have Poppy check that there isn't anything more sinister surfacing."

"They're just headaches."

Padma sounded very annoyed, as if this were a conversation repeated many times over.

"I would feel better if you would have Poppy check..."

"Why? Are you worried about me?"

A much longer pause.

"I…I'm not worried…I'm just concerned."

Sirius sounded as if the conversation had taken an awkward turn.

"Concern? Is that all it is?"

"Well…yes."

Even Severus had to admit that Sirius didn't sound very convincing. He decided to put the poor devil out of his misery. Clinking the potions vials in his tray loudly, he cleared his throat as he approached the door. He heard hurried footsteps and then silence.

"Oh…good evening. Were you waiting for Poppy? I have a delivery for her," Severus commented in a very neutral tone. Padma was sitting at Poppy's desk, looking over a parchment while Sirius was examining a book on the other side of the office.

"Why don't you leave them on her desk and I will go and tell her that they are here," Padma stood and practically raced out of the office.

Severus did not miss the look of sadness on Sirius' face…or the fact that the book he was reading was upside down.

"You are an idiot," Severus stated calmly as he placed the tray of vials down on Poppy's desk and turned around, waiting for the heated denial.

"I know," Sirius sighed, sitting down on a stool.

"How long?"

"A couple of years…back when she and I worked together in Argentina."

Severus remembered that mission well. Padma and her friend, Hannah Abbott, had infiltrated the Death Eaters' stronghold in South America and, almost single-handedly, turned the entire operation over to the Aurors. Sirius had helped but it had been Padma's knowledge of language (particularly some of the more obscure dialects) and Hannah's knowledge of native customs that had been the deciding factors.

And, it seemed, the Dark Lord had not forgotten…

"I don't understand your denial. It seems obvious that she cares for you," Severus pointed out. "I am not an expert in these matters but I do have more sensibility than a concussed troll."

"I encouraged her to take that assignment because I thought she was the best for it…both her and Hannah. They were so successful…and they have now suffered so much for it."

Severus said nothing.

"It's my fault their families were targeted! My fault! How can she say that she cares about me and loves me when it is my fault that she is all alone?" Sirius asked.

"You did not hold her to an Unbreakable Vow…she made the decision to accept the mission on her own. She can neither thank you for the Order of Merlin it brought her nor curse you for the pain of losing her family," Severus replied.

"She is still recovering…she's stubborn…has all these headaches and won't go to Poppy to be tested. I'm worried…that something is up. That there is latent Dark Magic that…could harm her."

"It could also mean that the Memory Charm is wearing off…becoming weaker. Perhaps…Poppy isn't the best bet. Speak to her about coming to see me. She may be more amenable to that. Poppy sometimes has the bedside manner of a menopausal hippogriff."

Sirius looked at his hands and then looked up at Severus.

"And…my advice to you…as a friend. Do not let this one get away as well. There is a limit as to how many regrets a human soul can endure."

Sirius nodded tiredly and left the office.

Severus followed shortly thereafter.

The next day, Severus returned to his manor and was surprised to see the parlour occupied.

Ron Weasley stood with his father near the fireplace, looking over an old book. Arthur was a frequent visitor (as was Molly) since Severus had immediately granted them both full access to his manor as well as a secure private floo link so that they could visit their son.

"Hello, Arthur. Nice to see you again. Ron, how are you feeling?" Severus inquired as he approached the two men.

"I think I'm done healing, thanks," Ron replied with a wry smile. "I was just explaining to Dad why I shouldn't impose on your hospitality any longer."

"Have I been that terrible a host?" Severus crossed his arms over his chest and regarded the young man with an amused smirk.

"You just can't let go being an insufferable bat, can you?" Ron replied, without any real rancour. "I owe you a lot but I can't stay hidden away in here. In case you hadn't noticed, Voldemort's not been defeated yet. I need to be out there doing something."

"Such as?" Severus asked.

"Molly and I don't want him to go back to his original assignment for a couple of weeks yet," Arthur didn't sound as if he'd had much success in convincing his son of this.

"I am perfectly capable of resuming my duties, Dad!" Ron almost shouted.

Arthur looked at his son and, with a sigh, affectionately mussed his hair, causing Ron to splutter in protest.

"We're your parents, Ron, and that makes us selfish. We don't want to lose you."

"You can't keep me safe in a bubble wrap spell," Ron argued.

"He's right, Arthur," Severus interceded. "Take pride in the fact that your son is brave and willing to sacrifice a great deal to ensure that the wizarding world and, indeed, the muggle world as well, remain free. We all stand to lose something or someone dear to us."

Ron looked as if he was going to ask exactly what or whom Severus stood to lose but thought better of it. Arthur impulsively hugged his son.

"We are so proud of you, Ron. If you're really ready, we can go right now. Just…let's pass by the Burrow first. Your mother will never forgive me if we don't."

Ron nodded, still somewhat smothered by his father's embrace.

"All right," Ron said as his father released him. "That's decided then. Thanks awfully for having me here. I'm sorry I wasn't better company."

"Think nothing of it, Ron," Severus said, holding out a hand, which Ron shook enthusiastically. "I'm simply pleased that you are still here with us."

"As are we," Arthur placed a hand on Severus' shoulder. "Once again, you have proven to be an invaluable ally to my family, Severus. I won't forget this."

Severus was overwhelmed by the immense gratitude in the other man's eyes.

"You owe me nothing, Arthur," Severus finally replied. "Just keep yourself out of harm's way. The wizarding world will have need of you when the Dark Lord is finally defeated."

Arthur nodded and, with Ron following close behind, stepped into the fireplace.

"We'll pass by the Burrow first and then talk to Dumbledore. It's a good thing you established this private link to our home, Severus. The public floo network has become too risky for any of us to use. People seem to be disappearing every week and we can't seem to find out where or why."

Severus held out a jar of floo powder and both Arthur and Ron took a handful.

"Please give my regards to Molly," Severus called out as the men both disappeared in a flash of green flame.

Later that evening, Severus sat in the same parlour with a snifter of cognac in one hand and a missive from Minerva in the other. It was short and to the point.

_**Severus,**_

_**I will do as you ask. You have nothing to prove to me as I know where your loyalties lie and I would trust you with my very soul.**_

_**Minerva**_

It had caught him off-guard, this profession of faith. Although he and Minerva had squabbled on almost every point either awarded or taken away from their respective houses, she was a good friend and a strong ally. It surprised him that he missed her as much as he did.

"_I have few friends…when one is missing, I feel their absence all the more,"_ he thought to himself as he drained the glass and threw the parchment into the fireplace.

Severus Snape was startled to hear the doorbell to the manor ringing. There were only a few people who had access to the front door and not one of them was expected.

"Shall I answer the door, Master?" Quincy asked nervously as he popped into view.

After some thought, Severus shook his head. "Stay out of sight for the moment, Quincy. I will call you if I need you."

The house elf nodded and disappeared.

Frowning, Severus took out his wand and walked over to the imposing front entrance with all its elaborate scrollwork and dark oak.

"Alohomora," he whispered, readying himself for a surprise attack.

Severus Snape had been a Death Eater and a spy for most of his life and had perfected the art of concealing his emotions. However, in this instance, he could not suppress a gasp of shock.

Looking thoroughly bedraggled and exhausted, not to mention the fact that his clothing had certainly seen better days, his unexpected visitor still managed a small smile.

"It has been a long time, Snape," remarked Harry Potter.

_Author's Notes: I hope you got a giggle out of my attempt at CSI:Hogwarts (now there is a fanfiction just begging to be written...any takers?). The line about being concerned, not worried, came from CSI: Crime Scene Investigation ("Down the Drain")_


	13. Of Potter and Portraits

_Disclaimer__ – Anything you recognize belongs to the goddess, JKR. I thought it might be a real treat for my readers to get an update a little more quickly than last time (I still can't believe it took me 2 years to write a chapter - yikes). Special thanks to Rose (my beta goddess) and Lynn (for prodding me with a pointy stick) and Imhilien (for keeping me motivated with her much more frequent updates).._

**Chapter 12 - Of Potter and Portraits**

Severus Snape had imagined several scenarios as to the next time he saw Harry Potter and they had all involved violence, colourful metaphors and a visit to the infirmary. After all, they both had ties to the same woman…although he seriously doubted Harry knew that just yet.

With that thought, Severus' expression became considerably less severe and he focused on the task of pouring two glasses of cognac. There was a time when he would have gloated and inflicted as much torment as possible upon a jilted lover but…he was no longer that vindictive person.

And this was not James Potter.

Shaking his head slightly, Severus picked up the two glasses and walked over to where Harry was sitting on an ottoman. The younger wizard was prodding the fire with a poker and had a calm expression on his face. Severus wondered what was going through his mind.

"I can assure you that there isn't a drop of Veritaserum in the glass," Severus commented, holding the glass out.

Harry turned to him and smiled. Setting the poker down, he stood and stretched for a moment before accepting the glass.

"Typical," he said quietly as he downed the contents of the glass quickly.

Severus took a sip and regarded Harry. The last several months had not been kind to him. It startled him to realize that his former student looked resigned…almost defeated.

It worried him.

"You must be wondering why I'm here," Harry looked at the empty glass and turned to look at Severus.

"The thought has crossed my mind," Severus admitted. "I imagined that I would be rather low on your list of social calls."

"I needed a night to just…talk," Harry hesitated, turning again to the fire.

Severus waited for Harry to continue, taking another sip from his glass.

"You and I have never been friends…I certainly have come to respect the work you have done for the Order but…it doesn't mean that I like you."

Again, Severus did not reply.

"But you may be the only person who sees me as anything other than something out of a prophecy…to be coddled and protected because of some cataclysmic battle that is to come."

Harry turned to Severus.

"You are the only person I trust to tell me the truth…even if you knew I wouldn't like it."

Severus looked at his drink for a moment.

"I have always thought you capable of much more than the others have led you to believe. I have always taken prophecies with the proverbial grain of salt. What you accomplish against the Dark Lord will depend on your abilities and your skill…not the hushed whisperings of a drunken seer," Severus agreed calmly, looking at Harry.

"If there were no prophecy…what would you think of me?" Harry asked, turning again to the fire.

Severus took a quiet sip of the cognac in an effort to collect his thoughts. He felt that he had to tread very carefully but, at the same time, knew it would be disastrous to try to lie.

"You are a skilled wizard, Potter...a bit too headstrong and presumptuous, but skilled nonetheless. You have an understandable vendetta against the Dark Lord but that does not set you apart. It is your conviction that this is the right thing to do and your ability to convince others of this fact…this is what sets you apart. The prophecy…is meaningless…not worth talking about," Severus commented, taking another sip from his glass and frowning at how quickly the cognac was disappearing.

"What do you think of Dumbledore?"

Severus paused before raising a questioning glance to the Man-Who-Continued-To-Live.

"I believe the Headmaster is doing what he thinks is right," he finally replied in a careful tone.

"I thought you might say that. Very diplomatic…but what does it mean? Do you agree with what he is doing?" Harry sounded quite distressed.

Severus looked at Harry and, for a moment, felt a wave of sympathy so powerful that it completely overwhelmed him. They were not so very different…they had both lost their childhood…their youth. What was left for either of them after this was all over?

"No, Harry. I do not agree."

Harry nodded, moving closer to a window and looking out.

"That's why I came here…because, despite everything, you're the only one willing to tell me a truth that everyone feels but no one admits."

Harry turned to face Severus. "I feel like Atlas, holding up the weight of the world, but chained at the same time. I'm considered this chosen one but I'm not allowed to choose my own path. Every movement has to relate back to that accursed cloudy ball of prophetic nonsense. I wish Sybil had kept her mouth shut!!!"

There was a sudden cracking noise and Severus realized that Harry had crushed the glass in his hand. Blood was dripping on the floor but Harry wasn't even aware of either the glass or his injuries.

"Potter…Harry…sit down," Setting down his own glass and taking out his wand, Severus made the broken glass and the blood disappear and quickly healed the cuts on his hand. He guided the younger man back to the ottoman.

"I just want to be Harry…just want to go out, drink butterbeer and play Quidditch. I'm so tired of being everyone's saviour," Harry muttered, looking at his healed hand with little interest. "Thanks, by the way."

Severus sat down on a nearby chair and steepled his fingers. This was a delicate situation and he inwardly cursed the Headmaster for having brought it to be.

"Harry, what is your deepest desire?"

The younger wizard looked rather defensive.

"I'm not some sort of lecherous fiend, Harry. Let me rephrase that…what would you hope to do with your life after the Dark Lord is defeated?"

"That's easy. Play Quidditch…see the world…have fun," Harry shrugged.

"With whom?"

Harry was about to speak and then stopped.

"Harry?"

"That's not an easy question for me to answer."

"Why not?"

Harry sighed and put his head in his hands. "I have two friends who mean more to me than anything. They've sacrificed a lot to help me and continue to make sacrifices for me."

Severus waited.

"Would you think me a horrible monster if I said I would want to spend the foreseeable future on my own?"

"Does it really matter what I think? Many people already think of me as a horrible monster…probably with far greater justification."

"I don't want to stick around and see everyone settle into a normal life. I don't think a normal life is possible for me."

"What about Hermione?"

Harry stood up and walked over to an overfull bookshelf and pretended to be interested in a text on Persian potions masters of the 15th century.

"I'll always love her…"

Severus sensed the hesitation…this was not the declaration of undying love he had been fearing.

"You sound…uncertain."

"She will never be happy with me, Snape. I know that. I know myself well enough to realize that I'm not what she needs. She has set aside all her dreams and goals for me…I never really wanted that…but have been too weak to let her go. I've been so selfish…hanging on…like some kind of sick parasite."

"We all have our reasons to be selfish…that does not make us parasites. It is only when we refuse to see our selfishness as just that…see it as our Merlin-given right…well, I would say that is when it is a problem," Severus replied carefully. "What about Ron?"

"I don't know…I think he would probably feel betrayed."

"And Hermione would not?"

Harry sighed, running a hand through his hair. "There has been…a lot of distance over the last couple of years. I think…she would be relieved…to know, one way or the other. I've postponed the wedding so many times…I think she probably already knows."

"You should still tell her. She has a right to know. Perhaps…a discussion would be beneficial on both parts."

"I know," Harry nodded, refusing to look at Severus and focusing instead on the books. "But I can't…regardless of how this ends…she will be hurt…and I never wanted that. I never wanted any of my friends to suffer."

Severus reached over for his glass and drained it. "You know that she is no longer at Hogwarts?" he asked.

"The Headmaster sent me an owl to that effect. I'm not happy about it…would rather that she stayed at Hogwarts. I almost replied with a Howler," Harry muttered angrily. "Beauxbatons! I mean…it isn't the safest place."

"She has considerable skill and would be a formidable enemy to face under any circumstances," Severus commented.

Harry nodded but his expression quickly became dark.

"I'm also here to tell you that there is a traitor in the Order," he said quietly. "I don't know who…I have suspicions but nothing concrete."

"Who do you suspect?" Severus asked.

"Not you…I have faith in your loyalty to the Order," Harry quickly replied. "I can't really say anything more until I have evidence. I haven't spoken about it to anyone…if I am wrong, the repercussions could be enormous. I'd rather be sure and then…"

"And then?"

"And then I will deal with it," Harry said with a look of grim satisfaction. "Just be sure not to tell anyone about where Hermione has gone."

"I'm afraid that will be impossible…several people already know."

Harry cursed under his breath. "I can't do anything about that short of Obliviating everyone."

"I will ask the others to be discrete…it is a situation that can be adequately managed," Severus pointed out. "Harry…I must ask…does the Headmaster know you are here?"

Harry looked uncomfortable. "No. Are you going to tell him?"

"Not without your consent…I do understand the necessity for discretion. Should I tell Hermione…she has been quite concerned for you."

"It might be best if she didn't know I was here…I don't know," Harry sighed dejectedly and Severus could see the pain that was clearly etched on his former student's face. He felt somewhat ill.

"It is late…and, to be frank, you look exhausted…I can offer you the guest bedroom if you like."

Harry looked surprised.

"I do remember some of the niceties of polite society," Severus smirked.

The smile that graced Harry's face did not reach his eyes and, again, Severus was unprepared for the sudden sense of kinship with the young wizard in front of him. While he knew enough of his background to want to curse the Muggle family that raised him, he had never gone out of his way to understand the man that his former student had become.

"He has been surrounded by people who have either abused him or worshipped him," he thought as he watched Harry pick up the poker and start moving the glowing embers. "How does one cope with the expectations of the entire wizarding world?"

"If I don't make it, I have all my affairs in order," Harry stated suddenly.

"That is a practical decision…if somewhat morbid," Severus replied cautiously.

"My parents left me a small fortune at Gringotts. I've set aside a fair amount for Ron and Hermione…enough for them to have a happy life…but the rest…it's to go to St. Mungo's," Harry didn't look at Severus.

"Why?"

Harry finally turned to Severus. "My parents are dead and there is nothing I can do about that. I accepted a long time ago that I would never have the chance to see them. But there are a lot of patients at St. Mungo's who could be brought back…could be reunited with their families. I…I want Neville's parents to know their grandchild."

Severus was taken aback by the raw emotion on Harry's face.

"You have to promise me something," Harry continued. "Actually, you have to promise me two things."

"Why me?"

Harry didn't answer. "Promise me that you will administer that money in projects of true value. I know that you have spent considerable time on similar projects and you will know what ventures have real promise and are worth funding. You know, your skills as a Potions Master would be very useful if you ever wanted to get away from Hogwarts and all the dunderheads."

"And the second thing?"

Harry sighed. "Look after Hermione. If I don't have the chance to tell her…please tell her for me. I know you are close…a lot closer than she and I were. I'm not blind, you know and I'm not angry about it…maybe I should be…but I'm too tired now. I just want this to be over and to have some sort of peace. That's all that's left for me now...the only thing I look forward to."

"Harry…what you ask…"

"I know I can trust you. Even though you have been a Death Eater, a spy and a traitor…I do trust you and I know you'll do what's best for her."

Severus did not know what to say. The situation was quickly becoming surreal.

"I should go. I don't want to attract any unwanted attention," Harry took out his wand and ran a finger along it. "Not that I'm not ready for it."

"I'll…I'll show you out," Severus walked with Harry in silence to the door and opened it.

Harry stood at the open door and the moonlight outlined his form. There was something so final in his expression. It unnerved Severus and, again, he felt a strong pang of guilt. Harry had been so…accepting…of the situation with Hermione. There was no anger or resentment…just a calm acceptance.

"Harry…please…take care," Severus stretched out his hand.

Harry grinned suddenly and shook his hand.

"I still don't like you, Snape," he said before Disapparating.

It was some time before Severus went back inside the manor.

The next morning, Severus made his preparations to go to St. Mungo's. After sending a house elf to tell the Headmaster that he was off, he stepped into his fireplace and hurtled along the secure floo link towards the esteemed Wizarding hospital.

Despite the time that had passed since the attacks, the scene was still one of sheer bedlam. Areas had been cordoned off with anti-trespassing spells to protect any magical evidence that could be gleaned. There were flashes of cameras and the constant hum of forensic spells and, for a moment, it made Severus wish that he hadn't come.

"Severus Snape!" a loud voice reached his ears and he turned around with a smile.

"Margaret…I said I would come and help you and here I am," he accepted her warm embrace with grace. She was of the same stock as Molly Weasley…excessively maternal and overwhelmingly nurturing.

He rather liked her and respected her ability to heal the worst of magical ailments and injuries.

Much like Molly Weasley, this was not a witch to be tested.

"A Slytherin who's true to his word…what is the world coming to?" Margaret laughed. "It's nice to see you in one piece."

"I thought that might be helpful," Severus snarked gently.

Margaret smiled but then sobered quickly. "It's been awful, Severus. The investigators the Ministry have been sending me are no better than first year students. Totally incompetent, the lot of them."

"The Ministry is having difficulty recruiting new investigators…they tend to turn up dead," Severus said quietly.

"I know about that…Arthur was here trying to help out. Poor man…his heart is in the right place…too bad we can't have about a hundred of him…and a couple of dozen of you for good measure," Margaret mused, rubbing her temples with a slight grimace.

"Headache?" Severus asked.

"It's nothing I can't handle," Margaret assured him. "Would you like to see Frank and Alice before we get to work?"

Severus nodded and followed his friend. As they passed the hallways and patient rooms, it was easy to see that the Death Eaters had tried to destroy as much of the facility as possible. There didn't appear to be a plan other than to create chaos and disrupt the normal running of the hospital.

In a word, it didn't make sense.

"Do we have any idea what they were after, Margaret?" he asked.

"Nothing yet," Margaret answered as they waited for the elevator. "There were casualties but none of them were of any great importance…well, other than to their own families, of course. What I mean is…nothing that warranted the attention of the Death Eaters or Voldemort."

"Is anything missing?" Severus asked as they got on the elevator.

"We haven't had time to do a complete inventory. Looks like some supplies might have been nicked but we won't know for certain for another couple of days."

"This doesn't make any sense," he muttered. "There had to be a reason to come here."

"I believe that as well…I get the definite impression that this was a practice run…a preparation for something bigger…but…"

"You have no proof."

Margaret nodded as the elevator door opened.

"You know where to go, Severus. I'll wait for you in my office. Take your time," she softly touched his shoulder as if to encourage him to go forward.

With a quick nod, he walked over to where his friends were.

Stepping behind the privacy curtain, he sat down on the little stool that was situated between their cots.

"Hello, Frank. Hello, Alice. It's Severus. I've come to visit you and make sure you are all right," Severus said in a gentle voice.

There was no response and, despite knowing that, it still hurt Severus.

"I wanted you both to know that I have not given up in curing you. I have found some promising leads in a Tunisian dark arts history and I hope to set up trials in a few months."

Alice turned to her side and let out a soft sigh of breath. Severus, on an impulse, held her hand.

"You're going to be a grandmother soon, Alice. I know that Neville has probably already told you but I thought you might like to hear it again. I won't let you miss out on that…I swear it to you," he said earnestly.

But Alice said nothing and Severus released her hand.

Turning to Frank, Severus placed a hand on his friend's heart.

"I swear I won't give up, Frank. I still have that bottle of cognac waiting for us at Hogwarts. We were going to drink it together…remember? It's still there."

But Frank, like his wife, said nothing.

Standing, Severus looked with sadness on his friends.

"I won't give up," he whispered as he turned to go.

But he didn't get far before running into Neville Longbottom.

"Hullo Professor Snape," he said with a shy grin.

Severus was genuinely pleased to see Neville and was again struck by the fact that he looked so much like his father.

"Hello, Neville. How is your wife?"

Neville grinned. "The cravings are terrible but we're managing."

Severus nodded, even though his experience with pregnant women was practically nonexistent.

"I didn't mean to eavesdrop but I overheard what you were saying to my parents," Neville said. "I know I've told you many times and you're probably sick of me saying it but…it means a lot to me that you haven't given up on them…just like I haven't."

"They were my friends before they became your parents," Severus pointed out. "I owe them a great deal and, even if I can find the means to bring them back, my debt to them will not be paid. They've missed out on so much…with a grandchild on the way…it is unbearable to think they will miss that as well."

"It does hurt a lot. I was satisfied to hear that Rodolphus was killed...although it's probably pretty terrible of me to say so. Is Tonks all right?"

"Who told you?"

"Sirius. He was here earlier this morning. Mad as hell and wanted to make sure my parents were okay."

Severus ran his hand through his hair. "Rodolphus is dead by Remus' hand but Malfoy and Bellatrix are still free. Of the three, Rodolphus was the weakest and, as such, is no great loss to the Dark Lord."

"Still, I'm glad he's dead. Someone like that…doesn't deserve to live," Neville said quietly.

"I agree. Now, I must speak with the deputy head mediwitch and I'm sure you would like some time with your parents. Please pass along my compliments to your wife and congratulations to you both," Severus shook Neville's hand.

"Thanks, Professor," Neville replied.

Severus exited the room and made his way quietly towards Margaret's office. There were several portraits of past head mediwitches and mediwizards and they nodded at him amicably. Well, at least the ones who were awake did.

"I was hoping that I would catch up with you here," a familiar voice made him stop and turn to his left. There, standing beside the sleeping founder of St. Mungo's was the Professoressa.

"Professoressa?" he whispered. "How did you know I would be here?"

The woman in the portrait smiled at him. "A woman cannot give away all her secrets, Professore. There must always be an element of mystery."

Despite the fatigue that threatened to crush him, Severus smiled and nodded.

"She worries about you a great deal," she continued. "I cannot see her often…the others might talk…but I have spoken to her."

"Typical Gryffindor…worries about everyone else," he muttered. "Is she all right?"

"She is a Gryffindor, as you so kindly pointed out. While she is certainly suffering from ennui, there is no doubt that her spirit remains strong. She misses you," the portrait regarded him warmly. "She loves you very deeply."

"I am not the sort of man who waxes romantic…Merlin knows I have precious little experience in any sort of strong emotion other than hatred," Severus sighed, leaning against the wall. "But I do love her."

"I know…and, more importantly, she knows. It will give you both the strength to overcome whatever ostacoli come between you."

"You didn't come here simply to talk about Hermione," Severus pointed out.

The portrait shook her head. "I have been speaking to the other portraits. It is very frustrating that there are so many restrictions on what they can and cannot tell."

"Patient confidentiality must be upheld at all times, Professoressa," Severus replied. "In a place such as this, it's of the utmost importance. There are many important wizards and witches here."

"Lucius Malfoy was here," she whispered, looking around fearfully.

"What?" Severus hissed angrily.

"He knew Hermione was to have been taken from Hogwarts and he thought she might be hidden here, under an enchantment…a glamour."

"How could he possibly know that?" Severus was baffled.

"He has an informant…he did not say who."

"There were others?" Severus asked, still trying to digest this latest piece of astonishing news. Who would betray them? He wished Harry had given him some clue as to who he suspected.

"Yes," the portrait replied. "There were at least four others. They made their way through the wards, casting anti-glamour spells and many Unforgivable Curses. Lucius captured your friend and was trying to read her mind with Legilemens when the Aurors arrived. It looked as if he considered…violating her."

"She didn't mention that."

"He cast a memory charm on her before Disapparating. She had been trying to protect your friends," she pointed out.

"Frank and Alice…yes, Lucius would have some interest in seeing them again," Severus muttered angrily. "He probably thought, since Hermione has been known to visit them now and again and is a good friend of their son, that she might have been sequestered here."

"It is a thought process not without logic," the portrait replied. "What will you do about Margaret?

"I won't tamper with her memories," Severus replied heavily.

The portrait started to protest.

"Professoressa, please. I do not have the time to do this properly and I will not risk hurting her. Her role here is critical and we need her. For all I know, Lucius planted a curse that can only be triggered by a memory removal spell." He shook his head, "I will not take the chance…she is my friend…she saved my life more times than I care to admit."

"You are far too noble to have been sorted into Slytherin, Professore," the portrait smiled. "Or perhaps it is the young signorina who is, as they say, rubbing off on you."

"Slytherins are very noble when it suits their purpose to be," Severus snarked as the portrait chuckled in acknowledgment. "Where will you go now?"

"I will return to Hogwarts for the time being and then, if all is well, I will visit Beauxbatons in the next several days. The house elves there are most helpful. Is there a message you wish me to relay?"

"Yes…tell her…I will be with her very soon…one way or the other," Severus replied, a grim expression on his face.

"Professore," The portrait looked concerned.

"I think that the situation is becoming too grave for me to continue taking only a passive role. The time is fast approaching when I will have to decide between what is easy and what is right…and there is no doubt in my mind what my choice will be. I will not stand by and let her die!" Severus clenched his hands into fists. "Lucius will be the one to die…by my hand, if the fates allow it."

The portrait nodded and then looked thoughtful.

"There is something I can do…if you are willing to try. It's been more than an age since it has been done…is against many rules but I care nothing for rules…and this is more important than anything else."

"What on earth are you talking about?" Severus asked in exasperation as he watched the portrait pace back and forth.

"There is a spell. It will allow you to accompany me. I can take you to her. But it can't be for very long," the portrait explained.

Severus was absolutely dumbfounded. He'd never heard of such a thing.

"It is called the Crossover Spell and a portrait is only able to perform it once. I've waited a very long time…if you wish, I will take you."

Severus did not hesitate. "Yes. Tell me what to do."

The Professoressa took out her wand and started murmuring in Italian. Severus, although fluent in the language, was only able to pick out the occasional word. When she was done, he noticed that the outline of the portrait was blurry.

"Take my hand, Professore," she held her hand out to him. Without hesitation, Severus reached into the portrait and, much like being pulled into a Pensieve, he found himself pulled into the portrait.

"This is incredible…I never imagined that there was an entire world here," Severus breathed.

"Do not let go of my hand until I say so…it is very important," she reminded him.

"How do we get to Beauxbatons?" Severus asked.

"It is something like Disapparating. It may feel strange…I recommend closing your eyes," she gently placed her hand over his eyes and he closed them. He heard a muffled popping sound and then a rushing of air past his ears. 

"Will it take long?"

"We are already here," she replied as she released his hand. "You may open your eyes."

Severus acquiesced and was surprised to find himself looking into a quiet chamber as if he were looking through a window.

"She will be here soon. Very much a creature of habit," the Professoressa commented.

Almost as if on cue, the door to the chamber opened and Hermione entered. Severus immediately noticed that she looked tired and had lost weight.

"Hermione," he whispered.

He hadn't meant to say it out loud but he did and she heard him. Looking around in a sudden panic, she caught sight of him in the portrait and rushed over.

"Severus?"

Severus realized that she was quickly thinking something awful had happened to him.

"I am here as a guest of the Professoressa," he quickly explained. "I am fine and, thanks to a conveniently forgotten spell, I have the means to see you…talk to you."

"Can you come out?" She asked, looking at him in shocked amazement.

The Professoressa shook her head. "The spell has its limitations. I will leave you to speak in private and will return when the allotted time is done. You only have a few moments, make good use of them."

And she disappeared.

"I can't believe you're really here," Hermione smiled shakily…her eyes suspiciously bright. "I've missed you terribly."

"I know…I know because it has been the same misery for me," Severus walked towards her, reaching an invisible barrier and stopping. "I owe the Professoressa a great deal for this opportunity to see you."

"Have you been well? You look pale," she said, with a concerned look, reaching up towards him and frowning because she couldn't reach him. "This is an odd spell."

"I understand a little better just how difficult it was for Sirius to stay at Order Headquarters all that time years ago. But he did not have to be separated from the woman he loved," Severus mused.

Hermione smiled. "I have to admit, it has not been easy being so far from you. And I had always thought of myself as quite the independent woman."

"Love does not create dependence," Severus pointed out. "I can't take credit for that…I just remember reading that somewhere and, at the time thought it was romantic drivel…but now…perhaps there is a grain of truth to it after all."

"Is…everyone…all right? I have had no contact except for the notes from your sweet little pigeons. It's quite isolating."

"There have been…incidents but I can't talk about that right now."

She nodded, still holding her hand against the portrait. Severus was pressing against her hand with his own but he could not touch her. The barrier was relentless and cruel.

"Have you heard from Harry?" She asked hesitantly.

The question did not bring forward any jealousy…which surprised Severus. He trusted Hermione. When was the last time he had trusted a person to such a degree…and not have that same trust betrayed?

"Yes," he replied quietly, looking closely at her hands and noticing that she had started biting her nails again. "I believe that there is still hope."

"When did you start hoping?"

"It is a recent development and has much to do with you," he looked up at her and was pleased to see her smiling again.

"I'm just so happy to see you…the letters have been lovely, don't get me wrong, but…it's not the same."

"No, it isn't. I'm sorry. I have to wait for the opportunity to make this a reunion of a more permanent nature. I have been apprized that there may be a traitor in our midst and I cannot take the chance of Lucius Malfoy determining where you have gone."

"He should be afraid of me and what I will do to him," she said hatefully, a frown appearing on her face.

"He should be afraid of you…but he is as arrogant as any Death Eater…blinded to his own foibles and focused on one obsession."

"Me."

Severus sighed. "Yes, you. He thinks the key to defeating Potter is by destroying you."

"He doesn't know Harry very well. Harry would not be destroyed by the death of any of us…perhaps not even Ron. He only knows his destiny…has been living and breathing it for most of his life. My death would sadden him, no doubt, but it would not destroy him."

"He does not love you as I do, Hermione. Merlin help me for sounding like a lovestruck fool but losing you would destroy me," Severus insisted, instinctively trying to hold her hand but again frustrated by the barrier of the portrait.

Hermione smiled…the tension easing from her face.

"I guess we are both lovestruck fools, Severus," she said softly. "I can live with that."

Severus chuckled.

A slight cough made him turn around. The Professoressa stood there, looking apologetic.

"We must be off…I'll let you say your goodbyes in private and will return momentarily," the older witch said before walking through a door and vanishing.

Severus turned back to Hermione.

"Please be sure to thank her for me, Severus," Hermione smiled. "This…has meant more to me than you could imagine."

"Be safe, Hermione. Please look after yourself and don't take any unnecessary risks."

"I expect the same from you."

And then, they reached towards each other and their lips met.

And, for a brief moment, there was no barrier.

There was only magic.

"Goodbye," Hermione whispered.

"Goodbye," Severus whispered back.

Stepping back, Severus watched Hermione wipe her eyes before smiling bravely and waving. He nodded in acknowledgment as the Professoressa walked in, touched his hand, and took him back.

It took several moments for him to recover from the experience. His heart was pounding and he was buzzing with a frenetic energy.

How had he been able to kiss her?

"Professore, are you all right?" the Professoressa asked.

Severus nodded.

"I was able to kiss her," he murmured.

"Impossibile," she said firmly.

"I did…I felt her lips…her warmth. We kissed," he looked up at her and was surprised to see her smiling.

"I made the right decision, then, to bring you to her. I am most pleased for you."

Severus closed his eyes, wanting the room to stop spinning.

"I can't thank you enough…I feel I will be eternally in your debt," he whispered, utterly overwhelmed and feeling utterly helpless and suddenly quite alone.

"You owe me nothing. I lived once too…and I remember," she replied with a small smile.

And then she vanished.

It was several moments before Severus realized that he was standing in the hallway all alone. Consciously unclenching his now-aching fingers, he hurried back to where Margaret was reading over a stack of reports as tall as a #12 cauldron.

"You took an awfully long time," she said, looking up and adjusting her glasses.

"I seem to draw an audience no matter where I go, even to the loo," he smirked mirthlessly.

"Ah well…a trained forensic investigator like yourself is in short supply. Just beat them off with a stick," she conjured two cups of steaming tea.

Severus picked up one cup and sniffed at it thoughtfully before taking a sip.

"If I wanted to poison you, I would have used something that would not have been picked up by your unusually well-endowed nose," Margaret grinned.

"Such charm," Severus muttered. "You know that old habits die hard."

"You look upset," she said as she sipped her tea.

"It's just…" he paused, collecting his bearings, "this situation with Frank and Alice. I worry about them…they have no way of defending themselves. It would have been a simple thing to kill them both."

A look of understanding appeared on Margaret's face.

"I've always said you had the makings of a better than average mediwizard, Severus," she smiled.

"You're delusional," Severus smirked.

Margaret smiled and then frowned, rubbing her temples again. "Damn headaches…I haven't been sleeping well lately and it's making me crankier than a Blast Ended Skrewt."

Thinking about what the Professoressa had said, Severus became concerned.

"Have you been taking anything for the pain?" he asked.

"There's barely enough for our patients," she protested.

"I'll send you something by owl tonight so that you can rest. Be sure you take it," Severus thought of two potions that could help. "You're no good to anyone if you continue in this way."

Margaret squeezed his hand in appreciation.

"Now, tell me everything you know."

The next hour involved Severus taking copious notes as Margaret described in detail the nature of the attack and the various oddities she had noticed. For one thing, the internal alarms (which directly linked to the Ministry of Magic) had been disabled and there had been no magical or physical way to determine how this had occurred. Secondly, none of the casualties involved seemed to have any important links to the Dark Lord or to the Death Eaters. Thirdly, it seemed as if some potions ingredients had been stolen but it was proving impossible to determine what use they would be as they were fairly generic and easy to purchase everywhere.

"This does not make much sense," Severus looked over his notes, failing to see a concrete reason for the attack.

"I know. I still maintain my position that this was some sort of practice run. There is a bigger attack coming. Mark my words, Severus…this is just the beginning," Margaret sighed tiredly. "Sirius Black was here, you know. He is very upset about the whole thing but he hasn't the skills we need right now. His heart's in the right place but…he's a bit of a loose cannon. Still," Margaret paused as she looked out into the hallway, "he'd be better than some of the ones we have running around here."

"Have you spoken to the Headmaster?" Severus asked.

Margaret looked angry. "He said that, since a member of the Order was not injured or killed, it was probably a group of novices trying to curry favour with the Dark Lord."

"Given the fact that the internal alarms were disabled…I deem that highly unlikely," Severus muttered.

"He's not taking it seriously! I have patients who are worried out of their minds…they thought this was a safe haven. Does the Headmaster think it's easier to tell someone's child their father is dead just because he wasn't a member of the Order? I've seen so much tragedy in the last few years, Severus. I don't need platitudes…I need answers. I need action!"

"Well," Severus stood up and took out his wand. "Where would you like me to begin?"

_A/N – Ah yes, CSI: Hogwarts is in full swing _

_::cue 'Who Are You?'::. _

_Next chapter will be posted in early September._


	14. Of Love and Hatred

_Disclaimer – Anything you recognize belongs to the goddess, JKR. It's taken me a very, very long time to get back into this story after reading Deathly Hallows and, while I expected it, the death of Severus Snape hit me hard. He was (and is) my favourite character. R.I.P._

_If you haven't realized it by now, this story is AU because, in my universe, the snarky Potions Master is alive and well._

_Thanks to my readers for their infinite patience with my painfully slow progress. Dark chocolate truffles to Lynn for her beta-reading awesomeness!_

Chapter 13 – Of Love and Hatred

The old adage was false. Time did not heal all wounds.

The nightmares continued and Severus had given up trying to understand them. While the events in his past certainly provided sufficient fodder for a lifetime of nocturnal terrors, he had never been plagued by them on such a consistent basis…until now.

"Perhaps it is because I did not fear losing anything before," he thought to himself as he sat in his bed one morning, just as the sun was rising. "Perhaps it is because I now have hope for a life that extends beyond the final battle."

He reached into a secret drawer in his night table and pulled out the latest note from Hermione. As a rule, he did not keep the notes and committed them to memory before destroying them but…sometimes he could not do it as quickly as he should have.

_Dearest Severus,_

_I know it will make you cringe with horror that someone would consider you their dearest but I simply could not resist (and what I wouldn't give to see the horrified expression on your face). There is nothing new to report although Minerva and the Headmistress have been looking rather grave in the last few days. The house elves are also acting very strange and they seem to be talking among themselves an awful lot. I asked Gabrielle about it but she has not been well for the longest time…I don't think she has been sleeping at night, poor thing…she must be so worried about her sister._

_I am still having the nightmares, Severus, but I can't bring myself to take the potion you sent me. I know they mean something…they are trying to tell me something if I could only remember. Just don't tell Trelawney…I don't think I could bear her 'I told you so' attitude - even from afar._

_Please be careful, Severus. It must sound terribly strange for me to tell you to look after yourself but I want you to stay safe…for me. I miss you terribly and look forward to when we can be together again. If it weren't so dangerous, I'd just pull a Weasley and disappear from here. But Minerva needs me…I dare not leave her now. And the students are not as protected here as they are at Hogwarts. I'm working on adding to the wards but it is difficult because change is not seen as a positive thing…and many of the professors think I am simply being paranoid…la folie anglaise as they say. I have to keep trying…I have to do something or else I will go mad._

_I am sending you a photo that one of the students took of me. She's another Colin Creevy, I believe. I hope you like it…I was thinking of you when it was taken._

_With affection,_

_Hermione_

Severus took out the photo and looked at it again. It had been taken while Hermione had been working on a potion and she was peering into the small cauldron with an expression of eager curiosity. It was that look…artless and natural…that further claimed his heart. He felt that they could accomplish many good things together if they pooled their resources.

"A partner…on many levels. What more could a man ask for?" he thought to himself as he returned the note and the photo to their hiding place and prepared to go down to the Great Hall.

Breakfast was a relatively quiet affair and Severus found himself thinking about Harry. Was he safe?

"I've never really concerned myself with his safety before," he thought. "Always assumed that he would simply defeat the Dark Lord at some point and then go on with his life. But…he's never had much of a life and…I've punished him far too long because of his father."

It surprised him that he felt such deep regret…Lily had been a dear friend. He had loved her, in a way, but had fallen in too deep with more unsavoury characters and had been blinded by his own thirst for forbidden knowledge. He had been unforgivably horrible to her…and, despite wanting to, never had the opportunity to repair the damage done to their friendship.

"I should have been less severe to Harry…more supportive…for Lily's sake," he mused over his breakfast. "The Headmaster is right yet again…damn him."

He found himself worrying about Harry despite the fact that, after the visit to his home, Severus only heard of the younger wizard through Ron who would come to his home occasionally, sometimes accompanied by one or more family members.

"He's driving himself too hard," Ron had said one night over buttered rum in Severus' parlour. Arthur and the twins were huddled over a Wizarding chess board.

"I don't even recognize him anymore…his eyes are so haunted. It's as if…he's already dead…or resigned to dying or something like that," Fred said to no one in particular.

"He bears the weight of the expectations of the entire wizarding world. It's a heavy burden for one person," Severus had pointed out.

"But that's just it, he's only one person," George grumbled.

"One could say the same thing about Voldemort."

Arthur sighed. "I just want to see him happy when this is all over."

Ron nodded, taking a sip of his buttered rum, "He deserves some happiness in his life."

"We all deserve happiness," Severus had whispered in quiet agreement. And it was true. Severus, who had spent a lifetime atoning for past wrongs, was surprised to discover that even he wished to live in a world free of Voldemort…with Hermione. He had always assumed, were there to be a final battle for the future of the wizarding world, that he would be one of the many casualties.

Now, while he had no intention of deserting the Order or Hogwarts, he realized that he wanted to live.

He had something worthwhile to live for other than his work.

Shaking his head slightly, Severus returned to the business of breakfast. It was only when he finished his glass of pumpkin juice that he noticed Tonks and Remus whispering to one another and casting curious glances at him. They had the look of guilty conspirators although he couldn't understand why. Something peculiar was afoot.

"_Or perhaps I'm just tired_," he thought. He had been spending far too many nights researching through the various scrolls, books and other materials saved from Durmstrang. There was so much information to read through…he felt as if the next book or the next scroll would have the information for which he was so desperate.

Trying to help Frank and Alice…trying to help Remus…trying to help Padma.

Trying to find redemption…be somehow worthy of the love that had, quite literally, fallen in his lap.

The night also provided the only opportunity to read the frequent notes from Hermione…and to reply in kind. He had asked the Professoressa to continue keeping an eye on the situation in Beauxbatons and to report back if there were any change in the behaviour of his friend at St. Mungo's. He worried that there was a residual curse on her that would manifest itself in the coming weeks. He worried that Lucius was planning an attack on Beauxbatons in order to capture Hermione.

It seemed as if his mind never took a moment to rest…

"Knut for your thoughts," a voice broke his reverie and Severus looked up to see Remus and Tonks looking at him in mock concern.

"That's hardly enough for my thoughts," Severus smirked mirthlessly.

"Typical Slytherin arrogance…should we have offered you a hundred Galleons?" she laughed.

"A small bottle of Draught of the Living Death would be adequate remuneration," Severus said while deciding whether or not another piece of toast would be advisable.

Remus laughed. "Do you ever think of anything except Potions?"

"I am the Potions Master," Severus replied, foregoing the toast in favour of a cup of strong coffee…he could already feel the beginnings of a headache. "I would think it odd if I spent my days thinking about the Chudley Cannons. My value to the Order would be significantly diminished."

Tonks giggled while Remus rolled his eyes.

But the giggle seemed a bit forced and Remus looked tense. Severus again wondered what was up with the lot of them.

"Do you have any plans for this evening?" Remus asked, with just a hint of nervousness playing in his voice.

Something was definitely up.

"You must be under the mistaken impression that I have a social calendar which rivals that of Gilderoy Lockhart…well, back when he could do more than joined-up writing," Severus snarked. "You know what my evenings are like…endless hours of reading, translating and disappointment. It seems that I am in a constant pattern of one step forward followed by falling backwards."

"Sounds like you need a night out," Tonks said in a tone that was far too casual.

"The two of you sound like the Weasley twins planning a prank. A night out? Did you want to go bowling with the Headmaster or perhaps take in a bit of theatre?"

Tonks blushed slightly. "We can't actually tell you…you'll have to trust us…just as we trust you. We can promise that it won't hurt a bit."

Remus chuckled.

Severus stared at the two of them and was sorely tempted to use the Legilemens spell to find out what they were up to. They were clearly up to something…something secretive. Against his better judgment, his interest was piqued. Even if it turned out to be just a midnight run to Florean Fortescue's for ice cream…he was in.

It was just the sort of thing Hermione would have loved and she wouldn't have hesitated for a moment.

"All right, I will accompany you on whatever nefarious scheme you've cooked up. However, I will warn you in advance that I will have no part in overthrowing the Ministry," Severus tried to look severe and imposing but that only resulted in Tonks breaking out in another fit of giggles.

"I solemnly swear that we are not up to anything nefarious. We'll set up a portkey and meet you outside the Quidditch pitch at 6pm," Remus smiled. "Be sure to wear something nice…we will be in the public eye and wearing robes stained with various potions ingredients probably would not be a good way to blend in with the masses."

"We have a few things to get ready so…we'll see you later?" Tonks asked as both she and Remus got up.

"Would you like to perform an Unbreakable Vow?" Severus asked.

"We'll take your word for it…you've always been an honourable man and a good friend," Remus said seriously.

Severus watched the couple walk off and wondered what, in Merlin's name, he had gotten himself into.

After finishing the last of his coffee, Severus walked over to his office, determined to finish reading a promising Mayan text (if he could ever determine what one particular recurring rune meant) and, perhaps, begin a new batch of healing potions for the Order. It seemed as if there was such a great need of them in the last while…it was disheartening to say the least.

His reading was interrupted a number of times. First of all, a graduate student (Ravenclaw, of course) came to see him regarding the properties of Puffskein dust in treating colic when infused in honey. Secondly, Filch had come by asking for a supply of anti-cheating quills (apparently, an entire second year Charms class had scored perfect results on a recent test). Finally, the Headmaster had visited with an urgent request for more Veritaserum making Severus wonder why they needed so much of it lately. Perhaps it was a precaution…perhaps Harry had spoken about his fears of a traitor within the Order…

Would he be put to the test as well? It had been a very long time since he had been subjected to the effects of Veritaserum…and he was loathe to repeat the experience.

It was about four in the afternoon when his reading was interrupted once again. A younger wizard appeared in the doorway, looking exhausted and unhappy.

"Hello, Draco," Severus called, getting up and walking over to him.

"I didn't think Filch would let me in," Draco grumbled, sitting down heavily on one of the two visitor chairs and throwing a sorry-looking rucksack in the other.

Severus was very familiar with Filch's opinion on the entire Malfoy line and couldn't argue with Draco on his reasoning so he remained silent.

"Do you have anything to drink?" Draco asked, passing a hand through his hair and grimacing.

"Are you all right?" Severus asked, noticing that Draco was breathing heavily.

"I'm just thirsty…nothing too strong."

"What did you have in mind?"

"Actually, I'd love a butterbeer," Draco admitted.

Severus immediately contacted a house elf for two bottles of butterbeer and watched as Draco drained half the bottle in one go. The younger wizard looked as if he had been cursed to within an inch of his life.

"Are you all right, Draco? You look as if you've fought a hippogriff."

Draco grinned…but Severus could see there was no happiness in his expression.

"I had a run-in with my father," he said simply.

Severus could not mask his horror.

"What happened?"

"Other than my father…not much. He's trying to find Potter…he thought I would know where he might be," Draco finished the bottle quickly and shaking his head. "I just managed to get away…felt an Avada Kedavra curse just miss me."

"Draco…perhaps something a little stronger than butterbeer would be warranted."

Draco shook his head wearily. He shifted his weight and, as his outer robe fell away slightly, Severus noticed that his shirt was stained with blood…a lot of blood…

"You're wounded."

"I'll live…for now," Draco replied with a wry smirk, covering the bloody shirt once again with his outer robe.

"Why on earth did you come here, Draco? You should have gone directly to the infirmary," Severus was almost beside himself with anger. How could Lucius do this to his only child?

"Because you're the only person I trust…and you're probably the only person who trusts me," Draco replied simply.

"What is it?"

"There is a traitor in our midst…and I know that I am under suspicion. Can't say that I blame anyone…my past…my family…it stands to reason," Draco looked resigned.

"Do you have any idea who it might be?"

"I think it's someone on the outside who has a link to someone on the inside…maybe a combination of Polyjuice Potion and the Imperius Curse. I can't say anything right now but I need to follow a lead that was inadvertently provided to me by a drunken house elf…"

"Draco…your injury…let me…"

"I'm fine…it's not life threatening. Well, not yet at least and don't try using Legilemens on me to find out more…I learned how to block that spell by the best…you."

"I would never attempt to read your thoughts, Draco…and you know I would never invade your privacy in such a manner. As you said, I trust you…I suppose it's because we are very similar in that regard…grudgingly accepted but always viewed with suspicion."

"Once a Death Eater, always a Death Eater…or, in my case, once an arrogant git, always an arrogant git," Draco replied.

Severus nodded.

"How is Padma? Has she remembered anything?"

"Not yet...but I have not lost hope."

"I…her sister…Parvati…"

Draco suddenly looked stricken…like someone who had just run out of tears.

"I…I loved her…no one knew outside of the family. I wanted to keep them safe. She trusted me…we were planning to be married after…after all of this."

Severus was shocked.

"I had no idea, Draco. I am so sorry," Severus wasn't accustomed to seeing Draco in such a miserable state and he suspected that Tonks was not the only one who had been using a disassociative potion. How had he missed the signs?

Draco turned to him with such sorrow and anger etched in his face that, again, Severus was taken aback.

"I need to know who did this to her family…they were good people. They…were always good to me…despite my father…despite my whole damn family…even despite me. Parvati…she was able to look past all that. Maybe she even saw something worthwhile underneath. I just…feel a bit lost."

Severus could certainly understand Draco's feelings and he couldn't help but feel sorry for the young man. This was a dangerous time for love.

"I am doing my best…Padma herself needs closure. She cannot move on until she knows the truth."

Draco looked at his empty bottle. "I've wanted to visit her…but…I know I'll see Parvati. I don't think I can handle that just yet. Maybe once I've killed the bastard who did this to her…maybe then I will be able to face her."

Severus sighed as he drank his own butterbeer, wishing for something a lot more potent. It seemed as if they were both writing up a checklist of people that needed to be eliminated in order for them to achieve peace. It was an unnerving thought.

"I have to go," Draco said suddenly, standing up…an expression of pain crossing his face. "I just wanted you to know that, despite what you might hear, I'm not a traitor. I have blood on my hands, thanks to my father, and I intend to make amends for that. I will be in touch."

"Draco…please…be careful."

Draco grinned as he picked up the rucksack. "And what would be the fun in that?"

Even Severus had to smile as the younger wizard left...hopefully avoiding Filch on the way out.

Several parchments later, Severus realized that he had to get ready for the surprise outing with Remus and Tonks.

"What does one wear when one doesn't know where they are going?" he wondered as he determined that a nice set of dress robes was probably warranted.

He got to the Quidditch pitch and saw, with some amusement, that the portkey was a tiny cauldron.

"That was not very creative," he thought with a wry chuckle as he touched the object and felt the familiar tug from behind his navel.

He never liked portkeys…such an uncivilized way of traveling.

Shaking the slight dizziness away, Severus looked around and took in his surroundings. He was not alone. He could make out Arthur and Molly as well as Sirius and Padma.

"Well, it looks as if everyone is here," Tonks said brightly. Severus noticed that she was wearing dress robes in a flattering shade of turquoise. It contrasted nicely with her bubblegum pink hair. Remus also looked rather distinguished …wearing dress robes in navy blue.

And they both looked nervous and excited. What on earth was going on?

"I found some flowers along the way. Why don't you hold them? They would look lovely with your dress," Remus held out a small bouquet of daisies which Tonks took with a shy smile.

Remus then walked towards a man that Severus had recognized as a wizarding notary public and struck up a conversation. The two men walked back together towards the little group.

"I've discovered the most amazing thing," Remus announced. "My good friend, Devon McLean, has been recently promoted. He is now a justice of the peace and has the authority to solemnize a wedding."

"Excellent!" Tonks exclaimed. "Let's get married!"

"Now, Tonks…we need witnesses," Remus smiled.

"I've got Molly and you've got Sirius," Tonks countered.

"We need guests."

"We've got them as well."

"We need a ring…wait half a minute. I seem to have a ring in my pocket. How fortuitous!!"

"Imagine that," Tonks grinned.

"So…since we're all here. Shall we have a wedding?" Remus asked the group.

Molly burst into tears.

Severus afterwards wrote to Hermione:

_Dearest Hermione,_

_I attended a wedding today. Yes, your friends Remus and Tonks have decided to take the plunge and get married. It wasn't nearly as painful as I'd imagined a wedding could be (then again, the last wedding I attended was at Malfoy Manor and it was a horribly pretentious affair). In fact, it seemed like a reasonable way of going about the business of marriage. No fuss. No bother. Just two people who have decided that they will spend the rest of their lives together._

_Rather Hufflepuff in its simplicity when it comes right down to it._

_The ceremony was a bit of a surprise. None of us knew that we were being invited to the wedding until we were introduced to the justice of the peace. It was a simple ceremony which took in the most traditional aspects of a wizarding handfasting. Sirius and Molly were the witnesses and they performed admirably although Molly had to cast several drying spells on her handkerchief. _

_We went to the Hog's Head afterwards. It seemed appropriate to be having the nuptial dinner at the rather questionable establishment run by the Headmaster's eccentric brother, Aberforth. Have you ever met him? A very interesting individual who is as direct and blunt as the Headmaster is subtle and evasive. I think you would like him. He has a definite tang to him…and that has nothing to do with the many goats that seem to call his establishment home._

_It is gratifying to see Tonks so happy…she is made of very strong stuff indeed despite her pre-disposition to trip over her own toes._

_I wish them both many years of happiness. I only hope they do not look to me for babysitting._

_Yes, a most acceptable way to enter into matrimony…if one were so inclined. To be honest, I never gave it much thought. As you know, my parents did not provide me with an initial positive experience of the institution. And, as for my former friends, marriage translated to a breeding forum where blood mattered over all else. While I have never been one to wax romantic nonsense, I have seen that a good marriage is based on love, respect and honesty. I have seen Arthur and Molly and many others who provide me with hope that marriage is not cold and empty and that loving another person does not demean or diminish you._

_The Profesoressa will be visiting again soon. She cannot come too often as it may raise suspicions. Even portraits gossip._

_Other items of interest? Well, after the wedding, there isn't much else to communicate. I have found a text among the Durmstrang materials from Persia which is proving fiendishly difficult to translate because it is written in code. But, my initial translation is giving me a new direction for my research into curing the damage inflicted on the Longbottoms (and others who have been subjected to the same cruelty). _

_My work is all that keeps me from going insane. And, while I am torn between staying and assisting the Order and rushing to be with you, I know I cannot abandon my duty. The only chance to make up for my past mistakes is to defeat Voldemort and, if I am granted a future beyond the demise of the Dark Lord, I would not want to taint it by being labeled a deserter. There is enough regret in my soul to last a lifetime and I will not add to it._

_If there is any new information on Lucius, I will forward it to you immediately. Remain vigilant and trust sparingly. You are never far from my thoughts._

_With affection,_

_Severus_

Severus had been translating the Persian text and was shocked to discover that the coded instructions were perhaps applicable to Padma's situation as well. The main intent of the potion was to reawaken the mind…a derivative of which could reawaken the memories that had been tampered with.

It was worth a try. This was the first ray of hope in his exhaustive research and he was determined to make it work. He wanted to punish those responsible for the murder of Padma's family. He wanted her to be unafraid and unashamed.

Merlin's beard…he was sounding more like a Gryffindor with each passing month.

Over the next several weeks, Severus spent his spare moments on preparations for the potion. It took the purchase of several exotic ingredients (at his own expense since the Board of Governors would never approve them) as well as a number of pieces of specialized equipment (including a peculiar beaker made from the tooth of a wyvern) in order to commence the brewing which seemed to rival that of Wolfsbane Potion.

Through their written correspondence, Hermione encouraged his efforts, adding her thoughts on ideas and interpretations that could be helpful. She never once told him to stop or to give up. He found himself wishing she could have helped him with the actual preparations. Her assistance would have been invaluable. In fact, the Headmaster was concerned that Severus was taking on too much.

"You are only one person, Severus. Between your continued valued work for the Order, you have so many other projects that are in various stages of development. I don't know how much longer you can keep this up."

"They are, each of them, worthwhile," Severus had replied in a clipped tone.

The Headmaster had said nothing further but his concern irked the Potions Master.

"If he were so concerned about my well-being, he would not object to my going to Beauxbatons," he whispered to the pickled death-lily roots he was fastidiously chopping. "He would not keep me a prisoner."

The knock at the door did not take him by surprise. He had asked Padma to come down to the laboratory but had not elaborated on the reason why.

Looking up, he almost smiled to see Sirius accompanying the petite woman.

"You had asked me to come down?" Padma asked hesitantly. "I...Sirius…I hope that is all right."

Severus inwardly cursed the person responsible for Padma's current unease to a slow and painful death.

"It is not necessary for you to suffer alone, Padma," Severus said in a gentle voice.

Sirius, who had been standing rather stiffly, relaxed noticeably.

"Besides, you can be of some assistance, Black. As I remember, you weren't a complete dunderhead at Potions," Severus continued, holding out a beaker with a clear liquid in it. "Please add a handful of these roots to this beaker and shake the mixture gently until it turns violet."

Sirius walked towards Severus and, without so much as a sarcastic remark, began following the instructions. "What do you have there?"

"Phoenix tears which were kindly provided by our own Fawkes," Severus replied, impressed with the Sirius' concentration on the task at hand…the roots had dissolved and the solution was a uniform shade of violet. "Ordinarily, this is not the sort of thing to put in a potion since they are rendered unstable by almost anything else but, when they are added in conjunction with a Stasis spell, the theory is that they will combine with the other ingredients in this potion without adverse effect."

"And what will the potion do?" Padma asked, sitting down.

"It will reawaken your mind and bring to the surface the memories which are still there…just hidden," Severus replied, taking the beaker from Sirius and adding the solution to the cauldron, giving the ingredients a final stir.

"Are there any dangers?" Sirius asked, eyeing the cauldron warily.

"Unfortunately, yes. There is the risk of insanity…if the person is unable to bear the memories that have been hidden away. The potion will initially cause you to fall into a deep sleep and, upon awakening, your memories should be intact."

"Padma..." Sirius looked at her worriedly.

"I'm ready," she stood up.

Sirius put the beaker down and hurried to her. "Are you sure? You don't have to do this, Padma. No one will judge you."

"I won't have any peace unless I do," she replied softly. "I have to know who did this to me…to my family. They deserve justice, don't they?"

Sirius sighed and, leaning forward, kissed her on the cheek.

"Be certain you remember that," he murmured.

Padma simply blushed.

"I will cast the Stasis spell, Black. You will add exactly three drops of Phoenix tears to the cauldron when I do. When the mixture becomes as red as blood, it will be ready. We will then proceed to the Room of Requirement where a bed is waiting. You can stay with her if you wish, Black."

"Of course," Sirius affirmed.

"Are you ready?" Severus asked, wand out.

Sirius nodded.

"Fermatorum," Severus said, with a quick motion. A stream of silver light sparkled towards the cauldron and made the mixture shimmer. Sirius quickly added the three required drops and they all watched as the mixture blazed suddenly in white flames.

"It's so pretty," Padma whispered.

The flames disappeared within seconds and the mixture took on the appearance of blood. Suppressing a shudder. Severus took a glass ladle and poured a measured amount into a crystal phial.

Stoppering it, he turned to the others. "We are ready."

The walk to the Room of Requirement was not very long and, inside, it was apparent that the room had been designed to accommodate a patient. There was a bed and a squashy chair and the lights were dim. It looked cozy and intimate…safe and secure. Severus was well pleased.

Padma sat down on the bed and Sirius pulled the covers over her. Severus gave her the phial.

'You must drink it all," he said quietly.

Padma nodded and drank the contents quickly, handing the empty phial back. She then lay down on the bed, still holding Sirius' hand.

"Don't leave," she whispered to him, her eyes closing.

"You know I won't. I'll be here when you wake up," he whispered back.

She didn't reply and her slow, measured breathing confirmed that she was under the potion's spell.

"You will summon me when she begins to stir," Severus instructed, preparing to leave his patient and her guardian. "It may be several days…the text was unclear on this point."

Sirius nodded. "I…I trust your ability, Snape. I know you have done everything you can to safeguard her."

"I hope my ability will be enough," Severus muttered.

"She thinks so…I do too."

Severus nodded and, with a final glance to assure himself that all was as it should be, he left Sirius to his lonely vigil. He made a mental note to ensure the house elves would not forget to bring him food and drink on a regular basis. He didn't want his old adversary starving to death, after all.

"_Gryffindors_," he thought to himself without any real malice.

Over the next few days, Severus checked in with Sirius several times but there was no progress as of yet. Severus wasn't worried but he was disappointed.

"Soon," he thought. "Very soon."

He was in the Great Hall enjoying a late afternoon coffee with Remus (and teasing him mercilessly about being an old married man) when an owl suddenly flew into view and dropped a rolled up parchment into Severus' lap. Without waiting for a reply, the owl turned and disappeared.

But Severus had recognized the owl immediately and he felt his heart turn to ice.

"Severus?" Remus looked at him in concern.

"Come with me to the Manor," Severus whispered urgently. "Now!"

Remus followed as Severus made his way to the first available fireplace and took the private floo link to the Potions Master's home. They hurried to the parlour.

"Master?" Quincy popped into view.

"Please bring us two cognacs," Severus instructed as she nodded and disappeared.

"What is it, Severus?" Remus asked. "You look as if that owl came from hell itself."

"That isn't very far from the truth, Remus," Severus explained. "That was Lucius Malfoy's owl."

Remus looked grim. "You'd better read what that bastard has to say."

Severus broke the wax seal and unrolled the parchment.

_Severus,_

_I understand that congratulations are in order for the werewolf and his mate. Of course, only a beast such as a werewolf would deign to accept such damaged and used goods as their wife. Then again, what self-respecting person would ever harbour feelings for a werewolf other than hatred and revulsion?_

_I know that Potter has been to see you, Severus. It would be a waste of your time to determine how I know this. I hope that you enjoyed your meeting as it is likely the last time you will see him alive. We are closing in on his location and it is only a matter of time before he makes a fatal mistake…just like his parents. He will share their fate and then the Dark Lord will have none to oppose him. The prophecy will be shown to be nothing but a sham. We determine our own destinies…not some cloud-filled ball of nonsense._

_Do not waste your time worrying about my worthless son…he will soon join his mother. It's a good thing that I am not beyond the age of siring children._

_As for the Mudblood, Granger…well, I will soon have her as well. If I can get to her before I get to Potter, it will be all the sweeter. Destroy Potter's heart before killing him…after all, why kill him outright? I want to taste his despair…be the one to tell him all the things I did to her before I killed her. I only hope that the Dark Lord is not too quick in killing him. That is never very entertaining._

_We will see each other soon, Severus. I have received assurances from my colleagues and from the Dark Lord himself that none but I will be given the great pleasure of killing you and, you can be certain that I am very much looking forward to it._

_Lucius_

"He is the beast," Remus practically growled.

Severus nodded mutely.

"What are you thinking, Severus?"

"I'm concerned that there is a traitor in our midst. Harry had mentioned something to that effect but I have been unable to determine who it might be."

"Do you have any suspicions at all?"

Severus sighed heavily. "At this point, anything is possible. The Order itself may be compromised. It may be someone at Hogwarts. Remus, it could be anyone."

_Author's Notes – The idea for the wedding surprise came from 'Great Expectations' which I have read more times than I care to admit._


	15. Tensions Rising

_Disclaimer: Anything you recognize belongs to the goddess, JKR. I've committed to finishing this story as quickly as possible and not leaving my readers waiting two years for an update. This is definitely AU and OOC and a whole bunch of other acronyms (for those of you who care about that sort of thing) because, in my universe, our beloved snarky Potions Master is alive and well and living at Hogwarts (with Hermione, of course)._

**Chapter 14 – Tensions Rising**

A week passed and, despite the now constant communication with Hermione, Severus was reaching a breaking point. If the Headmaster were to suddenly decide to use Legilemens in order to determine the inner workings of the Potions Master's mind, Severus doubted he would have the will to keep everything a secret for very long.

He was exhausted and the increasing frequency of demands for his skills from the Order was weighing on him. And he could not keep relying on girding potions…he was already reaching the point of jumping at shadows…his own most of all.

The Headmaster, when not checking on his whereabouts, was involved in so many clandestine meetings that it was a wonder rumours were not already circulating of his certain demise. He rarely ventured outside Hogwarts' walls (at least, not in plain sight) and he stopped attending meals with the students in the Great Hall.

Something serious was happening. That much was certain. But it puzzled Severus because there was no news in 'The Daily Prophet' which warranted further examination. There wasn't a sudden flurry of Death Eater activity to worry about or an increase in the disappearances of either muggle and wizarding folk. Everything seemed rather ordinary…well, as ordinary as everything could be when the fate of the world was in the balance.

Severus sighed, as he sat in his office. He was looking at an invitation to a special council of Potions Masters and Mistresses taking place in Johannesburg. The purpose of the council was to discuss advances in the treatment of long-term exposure to the Imperius Curse. It was a commonly held myth that, once released from the curse, the witch or wizard would recover almost immediately with no ill effects. But he knew better…and had seen worse.

Prolonged exposure to the curse, particularly when cast by a powerful wizard or witch, could result in a significant loss of willpower, thereby becoming susceptible to even the weakest of suggestions. Severus remembered a wizard who struggled with the almost complete loss of his free will. He had been walking down the street and a mother was disciplining her child for being excessively noisy and told him, in a very loud voice, to be quiet. The afflicted wizard didn't speak for three weeks. While amusing on the surface, it was a dangerous situation potentially. All that was needed was to hear someone making a comment like 'go jump off a bridge' to bring about a most tragic turn of events.

So many people scarred, both physically and mentally, by the followers of the Dark Lord. It had to end.

But would he be allowed to attend? It was exactly the sort of event Hermione would appreciate…allow her the opportunity to participate in discussions with the greatest Potions minds in the current age. She could learn so much in so little time...

Glancing at the date, he realized it was a full six months away.

"The world could have come to an end by then…I could be dead," he said quietly, putting the paper away in a desk drawer, making a mental note to look at it again in a few weeks' time…all the while knowing that it would take a veritable miracle (or the defeat of the Dark Lord and all his followers) for him to be able to attend. But he swore, if he could go, he would bring Hermione…one way or the other.

As he reached for his quill, he heard footsteps approaching his door. Looking up, he wasn't surprised to see Remus Lupin leaning against the door frame with his hands in his pockets. He looked tired but otherwise well.

"Married life appears to agree with you," Severus commented, unrolling a piece of parchment and dating it. "You don't seem to have expired just yet and look, at the risk of sounding like our dear Molly, very happy indeed."

Remus chuckled, "I have to say that I quite like it. Molly was right…I should have done it a long time ago."

"Molly would marry everyone off upon graduation from Hogwarts," Severus shook his head.

"Well, perhaps not that early…do you think you will ever take the plunge, Severus? Ever considered getting married…having a family?"

It was such an unexpected question that, for a moment, Severus was temporarily at a loss for words.

And then…

"I hope so," he replied in a quiet voice, rolling up the parchment again and setting down the quill. "I…I no longer fear it."

"I'm impressed, Severus," Remus stepped into the office and sat down on one of the more comfortable chairs. "I thought the idea of marriage would have made you run away screaming. Didn't you once say that romance is for Hufflepuffs?"

"I have discovered, thanks to the positive experiences of my friends, that it can be a very good thing. Love…does weaken you…makes you vulnerable…and yet…it is a strength beyond imagining, a hope that sustains through all the darkness we live in," Severus steepled his fingers out of habit, making Remus smile.

"You sound as if you are giving a lecture. But, you must really love her," Remus said, becoming more serious.

"I do," Severus confirmed with a nod, looking down at his fingers, rough and somewhat ragged from years of working with caustic ingredients. "Though I fear it unmans me…I love her."

"What twisted webs we weave for ourselves," Remus sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Our circumstances are so much different than what I would have expected even a few years ago. The only thing which has remained constant is the war. It seems to never end."

"It never ended the first time around, I suppose. We just had a bout of remission, as if from some horrible disease…but the disease was never cured. It festered under the surface, waiting for its chance to break free and unleash a new infection on the world…"

"That's exactly how it seems. Sometimes I wonder if we are really doing the right thing. I mean…I trust the Headmaster but, by placing all his hopes on Harry and not having a back-up plan, he leaves too much to chance and fate."

"You do not believe in fate?"

"I believe in free will. I believe in choices and the consequences of those choices. I do not believe that the events in our life are pre-ordained and there is nothing we can do about it. What would be the point in that?" Remus asked. "What's the point of anything if everything has already been set for us…my marriage…this conversation…the end of the war?"

"Agreed…there would be no reason to show initiative, to continue to develop and learn. There would be no purpose to living if your entire life and death were already planned," Severus replied, wondering if it really was too early for something stronger than Butterbeer.

"Well, the Headmaster appears to be quite busy," Remus commented, pulling at a loose thread in his jacket,

"The Headmaster has become quite unavailable. I do not know what he is doing…he has not shared any information with me. It's becoming worrisome."

"I have no idea what's going on, Severus. I fear there is something brewing in the Dark Lord's camp and the Headmaster is preparing for it but…I don't know what that can be."

"Potter suspects a traitor in our midst," Severus said, conjuring two glasses and a bottle of sparkling elf wine. "As does Draco."

Remus did not look surprised.

"I've wondered the same thing over the last little while. I…I thought I was being paranoid."

Severus filled both glasses, handing one to Remus.

"You are not paranoid…unless you, Potter, Draco and myself are collectively and individually paranoid," he said, sipping the wine appreciatively.

"Have you spoken to the Headmaster?" Remus asked.

Severus nodded.

"I have, and have essentially been told that I am delusional," he replied.

"The wine is very good, Severus. Much better than Wolfsbane Potion," Remus grimaced, as if he had drunk the afore-mentioned potion and not the elf wine. "I never get used to the taste…always hoped that, at some point, I'd at least become accustomed to it."

"I wish there were a way to make it more palatable," Severus replied, thankful that he himself did not have to drink it but also wishing he could make it easier for his friend and others who suffered from the same affliction.

"I don't understand why our dear Headmaster insists on not believing either you or Harry," Remus remarked. "I would trust you both with my life."

"Thank you. That means a great deal to me. But the Headmaster is of a different opinion, it would appear. He believes that we have each individually reached the point of, how did he word it exactly…ah yes, jumping at Puffskeins," Severus pinched the bridge of his nose in exasperation…another headache would soon arrive.

"I know you and Harry as well as anyone and probably better than most…and you say that Draco is also of the opinion that we are dealing with a traitor?"

Severus nodded. "I believe him."

"Do you suspect anyone?"

"I have not detected any of the more apparent signs of prolonged exposure to the Imperius Curse, the Confundus Jinx or even a badly cast Jellylegs Jinx. Everything is as it should be."

Remus drank the last of his wine. "Tonks suspects Pince."

"Everyone suspects Pince…a most meddlesome witch who cares far more for the books in her care than her own kin," Severus muttered, remembering an episode when he was berated quite soundly for leaving a rare book on a table without a protective spell.

Remus chuckled. "Voldemort would never recruit Pince…he'd be terrified of her."

"And rightly so," Severus affirmed. "The woman is a menace."

Remus stood up and walked over to the one window that was slightly open, despite the cold winter weather.

"It's a new year and we're no closer to defeating Voldemort than we were last year," he sighed, leaning on the frame and looking out over the snow.

"We haven't lost any ground either…I suppose that is positive."

"Tonks…she wants to start a family. It's something we've always talked about….but…I want to wait until it's…well, perhaps not safe but at least safer than it is now," Remus touched the scars on his face. "II suppose I'm just a bit afraid.

"Your condition is not hereditary," Severus pointed out. "And none of us are safe at this time."

"Do you think I can be a good father?" Remus said quietly.

Severus walked over to where Remus was standing.

"I…am not in a position where I can accurately assess your potential as a father, Remus. My own personal experience with my father left much to be desired. But I do know that you were an excellent professor...and I believe many of the qualities that made you an excellent professor will make you a perfectly acceptable father. "

Remus smiled. "Thank you…I needed to hear that."

That evening, Severus retired to his parlour. The house elves already had a fire crackling so he settled into one of the wing chairs and, pulling out a parchment, began to read it intently. It was a summary of clinical trials recently conducted into a promising new treatment for, as the more polite would say, 'magically-challenged individuals' (a less charitable person would have called them Squibs).

The premise was an interesting one. The treatment assumed that magical ability was always present but somehow suppressed. The research had actually begun because of a Death Eater attack on a 'magically-challenged individual'. The Death Eater had thought it would be amusing to cast an Imperius Curse and forced the poor man to cast spells with a spare wand. The intent had been to drive the man insane…but the most amazing thing happened…a spell was successfully cast.

Thankfully, the spell had been a Full Body Bind (the Death Eater had arrogantly demanded to be completely immobilized) and so, after a time, the man was rescued and the Death Eater thrown into Azkaban. The research began immediately and, for once, an Unforgiveable Curse was being used, with permission and under strict guidelines, for a more positive and constructive purpose.

The preliminary results had been incredible and more clinical trials were being planned with a larger group of subjects. There was even talk of trying it on muggles.

Severus knew that this was the kind of research that the Dark Lord and his Death Eaters would put a halt to immediately. Nothing was more against their twisted ideology than the thought that everyone possessed magical ability…and could be taught to use it.

For him, the possibilities were dizzying.

As he studied the results more carefully, his fireplace suddenly roared to life. He looked up and was shocked to see Minerva's head looking at him and looking gravely concerned.

"How on earth…this is a protected fireplace…how did you manage to…" Severus sputtered.

"Quiet," she hissed angrily. "I only have a few moments…if anyone were to discover what I've done to accomplish this…well, Azkaban would certainly be in my immediate future."

"Is Hermione with you?"

"She's sleeping…I had to give her a potion without her knowledge. It pains me to be so Slytherin about it but she is not well and is looking almost wraith-like."

Severus felt his blood turn to ice.

"She has confided in me, Severus, and I want you to know that you can trust me."

And Severus knew he could. Minerva had proven herself to him many, many times. Despite the irritating knowledge that she was head of Gryffindor House, he rather liked her…although he would never admit to it without Veritaserum.

"What is happening at Beauxbatons, Minerva? Are you safe?"

"A number of students have been pulled from the school recently. I don't believe it to be a coincidence that they are all students whose families have connections to the Dark Lord. Something is going to happen but I cannot convince the Headmistress of the gravity of this situation."

"It would appear that the heads of both schools share something in common other than a love for ballroom dancing."

"I don't understand it, Severus. Why does it feel as if everyone is turning a blind eye to these very real signs that something is about to take place…something dreadful?"

"Have you spoken to our Headmaster?"

"Yes," Minerva snapped angrily. "I was basically told to stay put and keep an eye on Hermione. He feels she is being targeted because of Harry and I'm inclined to agree which is why I want her back at Hogwarts, Severus. I want her to be with you. I have gotten old…I can't possibly protect her if we come under attack."

"I still fear your ability with a wand, Minerva, and would never wish to count myself among your enemies," Severus said, trying to bolster her spirits but feeling an ever-increasing sense of dread in his heart. Minerva's intuition bordered on the uncanny…it was no coincidence that the form of her animagus was a cat.

"You are being ridiculously chivalrous, Severus. In any case, I will keep you informed as best I can."

"Thank you Minerva…for…everything."

"You sound like a Hufflepuff, Severus…and you're welcome. "

And, with that, Minerva's face disappeared and he found himself staring at the embers of the fire.

What was he to do? Was there a way by which he could get to Beauxbatons and circumvent the watchful spells of Albus Dumbledore, the greatest wizard of this age?

He sighed, tossing aside the parchment that he still had in his hand. It seemed hopeless…Hermione was so far away and he had no direct way to stop the danger he knew was trying to find her.

"She confided in Minerva…that does not surprise me in the least," he thought as he stared at the cooling embers. "I'm glad that she has at least one true friend at Beauxbatons and that it is Minerva."

It was a thought that comforted him very little…they were much too vulnerable over there. Hogwarts was safer.

If anything happened to them…

He clenched his hands into fists and closed his eyes tightly.

"It will not happen…she will live. I will not allow you to destroy her, Lucius," he vowed.

Picking up the parchment from the floor, he shook his head…it was going to be a very long night…

The next morning, he was very late in rising from bed…both because he hadn't fallen asleep until he'd consumed a sleeping potion and because he's spent the night reading the clinical trials parchment and making notes. He needed coffee, very strong…and black, in order to wake him from the semi-stupor in which he currently found himself. Combining a stimulant potion with the sleeping potion from the night before could have very uncomfortable consequences.

At breakfast, he wasn't entirely certain that his conversation with Remus and Tonks was coherent. He merely hoped that he was nodding in agreement in the right places so that they didn't think him a befuddled Hufflepuff…he seemed to be comparing a lot of things to Hufflepuffs lately.

It was evident that he needed more than just coffee.

After breakfast, he took a walk by the lake, hoping that the cold air would revive him. He brought two sweet rolls for the Great Squid (who was most appreciative) and chatted with a Merman who had popped his head through a hole in the ice, having followed the cephalopod to where Severus was.

But now, he was in his office, reading a copy of The Daily Prophet…but not really taking in any of the words. He was lost in thought…and his thoughts wandered to Beauxbatons…

He was so deep in thought that the sudden appearance of a house elf completely startled him.

"What in Merlin's name?!" he yelled.

The house elf cringed in terror and Severus immediately felt contrite for his outburst.

"My apologies…I didn't mean to terrify you…I was rather preoccupied," he apologized sincerely.

The house elf still looked nervous but he nodded in acknowledgement.

'I've been sent by Sirius Black, Professor. The young woman is starting to awaken…"

With a muttered curse, Severus turned quickly and hurried out of his office, leaving the house elf wringing his hands in dismay.

He'd been checking on her condition at least three times daily and was beginning to worry at how long the process was taking. Sirius, in typical Gryffindor fashion, never faltered in his faith that she would be all right.

He quickly reached his destination and almost ran inside.

Padma was moving her head from side to side, muttering unintelligibly. Sirius was holding her hand and looked as if he hadn't slept the entire week.

"Tell me how this began," Severus asked, casting a preliminary examination spell. Everything seemed normal.

"She just started moving around…I called a house elf right away…probably scared it half to death," Sirius muttered, not taking his eyes off of Padma. "Is she all right?"

"Everything is as it should be…she should regain complete consciousness very quickly."

"Are you sure…is there anything I should be doing?"

"You are here with her…I believe that is all she requires. We just have to be patient…it might be a…"

Suddenly Padma sat upright, her eyes wide open. Severus held his breath. Sirius looked terrified.

She didn't say anything…staring straight ahead as if mesmerized.

"Padma?" Sirius said hesitantly, reaching out a hand to touch her hair.

For a moment, there was no response and Severus began to worry that the spell had not worked.

And then…

"I know who did this to me," she spoke in a clear voice. She turned to Sirius and her face crumpled in pain. "I know who murdered my family…and who did…this to me."

Sirius embraced her tightly and she continued crying. Severus was relieved to see that, other than being understandably upset, Padma seemed perfectly normal. The spell had worked…so far.

"Are you ready to tell us what happened?" Severus asked gently, conjuring a cup of steaming hot tea.

Padma looked up at him and nodded. Sirius took the cup of tea and silently offered it to her.

"Lucius Malfoy did this. He had taken Polyjuice Potion to appear as someone else but…I think…he forgot to keep taking it and he changed back while…well….before he meant to. He became enraged…said his plan was ruined…and then he started killing everyone. Except me. He…he…used me…hurt me. I never thought I could feel such pain and still live. I know he meant to kill me too but he never got around to it. He was interrupted and Disapparated...but not before casting this curse on me and telling me that he would be back and finish what he had started."

"Who had he disguised himself as?"

"Draco Malfoy…we let him in the house…he was…seeing my sister. I know that he loved her. He is not the person you believe him to be. "

Severus felt his heart turn to ice.

"Would you be willing to present your testimony to the Wizardgamot?" Severus asked, watching Padma take the cup of tea. It was a small thing but it spoke to something so mundanely normal that it pleased him immensely. She would not suffer any ill effects from the curse and enough time had passed that she would be able to work through the pain of her experience with assistance from her friends. It would not be easy but she would recover.

"Of course…I want to see him receive the Dementor's Kiss. I only wish there were some way for me to rip out his soul myself."

Sirius nodded.

"You are a very strong woman, Padma. Your family would be very proud of you," Severus said.

"I am relieved that you are…that you're…you," Sirius said awkwardly.

Padma turned to him with a tired smile. Her expression reminded Severus of Hermione.

"I haven't forgotten," she said, kissing him on the cheek.

Sirius had the good grace to look abashed and Severus left as discreetly as he could.

He was no longer needed here…and he needed to contact Arthur immediately with the information that Padma had provided.

It really was a shame that a Dementor took the entire soul in one go…Severus would have preferred that Lucius' soul (if he, indeed, had one) could be shared among several.

Sometime later, he was again sitting in his parlour, sipping a cognac and thinking about Hermione. He had the beginnings of a plan formulating on how he could spirit Hermione (and Minerva, of course) away from Beauxbatons and perhaps live incognito in a foreign country. Something unexpected. Perhaps Canada. There were several excellent magical academies…Toronto, Victoria, Moncton, Tadoussac…they could start a new life.

He sighed tiredly. What was he thinking? Without the defeat of the Dark Lord there was no chance that they would ever be able to have a peaceful life. Lucius Malfoy was like a rabid dog…he would never let go of his personal vendetta until either he or they were dead.

It was an unnerving thought to think that so many people had to die in order for them to have any chance at a normal life.

"Professore," a familiar voice stirred him from his reverie. He turned and saw the image of the Professoressa in an empty portrait. She looked very upset.

"What has happened?" he said, getting up and walking over to her. "Is Hermione all right?"

"Yes, she is fine. That is not why I came. Your friend at the 'ospedale'…the one who was attacked…something is wrong with her."

"Margaret?"

"Yes. She is speaking in a language that I do not understand. She is under observation but they do not know what is wrong with her. I fear a curse that was linked to her memory loss."

"I will be there immediately. Advise the medical staff that I am on my way."

"Should you not speak to the Capo?"

"If I am right, and I hope that I'm not, I do not have much time. Please go immediately…I have a few items to collect."

The Professoressa vanished and Severus hurried to his private laboratory. He quickly went into a securely guarded storage room and selected a number of small vials…various potions and elixirs that he hoped would help his good friend. Placing them in a small pouch, he hurried to the closest fireplace and took a handful of Floo powder, shouting the name St. Mungo's Hospital before disappearing in a burst of green flames.

The scene at St. Mungo's was one of sheer chaos. There were mediwizards and mediwitches running to and fro and they all had an expression of panic on their faces.

He recognized one mediwizard (from a conference they had both attended) and stopped him.

"Severus Snape! What on earth…how did you know…"

"What has happened?"

"There's just been an attack on the London Eye and the surrounding area…the casualties…we don't know what to expect…they say that hundreds have died…not even on the news yet…Aurors on the scene trying to manage everything."

"Death Eaters?"

"The Dark Mark is there…we should be seeing the injured any moment."

And, suddenly, the area began to fill with people who were obviously badly injured. Knowing St. Mungo's as well as he did, Severus knew he was in the triage area for those whose injuries were not life-threatening. And he knew there was another triage area where his expertise would be of more valuable assistance.

"Jordan, please ask a house elf to bring a message to Headmaster Dumbledore that I am here and will remain to offer what services I can."

Jordan looked immensely relieved. "We could use a Potions Master of your caliber, Severus, make no mistake."

"I am at your disposal…I will away to the critical care triage and assist in any manner I can."

"Thank you…Margaret…she's always spoken so highly of you..."

"I will see her as well but, for the moment, there are others who need us far more."

Jordan nodded and walked over to the administration desk where a number of house elves were coordinating the suddenly complex communications network that connected St. Mungo's to the outside world.

Severus turned quickly and hurried over to the critical care triage.

Opening the door, he was shocked at the devastation laid out before him. In the days before the unfortunate death of the Potters, the Dark Lord had launched a series of attacks. There had been so many deaths that, had James and Lily been anyone else, their names would simply have been added to a long list of deaths attributed to the Death Eaters. Severus had seen, first-hand, what evil could be done to a human body.

But nothing in his past could have possibly prepared him for what was in front of him.

There were bodies on stretchers as far as the eye could see. The room stank of blood and of other bodily fluids but it was the rank stench of death that immediately raised the bile in Severus' throat.

These people had been tortured…by what curse, only the Death Eaters knew.

Swallowing down a wave of blinding panic, Severus walked over to the mediwitch who seemed to be in charge and set to work…wondering what the final death count would be…and if this was just a twisted form of déjà vu.

The hours passed but Severus had no sense of time. He deliberately focused on the injuries…avoided looking at the faces of the injured unless he had no other choice. This was certainly the easier task, trying to mend the atrocities inflicted on the innocent…bring the dying back from the brink.

Having to tell someone that their loved one was dead…well, that was so much more difficult. As he mended the effects of a hideous modification of the Sectumsempra curse on a young witch, he thought back to the death of his own mother. That had been the first time he met Margaret…she had been the one to tell him that Eileen Prince, a formidable witch, had been killed by a cursed Bludger.

No, he did not envy the trained professionals whose role it was to communicate the terrible news. Margaret had been compassionate and had not taken offence at the string of obscenities that came from his mouth at the news. She simply waited for his rage to be spent and held him close as he sobbed. He had never been close to his father, a muggle who feared his mother and despised him…but he had been close with his mother. She had been the one to encourage him to pursue a future in Potions.

She had died far too soon. At the time, he didn't understand just how much he still needed her guidance…

He sighed as he realized the young witch he was tending would never be able to recover from her injuries. As soon as he stopped working on her, her breath stilled, almost as if in relief, and her eyes closed…her head falling to the side.

She was so young….had barely begun to live her life…

Not giving himself a chance to grieve (after all, grieving was a luxury he could not afford at the moment), he moved on to the next casualty…and the next…and the next…not being able to save even half of them.

"Focus on the ones you can save…every life is precious," he thought to himself, trying not to fall into the trap of despair. "There is always hope…even in a place like this."

And so it continued…saving some and losing more. He had no idea how many people he tended but, when the waves of bodies entering the triage finally stopped, he collapsed on the floor in a boneless heap and just sat there, overcome with shock and too exhausted to even weep.

So much death. Was this just the beginning?

Someone touched his shoulder and, looking up, he saw Jordan looking at him with concern.

"Tell me what you need," the mediwizard said kindly.

"The strongest Pepper-up Potion that you have in stock," Severus said wearily. "I think that will suffice."

A house elf, looking rather exhausted herself, appeared immediately with a glass. Severus took it gratefully and downed it in one go. The effects were immediate but he knew they would be temporary. He had to get back to Hogwarts…but he needed to see Margaret first.

Standing up, he waited for the slight dizziness to pass.

"You should go back, Severus…you need to rest."

Severus shook his head. "Take me to Margaret. I must see her immediately."

Jordan looked at Severus and nodded.

"This way."


End file.
